I came out as trans* to my mother when I was 18. I chose her rather than my father because he's a "manly man" who can't handle emotional talk. I urged her not to tell my dad because I was afraid he'd get violent with me.

Fast-forward with me doing nothing since I didn't have any support from home until I'm 21 and they discover my stash of hormones I was self-medicating on. Dad went very angry and called me a lot of things that weren't of the kindest sort. He kept on playing this card whenever we got into a disagreement and I still didn't do anything at home.

My parents divorced in the spring of the next year (2015) and my life in the house was a nightmare with everyone arguing and fighting all the time. Dad was on me all the time, calling me a "->-bleeped-<-" or "sissy" whenever we argued.
I became homeless in May 2016 since my dad did not want anything to do with me and my mother just abandoned me and my younger brothers.

I still didn't really do much about my gender identity issues except get a diagnosis in Lund of unspecified gender dysphoria in early 2018 and got put on a hormone prescription in March that year.

My father also happened to move into the same apartment house as I live in after he split with his girlfriend in February 2018 but he lives one floor below me.

Fast-forward again to December this year and me finally starting to do something since I was tired of not doing anything because of an unsupportive  family. My dad always uses the same reasoning when we talk:
"I don't understand this and I don't want to understand it". He calls my dysphoria "crazy ideas" or "delusions" and is really rigid in his beliefs.

He saw me with makeup on for the first time this week and he didn't say anything other than that I looked like a "racoon" around my eyes.

The tragic thing about all of this is that I haven't got any other relatives other than him and his mother (who is just like him) to talk to. My mother's side of the family shunned us after my mother had huge issues with drugs and alcohol.

I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to in real life really other than my father.

I've tried giving him links to resources for parents of transgender children, to general threads about gender dysphoria and how it is treated, and how FFS can help treat gender dysphoria but he is not interested in learning.

How should I deal with this? Ignoring him is not an option since he's the only one I have to talk to and I have a very hard time making or keeping friends because of me dealing with an ongoing depression.

        Jimmy sorry to hear about family issues my situation turned out to be 'bout the direct opposite of yours - my dad turned out to be very supportive and mom never knew! Suppose divorce can have some hidden bennies ya at least had a 50/50 chance of someone being more helpful! I was 20 something when 1st struggled with trans issues now have two kids your age and indeed tables have turned!

3.7 GPA in Engineering? WOW! Come to Atlanta, trans Capital of the U.S.A., and join Georgia Tech! Sweden eh? Your English is perfect wishing you the best,

Get away from your father, stay away, and keep him away from you.

I don't have enough room to tell you everything about my father.  Instead of being a macho bully, he was a tall, skinny, creepy stalker frenemy whose favorite tactic was to get in my head, cause me to doubt myself and be afraid of everything.

The worst part was, no matter how hard I tried to be the boy and then the man he wanted me to be, he always acted like whatever I did wasn't good enough, or if I achieved perfection, it was just barely good enough.

A stroke finally silenced my dad when I was 46.  I spent five years having screaming fights with him inside my head before the programming finally ran out and my true self started to emerge from the rubble.

That was five years ago when I was 51.

Don't waste your life or throw yourself away like I did trying to get approval that will never come.

Get away from him.  Go live your own life.  You need to love yourself far more than you need him.

I'm so sorry to hear about your lack of support. It is amazing how well you are doing considering; don't stop believing in yourself!

My parents are highly dysfunctional and toxic for me. Five years ago I finally tried to detach from them. It is hard with parents; I feel an intense longing to have a loving nurturing relationship with them and I kept going back to the trough again and again until I got counseling and realized they could never give me what I want and need.

The truth is, only about half of people have a secure,  nurturing history with our parents.  It can be hell if you want to break the cycle, but you can absolutely do it. You are already doing it - being vulnerable and true to yourself is SO vital. He sounds very abusive, he might change someday but you can't force him. The best thing you can do from my perspective is get away and stay away.  Work on yourself. Find supportive loving friends. If you can, do therapy, a good therapist can help heal the insecure attachment.  Most of all, love yourself by giving yourself what you feel you need.

