Quote from: Dietlind on February 11, 2019, 09:02:07 PM
Yes, it all came to the top !  I had a solid 8 or 9 hours crying session!  I cried more yesterday than I did in the last 10 or 20 years combined!

I am glad that you are feeling better.

Thank you again ladies.  Your virtual shoulder are great to cry on, and your virtual hugs feel really good.

I seem to be not fully over it, bcause when I think about my crying, I could start again because I am so sad that I felt so sad!

 Sigh...



There ya go. Sorry I am just not big on pictures of me. Nothing to show off but my hair and today it was pretty flat. So, anyway.
Take care,
Michelle

Linde,

For being on Estradiol for only 3 months, you are now experiencing the emotional roller coaster many of us talk about.

We all have regrets and sadness concerning our past life experiences. It is just now that our emotional response swings to much higher and lower levels than before Estradiol. I hope that you will become more able to hold up under the low end with time.

Take care 

Quote from: IAmM on February 12, 2019, 12:48:25 AM
Sigh...



There ya go. Sorry I am just not big on pictures of me. Nothing to show off but my hair and today it was pretty flat. So, anyway.
Take care,
Michelle

I like the girl I see in that picture!

Linde dear, you are finally feeling the effects of HRT that you have been waiting for!  For the first time in your life your body and your soul are coming into agreement!   Congratulations on your first deep experience of total womanhood!    I am happy for you.

Thank you Dani and Dorit.  My cis friend, who hugged me, told me that is what I have to go through once a month!

It actually felt good to just allow the sadness to flow out!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 12, 2019, 12:18:29 PM
Thank you Dani and Dorit.  My cis friend, who hugged me, told me that is what I have to go through once a month!

It actually felt good to just allow the sadness to flow out!

I get the monthly visitor in any combination of abdominal cramps, soreness, headaches, mood swings and bloating. Still no ability to have a kid though ... ick  :-p

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 12, 2019, 12:47:11 PM
I get the monthly visitor in any combination of abdominal cramps, soreness, headaches, mood swings and bloating. Still no ability to have a kid though ... ick  :-p

You always can adopt one!  It is way easier with the labor pain!

I don't know what is in store for me, because I don't really know how much female stuff is hidden inside me, and which is just waiting to have the estrogen levels right to come out, and claim their share to be seen/felt!.  I cannot get a period anymore, because I had my menopause long ago, but I am a little concerned about osteoporosis, and some other stuff older women can get!  Palpating my boobs is easy, because I used to teach that to cis women!
I think, I have just to go with the flow!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 12, 2019, 01:04:12 PM
You always can adopt one!  It is way easier with the labor pain!

I don't know what is in store for me, because I don't really know how much female stuff is hidden inside me, and which is just waiting to have the estrogen levels right to come out, and claim their share to be seen/felt!.  I cannot get a period anymore, because I had my menopause long ago, but I am a little concerned about osteoporosis, and some other stuff older women can get!  Palpating my boobs is easy, because I used to teach that to cis women!
I think, I have just to go with the flow!

Once we get moved in I'll look into it.

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 12, 2019, 01:21:53 PM
Once we get moved in I'll look into it.

I hink you have to be married to be able to adopt, but I don't know for sure how it is these days. We had looked into it, and being married was one of the prerequisites.

Quote from: Dietlind on February 12, 2019, 11:51:56 AM
I like the girl I see in that picture!

Thank you. I kind of like her now too even though she is nothing special.

Going to delete her soon though, just feels weird have my picture where others can see. Why would anyone besides me care to look at pictures of me? I don't have a need for it either really. Thank you for being so kind!

I am glad you are feeling better.

It takes time to get a handle on E. When you think you have it under control then you see a cute puppy

The past is difficult for many of us. I understand you pain.

Quote from: IAmM on February 12, 2019, 04:47:38 PM
Thank you. I kind of like her now too even though she is nothing special.

Going to delete her soon though, just feels weird have my picture where others can see. Why would anyone besides me care to look at pictures of me? I don't have a need for it either really. Thank you for being so kind!

