Quote from: Milo on August 13, 2008, 02:27:00 PM
Exactly.
People can debate up and down about it but I still get treated really badly by gay men for "deceiving" them or being a "yaoi fangirl" so I've just come to accept it. Until I can have a fully functional, cost effective, and realistic penis, complete absence of sex is enough to deter me from transition.

I think that for the most part, you and Tekla are right on the money. But I know that there are at least a few gay guys out there who aren't like that. Finding them is another matter...and I'm sure that a lot of FTM guys wouldn't find it worthwhile to look. Too many rejections to suffer through.

Now I'm seriously considering what might happen if my partner and I don't stay together through all of this. I find myself wondering what kind of gay guy doesn't mind a penisless partner and whether older gay guys are more accepting than the young guys.

I definitely wouldn't want to live a solitary life just because 99% of all gay guys are obsessed with natural penises. I can see myself hoping and seeking, at least for awhile. I guess that's what you did, Milo? Sounds painful.

Perhaps I should cross that bridge only if I come to it.

I do suppose there are some, its a big world and there are few of just about everything around.  But in the 30 some years I've been a fellow traveler in gay circles it has stuck me more than once that its a pretty penis centered deal.

But, large parts of it are also very male centered.  My fav bar in SF is a leather hang out where guys act like guys.  Drink out of mason jars, crush ciggy butts out on the floor, drop the peanut shells where they are cracked out.  Lots of trucks and bikes.  Leather and Levis and all that.  So to the degree your male it helps.

I've met a few bisexual men who were accepting of my trans status, but only two or three.

Sorry to be so late to the party.  I've been in a weird place recently, and haven't been keeping up with the boards.  Anyway, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.  I'm gay as well, (in my 30's) and like some of you, I put off transition for a long time in part because of concerns about finding/keeping a partner. I don't currently have a partner, so I'm afraid I can't help anyone much with that angle. (Sorry.)  It seems that a lot more of the ladies around here were in relationships when they transitioned, than us guys.  I imagine there are very few guys who stick around when their FtM partners transition, unless they were openly bi-sexual to begin with, simply because there is so much pressure in our society for straight men to avoid being seen as gay at any cost.

For me, what made me put that concern aside, was when I realized that I just couldn't stand being the girl in a relationship.  Having access to all the men in the world didn't make any difference if I couldn't stand being in my own skin while I was with them.  I may or may not be able to find someone who can accept me as a trans-man, but at least I will be able to accept myself; and once I accept myself, I'll be more able to give myself openly to another.

Quote from: Jamie-o on August 15, 2008, 06:22:22 AM
Sorry to be so late to the party.  I've been in a weird place recently, and haven't been keeping up with the boards.  Anyway, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.  I'm gay as well, (in my 30's) and like some of you, I put off transition for a long time in part because of concerns about finding/keeping a partner. I don't currently have a partner, so I'm afraid I can't help anyone much with that angle. (Sorry.)  It seems that a lot more of the ladies around here were in relationships when they transitioned, than us guys.  I imagine there are very few guys who stick around when their FtM partners transition, unless they were openly bi-sexual to begin with, simply because there is so much pressure in our society for straight men to avoid being seen as gay at any cost.

For me, what made me put that concern aside, was when I realized that I just couldn't stand being the girl in a relationship.  Having access to all the men in the world didn't make any difference if I couldn't stand being in my own skin while I was with them.  I may or may not be able to find someone who can accept me as a trans-man, but at least I will be able to accept myself; and once I accept myself, I'll be more able to give myself openly to another.

Hey Jamie.

I agree with you in part. I'm bi but a lot more comfortable and more accustomed to men. I love men. And straight men at that, bi guys are ok though.
For this reason and this reason only, I enjoyed looking female.

However, any relationship I wasn't 'the man' in, didn't last long. Believe it or not, even the most macho guys submitted to me. They naturally fell into the role of 'wife' with me. So, I've never really been 'the girl' in the relationship, except by outside appearances.
So, I never had a problem with the dynamics involved. The second I did, he either submitted or the relationship suffered instant death.

So, what I'm trying to say is I've never been bothered by the relationship aspect in terms of my transness.

Fashionably late, sorry. (First *real* foray into FTMdom threads, can't *believe* I didn't come earlier!!!) ANYHOO, I'm mostly gay, though, like Elwood said near the beginning, there's the odd bi moment... I've never had a partner, but whenever I imagine being with someone, even just holding hands or having dinner with them and my family and friends, and regardless of their sex, I'm *never* female. Haven't been daydream-female since I was about 11 or 12 (that I remember, anyway. May have been even earlier, but not sure). And unless I'm high on caffeine or lack of sleep, I tend to be very shy, which really doesn't help matters. Shy+trans=

So yeah, definitely had to figure that one out myself, so can't be much help regarding coming out when you've already been with someone for a while...

