Too often we think things like, "I wouldn't have chosen to be trans", forgetting in the moment that nobody ever chooses who they will be, at least initially.  At my first transgender march, another woman was carrying a sign that said, "I love being transgender."  At the time I couldn't imagine thinking that.  I felt damaged and "less than."  I still don't think I could carry that sign, because the various burdens of being transgender are still heavy, and I don't always manage them well.  It is nice though, to have come to the place where I can say that I don't mind being transgender because transgender is a perfectly fine thing to be.

Thank you ladies! I'm learning that starting transition is not a weakness in me..

I know there's stages and I'm just starting but I feel hopeful today [emoji4]

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A couple days before Christmas, I came out to my college senior son. Other than health professionals, he was the 4th person I've come out to. He was also the hardest for so many reasons - like I was his primary male role model growing up. In coming out I explained all the usual things that are so familiar to our histories. I also said that I am , for now, continuing to present "soft" male; but make no mistake, I am Transgender. He said that he knew. He had found my TG books (Julia Serano, Jenny Boylan etc.), observed my metamorphosis over the past several years and was relatively certain. My cloud of anguish, anxiety and worry over his judgement vanished. I realized that so much of my negativity about being trans was self inflicted. At times, I have said this that we are special. Really rare and special. I realize our culture mostly gives us headwinds, but I have to say that I feel that there are so many gifts that being trans has given me if I really inventory myself. I do love being trans, too.

I noticed Devlyn's admonition was right after my post. I didn't feel my post was negative but more honest of how I felt. Realizing I was trans truly saved my life. It gave me a place where life made sense to me. I will not sit hear and tell you there aren't days that I hate being trans, but I am overall positive about being trans. I also hope that with all the attention Julia got for her post that she doesn't feel that people are down on her. She was being honest too.
Moni
Hey today is my 6 month anniversary for my GCS. Hot dog! See I am trans ray of sunshine today!

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 27, 2017, 09:43:35 AM
I noticed Devlyn's admonition was right after my post. I didn't feel my post was negative but more honest of how I felt. Realizing I was trans truly saved my life. It gave me a place where life made sense to me. I will not sit hear and tell you there aren't days that I hate being trans, but I am overall positive about being trans. I also hope that with all the attention Julia got for her post that she doesn't feel that people are down on her. She was being honest too.
Moni
Hey today is my 6 month anniversary for my GCS. Hot dog! See I am trans ray of sunshine today!

I'm totally sure Devlyn was talking about my post not yours. She doesn't like me and that's fine. No I don't feel like anyone who responded to my answer is are down on me. I like hearing from everyone and I like to hear others views and opinions .

I don't dislike you . I think it's inappropriate to derail someone's topic by 180°, though. You don't go to someone's wedding and when asked to toast the newlyweds go on and on about your gallbladder surgery. There's a time and place for everything. 

I've had to delete some of my own threads about being happy because people hijacked the threads. I think I had titled one of them "If youre happy and you know it raise your hand"  No luck, it went toxic.

Hugs, Devlyn

Nina I had my face up on my profile when I first joined but I'd rather lay low for now and see how I feel about things. I only just started transitioning with hrt!

Keep up your positivity it helps!

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So about my gallbladder surgery... [emoji16]

I'll be honest, my posts to-date on Susan's probably average toward the negative, but that does not mean I haven't found some real positives in who I always have been, and what I've gained in my transition.

I don't want to bash cisgender people, but I think trans* people have a far more elastic view of the world.
My transition has also brought me into contact with many wonderful people who have given me support selflessly,  and I've learned the rich value to be had from helping others.
I feel unconstrained by the labels that seem to bind so many in their lives,  and this empowers me to seek happiness without boundaries.

No one is 100% happy all the time,  but life is so much better when we are, or try to be. X

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Quote from: Megan. on December 27, 2017, 11:39:11 AM

I'll be honest, my posts to-date on Susan's probably average toward the negative, but that does not mean I haven't found some real positives in who I always have been, and what I've gained in my transition.

