My day should have been great, because last night my friends threw a surprise  "getting your balls taken" party, and it was a great evening with lots of laughter, and happiness!

Needles to say that I slept in this morning, and that must have given estrogen it's time to mess with my emotions!  I started to cry, I did not have a real reason, and then I cried more because I was so sad that I was crying.  Later I cried because of my failed marriage, and then about the dead born child we had, and about everything (writing this, the tears are starting to run again), about the fact that my parents did not have had the chance to see me as a woman, and  they had wished so much that I would have been a girl.  Now I am a woman, and they can't see it!
I did not get dressed at all, and stayed most of the time in bed and kept on weeping.  Later today a friend came by to see what is going on, because I did not answer the trigger call, and she held me in her arms for a while.  That felt good, but made me crying even more!
I never had a period of total sadness like this one, and I have no idea what is going on with me?  Every really sad event of my life floated to the top, and was another reason to cry about!
I was always the tough guy, who did not cry, and now I have become a cry baby!
Did you girls experience anything like this?

I am so sorry you had a bad day.
There will always be days like this. But the sun will shine strong again.

Hugs

AJ

I did have a few weepy days, tho with everything you have dealt with crying seems a natural response.

Linde, we all have bad days from time to time. I think this is even harder on women like us who had to stay hidden for decades. We missed out on a great many things, and much of what we missed can't be replaced. Many of us have also lost friends and relatives. We can't dwell on what we missed out on, nor on those who have abandoned us. Be the person you always wanted to be, and don't let anyone tell you who you are. We have earned the right to be happy. Look towards your future, find joy in finally being free to be yourself!

Thank you ladies!  I actually have to cry pretty soon, because I feel the warmth in your answers!
I am over it today, just had to let all the sorrows of the world out yesterday.  My male ego did not allows that for decades, because I learned that real man don't cry!  And I wanted to be a real man so badly!

I have a fun day ahead of me!  My girlfriend (the one who did my makeup) will do my hair today, and after that the two of us go out into town to do some shopping.
Finally a day enjoying a woman's mind!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 11, 2019, 09:48:21 AM
Thank you ladies!  I actually have to cry pretty soon, because I feel the warmth in your answers!
I am over it today, just had to let all the sorrows of the world out yesterday.  My male ego did not allows that for decades, because I learned that real man don't cry! And I wanted to be a real man so badly!

I have a fun day ahead of me!  My girlfriend (the one who did my makeup) will do my hair today, and after that the two of us go out into town to do some shopping.
Finally a day enjoying a woman's mind!

My wife had mentioned that since I'd started hrt I had become more emotional. 
My response was "yes, I wasn't allowed that as a man and now I can".
It is true though that my emotions are heightened at times and I think my medications can have that effect occasionally.

I'm happy that you have found your smile again, being out and about expressing your true self can be so affirming.

Hugs and smiles, Jessica

Quote from: Dietlind on February 11, 2019, 09:48:21 AM
Thank you ladies!  I actually have to cry pretty soon, because I feel the warmth in your answers!
I am over it today, just had to let all the sorrows of the world out yesterday.  My male ego did not allows that for decades, because I learned that real man don't cry!  And I wanted to be a real man so badly!

I have a fun day ahead of me!  My girlfriend (the one who did my makeup) will do my hair today, and after that the two of us go out into town to do some shopping.
Finally a day enjoying a woman's mind!

@Dietlind
Dear Linde:
I read your earlier original message on your thread here and I immediately identified with the crying spells that you are having.  For sure we can blame it on hormones but also on all of the deeply emotional experience we are going through.

Yes indeed long spells of crying will do wonders getting all of that out of our systems...
            Today is a new day.

You have all kinds of pleasantly female things to do today, that will help to improve your mod for sure.
I love having my hair done...  perhaps you might consider a mani-pedi in addition to your hair done.  ...
... and then some shopping... nothing better that girls going out shopping to improve your spirits.

Enjoy your girl's day out....   have a great day and be sure to give us an update about your day today.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

Glad you are feeling better! 
Have a wonderful day

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on February 11, 2019, 10:11:11 AM

Yes indeed long spells of crying will do wonders getting all of that out of our systems...

Yes indeed sometimes it's the best medicine .  . . a bereaving which has to be done . . . in finally saying goodbye to that painful "him"? CONGRATS job well done!

When you share what happened and then tell us that you usually are a tough guy and are not used to feeling this intense and crying so much. Then my first thought is that you have hold in and hold on for so long time. You might not have processed all these feelings and experienced and now they all come up to the surface at once. It is intense.

We all go trough better and worse hours in our lives. But we need to listen to our feelings and respect them. Respect ourselves. I feel for you. It makes me so happy to read that you have a friend that listens to you and offers you her open arms to rest in.

Hugs! <33333

Quote from: Dietlind on February 10, 2019, 07:20:16 PM
My day should have been great, because last night my friends threw a surprise  "getting your balls taken" party, and it was a great evening with lots of laughter, and happiness!

Needles to say that I slept in this morning, and that must have given estrogen it's time to mess with my emotions!  I started to cry, I did not have a real reason, and then I cried more because I was so sad that I was crying.  Later I cried because of my failed marriage, and then about the dead born child we had, and about everything (writing this, the tears are starting to run again), about the fact that my parents did not have had the chance to see me as a woman, and  they had wished so much that I would have been a girl.  Now I am a woman, and they can't see it!
I did not get dressed at all, and stayed most of the time in bed and kept on weeping.  Later today a friend came by to see what is going on, because I did not answer the trigger call, and she held me in her arms for a while.  That felt good, but made me crying even more!
I never had a period of total sadness like this one, and I have no idea what is going on with me?  Every really sad event of my life floated to the top, and was another reason to cry about!
I was always the tough guy, who did not cry, and now I have become a cry baby!
Did you girls experience anything like this?

