A different kind of arrival

A little over a week ago I was in the midst of handling specification and purchase of a high vacuum chamber and pumps for a physics experiment. We're getting set to place 3 orders to two vendors totalling a bit over $30k. As it happens one of my colleagues (F) is wrapping up his dissertation, the final step to earning his PhD and has run into a serious snafu with his committee. So I'm picking up all the slack for work it would make more sense usually for F to do this work as I'm a contract engineer and my time comes pretty dear. However for now F is absolutely unavailable, not to say a little stressed.

So I politely pestered vendor B for his quotations, mostly because we needed a competitive quote on the longest lead time item and with our preferred vendor for that offering 45% discount, they're going to be a no-brainer. Being the polite woman I am, I asked and then didn't pester further until we were hard on the deadline.

It turns out vendor B had emailed the quotes to F. I can only assume this was because he's the man in the room. Color me a bit pissed as well as amused, I'm being treated like a woman and yeah it kinda sucks.

In other news I tried recently cycling off progesterone for the first time in ... well over a year and a half. I think that had something to do with a week of being weepy and emotional. Granted there's a lot of stress in my life just now but this was really over the top. Welcome to PMS, not fun and an interesting insight into another element of how cis females live. I think this may be the strongest empathy I've had yet for ftm transitioners ;-).

Quote from: rachel de Corvus on February 21, 2017, 03:49:50 PM
Hi Sadie,

i recently joined Susan's after long being a guest here and a member of a similar site. So, i cannot write directly. i relate to your story, though you are much further along. We have much in common!

Best wishes,

rachel

@rachel de Corvus
Hello Rachel    I have read some of your postings and I have noticed that you have been a member here at Susan's for over 2 years now.  I did not find where you had been sent an Official Welcome message so please allow me to do just that.

Since you are not new here and have probably have already found out for yourself this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances. 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues regarding your area of interest, MTF transition.

WELCOME to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace.  Be sure to look at the Links that I posted below, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

I did the annual update at pridestudy.org last night, my first go through it was soon after GCS.

It felt good to stand up and be counted :-)

There's quite a lot going on in Sadie's life this summer.

First it's good to be able to say my depression is at bay (knocking wood). Coming out to my parent was super triggering of my cPTSD response, coupled with my annual winter SAD and this spring was a fairly dark time. Dating continues to be decidedly challenging, I reblogged this thought in my Tumblr a couple weeks ago:

QuoteI'm loyal and kinky af, what more could you want?

I mean really, I knew dating wasn't going to be easy being a 62 yo lesbian and certainly the ease with which I hooked up with my GF from Seattle set me an unrealistic expectation for ongoing dating prospects. Work through late winter was equally difficult. It hasn't helped that late spring this year was one of the coldest I can remember, lots of rain and everything felt about a month behind.

However a lot of things shifted for the positive. I have a new work project that's some of the most exciting work I've done in a 45 year career. I picked up a new climbing partner back in late winter and our weekly climbing date has branched out to include a wonderful climbing weekend at the rumney NH crag and just yesterday a lovely morning teaching a couple of younger climbers the basics of lead climbing and the pleasure of getting on some short, fun. And I've finally been upping my miles cycling.

Oh and I've had 3 glass pieces accepted for an exhibit at the Sandwich Glass museum this coming fall.

This weekend was especially good. I found myself extraordinarily horny Saturday morning and more or less insisted on sex with my partner, it was good :-). Then I laid down 40 miles on the bike. I'm still far from fast but this was the most miles in several years and it felt amazing to be back on my trusty road bike. I finished the day with 6 hours of glass blowing, being bone tired and dehydrated, I didn't push working hard, just making some nice stuff. Then it was up at 6 for meeting my friends to climb. On returning home I had a well earned meal and a long nap!

I should add that 40 miles of riding wasn't easy on the lady bits, I didn't really start to feel the sting until I'd hit the 25 mile mark and by then muscle soreness was also coming on. When I went to pee at the end of the day it was a bit disconcerting to see a large blood stain in my underwear .. not surprising and I know regular riding should toughen things up. The worst of the damage seemsti b.have been rubbing between my labia, I think I'll be investing in chamois cream (I've been using hair conditioner which is certainly better than nothing).

Where much if last week was in the '90s, this week looks quite moderate and I'm looking forward to it, a nice change from feeling mostly apprehensive about the oncoming days.