Because most everybody likes to see pictures of good looking women!  It can be an inspiration, or a guidance, nothing wrong with leaving it up!

Hello again Linde

Sorry to read of your prolonged crying spell but relieved that you are now feeling better.

I have not had any prolonged crying spells but several short ones. It a strange thing the mind - we get flash backs of previous unhappy events and relive them again and again and this makes us cry or we mourn that we missed out on so much because we had to live a false life for so long.

On the other hand whereas we never wish to undergo pain, the good times are better and much more frequent than the previous good times as we are no longer living and acting a false life. Emotions become on a high!

Enjoy today, the remainder of February and the remainder of the year!

Hugs

Pamela  xx

Quote from: pamelatransuk on February 14, 2019, 05:54:26 AM
Hello again Linde

Sorry to read of your prolonged crying spell but relieved that you are now feeling better.

I have not had any prolonged crying spells but several short ones. It a strange thing the mind - we get flash backs of previous unhappy events and relive them again and again and this makes us cry or we mourn that we missed out on so much because we had to live a false life for so long.

On the other hand whereas we never wish to undergo pain, the good times are better and much more frequent than the previous good times as we are no longer living and acting a false life. Emotions become on a high!

Enjoy today, the remainder of February and the remainder of the year!

Hugs

Pamela  xx

Thanks Pamel!  i fell pretty good again!
My next big event is the I am loosing my balls day on the 22nd.

That always reminds me of a song they played on BFBS (British Forces Broadcasting Service - I was born and raised in the shadow of the British Headquarters of the Northern Rhine Army), and BFBS was our most listened station.  They had a morning show that always started with a song called  "How's your parts".  And the song was followed with an almost X rated,. but very hilarious report of the people on their parts!  Whenever the term "parts" in relation to THE parts comes up, I remember that show!
People have funny key experiences they carry with them through their entire life!

I can't help but wonder if there is a connection between clinical anxiety/depression and gender dysphoria. All the suppression of feeling and self loathing spread out over years (in my case decades) had to cause problems. And anxiety/depression are normal for someone living under the chronic stress of being different.  .

I've noticed since I finally was "man enough" (lol) to acknowledge my transgender needs, even if only to myself, my moods and thoughts are happier and life is better.

Now my stressors, with the exception of chronic stressors like fear and hiding, are more acute in nature - i.e "where the HELL are my car keys"

I still have my bad, sad, hard days, Linde. I suspect I always will.

I'm glad you're doing better! Just know it's normal. And keep talking it out, hon.

Xo

Quote from: Lexi B on February 22, 2019, 02:36:46 PM
I can't help but wonder if there is a connection between clinical anxiety/depression and gender dysphoria. All the suppression of feeling and self loathing spread out over years (in my case decades) had to cause problems. And anxiety/depression are normal for someone living under the chronic stress of being different.  .

I've noticed since I finally was "man enough" (lol) to acknowledge my transgender needs, even if only to myself, my moods and thoughts are happier and life is better.

Now my stressors, with the exception of chronic stressors like fear and hiding, are more acute in nature - i.e "where the HELL are my car keys"

I still have my bad, sad, hard days, Linde. I suspect I always will.

I'm glad you're doing better! Just know it's normal. And keep talking it out, hon.

Xo

I would definitely second a link between the two. Anxiety and stress easily are higher while in guy mode.

Quote from: AoifeB on February 22, 2019, 05:55:23 PM
I would definitely second a link between the two. Anxiety and stress easily are higher while in guy mode.

Mine too!! I think it's the fear of the unknowns and "dad mode" where i tend to look out for my family's happiness first. And wishing I could look in the mirror everyday and see my true self, whomever she is.

Quote from: Lexi B on February 22, 2019, 06:14:54 PM
Mine too!! I think it's the fear of the unknowns and "dad mode" where i tend to look out for my family's happiness first. And wishing I could look in the mirror everyday and see my true self, whomever she is.

A year ago, I was a bit concerned about going out while "crossdressing". Now I just stroll around in leggings and a tank top without a second thought, but in my old guy jeans and a t shirt and I'm close to losing it.