I don't read your posts as negative at all.  I read honesty which is broad enough to acknowledge hardship.

I haven't read a single thing in this thread which downplayed the OP's personal happiness or shifted significantly away from what appears (to me, at least) to be the subject, i.e. the quality of the transgender life, and the extent to which we have each come to terms with it.

Quote from: rmaddy on December 27, 2017, 12:47:16 PM
I don't read your posts as negative at all.  I read honesty which is broad enough to acknowledge hardship.

Thank you, I'm glad it comes across that way. I could still share a little more of the good parts of my life!
I don't like to post much about my children, that relationship is not too relevant to my being trans* or my transition.
That being said, my children bring such joy and happiness to me,  it often brings me to tears.
It is my greatest hope that another benefit of my being out and open,  is that they will grow up as open-minded and loving people. [emoji4]

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Quote from: dist123 on December 27, 2017, 11:38:20 AM
Nina I had my face up on my profile when I first joined but I'd rather lay low for now and see how I feel about things. I only just started transitioning with hrt!

Keep up your positivity it helps!

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I totally get that. You gotta move at your own pace. I hopefully get to start HRT beginning of march. But I'm not sure how it works in belgium. But even so i started having people call me Nina at work. They look at me all confused at first. But then they get used to it. And I don't know why, but I love confusing people. It's so much fun. You see them thinking really hard but can't quite figure it out and they want to ask but they are too embarrassed. It's so cute.

Quote from: Yakayla on December 27, 2017, 02:37:54 PM
I totally get that. You gotta move at your own pace. I hopefully get to start HRT beginning of march. But I'm not sure how it works in belgium. But even so i started having people call me Nina at work. They look at me all confused at first. But then they get used to it. And I don't know why, but I love confusing people. It's so much fun. You see them thinking really hard but can't quite figure it out and they want to ask but they are too embarrassed. It's so cute.

I've been getting looks like that but I think it's because people are noticing I'm not "just male"

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Quote from: rmaddy on December 26, 2017, 11:03:48 PM
Too often we think things like, "I wouldn't have chosen to be trans", forgetting in the moment that nobody ever chooses who they will be, at least initially.  At my first transgender march, another woman was carrying a sign that said, "I love being transgender."  At the time I couldn't imagine thinking that.  I felt damaged and "less than."  I still don't think I could carry that sign, because the various burdens of being transgender are still heavy, and I don't always manage them well.  It is nice though, to have come to the place where I can say that I don't mind being transgender because transgender is a perfectly fine thing to be.

Maddie... As I've said before it's been a long lifetime of hate and loathing. Sometimes we question especially in the beginning. But, for me the moment that brought clarity to me was at Gender Odyssey with 1700 other transgendered persons. The seminars, the presentations by Doctors, supporters and allies. Just the general feeling of being where I belonged. I hope everyone has the opportunity to attend. It will come again to Seattle in August.

It think age has a lot to do with how you feel about this. Younger people tend to hate being in this situation, while older people tend to enjoy it at some level. I can understand both viewpoints.

If I were born within the last 20 years or so maybe this condition would have been detected much earlier in my life and I could have started transition in my teens. I expect my childhood and teen years would have been difficult, but I would then have been allowed to spend most of my life as the real me. It would also have been easier for me to start over in a new place so I could establish myself in a community where they only knew Jessica and had never heard of John. I am not saying younger transgender folks have it easy, this is hard for anyone, but it may well have been simpler.

As it is, I was born over five decade ago. I have over fifty years of male baggage to sift through, fifty years of friends, family, and acquaintances that have only even known John. Not all of it is bad. If I had done this earlier I probably would not have gotten married to a wonderful woman, my daughters whom I love and cherish would not be here, and I have no idea how the rest of my life would have turned out. For the most part I have been happy. Trying to start over at this point in my life would be difficult, so I will need to embrace my past while working on a new future.

