I understand. I have noticed the same thing from the community at large. It seems being transgender isn't enough to be accepted by some. If you have different political or religious beliefs you might find yourself on the receiving end of some negative attention. I will say instances of that have been sparse here. I just avoid threads with topics that might cause such negative behavior.

Anyway, I'm glad that you're feeling better now. This is truly and exciting journey. There will no doubt be resistance, bigotry and hate directed towards me and other as we walk this path, but it's better than the depression, low self esteem and self doubt I have lived with all my life.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

Myranda,

I have been following your thread, and I feel like I can relate to you.  I too do not experience some of the same intense dysphoria that some others do.  For example, I feel my genitalia physically gets in the way, but I do not feel strongly about GRS at this point.  My view is also shaped by my age and because that I am in the very early stages of my journey.

Given that, I, nor you, are any less the women that we feel we are.  Be who you are knowing this is a journey. 

I am excited for you, and I am eager to follow your progress. Reach out if you want to talk.

Gwen

Gwen,  thank you for reaching out.  I am glad that some of my story can be related to that is very reassuring.

And Mindy,  that you again.  your words were quite comforting and helped put my mind at ease.

I was getting ready to get in the shower this morning and looking in the mirror and I could have sworn that my breasts looked a bit bigger or fuller.  So before I getting in the shower, I took out my measuring tape and it seems that I have gained an inch across my bust line since I restarted HRT.

So it's been just shy of 30-days since I restarted Estrogen.  And so far, I have not regretted that choice one bit.  When I had met with my GD back in January we had decided that it was ok to restart both Estrogen and PRogesterone at my previous dosages right away.   I was at the tail end of my Testosterone treatment and had discussed with my GD that while I wanted to restart Spirolactone, that I thought it might be better to wait until  the T treatment was fullky out of my system, so that we could compare its effects on my and monitor my blood work based in comparison to my more natural T Levels. 

Well having been on Testopel for 8 months in February my body had adjusted to it so it was taking a bit longer for it to leave my system and a month ago my T Levels were still in the 500s, when they are normally in the low 200s, and at that point  in my previous dosing they were back down to the low 300s.

But yesterday I went and got my blood work done for my GD and I am jsut waiting on my results.  I sent them a message to let them know that I h ad gotten the lab done and that I was looking forward to restarting Spiro and really wanted to examine the effects of HRT  on me mentally and emotionally when my E levels are in the normal Female ranges and my T levels are either in the normal female ranges or closer to 0.  And of course my GD is out of the office according to their automatic reply, so now I need to wait even longer...  But at least I am on Estrogen and that has helped a lot already and I feel like I am making progress or at least going in the right directions.

Good news, my GD got my results and got back to me this morning and put in my prescription for Spirolactone again, and even upped the dose from what I was on previously.  I go back for follow-up lab work in 2 months.  My GD said they thought my Estradiol serum levels were a little high and wants to check those again in 2 months.  Currently it is 282pg/ml (Reference range: < OR = 39; I assume that is for normal males, but she didn't indicate what the normal femal range should be.).  MY base line  T serum levels are 291 ng/dL (Reference for male 250-827), which I think is still a little high for me normally.  They would like to see my T below 55.

Even Better news, I was working form home today and just wearing a light cotton tee-shirt and at one point while walking around the house I looked down at my chest for some reason, and could really see my breasts and nipples protruding through my shirt.  Just took my measurements, 41inches under and a solid 43inches across my breasts.  They don't look like they have grown much since I last measured, but the numbers don't lie, nor does their "sudden" appearance under my shirt.

Wow, so I have been back on Spironolactone for a day and a half now, and while I know it is a diuretic, but I didn't expect those types of effects to kick in so soon.  I don't remember having to pee all the time when I was first on it 2 years ago when I first started HRT, so maybe it is the increased dosage that my doctor has me on.  But wow!  Hopefully it will help knock me T down quicker and really get my estrogen to kick in.

Other than I feel great.

Just a quick follow up, had a 3-month check up with my GD  this morning, still waiting on my lab results, but based upon how I am feeling, I think they will be pretty good.

Surprisingly, they asked if I wanted to switch from cycling my Progesterone to taking it daily.  I opted to do so to at least see how I feel over the course of a couple of months.  In looking back over the last 4 months sine I have been back on HRT , including Progesterone, during the days I was cycling it on, I didn't necessarily notice anything different about my mood with the exception of some minor increase in my tearing up if I heard something sad or that otherwise tugged at me emotionally, good or bad.  But that could be due to a lot of other things and I don't know if it was just confined to the days I was cycling on.  I never kept a journal about that.  So we wil l see how it goes taking it every day.  I'm pretty excited about that.

