You are very welcome, AllisonS. SoupSarah and I are both passionate about sharing our experience to help anyone exploring their gender.
Quote from: Allison S on September 16, 2018, 09:28:06 PMDid you mean that CSA can manifest solely as gender dysphoria or someone's extreme discomfort with their gender assigned at birth?
I just think it's incredible what our minds can do to protect ourselves. In a way, and I know I'm making assumptions, but that can point to being transgender as evolutionary. For some, it's (very sadly) triggered by horrible acts. And for others it's innate...
I am a successful graduate level engineer. Had I not experienced it for myself, I would be in total disbelief that my mind could hide the horrible things that happened to me so completely I had ABSOLUTELY NO AWARENESS OF THE EVENTS.
I am not sure I can concur with the idea that this in any way can point to being transgender as evolutionary or triggered by horrible acts. The things I describe are normal to CSA. ->-bleeped-<- is an innate state of being, not any sort of triggered disorder or psychological response by trauma. However similar Gender Dysphoria may appear to the symptoms of someone who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, the underlying causes of the two are completely different.
It takes a very specific set of circumstances for a person with a dissociative mind to develop separate identities as a result of childhood trauma (sexual or psychological), But Childhood Sexual Abuse CAN Manifest As "Gender Dysphoria." Cisgender men who are survivors of CSA experience sexual fantasies about becoming a woman, the need to dress as woman, extreme guilt related to masturbation, gender confusion, sexual confusion, and/or dysphoria about their genitals. There is an excellent discussion group on the Male Survivor website at:
http://www.discussion.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=cfrmThis complicates diagnosis for a person who is dissociative and developed DID with opposite gender alters. Even more so for a transgender person who experienced CSA or has Dissociative Identity Disorder. I refer you to my female alter, Flytrap's intro post which has become the "home" for forum members with dissociative conditions who need to express themself as another gender at
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218553.msg1934547.html#msg1934547Quote from: Allison S on September 17, 2018, 08:52:32 AM
I wonder, since the man that violated you is known to be "gay" or only interested in young boys... Has this deterred you from a relationship or intimacy with a man?
In my case I was repeatedly molested by my Mother through grade school and raped by a 13-year-old cousin when I was 6. Sexual abuse runs on my Mother's side so my perpetrator was likely abused by his Father. My experience left me incapable of intimacy with anyone.
Sex between young boys is about exploration and, like men in prison, availability of a partner to fill their needs, not being gay. It's healthy and normal cisgender activity between consenting partners. An adolescent forcing himself on a six-year-old is a devastating violation. A child's mind is not developed to handle the psychological overload; orgasm literally explodes their mind.
I don't think it's possible for anyone with a single identity to comprehend how amazingly effective dissociation is as a coping mechanism. Effects of trauma, like deterring intimacy, are minimized for the Primary alter/Apparently Normal Part. They can often go on to live a normal life, free of the psychotic disorders a person who was not dissociative might experience and aloof to the devastating effects of the trauma contained in their alters.
My female alter, Flytrap, is not capable of responding to a thread like this the way SeptagionScar or SoupSarah can. Partly because Flytrap is only 13 and has difficulty putting her thoughts on paper. But more importantly because it threatens the self-delusion my mind uses to maintain that part of Self as a separate person. You would notice a glaring difference in each of our writing styles; my posts are factual and formal; Flytrap talks about feelings in simple sentences.
I am the Primary Alter of my System, enjoy being with and relate well to other men; not so much with women, excepting my wife. My fragment alter is our System Protector, so I tend to be extremely Alpha male. Flytrap relates equally well to women and men. She is sterotypical woman because that isthe role she was created to fill in our System. In casual relationships we both appear very well adjusted, outgoing, caring and personable. That my System works so well in simulating a "normal" person is why I was able to live a happy life for 48 years and it has survived with very little change for nearly 60.
Flytrap is asexual, Little Guy is too young to be concern himself with sex, and my Protector and Inner Self Helper have no gender or sexual orientation. In my mind's elegant solution to appear normal, I am heterosexual, But I have NEVER been able to bring myself to have sexual intercourse. And it tears my wife of 25 years heart out that I am just not capable of the trust an intimacy most people who are married take for granted.