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Gabrielle Vs The Cliff

Started by Gabrielle66, September 28, 2018, 03:35:00 PM

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randim

Congratulation Gabrielle!  I think it will be really helpful to you.  Online support is wonderful, but there is something different about face-to-face contact.  Good luck!
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Gabrielle66

Quote from: randim on February 07, 2019, 09:56:23 AM
Congratulation Gabrielle!  I think it will be really helpful to you.  Online support is wonderful, but there is something different about face-to-face contact.  Good luck!

I couldn't agree more. I love talking with all of you but there is not substitute for seeing a smile and even getting a hug from time to time. Now I have to admit that I am nervous and excited at the same time. Since this is so close to the time that I work, I won't be able to change clothes or do anything really to switch from male mode before the meeting. I would really like to be able to go dressed en femme. Maybe down the line I can figure that out. For now, I am just so happy to have found a support group to attend. Love and faith.

Gabrielle
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Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Gabrielle66 on February 06, 2019, 07:20:58 PM
I found a support group! In fact it's only a couple of blocks from my therapist and less than a mile from my work. They meet every Tuesday night. I'm excited to meet some other people that I can identify with. I'm going to try to be there next week. I'm super excited! Love and faith.

Gabrielle

@gabrielle
Dear Gabrielle:
This is an absolutely important and helpful step for you and for any transitioner....  to meet others that are like-minded and in similar transition journeys as our own.

The Susan's Place Forums
is exactly that sort of a thing and has been so helpful to our members here as we all share our stories, our successes, our discouragements and disappointments, etc...

Wishing you well with your involvement in your new support group...
... and the very good news is that it is very near your Therapist and near to where you work...
very handy indeed!!!!

Thank you for sharing your good report with all of us....  I am very happy for you.
HUGS and well wishes,
Danielle
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I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
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I am 45 years old and Single

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  •  

Gabrielle66

YAY!

I just had to share this real quick. I took my wife to dinner today at the local buffet. When the server, who has seen us many times before, asked how are you ladies tonight? This is a first for me and I smiled all evening. So just something positive to end the weekend on. Love and faith.

Gabrielle
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Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Gabrielle66 on February 10, 2019, 10:08:12 PM
YAY!

I just had to share this real quick. I took my wife to dinner today at the local buffet. When the server, who has seen us many times before, asked how are you ladies tonight? This is a first for me and I smiled all evening. So just something positive to end the weekend on. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

@Gabrielle66
Dear Gabrielle:
Thank you for sharing your terrific news regarding your wonderful and proper gendering from the food server when you were out to dinner with your wife.

Moments like this are very memorable for any transiitoner.  This is something that I also would have written about here on the Forums, and also my personal pen & paper journal.

Thank you for posting this great event in your transition life.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
****Help support this website by:
Subscribing !     and/or by    Donating !

❤️❤️❤️  Check out my Personal Blog Threads below
to read more details about me and my life.
  ❤️❤️❤️
             (Click Links below):  [Oldest first]
  Aspiringperson is now Alaskan Danielle    
           I am the Hunted Prey : Danielle's Chronicles    
                  A New Chapter: Alaskan Danielle's Chronicles    
                             Danielle's Continuing Life Adventures
I started HRT March 2015 and
I've been Full-Time since December 2016.
I love living in a small town in Alaska
I am 45 years old and Single

        Email:  --->  alaskandanielle@
                             yahoo.com
  •  

jkredman

Gabrielle:

Congrats on 'male fail'

I pray your wife was able to share your joy!!!?

