The last snarky part aside, that all sounds great, Sara!

The fact of the matter is, qualifications, experience, philosophy...all are important with a psychologist, but nothing matters if there isn't a personal connection. So hopefully you're on your way!

Love,
Allie

Sara,

I am very happy that you found a therapist that you click with. It is so important.

Good luck with your upcoming surgery.

Ellen

Quote from: EllenW on January 16, 2024, 09:56:05 PMSara,
I am very happy that you found a therapist that you click with. It is so important.
Good luck with your upcoming surgery.
Ellen

Agreed.  The therapist is a good tool, if you click.  Safe Journey, dear!

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 14, 2024, 12:25:39 AMI suggest that you have a discussion with Athena (BG) about PTSD. I didn't think I had it either, but she had some interesting insights that seemed to explain a lot. 

I finally got around to talking to Athena about this yesterday, and as usual, she had some intelligent thoughts on the subject.

QuoteCPTSD, or complex post-traumatic stress disorder, is the recognition that PTSD is not always the result of a single, horrible traumatic event like a car accident.  It can also result from a long-term barrage of traumatic events that individually may not seem all that bad.  This is what provides the complexity.  Another component is the feeling of being hopelessly trapped in the situation that causes / caused these tribulations.

Uh, yeah.  Why don't you just describe the back-story of every single person on this site, Athena? 

I just thought I'd pass that on...

---------

On a different note, I'm feeling pretty good this week.  I surprise myself sometimes at how quickly I can bounce back after a disappointment.  I'm proud of that.

~Sara

Quote from: Jessica_K on January 16, 2024, 08:18:28 PMI have just caught up on your new blog Sara, and sorry to hear your woes. We are always our worst enemy.

Thanks, Jessica --

I noticed that I have had a bit more of a "woe is me" tone over the past couple weeks.  I need to do a better job of balanced reporting.  I'm actually doing pretty well. 

It's funny -- on my first blog, I sometimes felt like I was only reporting on the good things that happened.  I sometimes would need to go out of my way to report on the negatives in order to give everyone a more accurate picture.  The last thing I wanted to do was give someone the idea that transition would be all gumdrops and rainbows.  I fear that I may be doing the opposite here LOL.

I'm sure that within the next few weeks, my writing will go back to the old "Happy Sara" that has to be toned down a bit  !

~Sara

Yes, a good therapist that can give you clarity is very important.
If you can relate well with the therapist, that is a really good thing for sure.
This was extremely helpful for me to gain self acceptance.


Chrissy

Yes it's a wild ride, just basically read your blog and I'm astounded, sad and angry at the injustice you have suffered.  I will be here and thinking of you, as you approach that all important date.

Those of us, who go through with it, finally realize the peace and contentment that never existed before, well I was one, before I went back to sleep the second time after coming out of surgery.

Best wishes for the future
Sarah B

Quote from: Sarah B on January 17, 2024, 09:55:49 PMYes it's a wild ride, just basically read your blog and I'm astounded, sad and angry at the injustice you have suffered.  I will be here and thinking of you, as you approach that all important date.

Thanks, Sarah.  I actually feel a bit sheepish when people on the site single me out as having suffered injustice.  I feel as though we ALL suffer here.  Those of us who transitioned many years ago had different (and likely more) difficulties than those of us who have done so more recently.  Those of us who have chosen NOT to transition suffer a completely DIFFERENT type of injustice.

I am lucky to have a very large support network.  I also feel like I have an easier time than most because I'm only 5'7" with small hands and feet  .  It makes "blending in" a lot easier.  I am grateful for the life I have had and the future I have in front of me.  Nobody needs to ever feel sorry for me.

It's difficult to break my spirit...

~Sara

So, last night was interesting...

There was a happy hour scheduled with one of my new lesbian hangout groups, and the venue was the scene of the crime when I was "outed" by that horrible person a couple weeks ago.  There's a Facebook group for coordinating the monthly meetup, and when I had last looked there were 8 people going with another 4 "maybes".

The main organizer of the group is a really fun woman named Stephanie.  It turns out that there were some layoffs at her workplace yesterday, and she had to skip out on the happy hour because of the drama at work.  As soon as word got out that Stephanie wasn't going to be there, many others bailed as well.  I had no idea this was happening, so I showed up as planned.  When I got to the bar, there was just one other woman.  Luckily, I already knew Casey from "Chick Happy Hour" a couple weeks ago, so it wasn't awkward!  We just had dinner, wine, and a good time hanging out.

Truthfully, I think it worked out better than if there had been a lot of people.  I can get lost in the shuffle when there are a lot of folks talking because of my hearing problem.  If it gets too crazy, I can get myself into a situation where I can't understand ANYTHING that is being said.  I just smile and nod like a person in a foreign country who doesn't know the language.

It was a fun night.  I'm glad I was able to quickly replace the bad memory of that place with a new and better one.

