I just wanted to share this with everyone before I lost it.
I usually never fall into REM sleep because I've only been averaging about an hour or maybe two asleep on night for an awfully long time.
But this dream was so vivid so colorful so powerful I actually woke up shaking after 7 hours of sleep.
In a nutshell it started off at a family gathering in a farmhouse similar to where I used to live but I had to run out of the house because everyone knew I was trans and really felt my first discrimination through this dream.
After running out of this house walking endlessly it seemed like to the first town and my phone was dead couldn't use GPS or anything and was completely lost. Then I entered a small town seeking help and everyone was against me and then formed up into kind of a Frankenstein mob as I ran out hiding in a cornfield with the mob approaching me I felt so completely alone and defenseless for the first time. But then I woke up with this mob almost upon me.
From what I've been reading here I know that my nightmare is reality for some members and I'm kind of glad I had it because it puts me in the shoes of those who have experienced this type of thing in real life. I don't see this as a precursor for my transition because I know it never would happen in my little Utopia up here where I live.
Still shaking love Tatiana

Tatiana,
   Relax a bit Girl! It sounds like your  anxiety showing through for changes to your life that you are considering. I wouldn't let it make you think anything  bad about you or your thoughts on being trans. My dreams used to be of someone discovering my secret and oh the shame I felt. Good news is the dreams get better.
Moni

Thanks so much GF
for being here with your consideration and experience for me as you did for me I think it was my 20th post with your motivating reply that really made me feel better then and now. I would describe it as just shy of a panic attack which I am familiar with but I am coming down from it thanks so much.
love Tatiana

A bump on the road Hon, a bump on the road.

 well spoken Moni
Thanks

Dear Tatiana

I have had many trans dreams over the years - some good and some unhappy similar to yours being mocked and ridiculed and running away but not so frightening as the one you describe.

As Moni says, relax and I wish you sweet dreams tonight.

Also I'm glad you are generally sleeping better.

Love Pamela

Thanks Pamela
Telling me your experience with your dreams.
I actually was going to p.m. you but was still a little shaken up by this feeling of being hiding Motionless in the cornfield in the dark alone defenseless seeing the Frankenstein mob approaching with flashlights and torchs , which was a bit frightening but was reduced when I noticed my flat tire when I went to town with a 3/8 Bolt sticking in it made me stop thinking about it. and also remind everyone which is common sense, make sure your spares in good working order and you have the tools at hand and change it.

And thank you for noticing that my sleep has been improving and actually it is and something is definitely changing and it feels for the better, and the sleep is just the start.
THANKS GF.
love Tatiana

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 18, 2018, 07:06:46 AM
I just wanted to share this with everyone before I lost it.
I usually never fall into REM sleep because I've only been averaging about an hour or maybe two asleep on night for an awfully long time.
But this dream was so vivid so colorful so powerful I actually woke up shaking after 7 hours of sleep.
In a nutshell it started off at a family gathering in a farmhouse similar to where I used to live but I had to run out of the house because everyone knew I was trans and really felt my first discrimination through this dream.
After running out of this house walking endlessly it seemed like to the first town and my phone was dead couldn't use GPS or anything and was completely lost. Then I entered a small town seeking help and everyone was against me and then formed up into kind of a Frankenstein mob as I ran out hiding in a cornfield with the mob approaching me I felt so completely alone and defenseless for the first time. But then I woke up with this mob almost upon me.
From what I've been reading here I know that my nightmare is reality for some members and I'm kind of glad I had it because it puts me in the shoes of those who have experienced this type of thing in real life. I don't see this as a precursor for my transition because I know it never would happen in my little Utopia up here where I live.
Still shaking love Tatiana

@Tatiana 79
My Dear Tatiana:
I am so very glad that you are sharing these thoughts "before you lost it"

First, regarding not getting enough sleep, as you know from reading my threads that I am burning the candle at both ends... as usual, like I did this morning I was up and out of bed at about 5:00AM (no alarm clock needed)... got a shower and got myself fixed up, something packed for lunch and was at work at 6:15am ... and, as usual I will probably not leave work until after 7:30PM tonight... then I get home, get a late dinner ... and I am so keyed up from work and the day's events, I can't get to sleep until almost midnight or later... then when I do get to bed I am tossing and turning all night and I finally give up and get up very early again in the morning.   
The other issue is that up where I live we have very long days this time of year...  with only a few hours of "somewhat" darkness from about 11:30Pm till 2:30AM... so it is mentally difficult to get a good sleep even with a darkened room, etc.

