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Two days before BA and a wave of emotions.

Started by HappyMoni, July 08, 2018, 09:36:05 PM

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HappyMoni

#20
Quote from: davina61 on July 10, 2018, 12:49:49 PM
You are almost right but its PM , waiting for the after post---------
Will update soon. I did a major course change right before surgery but too uncomfortable to go into it at 4 in morning. Drugs wore off and cant sleep yet. Kendra, glad it went well, talk later.
M
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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HappyMoni

   So I was all set to have my C cup with 470 cc implants that would, in my head, be practical to living actively and not change up my wardrobe too much. The surgeon has done some trans patients before but mostly has a cis gender clientele. Dr. Basner was highly recommended by two cis friends of a friend and one trans woman from Susan's (Thank you, Dani.) The thought was in my head that maybe when opening up the pocket for the under the muscle implant, that there might be some discretion in where to place the implant. Then I figured, well if the implant is placed off center of the nipple, things would look odd. All the time I was thinking about my larger chest cavity and the tendency of trans woman's boobs to appear pointing outward. I wear a 38 band with an A cup from HRT. I figured what do I have to lose, I'll mention this to the doctor. His response verified the need to center the implant on the nipple. He then described the look that he tried to attain when doing implants and that was to have a bit of a curvy appearance both on the inside and outside of the breast. He never pushed me into any specific size but did say he thought a bigger implant would do that for me. He said we have one chance to get this  right, so if you want, we can do a resizing with a few larger implants so you can see the curviness that a larger implant would bring. I said great. So an assistant, Colleen, came in and she gave me a few different bigger sizes to look at. She said, "I don't want to let a number in your head decide what is right, so I won't tell you the implant size until you pick what looks best." She was dead right as that would have been in my head. The doctor also made a point of showing me that the projection outward between the bigger and the smaller implants was very close to the same. In other words, bigger implant did not mean having bullet boobs like Madonna. Also, he did give an upper limit as to when he thought I might be going too big for me. All this was gentle guidance, not pushing for any certain size. He does it all the time, knows the best looks from experience, and has no financial benefit to me picking one size over another, so I thought it wise to listen to his experience. The first size was not a huge difference from what I had picked before, but the size up from that started to show the curve more. That curve on the inside directly related to being able to see and have some cleavage. I finally reached my upper limit where it just felt too big. Of the two I had in the  bra at the end, I was thinking about the bigger size and kind of expressed that and then Collen expressed  her opinion that she thought that was the look she would pick for me. She then told me that the size I picked was 640 cc.  Now if I had known the number, I would have been guided by that number instead of the look. As she was leaving, I asked what cup size this would be. She said Double D. I was like, "Are you serious?" I never imagined going that large. It wasn't til she left that I wondered what that would do to my clothing selection. The next person I saw, I asked about this who stated that she thought it would not change that much. Sizing of  beasts for clothes is such an inexact science, no guessing game. So that will be left to be determined.
   I also asked how hard it would be for a lay person to remove stitches. My partner was going to do it rather than go back to North Carolina to see Dr. Cooley. I have about 80 stitches in my head from my hair transplant. He looked at them and  said we can do it on your follow up. I said great, how much? "Oh, no charge, Collen can do it." Wow, that really impressed me.
   So, I will have a double D cup. I don't think it will make me look top heavy as they will  not stick out further. The  change in look should be more in the front view than the side. This is something I wanted, not to look  top heavy. It seems  proportional to my body in theory and with the try on. This experience made me realize that the size of the implant is unimportant. It is the proportion of the implant to the size of the body that counts. Plus, I will have cleavage now! (I am 5'7 1/2'" and 166 pounds plus the three they added yesterday lol.)
   My report on my progress past my insomnia last night is good. The boobs are high on my chest as they are supposed to be at this time. I had no nausea and not much pain. I am off my pain pills now. May take some Tylenol later! I look down and see swelling and cleavage, wow! We went out to eat and did some shopping today. Then a 2 hour nap! :)
   Mentally, I have a real sense of calmness. I was proud to be out in public even if the boobs haven't settled. I haven't seen my body yet, but being trans means being patient (or impatient training to be patient more likely.) I think this is going to have a big impact on my self image, my confidence. I shower tomorrow so it will be interesting to see my new babies.
   Since Kendra is one  day ahead of me I would like to hear her perspective if she is willing. And anyone else. :)
Moni


1 Day post-op.
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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LizK

What a great point Moni about the size. I have decided that I will be having an augmentation if I can get the $$ together. its going to take me until this time next year to get the $$ together but I cannot keep going the way I am. I am like you I don't want huge breasts just what suits me. If that happens to be DD then so be it but like you as a first point I would not have even thought about being that big.