~Sara

That sounds great, Sara. Next time, having someone there you already have somewhat of a relationship with makes interacting with the group as a whole a bit more comfortable. Plus, it's always nice to make a new friend!

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 01:31:28 PMThanks, Sarah.  I actually feel a bit sheepish when people on the site single me out as having suffered injustice.

Please don't feel embarrassed, and thank you Sara, for your thoughts on the way things are at present.  It's appreciated from me hearing the stories from members of Susan's who bear their souls online.  Again I'm sorry that you were publicly humiliated, this and in itself is an injustice, please do not downplay this issue.

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 01:31:28 PMI feel as though we ALL suffer here.  Those of us who transitioned many years ago had different (and likely more) difficulties than those of us who have done so more recently.

I was going to reply with a long response to this, but this is your blog, so I have turned that response into a general one about me and why I have never suffered.  One can access it by clicking on the following link "Never Ever" however I must emphasize, I have never suffered, when I changed my life around so that I could live my life as a female or how I wanted too.

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 01:31:28 PMThose of us who have chosen NOT to transition suffer a completely DIFFERENT type of injustice.

You are right and regardless of the decision they make, one has to accept their decision or else it would make us hypocrites.

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 01:31:28 PMI am lucky to have a very large support network.  I also feel like I have an easier time than most because I'm only 5'7" with small hands and feet  .  It makes "blending in" a lot easier.  I am grateful for the life I have had and the future I have in front of me.  Nobody needs to ever feel sorry for me.

I do not have the support network that you have and for 20 years after surgery I did not have any support, I was OK with this.  In a sense I guess Susan's is a place that I can come to for support, even after being 10 years away from Susan's.  My friends and family are my support and if my past needs to be discussed with my family, they know that they can ask me if they want.  I will not hide it from them.

Me too in terms of height, I'm 5'8" (173cm), with average hands that help with swimming and unfortunately, I have big feet which makes it hard to find shoes that will fit me.  I cannot, always be lucky, lucky I do not have a fetish for shoes!

Blending in has never been a problem for me.  I'm also very grateful for the life that I have including my past and I know that my future regardless of how it turns out and to flog a dead horse, I will always be eternally grateful to my surgeon, who gave me the life I now lead.

In my heart from reading your post, I know you will have a great future, guaranteed.  Me feel sorry for you, no way, from what you have achieved, there's no need to feel sorry for you.

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 01:31:28 PMIt's difficult to break my spirit...

~Sara

That's the spirit girl!

Best wishes
Sarah B

Quote from: TXSara on January 09, 2024, 01:57:51 PMSpeaking of chipping away at my self-confidence...

I attended a luncheon called "Blue Tuesday" today that was set up by a local liberal women's group.  There was a speaker there that talked about the different things that are currently going on in the state w.r.t. child protective service along with some other issues.  There were about 25 of us there, and it was my first time being there with the group.

The lunch was really nice until people started raising their hands and commenting.  One particular lady started her comment out by saying, "Well, we're all well-educated women here... well, all except for the one man who has joined us.." pointing in my direction.  I don't even know what she said after that.  It was all a blur.  Did I hear her correctly?  No joke, I turned around to see if there was a man who had come into the room and sat behind me.  Nope.

Folks, this one cut deep.  I think this is the first time I have EVER been outed by a stranger to a larger group of people.  I would have NEVER expected it from a member of the LWCC (Liberal Women of Collin County) group.  I sat there, just trying to hold it in for the rest of the luncheon.  Luckily we were done eating at that point, and I only needed to make it about 10 minutes.  When I got to my car, I broke down.

What was the point of doing that?  It didn't add anything to her comment at all.  It was just a mean-spirited thing for her to say, essentially letting me know that I wasn't a "real" woman and I didn't belong there.

I won't be going back.

~Sara

This is awful.  I am sorry you had to endure this very unkind action. 


Hugs,

Chrissy

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 01:46:54 PMIt was a fun night.  I'm glad I was able to quickly replace the bad memory of that place with a new and better one.

~Sara

Good to hear, that you had a good time.

Best wishes
Sarah B

Well, I finished my first book on attachment theory.  I'm now on a second one.  This one is called "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.

Where the first book took the view of "we need to heal our anxious attachment to become more secure", the second one seems to see the attachment styles as more innate.  The idea of the second book is more to understand yourself and what it is you need without feeling guilt or shame.

A couple quotes from "Attached":

QuoteAttachment principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.  When their emotional needs are met, and the earlier the better, they usually turn their attention outward.  This is sometimes referred to in attachment literature as "the dependency paradox".  The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become.

QuoteWe live in a culture that seems to scorn basic needs for intimacy, closeness, and especially dependency while exalting independence.  We tend to accept this attitude as truth to our own detriment.  This erroneous belief that all people should be emotionally self-sufficient is not new.

