I dont have many at all but when i do see one i think well your smiling but thats someone in pain right there

Earlier in my transition, I was fine with it.
But the more I changed physically (and mentally), the more it becomes a cringe-fest. Kind of like having your old name mentioned. Sometimes I still browse through them though. You can't erase history and I often forget what I used to look like, so I get curious.

Pictures from my childhood - they're cute! They're fun. Cute fat blond kid in dungarees. Children don't have genders (at least, I didn't).

Pictures from slightly older - getting problematic. I didn't know I was dysphoric then, so I appreciate them for what they are. Still cute.

Pictures from 15-20 years old - hilarious, excruciating. Partly I'm horrified to admit that Jenny was once this ugly fat unshaven man (god knows how a 15 year old comes across as a man), but partly I'm proud of how far I've come, and partly, that guy is still me and we had some good times. So I suppose the photos throughout my life demonstrate the rare, unique human journey that is transition, and I now just need to get more photos of girl me out there! =D

My life is the sum of my experiences and I cherish all of them. My male pictures of when I was at school, university, hight profile socialite, high powered investment banker, all of them bring back great memories of my prior life, a life I am  proud of. I have fun looking at my first pics and videos as a female and observe the great changes, after two plus years as a female, and how much I have changed in looks, fashion and physical movements today. I wonder how I will feel looking at these female pics in two years time.

Its amazing and wonderful to live 2 lives in one lifetime and all the pics and memories are dearly cherished and make me who I am.

My dad's been sending me a lot of my baby pictures lately, some I've never seen, since we got back in contact. I don't feel bad looking at them. I'm more fascinated looking at him as a young man. He must have been 22 or 23 at the time but he was doing his best as a single dad for a while. I definitely look more like him than my mother.

It's weird too in sense these are pictures from the 70s and early 80s. These are pictures from before people got their hearts broken or went through the mill in one way or another. When I look at myself in those pictures, I was the blank slate there, just taking it all in. I didn't have the concept of gender at that point or even words to describe the images in my memory. For that reason none of them are unhappy memories. I hadn't learned what it was to feel much of anything at that time.

This is the best description on how I feel about my old pictures.

I do however notice that I now take a lot more selfies and other pictures than ever in my life. Maybe just feeling better about myself, makes it easier to look at a picture (the same applies for mirrors). I also use it to look for changes and how far I have come.

Quote from: warlockmaker on March 12, 2018, 12:28:56 AM
My life is the sum of my experiences and I cherish all of them. My male pictures of when I was at school, university, hight profile socialite, high powered investment banker, all of them bring back great memories of my prior life, a life I am  proud of. I have fun looking at my first pics and videos as a female and observe the great changes, after two plus years as a female, and how much I have changed in looks, fashion and physical movements today. I wonder how I will feel looking at these female pics in two years time.

Its amazing and wonderful to live 2 lives in one lifetime and all the pics and memories are dearly cherished and make me who I am.

Quote from: sarah1972 on March 12, 2018, 11:12:27 AM
This is the best description on how I feel about my old pictures.

I do however notice that I now take a lot more selfies and other pictures than ever in my life. Maybe just feeling better about myself, makes it easier to look at a picture (the same applies for mirrors). I also use it to look for changes and how far I have come.

@ Sarah:   I also agree with the statements by YOU and also warlockmaker about old pictures.   Like it was stated:

QuoteQuote from: warlockmaker on Today at 12:28:56 am

    My life is the sum of my experiences and I cherish all of them. My male pictures of when I was at school, university, hight profile socialite, high powered investment banker, all of them bring back great memories of my prior life, a life I am  proud of. I have fun looking at my first pics and videos as a female and observe the great changes, after two plus years as a female, and how much I have changed in looks, fashion and physical movements today. I wonder how I will feel looking at these female pics in two years time.

    Its amazing and wonderful to live 2 lives in one lifetime and all the pics and memories are dearly cherished and make me who I am.