I am glad it went well for you and that you have had minimal pain and are recovering well.


Look forward to see your results


Take Care


Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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JudiBlueEyes

Thanks Monica for a complete and honest appraisal.  I can see that size is inconsequential to obtaining the look you desire.  I never thought of the "curvy appearance" aspect, only that larger means more protrusion which it doesn't always mean.  ??? 
I hope you heal well and sleep comes easy tonight. 
Judi
But now old friends they're acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.
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Harley Quinn

Glad to hear the recovery is going well! Can't wait to see how everything came out.
At what point did my life go Looney Tunes? How did it happen? Who's to blame?... Batman, that's who. Batman! It's always been Batman! Ruining my life, spoiling my fun! >:-)
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Kendra

I had 350cc implants installed Monday evening - a few hours before Moni.  I'm 5'7" (170cm), 150 pounds (70kg), 36" (92cm) ribcage/band size.  Moni and I are similar build, although genetic and other differences affect overall shape and proportions. 

I have heard from several sources the most common complaint is going too small.  My surgeon said the same during our pre-op meeting - she has happy campers but has also seen a few who regretted not going larger, and one patient who wishes they were smaller.

Bra cup sizing is baffling and I won't have a clue until things settle and I go shopping in a few weeks.  You might be surprised to hear sizing samples were not brought in for my pre-op meeting, and I wasn't hesitant because we had set the goals for what I wanted - and I think pretty much all of Dr. Ley's patients are transgender.  I was asked about expectations, and that combined with measurements (mainly the distance between nipples) resulted in a 425cc - 575cc range recommendation.  I told her I definitely wanted something in the smaller end of the range, and why:

  • I'm half Japanese.  (And half Welsh).  Not really a cultural thing but I'm factoring characteristics of what are common genetic traits.
  • I've only been on HRT one year.  Breast growth accelerated when I switched from patches to injections making this a bit tricky to estimate - but I'm certain mine will continue to grow for awhile. 
  • Personal goals.  I run and do other things, willing to accommodate a bit but I don't want to completely give up these activities. 
After talking to Dr. Ley some more I told her - let's definitely stay in the smaller end of size range for my frame.  And I told her "you're the expert" and I am not.  She does this all the time and I don't. 

I was concerned before my pre-op meeting: was I making a mistake not waiting for additional HRT time?  Before surgery I wondered and had many friends say I looked fine - but I was always wearing a padded push-up bra and could only find one brand of bathing suit that looked right.  I'd take my bra off and then hated my chest - it was improving but wasn't gonna get there without help.  A postponement would involve an additional anesthesia since I was already scheduled for GCS-2 (Labiaplasty).  My worries vanished during the pre-op meeting because I was with a surgeon who does this frequently and has seen how these decisions impact her patients.  After communicating my expectations and other details, I trusted her and I am glad I did.

I woke up from surgery with 350cc implants and they are exactly what I want even though we didn't pre-select this specific size.  During surgery she made some comparisons, considered our conversations and went below the estimated range.  For my particular case I believe this was the right decision. 

I realize the way I look right now doesn't indicate my final shape in a few weeks - these puppies need to settle and form into chest pockets and swelling will decline.  On the other hand mine will probably increase in the next year or two due to my particular HRT schedule and patterns.

Details on mine are at GCS & BA with Dr. Ley at Meltzer Clinic
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, Labiaplasty & BA 7/2018. 
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Laurie

  Congrats Monica and heal well.  I just now saw this thread. As per usual I have been suffering from another case of head up the ass syndrome and missed all the fun. Nothing I can talk about so it isn't important. In fact apparently it was only important to me anyway. I am glad that you have received the size you feel are the pair you want. Your concerns and change of mind are reasonable and besides changing your mind is your prerogative as a woman. Good for you Hun.

Love ya and Ann too.

Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



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HappyMoni

   Thank you all for well wishes and thoughts. This is day 2 post-op and I slept better last night. I am getting itchy which in my mind indicates healing. Well, and a need for my first shower today. They want to wait til day two for shower. I took my first peek today as I lifted up the compression bra. I will now report that Dr. McGinn recommending Progesterone cream for my nipples was a great idea. With the stretching from the implant from inside my nipples look very much female and not like smaller male nipples. Good call on this, Dr. McGinn. My implants are a ways from dropping all the way but they have moved down some. I have a very high cleavage at this point. I believe with the smaller original implants, there probably would have been no chance for cleavage. I am thinking of another positive with going bigger. Since my implant was bigger, my incision was best done under the breast. When they drop and round out more, the bigger size will hide the scar better. I already see a curvature to the outside of the breast. My partner just got home so I can go get help with my shower (Yea)! I am not supposed to raise my hands so  washing my head stitches must be done by someone else. If I have any revelations, I'll post later.
Kendra, I agree with matching the boobs  to the body is important. You have much more trust than I have in surgeons. Well that goes back to my botched FFS surgery.
I'll try to drop a picture in here if you want to see.
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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PurpleWolf

Quote from: HappyMoni on July 11, 2018, 06:39:36 PM
This experience made me realize that the size of the implant is unimportant. It is the proportion of the implant to the size of the body that counts.

Yeah, well, ofc...  ;)

Congrats on the boobs then!!!

Any of you girls wanna have natural breasts?? Free donation - highest bid wins  ;D!
(Okay some lame humor there....  ;D but reading all this breast stuff makes me kinda think about my own situation.........) Anyone xD?! Just take at least one away from me please xDDD!
!!!REBIRTH=legal name change on Feb 16th 2018!!!
This is where life begins for me. It's a miracle I finally got it done.


My body is the home of my soul; not the other way around.

I'm more than anything an individual; I'm too complex to be put in any box.

- A social butterfly not living in social isolation anymore  ;D -
(Highly approachable but difficult to grasp)


The past is overrated - why stick with it when you are able to recreate yourself every day
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HappyMoni

It's funny that the information that I got from the doctor describes the emotions post surgery, day by day. It had today listed as crazy emotion day. Well, if I am to report truthfully on this experience, I would say this is correct. I got exercise this morning, got some extra sleep, took a shower everything I should do. I must admit to feeling a good bit lost though. It's too hot to go out now. I can't lift anything. I am tired of everything hurting, my head where the stitches are and my chest. Nothing seems to feel right to me. My shower  was mixed emotions. It is great to have boobs after being so flat for so long. It is also something very new and different. Parts are numb. Everything is tight and much is high on the chest. I feel the boobs touching my arms and feel like I don't want to touch anything for fear of hurting anything. My mind says they are not real yet. I also like the size in one way and worry if I have gone too big for my clothes. My partner calmed me down, telling me to remember there is still a lot of swelling going on. I did not hear the post op directions myself as I was in lala  land. As far as I know, I am not to message them yet. I may need to clarify this tomorrow. Girls, if you get boobs done, expect a crazy emotion day or two. I am heading to the beach at some point and now am stressing about my bathing suit being too small and I'll have nothing to wear. I also started back on E after the surgery and we know how that messes with emotion. I feel ready to jump in the recycle bin and have the boys take me out to the street!. I only really have a right to feel bad about one thing to be honest. My sister in law is having a rough time after her last chemo. She is the one who deserves to feel bad, not me. 
FreakyMoni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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HappyMoni

Wolfie, I would  have taken them but you said, "Noooooo!"
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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davina61

congrats , heal quick love . Makes me think of the game show double your money or in this case double d your Moni !!!!!
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
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PurpleWolf

Quote from: HappyMoni on July 12, 2018, 03:36:21 PM
Wolfie, I would  have taken them but you said, "Noooooo!"
Haha, what  ;D?! I'm sure I said NO such thing  ;)
You are still free to have them haha xD...! You need a spare pair, ;)? xDDD
!!!REBIRTH=legal name change on Feb 16th 2018!!!
This is where life begins for me. It's a miracle I finally got it done.


My body is the home of my soul; not the other way around.

I'm more than anything an individual; I'm too complex to be put in any box.