So my labs came back this morning.  Current bloodwork is from 4/10/19 and last blood work was 3/1/19.

Testosterone level is 92. Previously 291.   ng/dL

Estradiol level is 116.  Previously 282 pg/mL

It makes sense that my T level is so much lower, as I have been back on Spiro for just over a month. 

But my E dosage has not changed and my levels are significantly lower.  Last month i think I had my blood work done around 5 hours after my morning dose.  Yesterday was pretty close to 6 hours, just over.

I feel like I grew a 1/2 inch last night.  Yesterday I measured and I was 41 under, 42.5 over, and today while I was brushing my teeth, they looked noticably large and more defined, so I measured, and I was 41 under and 43 over, with very distinct shape and contour

Wow,  I knew the loss of the forums was bad, but I know I had posted a lot more, especially here.

Anyway, The last time I posted, I think it was late 2023, and I had just had a routine follow-up with my GD, and she asked me if I wanted a Referral letter for Breast Augmentation.  Up to that point I hadn't really thought about, resigned to continue to be stealthy and take things so.  But before I knew what I was saying, "Yes, OMG yes, please thank you so much"  I then immediately called my therapist and we discussed it briefly, before the holidays.  And then life got hectic and my other issues came roaring back to the forefront, and I was accidentally outed by one of my doctors when my girlfriend accompanied me to the Headache clinic to discuss my migraines.  I knew going in that it was risky =having my girlfriend accompany me in, especially expecting them to go over all the medications I was on.  But I had breathed a sigh of relief when during the check in process one of the nurse did my vitals and went over my medications, so I wasn't expecting the doctor to go over them again with me.  WRONG!

Anyway, she read off my Estrodial and Progesterone in front of my girlfriend...  Anyway that was a little bit awkward, and I kind of avoided talking about it for awhile with my therapist.  Like I said I hd other things I was working on too.  Then my birthday came around this spring, and the doctor filling in for my PCP who had recently retired, went over my medications and was absolutely amazing, incredibly supportive and understanding.  She made me feel really comfortable talking about it.  The physical went well and I was soon headed home.  NNow I leave maybe 5 minutes from my PCPs office, so as I was walking in my door, my cell phone rings and it was the doctor calling to ask me if I had ever had a mammogram, when I told her No, she said that she wasn't sure the normal protocol so she looked it up after I left, and realized that I was do for one, as I had been on Estrogen for just shy of 7 years at that point.  The put the orders in.  I was both nervous as all hell and actually kind of excited too.

I brought it up with my therapist at my next appointment and after talking about what to expect and all that, she recognized my anxiety about where I currently had it scheduled, and recommended the office that she goes to, explaining how they are extremely supportive of transgender individuals and very affirming.  I quickly changed my appointment.  Coincidentally, I had rescheduled it for the same day as my therapist had originally had hers scheduled, but she rescheduled it for vacation.

Anyway, I went this morning and in hindsight I have no idea why I was so nervous.  I felt like I was checking in for any other medical appointment.  I'm still processing it all, but I can say that it was very affirming, and reminded me how far I've come and how much I have actually developed.

I promise I'll write some more later today or tongiht.

Hello Myranda

My name is Sarah B and I would like to formally, Welcome you back to Susan's Place!

As you are aware of the crash and you have lost posts.  If any can be recovered Danielle our Forum Administrator might be able to recover them if she can.

Obviously you know your way around here.  I do know things have changed in regards to policies and term of service.

Reading your current posts I'm intrigued as to what your girlfriend said when the doctor read out your medications. it would be appreciated if you add a little bit about yourself in the Introductions Forum, as I'm sure new members and maybe past members, like me can read so that we can get to know you better.  I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new old members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these as well.

Please review the links at the end of this message, especially the red links, they include information which will help you navigate the site and use the available features.  When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!
Sarah B
Offical Greeter
@LoriDee
@Northern Star Girl
@Myranda

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Thank you @Sarah, it is really good to be back.  Hopefully @Danielle] can restore the rest of my blog thread.  When I came back to post some of the updates I had mentioned above earlier this year, I had gotten really discouraged and just couldn't bring myself to try and recapture all of that, let a lone pick up where I had left off, since that record was gone.  But, as much as I was nervous and went into the breast Center for my mammogram with great trepidation, I was quite eager and excited to write about it here and get back to journaling about my experiences, thoughts and fears about this crazy journey.  Of course @Danielle] has heard something similar from me many times over the years, promising that I'd write more here and I hardly ever did.

Anyway, I'm working from home today and my work computer just dinged with an incoming MS Teams message, so my boss is probably looking for me. I have a love-hate relationship with MS Teams.