Sarah, I am not about to shy away from my old pictures, they were a big part of my past life and it is always joyful to see what I was and what I have become. Yes, "It is amazing and wonderful to live 2 lives in one lifetime"  ... and I am also taking more selfies and having my pictures taken... it is just amazing to say the least.
Danielle ... formerly Aspiringperson

I don't mind the old pictures of me. Usually they are things that I did with my kids and it brings back good memories. It also reinforces that I made the right decision to transition. When I see pictures of me now I marvel at how much I have changed and grown as a woman. The differences are profound and it makes me proud to have gone through the changes I have. They are just moments in time that are captured and allow me to see the amazing journey that my life has been. They are just images of who I was at that particular point in time and they don't define who I am now anymore than my 3rd grade report card does.  Just historical notes of a bygone time.

Quote from: I Am Jess on March 12, 2018, 04:16:22 PM
I don't mind the old pictures of me. Usually they are things that I did with my kids and it brings back good memories. It also reinforces that I made the right decision to transition. When I see pictures of me now I marvel at how much I have changed and grown as a woman. The differences are profound and it makes me proud to have gone through the changes I have. They are just moments in time that are captured and allow me to see the amazing journey that my life has been. They are just images of who I was at that particular point in time and they don't define who I am now anymore than my 3rd grade report card does.  Just historical notes of a bygone time.

Jess:    I AGREE completely with your above reply !!!!   That also is exactly is how I feel about this subject... and especially how we marvel at how much we have changed and grown as women ... about our amazing journey... I am certain that others on here feel the same way.
Danielle  ...  previously Aspiringperson

I feel that it is someone else other than me..... I look very different

Quote from: sarah1972 on March 12, 2018, 11:12:27 AM
I do however notice that I now take a lot more selfies and other pictures than ever in my life. Maybe just feeling better about myself, makes it easier to look at a picture (the same applies for mirrors). I also use it to look for changes and how far I have come.

I had never thought about it but what you said made me think. Before I started HRT I never took pictures of myself, now after 15+ months on HRT my phone is full of selfies. You are absolutely right I feel better about myself and now love who I am.






Love
Bobbie LeAnn

For a lot of folks, pictures of their former self are some of the most dysphoria-inducing things on the planet. I'll admit that it was the same way for me but only for a little while - about 45 years or so. I can attribute that as the prime reason I don't have many photos of myself. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. As far as I knew, it was just the typical aversion to picture-taking...and mirrors...and my own reflection in shiny surfaces.

These days, such pictures, what few actually exist, just fill me with a sense of joy at just how far I've come in such a relatively short time. Sure, I tend to dwell upon how things may have been if I had started this journey much sooner but I've come to terms with that.

In searching for one to include with this post, I ran across this one which had an entirely different effect on me. I started to cry, actually, when it hit me at just how un-feeling and indifferent he looks. He's completely detached from the moment and totally numb to the little bundle of joy curled up in refuge upon his chest - unaffected by how much trust and affection he's being shown by that kitten in the photo. In spite of the tears, I feel like I need to post this and share the emotions I now feel which I was unable to back then because it's such a profound thing now.

That was 7 years ago. Today - right now, in fact, that same kitten - now a beautiful adult kitty, is sitting on the arm of the love seat right by my shoulder and glaring at me for disturbing her nap. Sorry, little girl. It took me a long time but I'm glad to have you and your brother as part of my life!

Good, bad, or indifferent, they are part of history.
What was and what is are never the same.
Knowing where I came from helps me understand where I am now.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 06, 2018, 10:25:56 AM
When I look and my "old" male pic of myself and compare it to what I look like now I am very happy that I made the transition... there were difficult times with family and friends and with my body accepting HRT but it has all worked out very well in my opinion.

My lasting question and lament to myself (and I am more than certain that most transitioners may ask themselves the same question:
    ..... "Why did I wait so long?"

I look at old pictures and I see a very sad person looking back.  It was actually a new friend of mine who noticed that most of my pictures have sad eyes.  I may be smiling, but you can tell.  It got worse over time.

I actually like looking at old pictures.  We are all a sum of our experiences.  EVERY "boy" experience has shaped me in some way.

As for the Why did I wait so long? I wasn't ready before.  I still had life in my way.  Once my social expectations were over it all came pouring out!  I'm glad I started when I did. 

I Agree with Jin - I am who I am because of who I was and I like who I am now.