Kate


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Kate
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Gabrielle66

Here is my brief rundown about my support group last night. I was very apprehensive going in. I don't handle new things well many times and this had me stressed even though I was fairly sure that I would get acceptance. Thankfully, I met several wonderful folks. We shared a few stories and I am planning on going again next Tuesday. There was an older lady by the name of Michelle who brought her little support dog with her. She is 65 and just had her surgery last year. She seems to have been through a lot and I am hoping will be able to give me some meaningful advice and perhaps some tips about local resources like a hair stylist and maybe a good place for hair removal. It would be nice to have a tangible recommendation about a potential service provider. Including myself there were four MTF transwomen and there was one FTM transman. There were several gay men and in general just a nice mix of people. I am happy to have found a group of people to get to know and hopefully I will be able to call friends. Everybody take care of yourselves and have the very best day that you can. Love and faith.

Gabrielle
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Gabrielle66

Quote from: jkredman on February 11, 2019, 08:29:38 PM
Gabrielle:

Congrats on 'male fail'

I pray your wife was able to share your joy!!!?

Kate


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She may not truly share my joy in it but she was able to appreciate how it made me feel. That's a start I suppose.

Gabrielle
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Gabrielle66

Hey, I'm just checking in. I know it's been a bit since I posted. Things are happening and I have to admit that I'm both terrified and ecstatic. I have a referral for an endocrinologist in the works now. I'm not sure how soon I will get in but I'm very anxious to have my first dose. That being said my wife is not. The struggle continues there.

So I wanted to ask a question for those of you who can recall what it was like to be at my stage. Pre hrt, but the referral was assured. I just have to ask if any of you found yourselves sexually aroused by the idea of beginning hrt? Maybe I'm an anomoly but I find myself to be in an almost constant state of arousal since I have had my doctor appointment last week where I obtained my referral. Even my nipples are almost always hard. I realize this is an odd question but I am very curious to hear any feedback. If you would rather pm me instead of posting in my thread then I'm fine with that.

Thanks so much in advance for your comments. Take care of yourselves. Talk to you all again really soon. Love and faith.

Gabrielle
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LizK

Quote from: Gabrielle66 on March 27, 2019, 12:36:45 AM
Hey, I'm just checking in. I know it's been a bit since I posted. Things are happening and I have to admit that I'm both terrified and ecstatic. I have a referral for an endocrinologist in the works now. I'm not sure how soon I will get in but I'm very anxious to have my first dose. That being said my wife is not. The struggle continues there.

So I wanted to ask a question for those of you who can recall what it was like to be at my stage. Pre hrt, but the referral was assured. I just have to ask if any of you found yourselves sexually aroused by the idea of beginning hrt? Maybe I'm an anomoly but I find myself to be in an almost constant state of arousal since I have had my doctor appointment last week where I obtained my referral. Even my nipples are almost always hard. I realize this is an odd question but I am very curious to hear any feedback. If you would rather pm me instead of posting in my thread then I'm fine with that.

Thanks so much in advance for your comments. Take care of yourselves. Talk to you all again really soon. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

Hi Gabrielle

I have to say from memory I was not "turned on" by the thought of HRT. I don't remember feeling anything sexually in regards to the prospect. Once on HRT I certainly got curious but that was about it. I would encourage you to talk this out with your therapist if its bothering you...maybe you need to explore this a bit more....Good luck with whatever you do and I hope HRT works out great for you.

Liz 
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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KathyLauren

First things first: congratulations on the endo referral!

I don't recall being particularly aroused while waiting for HRT.  But then, I was 62 at the time. ;)  I remember being cautiously optimistic, and both patient and impatient at the same time.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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jkredman

Congratulations on the Endo referral.

For me, no arousal, but excitement.  I described it to my therapist as "being high on the HOPium."

I can't say it often enough.  I've finally found peace with myself.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Kate


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Kate
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Jeal

Quote from: Gabrielle66 on March 27, 2019, 12:36:45 AM
I just have to ask if any of you found yourselves sexually aroused by the idea of beginning hrt? Maybe I'm an anomoly but I find myself to be in an almost constant state of arousal since I have had my doctor appointment last week where I obtained my referral...

Hi Gabrielle,

Congratulations on taking a big step forward! 