I'm not really even taking to you, it is sort of a personal pep talk. I just tried to reconnect with my folks and it was awful. I am licking my wounds and reminding myself of what I have learned. It gets easier. I will try again in a few years.

If I can help, let me know.

Love,

Jael

M,

That is an incredible story, you are very brave.  I hope you have found loving support, you certainly deserve it. What you said made me cry,  not just because it was awful, but because it sounds like you've weathered the worse and found some Joy. It is a true heroine's journey.

Love,

Jael

If only it was so easy to break free. I am the sort of person who needs a lot of support in order to be able to function and actually do something. Right now I'm alone and only have you people online to talk to. I've already lost my mom since she continues with alcohol, drugs and abusive men. I tried helping her get out of this for over a year but in the end I accomplished nothing other than crashing into a deep depression.
My father offers practical support, and he can do that well but I can't get any emotional support at all from him. I don't want to lose him either since he is my father and the only relative that I feel genuinely cares about me in some way.
Breaking free when you have a lot of issues other than your gender dysphoria is too much for me. I deal with depression, anorexia, bulimia, Aspergers, monetary issues, social problems etc...

It just feels so overwhelming...

Quote from: Jeal on January 20, 2019, 09:45:12 PM
M,

That is an incredible story, you are very brave.  I hope you have found loving support, you certainly deserve it. What you said made me cry,  not just because it was awful, but because it sounds like you've weathered the worse and found some Joy. It is a true heroine's journey.

Love,

Jael

Thank you.    I don't feel brave or like a heroine at all.
It's terrible how much I over share and I apologize for that. I ignored my childhood for all of these years, now that I have transitioned and don't have that on my mind it seems the memories of my early life refuse to be ignored. I don't mind being less than everyone else, I have had my entire life to get used to it so it doesn't cause me any anxiety at all, is what it is. I can still stand up for myself, I still have worth, I have a good life and yes, an amazing boyfriend who gives me all the love and support that I need. I just don't want the memories in my head anymore.

Thank you and sorry for making you cry.    Makes me cry too.

Quote from: 930310 on January 21, 2019, 06:40:04 AM
If only it was so easy to break free. I am the sort of person who needs a lot of support in order to be able to function and actually do something. Right now I'm alone and only have you people online to talk to. I've already lost my mom since she continues with alcohol, drugs and abusive men. I tried helping her get out of this for over a year but in the end I accomplished nothing other than crashing into a deep depression.
My father offers practical support, and he can do that well but I can't get any emotional support at all from him. I don't want to lose him either since he is my father and the only relative that I feel genuinely cares about me in some way.
Breaking free when you have a lot of issues other than your gender dysphoria is too much for me. I deal with depression, anorexia, bulimia, Aspergers, monetary issues, social problems etc...

It just feels so overwhelming...

I think that I understand, one of my best friends is very much like you. Bit older. She lives with her mom because she struggles so much with the world and can't interact with others at all, it completely overwhelms her. She can take care of herself and her home but she can't go out and about with people so she works at home to make money and it's not enough to pay the bills. So she lives with her mom who says the worst things to make her miserable and loves that her daughter has to rely on her and will never leave. Not exactly the same thing but maybe close enough that I can understand a little of what you are going through.

I don't know how to help her either, I just give her all of the support and love that I can. I am glad that you're father cares for you and I hope that he will come around and be more accepting. I would not give up on him yet.

Take care, am here if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Michelle

Quote from: IAmM on January 21, 2019, 09:58:10 AM
It's terrible how much I over share and I apologize for that.

I often feel the same way, but I think it is natural for those of us with emotionally abusive or neglectful parents. I spent my childhood trying to remain invisible or keep my parents regulated, so it is hard for me to feel safe sharing my feelings.  If it is any consolation I find your vulnerability and honesty beautiful

Quote from: IAmM on January 21, 2019, 09:58:10 AM
Thank you and sorry for making you cry.    Makes me cry too.

I lost the ability to cry for over twenty years so, I love to cry now. It feels so good!  What sucks is when I want to cry and it won't come out.

Love,

Jael