Quote from: Katie Ellen on April 16, 2018, 01:24:26 PM
Hi Christine,
I look forward to following your journey. You seem so happy! I hope that I can someday feel that good.
I'm 68. I started seeing a gender therapist a little over four months ago. Since about the age of 5 I've known something wasn't right in regards to my gender. But, like a lot of others, I tried very hard to bury it and live a "normal" life. I'm married with a wife that's 100% on board. I'm extremely lucky in that regard. I have 3 grown children who do not know. That's my biggest concern.
I have my first appointment for an HRT consult on 4-24-18. I'm in pretty good shape for my age, but I do have some typical issues that us older people live with. I'm pretty sure I'll be approved to start hormones and I'm starting to believe that this can actually happen after all these years. Honestly, it's a little scary.
I have a great therapist. She recommended the doctor I'll be seeing. We'll see how far I can actually go.
Take care!
Katie Ellen, 16 Apr 2018
Congratulations and best of luck. I'm glad your wife is onboard 100%. You have every right to be happy; no one has a right to deny you that. Thank you for posting on this thread, I really appreciate your post and hope you come back and keep in touch; I'd like to follow you on your path to happiness. I believe having your wife on board is the biggest and best asset you could have; you both can share the joy of your transition. It'll be a team effort.
I think your children will surprise you with how accepting they will be. You are ten years younger than me; some members of my generation have a difficult time accepting anything outside their frame of reference; the younger generations are not so hung up on folks who are different from themselves.
If my folks were still alive, they would disown me, which I would readily accept. To their credit, they provided me with food, clothing, a decent house to occupy, lots of toys and junk. To their discredit, they did NOT provide a home.
I divorced my first wife 43 years ago; the biggest, stupidest mistake of my life. I have had to live with that decision ever since; it's my private hell.
She passed away a few years ago; before she did I was able to talk to her and apologize for what I did. She accepted my apology and forgave me, but I haven't forgiven myself and never will. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I threw it all away. I continually lied to myself about why I walked out on her to try and make myself feel good and try to excuse myself. Eventually, I had to stop the lying, it made me the biggest fraud on Space Ship Earth. I hated myself and there was nothing I could do to rectify or justify what I did.
Shortly after we were married, I started wearing women's panties and some clothing with her blessing. She liked my doing so and would buy things for me. She liked to put makeup on me and see how nice she could make me look as a woman. We had fun; then I started cheating, which is a long sordid story. One day I will write it and post it on this site.
I always knew there was something wrong with me, just not what, and I'm not referring to crossdressing. It wasn't until I was 47 that I found out. My parents were alcoholics and our family was completely dysfunctional in all respects. On top of that they sent me to a parochial school, which further screwed me up. Nine years of that horse hockey and I got myself kicked out. By then I was so messed up I found it difficult to have a relationship with anyone other than my close buddies. I had to find people that were as screwy as I was; we got along well.
In 1987 one of my best friends confided that he didn't realize how screwed up he was until his wife had to call 911 on him. His folks were also alcoholics. It turned out that all five of us guys that grew up together and have remained friends had alcoholic parents. I guess that is what bound us together without knowing the real reason we became friends.
Looking back, had I not been the jerk I was and had remained faithful to my wife, I would have transitioned long ago and I now know I would have lived a much happier life and chances are my wife would still be alive (another story).
Even after our divorce I kept wearing women's panties and whatever else I could get away with. About 6 years ago I realized I was wearing almost 100% women's clothing; slacks, jeans, T-shirts, socks, sneakers, shorts, tank tops, panties and everything in between. I did not try to wear a dress as I would have failed miserably. So I just started living as a woman and didn't bother to tell anyone and no one ever questioned me. I did receive a lot of compliments on my selection of clothing. Sometimes I think you can do just about anything and no one will notice; everyone's to busy with their own stuff.
I don't remember the exact date, though it was close to the first week in March that I decided to see a counselor to find out if I had lose screws, was gay, or whatever. At the end of my first session she flat told me I wasn't gay and that I was a transgender woman and that I like women. Went home and thought about it and came to the conclusion she was right. Fortunately, I had been doing some research on another subject that led me to two Web sites, this being one of them. I started reading everything I could and had an inkling there was more to me than just being crazy.
Two sessions and I had my first letter; started outing myself to my doctors, friends and just about anyone that would listen to me. It even became fun. I started looking for an endocrinologist and found one, after first encountering a real jerk endo, a male. I located the nicest lady endocrinologist I could have hoped for. I called on the 23rd of March and had an appointment for the 27th, four days after I called. She started me on HRT sans AA's that day. In the interim I saw one more counselor and got a second letter, went to my primary doctor and asked him to write a letter, which he did.
I made an appointment with the surgeon that was recommended to me by my first counselor for Monday 09 April 18. Met with him and some of his staff. They made me an appointment for a pre-op visit on Wednesday 11 April 18 and an appointment for Friday the 13th for my orchiectomy. I think I spent 6 weeks getting to the surgery from the time I officially started pursuing my transition. I had what I call my Borchieday this past Friday and am as happy as I can be. I had no reservations about having this done; its irreversible and I am glad those nasty things can never cause me to do stupid testosterone fueled macho crap. Since I've been on HRT, 4 weeks tomorrow, I have been much happier, more relaxed, sleep better, and able to pee better than I have in 20 years.
I don't know how far I'll go with the transition. I have been thinking about the cosmetic VJ because I don't see me ever being with a cismale so why would I need a vagina; just something extra to maintain. I'm not against full SRS, except for me. I whole heartedly support everyone else's decision to seek it.
This ended up being longer than I had planned; your post triggered something in me to start talking (typing) and that's an interest in you and your wife's journey. I hope to read about it and hope you both find great happiness and long lives together. Don't worry about what others think and say; you're not hurting them so they have no right to say anything negative.
Best wishes and God Bless you, your wife and children; Love,
Christine
EDITED: 05 August 2018 - cj78