Thank you for the update, Sadie! I'm sorry winter and spring were so rough, but it makes me happy to read that things have turned around for you.

You do cool things! I visited the Corning museum in New York a long time ago and was fascinated by glass-blowing and what can be fashioned with it. Rock climbing and biking are good for you as well as fun. Despite occasionally climbing the walls in my house, I don't think rock climbing would work for me due to my acrophobia, but I just got on my bike last night for the first time in probably a year. Felt good...

Please keep the life reports coming!


Stephanie

Hmm, long time no update!

The aftermath of my last post was a couple days after riding 40 I did a 12 mile day but in street clothes (Lycra biking kit is completely impractical on a work day). OMG the pain in my labia was excruciating. It hasn't been so bad since and the labia are toughening up slowly. I still like riding on my corrected bits lots more than how it was before :-)!

I'm on a new project (for several months now) it's technically challenging and while it's made me sometimes too busy to think, I'm mostly able to keep up with my women friends, still looking for the right new partner and also because I'm making something like a real wage now I can probably get to Seattle to see my GF there.

Oh and on finishing this morning's ride I was standing at a counter shaking salt onto my breakfast and was really amused to see my boobs wobbling under the bike jersey. A happy sight :-).

For the last couple of months I've been spending hangout time with a lovely woman, D who's becoming a close friend. She's far too young for me and yet it feels like we might become romantically close with time.

To be sure, I'm fine if we stay simply friends.

However this is yet another data point saying younger women seem far more likely to be accepting of a trans lesbian woman. Also it happened we both needed to wash hands when we met last night for a beer, that was another first, going to the ladies' washroom with a friend.

p.s. she let me indulge a desire to pick her up, woman weighs like 95lbs, so light, it felt good

p.p.s saw my pshrink today (back to her private office due to new insurance) she approves of how things are going with me :-)

Time for an update.

I've had work in a local museum show, that felt quite wonderful and the reception for the artists was quite wonderful, I wore a floaty skirt in hot pink and my favorite floral top, careful makeup. It felt good to know I was looking good, had nice compliments from several women present. Also having work in a museum nand having positive comments was nice (the comments on my outfit were still the highlight of the evening.

A couple of weeks ago this timely work on sexual harassment was presented at one of the other unis: ...

The truly disappointing thing was just how little change there's been in the 30-odd years that harassment of women has been up for discussion. Also, solid data was presented on the extra challenges faced by women of color and lesbian/bi and trans women. Another (not surprising) aspect was the virtual absence of apparently male identified people; the audience was 90% women and a fair fraction of the men were clearly policy makers obligated to be there by their positions.

I've been talking with friends about this and about how to effect change in our organizations and communities based on the understandings presented in this work.

In more personal news, last week I filed my name change with the court, yesterday I arranged the necessary publication in the local paper, in something like 6 weeks I should be Sadie in the eyes of the State, soon to be then changed with employer, DMV, social security, US passport etc.

Having steady engineering work also means I'm finally able to afford some more femme clothing, and I'm working out a schedule to go see my lover C in Seattle in January with a possible side trip to Vancouver to see my penpal there, we've been exchanging virtual kisses for a couple of years now and it surely would be great if her schedule works for a visit and maybe some real kissing.

Either way I expect to have some good kiss&tell stories for February ;-)

My name change took about 100 days from filing to court order arriving. Good luck!

Hugs, Devlyn

Ugh, really, that long??! In that case I'll have to proceed with passport using old name, I'll check with Middlesex court on their schedule. Thanks for letting me know.

Yes, I documented it in this thread .

I guess you're in Norfolk, I had the citation back from Middlesex within 4 days and the paperwork says the time to file comments ends Oct 30 provided that notice has been published at least a week prior to then. I placed advertisement yesterday, it will run next week (so no later than the 12th) and the paper will be mailing me a proof sheet for the run to file back to the court.

So I guess the wheels of justice turn a bit more smoothly in Middlesex? I'll remain hopeful for mid November which would put me in easy time for passport by mid January. That's the only document that's time-sensitive, assuming my hot date in Vancouver actually gets scheduled :-).

