Fingers crossed all goes well with your 'stone' surgery and estrogen. Impressive weight loss, Michelle. I never could shout down the voices in my head. I just quit listening to them.

My provider at the VA health in St Cloud is a nurse practitioner. I had a pulmonary lung function test and later got a letter from her stating that I don't have asthma or COPD. At my yearly appointment I showed her the mild emphysema written on the CT lung exam. I was told that it doesn't mean anything, it gets put on all of them. It can only be diagnosed with the pulmonary lung test. I did ask for an autism test, which was referred. I was told that it will be a four hour test. And I got a referral for a podiatrist, finally after how many years, I will get my yellow toenails taken care of. With her attitude, I doubt I could get a referral for a lung doctor
Some of this is a matter of remembering to mention it at my appointment, and I forgot to mention the shingles and RSV vaccinations.
Michelle

I once heard that family arguments are never about the subject of the argument. That would mean the argument about my dad drinking was not about his consumption of alcohol. But rather he disobeyed her when she told him to stop drinking. In other words it was all about control.

Some of this stuff gets very confusing. When feminine panties ended up in my laundry, my mother made some comment that they looked nice. When I grew my hair long, nothing was said. When I pierced my ears, it was men wear earrings. When my denim shirt got a bleach burn in the washing machine, she cut a red heart out of a iron on patch to repair it.
I had been going to therapy and one day someone else was there, I was told that masturbation was proof that I enjoyed being a man, and was not transgender. The therapist controlled the estrogen and surgeries, but did not control what I wore or which restroom I used.
At one point a rumor went around about me seeking a sex change operation. My mother heard the rumor and I had to explain things. I was not wearing makeup or lipstick, that was the natural color of my lips, all it takes is a ChapStik to make it look like I have lipstick. I only put clear nail polish on my nails. When asked about my wanting surgery I said I had thought about it. I was told that I better think about it for a long time.
I figured fifty years should be long enough. I had been wearing a woman's ring and forgot to take it off before going downstairs to the kitchen. My mother grabbed my hand, looked at the ring and slapped my face. She never said a word as I went back upstairs. I guess that was when I detransitioned, boxed everything up until I would be allowed to transition again.

Some time later I was again at a therapist, when I mentioned that I wanted to move out. I said that I was afraid my mother would move in with my. The therapist said don't let her. I never did mention that my mother gets physically abusive, the only way to avoid the abuse is to avoid conflict.
Michelle

Being left handed, I now see Facebook posts about being left handed. I never really understood until now about meeting people on a sidewalk or other times. Being left handed I move to the left, The other person being right handed will move to their right.
I can't really say the the direction I go in a store has anything to do with my being left handed, but I do seem to be going against the traffic. Might be more that I know where what I want is at, and just head in that direction. Really confusing is Menards in Hutchinson seems to be a mirror image of the Willmar store.

It may also be that I would lead off with the wrong foot for dancing, but learning to square dance in grade school would have made it habit to lead off with the proper foot. That habit extending to the military where I would start with the proper foot.

Then there is Leonardo da Vinci's mirror writing. It is such a mystery. But, maybe not really a mystery. Being myself left handed, it was very natural to do the mirror writing with my left hand, when I tried it. I don't need a mirror to read it either. The whole mystery might be that he was left handed.
Michelle

At some point in my life I decided to switch back to being left handed. To purposely put my eating utensils into my left hand and learn how to use them with my left. Kind of transition I guess. I can eat with either hand, I can cut my food with the right hand and use the fork with my left or reverse it to cut my food with the left and eat with my right.

Writing was a bit more difficult. I would have to learn everything, as I was not experienced using my left hand to write. Although, mirroring the motions of my right hand did result in backwards or mirror writing. I realized learning to write with my left hand could take a long time.
I don't know if I learned to tie my shoes with a left handed bow. It seems to me, that if my mother taught me how to tie my shoes, it might have ended up from her side it looked like it was right handed, but from my side it would be left handed. I don't know if there is any emotional healing by going back to using my left hand, or if using my right hand causes any dysphoria.
Michelle