So, I said all of that to let you know that I fully understand what a toll it is taking on you regarding only getting a few hours of sleep every night... it catches up with you and affects your entire day.

The way that you described your vivid dream would be frightening for sure... no wonder you woke up shaking...  I think that might be a definition of a nightmare. My advice, don't venture into cornfields!!! 

The good news is that you got an incredible 7 hours or sleep before you woke up shaking....

Please take care of yourself and perhaps drink some appropriate tea before bedtime.
    >Valerian tea. While Chamomile is the most popular tea for sleep,
             there is a more potent option...  Valerian tea.
Also some others are:
    >Decaf green tea
    >Lemon balm tea
    >Passionflower tea

Personally, for me, I find that a warm cup of milk or hot chocolate with an Oreo Cookie or two helps me relax before bedtime.
Chocolate is my preferred sleep inducer.

Thank you Tatiana for sharing with us and trusting us with your dream and your sleep issues.   I really hope that you will be able to get a handle on getting better sleep at night, I know that I also need to work on that as well... 
We can do that together perhaps.?

Please keep us updated and as always feel free to continue exchanging PMs with me as we have done so enjoyably in the past... I always enjoy seeing your name in my inbox.

Hugs and well wishes, as always,
Danielle

I also have sleep issues.  I use a CPAP to be able to actually sleep.  Normally I think I did NOT sleep well when I remember dreams.  I am not sure what to recommend for you to get better sleep as I had to resort to medical help.

Sometimes when I dream they are humdingers.  The recent one I sort of recall was one where the female me was out and about.  I ended up politicking with my former boss -- who does not know I am trans.  We got a group of state legislators and regaled them over lunch.  He pushed something economic.  I pushed the bill that has been buried in committee forever to add sexual orientation and gender identity to the state's anti-discrimination law.  The nightmare part was how much financial payoff they wanted for their "help."  A nightmare...

Yours sounds even more frightening.  Hang in there, the memories of dreams do fade.


Erin

Not sure I can offer much on this subject other than what my best friend in college told me once about nightmares.  She was a Psych major at the time and figured herself an expert...  Ha Ha

"Dreams are about processing info from your day into long term memory.  If you are too anxious or worried about things, that can manifest as a nightmare."

Soooo, (non-pro opinion incoming) I'd say maybe work with your therapist to try relieving your anxieties and maybe the dreams would get better.  Or better yet, hopefully, this is a one off thing and you won't have any more issues with them. For your sake, I truly do hope this isn't a reoccurring thing for you sweetie.  I have suffered from chronic nightmares my whole life and I know they can make even waking life a nightmare in turn.  Not fun.   

Take care tonight girl. 

Thanks everyone for your support the emotion has faded but I'm sure the memories going to linger forever.

Wow Danielle, you definitely are the Energizer Bunny on steroids out here and I honestly have wondered how you could possibly do all this in your day with your full-time gig and now that I know you have sleep troubles, I must say I'm kind of worried about you not falling into the same pitfalls I did.
I never needed an alarm clock either it was bam up 4 a.m. everyday. But when I hit age 45 I really crashed and Burned hard.
But I don't believe this will happen to you because you really got yourself together but still are subject to your very demanding schedule. And take it easy girl and suck in that beautiful Alaskan scenery and you know how it is in a small town not quite the same sense of urgency like in a Big Town but take it easy there's plenty of time to smell the roses
And I know what you mean about the length of daylight I know you're farther north than me and more subject to Greater swings than I am but even where I'm at at 46 degrees latitude it's still plays havoc with me.
And thanks for your advice with your sleep suggestions but I'm really pretty hard core and am I on three different types of powerful sleep meds.  but it's kind of funny because when I had my initial Buzz that led me to Susan's and the power of psychology I actually didn't need any after a week and was still getting 6 to 7 hours of continuous sleep a night which is something that I could never do. It's definitely a goal of mine to get all off of these because they're just merely treating the symptoms and not the root core
Gee Don't you think there's been something that's been naughing away at me that led to this. It's really quite obvious now that this was true because just barely starting HRT has already replicated this and has kind of unclouded my mind a little and have a calm sense of well-being. the cornfield bit really got me laughing don't worry dear there's none around for hundreds of miles it's just Forest by me.
Thanks Danielle you've truly Been instrumental to me and I greatly admire your story and caring for everyone.

And to Erin WDK
Thanks for your dreams story it sure was a Humdinger and I'm glad it was not the horror story I had and yes the memories are still there but the emotions from them have already faded. I'm glad you got relief through using CPAC a good friend of mine also I know needs this because he would wake up with zip energy and difficult sleeping and after he drilled me with a bunch of questions he assured me that I didn't need this type of Sleep Therapy because I really never woke up gasping for breath or had trouble breathing.

