We had a 15 year old visitor today here at Susans  and she was coming out to her
mother later tonight and was looking for advise. I remember all too clearly how
badly that went for me.

It's hard enough to do that at 20, 30 or 40 but at fifteen (or 12 for me) it's
a nightmare I can tell you.

Do we as a group have something that we can point these young kids to?

I would like to help with good advise, and other than personal experience
I'm not sure I have any

Amanda

Hi,

Yo're posting all over the place tonight. Mee too, it'sfun.

I agree with that idea it would be really helpful for a lot of people, there are limited resources to help you and you can't as a friend or someone about it otherwise that would be coming out, that's ironic , which youb can't do.

Sarah

Don't inject raw silicone into your boobs.

Do try to get on hormones as quickly as possible.

Do save up some money that you don't tell anyone else about, -you may need it.

Don't do herbal phyto estrogen, It causes heart attacks and stroke.

Do try to develop a non family-dependent support network as quickly as possible.

Don't try to kill yourself.

Do be careful about who you tell if you are surrounded by conservatives or known prejudicial people.

Don't reuse or share needles if you inject hormones. Do not self medicate get under a doctor's care.

Do be as safe as possible.

Don't go out late at night if you are in the city or some dangerous area.

Do get mace or pepper spray.

Don't be flirting with strangers who don't know -it might get ugly if they find out, and all to often does.

Do find someone you can talk to whom you absolutely trust. At least one.

Don't go for rides with people you don't know without someone who you trust who does.

Do make longer term plans like college and where you want to live. -They can be changed later, but they will help you with a goal and a progress plan.



That's about it for the moment, that's all I can think of right now.
Anybody else?
Got any bright ideas? (no sarcasm included : )
This is a good idea this thread.

-Sara

QuoteYou're posting all over the place tonight. Cheesy Mee too, it'sfun.

LOL... I just hit the "Show unread topics since last visit" and comment on the ones that interest me, I rarely
look at what forum they are in... 


Sara - that's an excellent list.

I think it would be great if we could expand that list. I assume that everyone here knows the pain that they
experienced when they were in their teens. I know I had so many questions and no information. A list like
this could have made a world of difference in my life.

I'm going to give it some thought, I think it's helpful for me to focus on something besides my situation. Jump
in if you have any ideas.

Amanda

This thread reminds me of something I found somewhere on the internet sometime ago. It would be the other way round though.
It was called something like Being Come Out To - The Guide for Straight People How To Not Piss Off Their Queer Friends or something like this. It was an interesting read and had a section for transsexuals, too--I hadn't known I am ftm back then, though, so I can't remember that well.

And now I can't find it anymore... Does somebody know it?

Here's mine to add to the list:

Make sure you are never at anybody's mercy, because sure as nuts, either for "your own good" or more likely for theirs, they will wait until you are at your most vulnerable, grab a spoon, and dig your heart out with it. If you are gonna come out to anybody, do like Sara said - make sure you have a stash of savings squirreled away somewhere so that if you need to, you can tell them to go do things to themselves.

~Simone.

Quote from: lady amarant on April 09, 2008, 09:31:44 AM
Here's mine to add to the list:

Make sure you are never at anybody's mercy, because sure as nuts, either for "your own good" or more likely for theirs, they will wait until you are at your most vulnerable, grab a spoon, and dig your heart out with it. If you are gonna come out to anybody, do like Sara said - make sure you have a stash of savings squirreled away somewhere so that if you need to, you can tell them to go do things to themselves.

~Simone.

LOL, classic.

You have a way of putting things Simone I love it!

Actually though.... I'm thinking about younger people. Someone that is in a position to
have saving's is probably in their 20's or later. I'm thinking the kids that are 12 - 18y/o's that
need good advise on how to tell mom or dad and what to do then.

Amanda

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 09, 2008, 10:12:51 AM
'm thinking the kids that are 12 - 18y/o's that need good advise on how to tell mom or dad and what to do then.

I'm probably not in the best frame of mind to be objective, but basically my advice would be the same.

Save up birthday money, pocket money, do odd-jobs, whatever you need to. In the meantime, start seeing a therapist privately, maybe through the school counsellor or somebody else who is legally sworn to keep your secrets, and do as much prep-work on your own before you come out to anybody who you depend on.

Also, RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. Learn about the Standards of Care and the DSM, read up on the endocrine system and HRT, join online support groups and ask questions. Knowledge is power - the people who are supposed to know these things, like endos and therapists and stuff often don't, so learning yourself is a way to protect yourself from their ignorance, or their unwillingness. Basically it boils down to building a base of power, be it financially, through knowledge, by getting those pesky things like how to use make-up or choose a style, all those things.

Something else I would try to do is make friends. If you are MtF, natal girlfriends and other trans-women who can show you the ropes, mess around with you as you are learning the basics, or who can give you a shoulder to cry on, or a place to crash, if you need them If FtM, be a tomboy. Make friends with guys, get to know their mannerisms, the way they interact etc.

Then, when you need your parents consent for stuff, like to start HRT, or go on to puberty blockers, or that sort of thing, THEN you talk to them.

But like I said, I'm not in a trusting frame of mind today.

~Simone

Uhm...If I may....Via personal experience...It's a very common mistake to assume that your school counselor is sworn to secrecy..They aren't. I also think that coming out any age before sixteen when you can have a steady job isn't the best of ideas...I'm not a TS...then again...I still have no idea what I am...but in the worst case situation (which is bad when you're under 18) you'll wind up with no-where to go...and if you're under 18 your parents can have you commited or simply tell you to get out...and it's kind of hard to muster a savings when no place will actually employ you (Believe me, I tried when I was fifteen and sixteen to get a job and had no such luck..).

As for the counselor issue...well..yeah..I learned first hand they aren't sworn to secrecy and let's just leave it at that....Other then that...the only real advice I could hope to offer is to wait until you are older unless you are sure you parents are comfortable with it...drop hints, ask them what they think about it or what not before just coming out about it...not everyone is going to be accepting...

All cases are very different. You can't really have a standard FAQ. Not everyone has a 'coming out' stage.....some of us have always been the same as we are now, even when we were younger.......I didn't 'come out'....I was already there.....

Sure everyone is different Berliegh, I agree with you, but I think it would be possible to have
some guide or FAQ, maybe just this thread that they can read and gain some insight. I know
we can't address every situation, but that's not what a FAQ is... it's the most frequent questions.

And I am talking about young teens, that have not done a lot of research, that are not sure
about things. You are maybe luckier than most, because you had a good idea (it sounds like) of what you
were about, I was not and I think a lot of young kids are not from the posts I see here.

Amanda

Hi,

I agree and coming out is common for a lot of people and it is life changing so we are afraid. Some people need parent's support, finances etc. Answers to questions and other's experience help build confidence, knowing you are not alone.

For me, the pressure is building because I have exams and depression doesn't help. Answers would help build my confidence in coming out and in my education.

In regards to school counsellers, in the UK at least, they are forced to keep it confidential, unless they think the information will hurt you then they will tell a specified teacher (they ask for your permission first anyway).

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

Do you think a guide or FAQ would be helpful when you first got here or
do you get enough from reading posts?

Amanda

Ah...In America since you're underaged I believe they can tell your parents everything.....But I might have just had a stupid counselor when I was younger or something..

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 10, 2008, 11:51:20 AM
Hi Sarah,

Do you think a guide or FAQ would be helpful when you first got here or
do you get enough from reading posts?

Amanda

Hi,

I thnk reading post was great, but a FAQ would make it even better and easier for people.

Sarah