Honey, some girls wish they had supportive men (or women) in their lives. I'm one of those girls, I'm not ashamed to admit it. People in my life ARE ashamed of me. Maybe I don't have passability privilege of being able to identify as a female yet. Not yet. I just take this as a challenge to change their mind about me. They will see me as a woman.

I get feeling like a burden, because we can be sometimes. I'm not right now to my family because I'm fully independent. I never wanted to shift my families experiences in life because of mine. No I wasn't selfless. I hurt myself, but I don't have regrets. I never learned from others, I've always been a fighter and it's hard for me to not be able to stand up for myself. Do I sometimes want someone else to fight my battles or be by my side OF COURSE. But that's not how it works for everyone.

Consider yourself lucky

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You are right to think about what your father and brother have gone through because of the circumstances.  You are right to appreciate them and their love.

That does not mean that you should blame yourself in any way.  You are what you are, beautiful in body and spirit.  You, too have suffered.  The friends and family who stick by you, your father and your brother are true friends and loved ones, worth far more than the ones that were lost.

I understand that you are due for SRS soon.  Once that is over, your complete femininity will be an indisputible fait accompli.   I hope that some of the lost relatives and friends, realising that nothing can change the fact that you are a woman, will in time be reconciled with you, your father and your brother.

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Hi Julia,

I am a little late replying to your post. You are not causing any hardship or pain for your family. Please do not think of yourself as the cause. Any pain or hardship felt by your family is entirely the fault of these other people, such as so called friends, your uncle and sadly your mother too. These people are the ones with the problem. Your father, Tyler and Tristan are making the easiest choice in the world. They are choosing to love you and fight for you instead of maintaining tainted relationships with these other people. As others have said, the best thing you can do for them is to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Nothing would make them happier than to see their daughter/sister/girlfriend thrive as an amazing young woman.

I wish you and your family the very best. You are a lucky girl to have such loving people on your side.

Jayne

Julia, I cannot imagine a parent that could be so callous as your mom is toward you. A parent would only wish for the happiness of their kids. Unfortunately it sounds like your mom is more concerned with her own life while your dad understands what being a parent really is about. From what you describe of your mom and dads interaction, they would not have stayed together no matter what.

Take this from a parent who has lost a child, I find your mom's attitude disgusting.

Your dad is a great man. He loves his children and takes care of you. Your happiness in life is more important to him than anything else. That is a true parent. That is what parents do. Your brother sounds like he is a good man as well. He cares for his family. He cares about his little sister.

Your boyfriend sounds like he loves you. Outsiders will not change that.

I'm going to chime in and reinforce what everyone else said. Your dad, brother, and boyfriend are noble, wonderful people. You are lucky to have them. The world is lucky to have them. And you should feel free to sing their praises whenever the mood strikes you as they deserve it.

YOU, however, are guilty of nothing. If you feel bad for them, feel bad because there are so many ->-bleeped-<-s out there, but don't feel bad because you think you had any role in their troubles. The three of them have chosen to stand up against the ->-bleeped-<-s (am I allowed to use that word on here? - I feel like I am in "The Good Place"). If anything, you have given them a moment to shine and show the best in humanity. And you must be a very special person to them that you inspire them to do that.

In my mind, my spouse and I are in a situation that is no one's fault. It comes with a lot of bumps and dilemmas and opportunities that may be scary or wonderful. The situation has provided us a chance to dig deeper and see things within ourselves that many people never bother to look at. Whatever happens, I see no fault - no guilt - that either of us should feel.

I wish there were more people like your loved ones out there, and if it means anything to you, they are an inspiration to me

Really can't add in anything else that someone else already hasn't, but I hope you can feel more grateful instead of upset soon. I fully understand feeling upset like that, but hopefully you can turn that upset feeling into gratitude eventually... It'll be better for you and them. If you're able to, maybe expressing these feelings with them will help.