Thanks Erin Johnson
For your psychological assessment which I think is true for many but I think in my case being so new to this scene I didn't know this level of discrimination and horror stories even existed and I think it kinda hit me all at once with my first good REM sleep.
And actually I'm less anxious now than I was before and I don't think it will reoccur at least I hope not.
I really don't think this nightmare was formed from anxiety because I really feel a little calmer and clear-headed than I ever did but I'm sure I'll be talking about it with my sister the shrink to see what she has to say about it thanks for your advice.

love you all dearly Tatiana

Two days before I turned my life around I had a powerful dream that left me disturbed for two days after. It was vivid and I was helpless and it was lucid but I had no control. I woke up in absolute terror and was shaking for hours after. On reflection I think it was my fears pushing against what had to happen. Its just your mind doing some house keeping. Best thing is to let it go.

Thanks so much dear it sounds like we had almost the same reaction, no coffee for me this morning I was shaking enough for hours.
But thanks so much with your experienced  assessment.
I just woke up this way this morning and all the emotions faded I'm still kind of working through it all.
just a mere obstacle to overcome
Love Tatiana

Sorry to hear about this fly in the ointment at Utopia. Well Tatiana, many of our hidden fears and secret worries known only to our sub-conscious minds are faced through dreams. However, in dealing with it in the dream-state, that worry will also have been released and let go of. From what you say of Utopia, there's little chance of a real pitch-fork mob coming against you, as the vast majority are on your side.

The ignorant mob mentality is as you paint it; straight out of a horror film, though political leaders play on whipping up people's fears to turn them against certain minority groups in society. Thankfully, folks in a small-town know each other well enough to not be sucked in by discrimination and you stated the dream didn't place where you live now, but from somewhere in the past. Your fears are best left there, as you have soooo moved on and are making great forward progress.

More power to you & yours ;-)

Thanks GF
It really was from a past environment I think it was like my Godfather's on the Michigan Ohio border where he at a large farm that he grew corn.

The subconscious mind or the mind in general is as complex as the cosmos so anything that can happen will, in it. Much thanks for your insight.

Keep on jamming girl as will l with my punk rock wife. I'm sure we could really smoke together although I know where on opposite sides of the pond but it sure would be fun.        love Tatiana

I recently had a dream where I wrote a coming out letter to my mom but was too afraid to send it.  Somehow she'd found it and read it, and the secret was out.  After the dream I spent half the day nervous before I realized it was a dream.  I'll come out eventually, but I'm not ready for that yet.

I sure wish all your dreams come true for you, Danielle K  as you want.
All the best to you and your mom's relationship to be together on the same page, she sure would be a tremendous asset, but it is amazing how our mind creates these dreams and make them seem so vividly true. As other members have noted.
Mine was more like a horror story where I hope yours ends up like a fairytale come true.
all the best for this to happen to you love Tatiana

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on July 18, 2018, 06:28:29 PM
I sure wish all your dreams come true for you, Danielle K  as you want.
All the best to you and your mom's relationship to be together on the same page, she sure would be a tremendous asset, but it is amazing how our mind creates these dreams and make them seem so vividly true. As other members have noted.
Mine was more like a horror story where I hope yours ends up like a fairytale come true.
all the best for this to happen to you love Tatiana

Thank you so much!  The one thing that scares me most about my journey is coming out to people.  I haven't come out to anyone yet, but I know it's inevitable.  But when it does happen I want it to be on my terms.  What scares me about my mom is she isn't very happy about my sister coming out transgender.  I don't know how she'll react to find out that she has two trans daughters!

Hello Danielle Kristina
It is very difficult coming out to people for the first time but you have a big Advantage if you have a relationship with these people first. because you've probably already establish credibility with them , and people are really just people anywhere whether where you live or I live if they're friends with you they want the best for you especially if you're suffering this could take precedence over any trans thoughts or negativities they had especially if they see you getting better, know that this has been working for me and my tiny little village but I'm sure the principal can work anywhere.

By the way no bad dreams last night just my hundred and sixty five pound Alaskan Malamute jumping on me when he had to go out. lol
check out my Utopia thread in this forum but it's probably way back there but it does explain my tactics on this and you know what it's working. or just PM me anytime you want
love Tatiana

I sympathize with your lack of sleep. My whole career I woke at 4am drove two hours to work made it back home at 7:30om. Made dinner played with the kids for a half hour before putting them to bed. Then to wind down I didn't get to bed until 11:30. My wife was usually in bed by 9.