I learned a few things today. I made a point, but at the expense of not being true to who I am. I don't want to show any pictures of today because it really isn't me in any picture I could take. I am not good at being pretty. I am not comfortable being in eye makeup with earrings, short skirt and panty hose. Well, at least not as I did it today. I pushed it. I am pretty good at being me. I am the girl next day, laying on top of the fridge with a warm smile kind of girl. At my best, once in a while I can attain 'cute.' I have no glamour in my soul and I'm okay with that.
I found out some positive and negative. People do ask about me as to whether I am male or female to other people at work. I was told that. I appreciated this person's honesty. I am at a level of not being stared at or called Sir in restaurants or in stores. My voice is an issue and there are certainly some visual male aspects left in me to wonder about which gender I am. I was called beautiful, pretty, very nice, all from different people. The only compliment that I took to heart is that apparently I have nice legs. This I heard over and over and in a way that was believable. I accepted the comments graciously but with an eye to the fact that this was nice people being nice. I will continue to work on my look. I asked myself why do I care. The honest answer is that it is me not wanting to explain my existence to people to get respect. I just want to live my life as me and be given a certain respect for being a woman, like the pronouns.
Was my mission accomplished? I don't know yet. The one person who I mentioned who misgenders me , seems to like me and is friendly with me. He is great with the kids I work with, so I don't think he is a jerk. Ignorant I might say. I think he is confused by me. Maybe if I explained my existence again, he might 'get' it. I don't want to have to do that. It is my personal business. I already stated my pronouns. Do I really have to say I'm a woman, I transitioned, bla bla bla. I could tell my life story and maybe gain a bit of understanding, but at what cost?
You ladies were wonderfully supportive so I wanted to respond even though I'm mentally and physically exhausted tonight. I don't know if this is relateable. I may not be expressing this well.
Monica