I think I was too scared to feel aroused. I just remember a strange mixture of excitement and fear; I either wanted to hide in a closet or dance a jig (quite literally, que Julie Fowlis).  The day I saw my endocrinologist felt like my birthday, even though I had hardly slept due to  a huge meltdown between my wife and I over it.

Until actually being on HRT a while I definitely would get aroused when presenting/imagining myself as female. Now, after some time on HRT, I just feel more calm and optimistic.  I'm really relieved, because I have always found my sex drive at the least an annoyance, and at worst something monstrous I wanted to rid myself of.  I've read some people's accounts that HRT increased their sex drive, maybe because of depression lifting?  I still have access to arousal, it is just not a constant background noise. I just feel like snuggling puppies :D

Good Luck!!!

Jael
Trans-cendental Musings Blog and Art:
https://jaelpw.wixsite.com/website


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Jessica_Rose

No arousal for me either. I remember feeling frightened, yet hopeful that this would be the answer to my decades of anger. I knew within a few months of starting HRT that this was the right path for me. I wish you the best of luck on your appointment!

Love always -- Jessica Rose
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
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GCS II - GCS II and FFS w/Dr. Ley
FFS II - Jaw and chin surgery w/Dr. Ley
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Gabrielle66

Quote from: jkredman on March 27, 2019, 08:11:11 AM
Congratulations on the Endo referral.

For me, no arousal, but excitement.  I described it to my therapist as "being high on the HOPium."

I can't say it often enough.  I've finally found peace with myself.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Kate

You know what Kate? I believe you have it right there. Ever since my epiphany I have been so anxious and depressed. Nothing has been right for me. Especially in the bedroom. Feeling a sense of freedom and jubilation, has made me feel wonderful. It's that sense of self worth that makes me feel like I can be happy again. That in turn has let loose my libido. It's a shame that I am unable to share that joy. Perhaps she will accept me again someday. I got my referral in the mail so I plan to call tomorrow. Still excited and terrified at the same time. Take care all, love and faith.

Gabrielle

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Gabrielle66

Hey ladies,

I just wanted to drop in and give a quick update. Things have been happening for me. I got my referral for the endocrinologist but had trouble getting through on the phone for an entire week. Once I got through I was told the first available appointment was in July. I got back with my insurance to see if another doctor could be contacted. The lady who handles the referrals at my doctor office said I could check around with other doctors and try to find an earlier appointment. So I found a different doctor that had an appointment available the first week of May. They are changing my referral to the doctor that has the earlier date available.

I'm excited and terrified about this new path I'm about to begin traveling. I wish that I could have some sign of blooming acceptance from my wife about where I'm heading. That hasn't happened yet but I keep hoping.

One of the ladies in my support group said she was going to start calling me Gabby because it's cute and girly. I like having a nickname. It felt really nice being there this evening. Alright that's all I had to share for the time being.Take care all of you.

Love and faith
Gabrielle
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jkredman

Hi:

"Gabby!"  I like it!

I, Kate, concede when I finally get my name legally changed it will be Kathryn.

I'm praying that as you get closer to your appointment, your apprehension is replaced with 'HOPEium'.   (High on Hopeium was a project management term we used when we thought a promise of a delivery was a bit unrealistic.)

So yes I'm praying you get your scripts, and respond to them very, very well and quickly.



I also had a problem finding an endo.  The first one that was close to me, wouldn't / couldn't see me until June of this year.

Then I had an epiphany.   I have known a trans-female, Kim, who lives in the Kansas City Area.  We worked together for 13 years.  So I called her, out of the blue, came out, and asked her who her endo was.

She first congratulated me for finally coming out.  She said I was always the most understanding and empathetic person of her, in the office.  She added she could always see some gender dysphoria in me.  She said there had to be a strong female in me to function & excel as the only male on the team.  She finished saying she thought I will be much happier facing my GD head on vs. denial and repression.  She put me in touch with her endo, and left her (the endo) a message that I would be calling for an appointment.