I'm sorry you had a rough day! I have to say I had more than my fair share of days like you've just described. People who met me after primary school thought I was tough because I never cried. I have never really shown much emotion, even got commended for handling tough situations calmly.
I learned to control it, but still, when I'm alone there are moments when all of the sudden I just feel like this huge sadness approaching and then the crying starts sooner rather than later and usually that takes me even deeper until I'm a sobbing mess the whole day. And I'm not on hormones, I'm afraid that HRT will make this worse and I'll just start crying at work for example.
But there is an upside, usually after these days I feel a lot better than before. Hope you will feel better too!

Sorry you had a sad day. I have my moments on HRT that are very emotional but would not give them up for the world.

I hope tomorrow is better.

I think HRT expands our universe.  Before HRT I had "binary" emotions.  Angry or Not...  Crying, feeling empathy and 10,000 other emotions is a huge gift that we don't even know we lacked.   

I'm no doctor but would suggest one thing.  If the not getting out of bed thing becomes a frequent thing don't be afraid to talk to your doctor.  This could be a sign of depression.  I know you have had some serious bumps in your road to where you are now.  I really did need to talk to someone about it and this can be a life saver to identify and treat.

Feel better!  You Rock!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 10, 2019, 07:20:16 PM
My day should have been great, because last night my friends threw a surprise  "getting your balls taken" party, and it was a great evening with lots of laughter, and happiness!

Needles to say that I slept in this morning, and that must have given estrogen it's time to mess with my emotions!  I started to cry, I did not have a real reason, and then I cried more because I was so sad that I was crying.  Later I cried because of my failed marriage, and then about the dead born child we had, and about everything (writing this, the tears are starting to run again), about the fact that my parents did not have had the chance to see me as a woman, and  they had wished so much that I would have been a girl.  Now I am a woman, and they can't see it!
I did not get dressed at all, and stayed most of the time in bed and kept on weeping.  Later today a friend came by to see what is going on, because I did not answer the trigger call, and she held me in her arms for a while.  That felt good, but made me crying even more!
I never had a period of total sadness like this one, and I have no idea what is going on with me?  Every really sad event of my life floated to the top, and was another reason to cry about!
I was always the tough guy, who did not cry, and now I have become a cry baby!
Did you girls experience anything like this?

Every now and then there are just days where girls cry. Last Friday I went through the pain of losing my cousin to suicide all over again after four years. It's not easy and if I talk about it too much I'm going to tear up again.

Try to focus on the more positive things in your life though. It's not good to focus on negative things for too long.

Hugs

Hi Linde

Days like you have had are awful and can be really hard to deal with. I can understand you wanting to just stay in bed and not face the world. It can really bring you down when you start to think about the loss you experience from not being able to live as who you are for so many years. Family are the hardest because it invokes in us all sorts of very deep personal me dories and emotions.

Take it easy on yourself and maybe it a day for just looking after you. Do things that are going take you happy and no one else. Sometimes we need to take the time to make ourselves happy.

Hugs

Liz


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

My head is covered now with curly waves, and nobody can make the mistake to call that a male hair do anymore!
I bought some green cargo capris with embroidered flowers on one leg, and a fitting top with lots of lace (I am a sucker for lace) that is so gorgeous that I would like to wear it tonight, and just sleep sitting up to not get it wrinkled!

Life is good!
Thank you ladies again for allowing me to cry a little bit on your shoulders!
Lots of hugs!
Linde

Happy you're doing better.  Sometimes all it takes is something new to make you smile.

Hugs, Jess

Quote from: Swedishgirl96 on February 11, 2019, 01:24:00 PM
When you share what happened and then tell us that you usually are a tough guy and are not used to feeling this intense and crying so much. Then my first thought is that you have hold in and hold on for so long time. You might not have processed all these feelings and experienced and now they all come up to the surface at once. It is intense.

We all go trough better and worse hours in our lives. But we need to listen to our feelings and respect them. Respect ourselves. I feel for you. It makes me so happy to read that you have a friend that listens to you and offers you her open arms to rest in.

Hugs! <33333

Yes, it all came to the top !  I had a solid 8 or 9 hours crying session!  I cried more yesterday than I did in the last 10 or 20 years combined!

Since the 'hormones' have taken hold I have "Moments" where I curl up in the bathroom floor and just grieve. 

I grieve all sorts of things; the pains I've compartmentalized (as a man) and couldn't allow myself to feel; the grief I shared from others; and the happiness I missed.

Yes the lows are lower; but the highs are much higher.   

I can now, truly share the triumphs & shortcomings of my grand children.  I can emotionally share the grief of a family, when singing at church, for their remembrance of a loved one's Godly life.  I can cry for a happy ending to a movie.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Yes, we've compartmentalized, and buried so much.  Because we are women in mind & heart; it, really, messes us up. 

Your day in pain was, unfortunately, desperately needed by your soul.  You walked through the darkness and came out of it to the light.   

I'm so happy for you!!!!

Yes, I've had many of those days; and yes the sun always comes out - tomorrow.

Kate


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I describe it in my head as emotional release and the longer I keep it inside of me the longer I cry. I have had a couple of spontaneous moments of just bursting into tears, but after it's done I feel very good like a weight has been lifted off of me. I have cried about all sorts of things from watching porn to seeing sad tv commercials. The weirdest thing is I cry from sexual activity, and my emotions are weird lol. For instance I could feel undeserving or I could feel amazing. It seems to be normal, and has not been a issue. I can also relate to people on a emotional level now. It's probably because I used to be so depressed and locked up in side that I just never saw it.
Anyway, I hope you feel better, and if I met you I would hug you.