Hopefully I have gained some wisdom through the years that will help me bridge my two lives. HRT has changed my perspective on many subjects. Being able to see the world through two different sets of eyes truly is a gift. Does it make up for five decades of living in the dark, of suppressing my emotions? I don't know, but it is at least a unique consolation prize.

My turn to shoot from the lip. I embrace that I am trans.  Since transition started It has been an exhilarating roller coaster ride. There have been great days and days I want to forget. But through it all, I have an inner joy and peace that I never had as my previous self. I focus on what I have control over, and what I can change. I try to not worry about what I will never change. I embrace my gender, I know what it is to be unhappy, depressed and to morph someone who loves who they are, and is grateful for the gift of walking both sides of the street. My only regret is that i waited so long to get this.

Let's keep this thread one of positivity and a place to highlight the benefits we gain from being on the Trans spectrum; there are other places on the site to share and g find support for the negatives. X

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This bickering will stop NOW.

If you don't like a thread don't read it and start another.

Everyone calm down.

Cindy

I wasn't going to post in this thread because my feelings have been somewhat of a rollercoaster. But... yeah, I dunno. Sorry. This may get a bit rambly. Feel free to move along.

For the longest time my feelings have been... shall we say ambivalent. In my life I have been though some horrible things. Things I don't often talk about. Certainly not in public. Things that happened as a direct result of being trans. Violent, hateful things. Things that... *sigh* it doesn't matter. Point is... I have every reason to hate it. With a passion. To hate what it's done to me.

But I don't.

It took me a long time to get things straight in my head. Some cold, dark places. Long periods of time where I hated the world. A world that could be so cruel just because someone's different. A world where people could look upon someone else with such venom and hatred to the point where they would crush their dreams without a thought. And I put the blame on myself. It was my fault. If I wasn't like this then I would be okay. If things had been different then things would be different. I could dream. And plan. And... be someone else. Someone without pain. I have been to places I honestly thought there was no coming back from. Places I didn't want to come back from.

But one thing I have believed, and still believe, through all this, is that my goal in life is to help people. It's something I believe I am here to do. It makes me happy. It makes me feel better to see someone else feel better. I smile when another person smiles. Even someone I don't know. Maybe even especially someone I don't know. As silly as this probably sounds, I feel people's pain. But I also feel their joy.

And I have learned that... well... in life sometimes it's better to think about who you want to be, rather than think about who you wish you were. Being trans has allowed me views of life and sense of self that I have been able to share with others. Everything that has happened to me, it isn't because of who I am. It's not because I'm something that deserves to be punished or wiped away. It's because of who other people are. Their own insecurities and predjudices. And that's their problem, not mine. Life is what it is, and a different path may be no less difficult. Sometimes you have to walk the path you're on and make the most of the opportunities along the way. To look for the good you can do, rather than the bad that is done to you.

In that... I don't hate being trans. I don't hate being me. It has allowed me contact with many, many incredible people. It has allowed me to explore myself, and to help others explore themselves. To grow as a person and watch other people grow. It has allowed me to do what I believe I am here to do. And in that... no matter what happens to me, I will be thankful. And thankful to everyone I met along the way. I love the doors it has opened. I feel that I have had the opportunity to discover myself through being trans that I may not have had otherwise. That perhaps the impetus would not have been there. That... I know who I am more than I ever did, or maybe would.

And lastly... that I can use the things I've felt in my life... the negative emotions... to hopefully help others to not have to feel the same way. So on balance... I am grateful, not hateful. For myself. For all of you. And for being allowed to be myself.

...

Sorry, that went on a bit.

Lovely rambling,  thank you. X

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Quote from: Megan. on December 29, 2017, 03:17:16 PM
Lovely rambling,  thank you. X

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X2

A❤️🌻