It's a 3 hour drive up to KC, but it's any easy drive.  I had my first appointment roughly a month later.   

My PCP, who I had come out to when I felt I had to start my medical transition, and referred me to the endo that couldn't see me for a while, was kind enough to order the labs the endo would need. 

So when I got to my endo appointment , and Patty went with me, she and I talked about my feelings, my history with the feelings, what I wanted to accomplish, my sessions with my 'Transition Coach,' and my conversation with my PCP.  She asked me if I wanted breasts.  My answer was a sheepish yes.  (Yes I hope to grow to a D cup, but it's a bit uncomfortable to discuss with your wife preasent when she's not yet fully on board.) We then went over the Labs my PCP had ordered.   It had everything covered that my endo wanted to see. 

Then she reached out to Patty and talked to her about the changes she could expect to see in me, and answered every question Patty had.

I left that first visit with scripts for Spiro and Estradiol patches.

I had a hiccup with my pharmacy plan so it took a couple of weeks to get the Estradiol filled.

I started HRT the first Sunday of December.  I didn't notice much until Christmas; 3 weeks later.  We cantor for church.  So Christmas and the Easter Triduum usually means many services in a couple or few days.

So after singing 2 Masses and finally getting home about 2 AM Christmas morning, I sat down on the sofa to relax a moment before bed.  In the quiet of the still house, with a fire burning in the Fireplace, I realized I had finally found peace with myself.  The anger, agitation, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, general feeling of being a freak or being wrong was gone.

That peaceful feeling was all I ever wanted.  I now / still have it.  And that is the best Christmas gift I've ever received.



I pray that as you find peace; Kenna, also finds peace, and realizes that when you're finally at peace, you can be more loving and attentive to her needs.

Patty struggled for months.  Then one day after a period of prayer she told me and our counselor, she understood it will be all right.

Since then, she occasionally addresses me as a woman.  We were going to a show together and she asked me; "What are we GIRLS going to wear?" After my hinitial dumbfoundness, we did coordinate our outfits with me enfemme (as close as it gets at the moment.)

She noted I am far more patient and peaceful.  She says it shows in my face.

And finally, a funny note, since I'm developing a bust:  Patty feels I need to be more modest.  I'm coming off a late in the season case of Flu A.   The Flu, along with Spiro will dehydrate you!  It caused me to end up in the ER.  Any chest pain gets you an EKG.  So when the hospital gown fell off my shoulder during the EKG, exposing my B cup breast, Patty felt it needed to be covered up, and made sure I covered it back up.


My whole purpose is to share that there more things to be excited for, than to be apprehensive about.

Praying for your success.
Kate


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Kate
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Jeal

Quote from: Gabrielle66 on April 10, 2019, 01:24:23 AM

One of the ladies in my support group said she was going to start calling me Gabby because it's cute and girly. I like having a nickname. It felt really nice being there this evening. Alright that's all I had to share for the time being.Take care all of you.


Congratulations Gabby!  I love having people call me by my future name, it is amazing how a simple thing like that can have profound effects. 

I hear you about your wife.  I will hope for the best for you and myself. 

Love,

Jael
Trans-cendental Musings Blog and Art:
https://jaelpw.wixsite.com/website


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Gabrielle66

YAY! I have my appointment set. Monday May 13th I will be taking my next big step towards authenticity. I'm so excited for this journey to start a physical manifestation. I realize that extreme physical changes are rare and take a relatively long time to show but I am praying that I will be that fortunate anomaly who has major physical changes. Developing well defined and obvious breasts are high on my list of hopes as well as a much rounder butt. I have to do my part with much more exercise. The other miracle I hope for is that my pot belly will invert to give me some key nd of an hourglass type of shape. Love and faith to all my sisters.

Gabrielle
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jkredman

Gabby

Congrats!

Get a couple of sports bras.   Your 'girls' will become very sensitive to any bump or rub.  [emoji849]

Kate




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