- A social butterfly not living in social isolation anymore  ;D -
(Highly approachable but difficult to grasp)


The past is overrated - why stick with it when you are able to recreate yourself every day
  •  

Tatiana 79

Hello Moni
I was actually getting a little excited reading your previous stuff.
Congratulations and well-wishes for your speedy recovery.
And all the very best for your new experiences.
love Tatiana
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LizK

Duly noted...one emotional crazy day allowed after your BA  ;D...how many do you get for GCS...a week LOL Great to hear you are feeling better...go on get down to that beach and strut your stuff!!

Take care

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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HappyMoni

Realized I had taken no pain meds all day which didn't help my frame of mind. Finally took some Tylenol. Decided to go out to eat with my sons and be positive, but had energy crash right after. Not a great day but it will get better tomorrow. Still feels like someone sitting on my chest. Looking forward to stitch removal from my head Tuesday. Liz, didn't have much of a rough time with GCS. YMMV
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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islandgirl

Thanks Moni for your updates on your BA! I am very interested in your journey as I am considering having the surgery in the new year. I would have it earlier but need to be out of the country later this year. My biggest concerns are size/proportion, medication as I don't deal well with pain killers, and length of recovery. You are covering many of these topics. I know that everyone will deal with things differently, but it is good for me to have this info! All the Best with the remainder of your recovery!

Hugs,
Kelly
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pamelatransuk

Congratulations Moni on the BA and I am glad you are on the road to recovery.

Wishing you a speedy full recovery.

Hugs

Pamela


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HappyMoni

I seem to gain about a half hour sleep back a night, but I am still up too early for me when on vacation. Thank you Pamela and Kelly. Kelly, for me the pain has not been too bad. I quickly changed to Tylenol from the harder stuff. I get too foggy headed on the heavier stuff and it isn't needed. How  can I describe how it feels? I feel like I have a construction site roped off on the front top of my chest. It has a big sign that says, "Not normal activity." It feels like I look real big  in the upper chest, but the boobs don't look that big yet. In my head I know the boobs need to 'drop and fluff', but emotionally, it is hard not to worry about how things are going. Swelling will go down too. I have some cute   clothes, I think I have developed a style for myself, but did I go too big to stay with that style? Not sure yet. The size thing is difficult. I tried to address one aspect, the lack of cleavage/trans tendency for boobs to look outward, and did I fall into a trap of  being too big and hence top heavy? I honestly won't know until things settle. I have a set of butt enhancer panties and I like wearing them for proportion help. The thing is, will I need to wear them all the time. I don't know if I am just babbling here, but these are the emotions  that at least one woman goes through  with this. Hope it helps out with someone else's experience of surgery, size, or emotion.
Monica


Day 3 post-op
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
  •  

HappyMoni

Well Harley, I hope my mass confusion is helping. lol The stress over size doesn't stop with the surgery. I guess I will go through a series of emotions before I adjust for good. I think there is a desire for the boobs to be noticed but not NOTICED!
So, I have more information now as I spoke to Colleen at the surgeon's. It is not recommended that I massage my breasts at all. I will ask about why this is so on Tuesday. I asked about the stitches in my head (which they had said they would remove for me) and she thought I was asking about breast stitches. She said that I don't have any stitches there. This made me kind of excited because I think the use of the surgical tape instead of stitches will give a much less noticeable scar. It may be that less motion in the breast area will also cause less movement in that scar area and thus a smaller scar.
Also, it has been rolling around in my head that maybe I went so big that I won't be able to wear my clothes. So, I tried on a cute top and the boobs don't seem too big. It is still hard to tell as so much is still high up and also swollen. I may have to be more selective in what I wear now though because of cleavage showing. Can't be doing that going to work! But that would be a good problem to have, show them only when I want to. I am thus feeling a little calmer about things.
Harley, I think I made a mistake in not selecting a good blouse for the fitting. I should have brought a shirt that I saw as a cute top that I didn't want to go too big or too small to use after surgery. Seeing the sizes in only the tryout bra makes it hard to picture how it will look later.
One more thing I learned was getting up without pain. If you use your arms to push up from a sitting position it hurts. If you shift weight back and forth to the edge of the seat and use your legs, it doesn't hurt.
I will try to get some pictures up here as you can probably  tell better about how high the implants are and why it is hard to judge how big they will be.
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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