Interesting.  I think my perspective is sort of in the middle.  I think of the spectrum of attachment styles as being a wheel with three spokes:  In the center, there is secure attachment.  Each of the spokes are (a) anxious-preoccupied, (b) dismissive-avoidant, and (c) fearful-avoidant.  I believe that we each have a natural inclination to one of the three insecure styles, and that the level to which you find yourself along each path is tied to the integral of all your past experiences from childhood up to the present.

I know that my particular "spoke" is anxious-preoccupied.  For most of my life, I have lived very close to the center "secure" area, but under stress I'm finding that I trend farther and farther out toward "psycho girlfriend" zone.  I don't want to be a psycho, but I'm also not going to be ashamed of being me.  I'm never going to change the fact that I crave intimacy.  I don't want to change that.  It's who I am.

I hope that by putting in the work, I will find myself moving back toward that center "secure" area.

~Sara

Quote from: TXSara on January 09, 2024, 01:57:51 PMI would have NEVER expected it from a member of the LWCC (Liberal Women of Collin County) group.

It's a funny thing Sara, funny odd.  I have a few liberal acquaintances that pretend to wear their liberalism on their sleeves. They are 3 of the nastiest, most vengeful people I know. Vengeful towards people they have no business being concerned with at all. This woman obviously felt like she had to get at you for something. Something in her warped little mind. Sorry you were at the receiving end of her ire. 

Like others here pointed out though, I'm am puzzled that no one in the LWCC group called her out.  Perhaps at least we can hope, some may have in private. 

btw, Your new avatar is awesome.

Warm Regards,
Paulie

Going back to the lady at the liberal women's group who spoke out unkindly of Sara....

Some people are intolerant.  A lot of people put down others for being intolerant.  Yet many of those who criticize are tolerant only for the viewpoints and beliefs they have, thus they are hypocritical to some extent. 

This may apply to far more people than we first think, even ourselves to some extent, especially of evil.

However, Sara was just being herself and this lady's comment was unkind and unnecessary.

Chrissy

I think Sara wants to leave that moment behind.

Quote...what it is you need without feeling guilt or shame.

Sara, I read an article in "The Atlantic" decades ago that I found cogent. The author argued that guilt and shame are not synonyms. They're as equivalent as a Yugo and a Ferrari, both cars, for sure, and superficially similar, but deeply different. The author argued that guilt applies to a second scoop of ice cream, but shame comes from others and reaches into our cores. It's penetrative and painful and the pain lasts and lasts.

Quote...under stress I'm finding that I trend farther and farther out toward "psycho girlfriend" zone.

Under stress, lucidity becomes as slippery as an oiled newt. It's like the famous Mike Tyson quote about we all have a plan until we're punched in the face.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 20, 2024, 05:34:39 AMGoing back to the lady at the liberal women's group who spoke out unkindly of Sara....

Y'all aren't going to let this one go, are you? 😉  Truthfully, I was over it after just a couple days.  It's funny how some people can really hurt me and others, well, not so much.

To clear up some misunderstandings, though, I never told anyone in that group that I was trans.  This woman figured it out on her own, presumably because of my voice.  She was one of only a handful of people who heard me speak because she was standing next to the organizer when I introduced myself to her.  The only others were in my immediate vicinity at the table.

I believe that nobody said anything because most didn't understand the significance of the comment.  If you didn't know I was trans (and I imagine 75% of the people didn't), the statement didn't make sense.  The only person I saw that was visibly affected by the statement was the woman to my right who had likely figured out my transgender status as well.

I agree with the comments about people with extremely polarized political views.  I say this all the time, and I'll repeat it here... if there is an issue that people on each side feel very strongly about and believe the other side is either "evil" or "stupid", chances are pretty good that the issue is more complicated and nuanced than either side wants to believe.  Living in an echo chamber does NOBODY any good.

I worry sometimes that we, ourselves, have an echo chamber here.  I would recommend to all people that we spend time with those who disagree with us.  I don't generally change my mind about things when I hear other views, but I'm at least more inclined to "humanize" those differing views.

~Sara

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 20, 2024, 08:50:28 AMI think Sara wants to leave that moment behind.

Too funny!  Agreed.  Your post came in just as I was writing...

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 20, 2024, 08:50:28 AMUnder stress, lucidity becomes as slippery as an oiled newt. It's like the famous Mike Tyson quote about we all have a plan until we're punched in the face.

Definitely.  Aa someone who has always taken pride in my ability to stay even-keeled in the face of considerable stress, this recent "psycho girlfriend" episode really shook me up.  I have never been like that, and I don't want to be going forward.

~Sara

Hi Sara,

Trying to get caught up on blogs this morning and yours was my first stop and my first post was the thread on that nasty woman's comments.  It sounds like you are well on the other side of that but it reinforces my trepidation for any organized group.  They just seem to become tribal where some nasty person tries to make themselves look better by tearing someone else down.

It is my guess that she was threatened by the fact that you are a beautiful, gracious woman and she needed to validate herself by attempting to invalidate others.  Make no mistake, many other ladies in the room saw her for what she is. 

Hugs,

Brooke