Well "dating" has been very up and down. I usually get out to see one or another friend weekly and for now, none of them are romantic prospects. Everyone says you have to use the dating apps now to get anywhere and mostly I get catfished, women I start to get a rapport with ghost me more often than not. One I'd had some serious hope for seems to have disappeared off the dating app. I don't think she even ghosted me, rather it feels like her account must have been suspended (there's a thing I know men do on dating apps, make a connection with a woman and then once they're texting or whatever report them to the site to make them unavailable ... I guess some women are doing it too or perhaps men pretending to be women) Anyway Ugh :-(.

I have a couple of really nice women I'm talking to now and I put it out there early that I'd like not to get ghosted ... maybe that's part of why they're sticking around. Trying to be hopeful without getting hung up about it and I'm gonna talk to my phrink about my feelings on this now.

Work, both glass and technology are going well. Having decided I'd like to spend the balance of my life less focused on work and more on relationships .. well it would be nice to see those materialize.

I guess that's all for now. I've spent a little time here lately because of the political uproar over this idiotic administration. I think I'm coming to the end of my time at Susan's. Not spending much time here and I can't say I'm missing the place (people are another matter of course). I didn't think to mark the passing of the 20th anniversary of my first date with my SO, she's not lesbian and we're good for each other, however I really want romance, someone who craves me sexually, not just going along for the ride.

Sadie, this sounds familiar...

Everyone suggests assorted dating apps; apps turn out to have large populations of jerks or flakes; dating by app goes nowhere.  Yup, my experience at that.

Work/life balance?  Life is good, enjoy it!

And yes, I understand the fatigue with various sorts of stimulation; politics, folks figuring out their identities online, and such.  The real world is far more interesting to me than the online world.

You gotta do what is best for yourself.  And that sounds like just living your life, building your personal connections, and exploring.  Good luck out there, and I hope everyone can find what they need.

Name change complete as of last Friday, just about 5 weeks from filing. And because I was still on masshealth as of my filing date, the fees were waived.

Next: make it official with employer, SSA, new driver's license and passport.

I also took the opportunity to send out my last coming out announcement, the one to all the extended family I never see, just about 3 years after I came out at work.

Sunday I auditioned for a Feb production of Vagina Monologues, I guess they liked me well enough, I'm in he cast!!

Yay!

It's been a long month of work and I've finally turned the corner on some technical problems, still lots to do, however I'm glad to have less pressure (ok it's self made pressure).

Taking an easy morning after working most of the weekend.

Quote from: SadieBlake on November 19, 2018, 10:47:09 AM
Sunday I auditioned for a Feb production of Vagina Monologues, I guess they liked me well enough, I'm in he cast!!

Yay!

It's been a long month of work and I've finally turned the corner on some technical problems, still lots to do, however I'm glad to have less pressure (ok it's self made pressure).

Taking an easy morning after working most of the weekend.

Wow, that's awesome, Sadie! I've been thinking that I might like to try community theater some day - after I get my voice straightened out. It sounds like incredible fun, if a lot of work. Congratulations on landing the part!

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 19, 2018, 10:53:14 AM
Wow, that's awesome, Sadie! I've been thinking that I might like to try community theater some day - after I get my voice straightened out. It sounds like incredible fun, if a lot of work. Congratulations on landing the part!

Stephanie

Thanks Steph! Actually my voice isn't changed, I already have problems with speaking too quietly and because I sometimes work in pretty loud environments, I really can't afford then loss in dB that would go with upping my pitch. I am far from passable anyway so vocally I mostly just focus on inflection and tone.

Below is our Thanksgiving meal .. goose, sausage & chestnut stuffing, broccolini, potatoes, turnip and cranberry-orange relish. We followed that with a pumpkin pie made from local sugar pumpkin. My GF took me to bed in the mid afternoon, that was nice and I have a date with a woman I've been chatting with online for a while this Monday (going to the local rock gym).

So lots to be thankful for.

Referencing this post https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218064.msg2078639.html#msg2078639

She's back in town just for Thursday to Friday morning. Haven't seen her since April (and very briefly and I'm super anticipating how great it's going to be, while tempering this with knowing she has so serious health issues and it may be she will need some taking care of & TLC. I'm good with either and taking care of and for her has been what I do in the time.we had last winter and spring.

And of course when it rains it pours, I have a tinder date with a woman for Sunday morning brunch. She seems very game, we related well in chat and her approach is to minimize online chatting and just go ahead & get meet up. So yay!

I'm also facilitating this months lesbian & bi women's discussion group, Friday ... Topic is sex and intimacy, we'll see if this leads to lively discussion!