@Myranda 
Dear Myranda:
I am so very glad to see that you were able to return to the Forum after the site's unfortunate
crash on New Year's Day.    While it is disappointing for all of us to lose our previous postings
with our thoughts and comments, we can look at this as an opportunity for a fresh start...
... a reset do-over button !!!!

I can attempt to find your "lost" postings and blog thread but first and please, if
your Email was different than it is now please send a Forum Private Message to
me with your Email address that you used before the site crash on January 1st. 

    Do not post your Email address on this thread..
. 
I will do my best to try to find your missing previous posts and blog.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Myranda on August 20, 2024, 08:05:07 AMThank you @Sarah, it is really good to be back.  Hopefully @Danielle] can restore the rest of my blog thread.  When I came back to post some of the updates I had mentioned above earlier this year, I had gotten really discouraged and just couldn't bring myself to try and recapture all of that, let a lone pick up where I had left off, since that record was gone.  But, as much as I was nervous and went into the breast Center for my mammogram with great trepidation, I was quite eager and excited to write about it here and get back to journaling about my experiences, thoughts and fears about this crazy journey.  Of course @Danielle] has heard something similar from me many times over the years, promising that I'd write more here and I hardly ever did.

Anyway, I'm working from home today and my work computer just dinged with an incoming MS Teams message, so my boss is probably looking for me. I have a love-hate relationship with MS Teams.

Disclaimer: I post most of this in response to something another member said in their own welcome back thread, but I need to further explore it here, for fear that I might not, man due I love avoiding things that are tough like this.

As I was discussing earlier in my journal here, way way back in 2019, I often feel extremely inadequate as a trans-person.  I know a lot of my inadequate feeling are probably tied to me not doing enough to to transition more quickly, but honestly some days I don't know how I feel about it all, or if I could actually go through with a full transition, because I feel like I have too much to loose, and the current political climate of the past several years is making the prospect even scarier for me.  But then something re-affirming happens, like my PCP asking gentle important questions to better serve me, and referring me for my first mammogram, or my GD offering and then sending me a referral recommendation for breast augmentation, and I am nearly overcome with thoughts of taking the next step and making my transition even bigger and bolder.

I don't know many trans-people in my life, outside these forums, and I know everyone's journey is completely different.  But somehow that doesn't help me feeling this way.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on August 20, 2024, 12:25:49 PM@Myranda 
Dear Myranda:
I am so very glad to see that you were able to return to the Forum after the site's unfortunate
crash on New Year's Day.    While it is disappointing for all of us to lose our previous postings
with our thoughts and comments, we can look at this as an opportunity for a fresh start...
... a reset do-over button !!!!
. 
I will do my best to try to find your missing previous posts and blog.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

Thank you so much.  I have no doubt that you will do your best to recover what you can.  And thank you again for everything, you are absolutely amazing role model and inspiration!

My girlfriend and I Spent an amazing weekend on the beach.  The weather was absolutely gorgeous.  Temperatures were in the mid 70s to maybe low 80s, the Sun was shining, after a lot of rain recently.

This first photo is my view when I first got up and walked outside to have my morning coffee.



The next two photos are of the Moon rise one night.  The camera on my phone is not the greatest at night.  Neither does the apparent size of the Moon any justice as it comes over the horizon.

I love that blue sky!
Thanks for sharing.

Quote from: Sarah B on August 19, 2024, 07:54:11 PMReading your current posts I'm intrigued as to what your girlfriend said when the doctor read out your medications.

@Sarah

I'm sorry for the delay response to this.  Obviously she was a little taken aback.  Being 7 months ago, it is a bit hard to recall her exact reaction, or how I reacted or responded.  I'm sure my immediate response was automatic and unconscious.  And I'm pretty sure I either blocked the memory, burying it and shoving it into a bottle, or I may have 'blacked out' for a moment there in the doctor's office. 

But when we were in the car leaving the neurologist's office, she did not press very hard and asked a few gentle non-invasive questions.  Overall, while she was upset that I had kept something from her, she was kind, caring and for the most part supportive.  She obviously had questions regarding what my ultimate plan was and I was as forthcoming and honest as I could be in the moment, I had and still have no idea how far I need to take all of this.

Hi Myranda

Thank you for sharing that story it was appreciated and I enjoyed it as well.  Don't worry about how long it took to reply.  Just think about it more and ask your girlfriend what she remembers.

It is also nice to hear that she is supportive and you being honest with her, is the best thing you could of done.

Remember how far you go is up to you and you only, with help of course from others.

Take care and all the best

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Myranda