Finally got up the nerve to be exposed to the world, rather than a few select people. It was scary, but the response was worth it! I got lots of support, nothing negative.
"I AM Gender-fluid
(And that's ok)
If timing is everything, then I have to just laugh at myself. I'm 56 year old US citizen currently living in a predominantly Catholic Central American country, well into the Trump administration's first year...and NOW I make this announcement?
I do a LOT of coaching and healing with clients, and one important concept I teach is that the more true you are to who you are, the more you will learn about the real you. Continuing to conceal my own truth is interfering with my own development, my own truth. I view connecting with one's authentic self to be one of the most important, and awesome, parts of life, so I'm excited to get more deeply in touch with my own nature. But like any real growth, it can be very uncomfortable. Stepping outside your comfort zone is always where the magic happens. Where the breakthroughs occur. I expect it from my clients, so I get to hold myself to that same standard.
I've always known this about myself, but I've never known I knew it. Growing up a southern Mormon in the '60s and '70s, there was no such thing. There was boy or girl, and any questions about the matter were settled with a quick glance between the legs. Boys did this, girls did that, and a spectrum was something in a science experiment with a prism. Any feelings that came up that went against that dichotomy were unfathomable and wrong. The internal conflict that resulted for me was a lifelong battle against myself. I could write a book about how I dealt with it, particularly under the influence of the religion that dominated the first half of my life. Sometimes it wasn't pretty, but eventually, it emerged as the driving force that fueled my passion for personal authenticity and healing. I finally got fed up with pretending, with shame, with confusion, and with denial, and I've spent the last couple of decades unwinding the tangled mess and navigating the maze back into myself. Along the way, I gradually developed a grudging respect for myself. Even love!
This is why I do the healing work that I do. It can seem impossible to navigate into the light. The walls, fixed beliefs and habits built up over a lifetime can seem insurmountable, unknowable, hopeless beyond measure – when you are still in the trenches. We think we have to figure it all out first, formulate the "right" thing to do, and THEN find our solutions. It turns out that's complete bull->-bleeped-<-. It's all about releasing – releasing the shame, releasing the beliefs, and stepping into the amazing, divine being of light that we already are, that we ALWAYS were! It's never about the story. The story's usefulness ends at the point where it allows us to access the emotions and release the trauma. All that then remains is our bright future.
Being gender fluid, to me, means that I let go of the old anchors holding me back from exploration. It means that I more fully accept my feminine side that has long been obvious to me, and to anyone, really, who has known me closely. It means that I still have a lot to learn, and I will accept this learning process at my own perfect pace. It means I have a lot of stretching yet to do, still, but that I'm not afraid to step into it. No more playing small. Other than that, I really don't know. I've never done this before. I don't even know anyone who has, really.
My greatest asset is my partner and wife. She is beyond supportive, and has always only wanted authenticity from me. Our love has grown even stronger, since my realization and acceptance in March of this year. Our love and passion for each other has grown every day since the day I asked her out on a date seven years ago, and that continues unabated. My perfect partner, she is the most real, authentic, and honest woman I have ever known, and together, we are spectacular!
Some people look at social media as a place where people portray perfect lives, empty memes and carefully crafted personal images. That's not me. In most ways, I consider my life to be perfect, but I'm also raw and real and passionate about my passions. If this doesn't work for you, I give you my love as you unfriend me. I'm not interested in pushing myself on others. I'd rather draw in like-energied people in creating intentional family. I value a world where people treat each other with respect, passionately interact, and find solutions together that value freedom and truth. Most especially, I want to surround myself with people who are real, authentic, and focused on growth.
I love you all!"
