This is from a message I wrote to a dear friend that I felt would be worth sharing here

   I had an experience about a month ago that really put things in perspective in regards to having Him in my life. It was on a Sunday morning I was just relaxing Checking my forums when suddenly I realized He was gone not just faded into the background as he usually does but he was completely gone I have never felt so vunerable or scared I felt like a little lost girl I literally cried under my covers for over an hour I was so scared ,He eventually returned I realized I need Him He was there through the many beatings from the bullies He was there when I fought for my kids He is not my enemy  He is my protector I do not have  to fight him He is me and I am Him.like a true gentleman He fades into the background and lets me live, when I need Him He no longer takes over but rather He is beside me giving me the strength I need Will He ever be gone I dont know but I do know He will be there as I grow into the woman I was always meant to be


   bobbisue​​​​​​​

I think I understand you. I've also had moments of mourning my old self. I think we achieved so much with that "disguise" that it's normal to look back at it and feel sad sometimes.


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Nice post.

It made me think about missing Him.   I don't because he was never there.  I had not realized it until just now.  He was a shell around me.  This is the real me.

I find myself being myself now and trying to act like a guy.  That was very tiring.


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