And while I'm sure some gay guys are almost entirely penis-orientated, there must surely be *some* out there who are accepting...? As Tekla said, there are a few of everyone... Guess it's just the running into said "everyone" that's the hard bit.

And how much scarring/loss of sensation is there after a mastectomy? I'm DD - so no hope, stick to shoddy binding? 'Cause as a few people have said, I'm (no pun intended) rather attached to them, they're part of me, but oh! that dream of being male-flat...

Sorry, rambling. Short answer, Arch, is that I'm single, out as bi (not gay, that starts to get a bit complicated) to about eight friends now, and out as transgender to one. Hope that's (sort of?) helpful...

Pride out ,

Lutin

I'm still queer as a three dollar bill   

I was recently described as that and found it hilarious.

Quote from: Lutin on August 15, 2008, 09:09:17 AM
Fashionably late, sorry. (First *real* foray into FTMdom threads, can't *believe* I didn't come earlier!!!) ANYHOO, I'm mostly gay, though, like Elwood said near the beginning, there's the odd bi moment... I've never had a partner, but whenever I imagine being with someone, even just holding hands or having dinner with them and my family and friends, and regardless of their sex, I'm *never* female. Haven't been daydream-female since I was about 11 or 12 (that I remember, anyway. May have been even earlier, but not sure). And unless I'm high on caffeine or lack of sleep, I tend to be very shy, which really doesn't help matters. Shy+trans=

So yeah, definitely had to figure that one out myself, so can't be much help regarding coming out when you've already been with someone for a while...

And while I'm sure some gay guys are almost entirely penis-orientated, there must surely be *some* out there who are accepting...? As Tekla said, there are a few of everyone... Guess it's just the running into said "everyone" that's the hard bit.

And how much scarring/loss of sensation is there after a mastectomy? I'm DD - so no hope, stick to shoddy binding? 'Cause as a few people have said, I'm (no pun intended) rather attached to them, they're part of me, but oh! that dream of being male-flat...

Sorry, rambling. Short answer, Arch, is that I'm single, out as bi (not gay, that starts to get a bit complicated) to about eight friends now, and out as transgender to one. Hope that's (sort of?) helpful...

Pride out ,

Lutin

Hi Lutin.

As far as top surgery goes, it depends on the surgeon and the person. There are a ton of factors involved - the shape you're in, how well and quickly you heal, etc.

There are a few surgeons such as Dr. Reardon who perform a technique that leaves the nipples intact preserving sensation. You'd have to inquire as to whether you're a candidate for it or not.

Quote from: Jamie-o on August 15, 2008, 06:22:22 AM
For me, what made me put that concern aside, was when I realized that I just couldn't stand being the girl in a relationship.  Having access to all the men in the world didn't make any difference if I couldn't stand being in my own skin while I was with them.  I may or may not be able to find someone who can accept me as a trans-man, but at least I will be able to accept myself; and once I accept myself, I'll be more able to give myself openly to another.

Hear hear. Well said.

And I don't know why gay men would have such a problem with transmen. I can understand, a prosthetic is not like the real thing, but if there is a strong emotional connection, it should definitely make up for it. It's not like they're the ones who won't get any sensation from the prosthetic.

I think it has slightly less to do with "not having a penis" and more to do with "having a vagina". At least, in my experience.

Quote from: Milo on August 15, 2008, 02:16:21 PM
I think it has slightly less to do with "not having a penis" and more to do with "having a vagina". At least, in my experience.

Hmm I can see that. A lot of gay men are really turned off by pussy to the point of being grossed out.

I can't help with the "coming out while already in a relationship" thing, because I came out to my boyfriend when I first met him. We met on okcupid, and he had something in his profile about wanting to meet an FtM. He messaged me first, not knowing I was trans, and then I outed myself in my reply because he was just so darn cute, and I knew it'd make him want to talk to me more. He didn't believe me at first, which was funny. But yeah, he'd had one girlfriend and one boyfriend before me, and he identifies as gay now. He actually has more trouble with my chest than with...down there. He doesn't mind it, but it messes with his perception of me. We both can't wait 'til I can get top surgery. But anyway, just wanted to let you guys know there's hope, even with younger guys. He's only 19, and he moved from Maryland to Tennessee for me.

Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 15, 2008, 03:59:33 PM
I can't help with the "coming out while already in a relationship" thing, because I came out to my boyfriend when I first met him. We met on okcupid, and he had something in his profile about wanting to meet an FtM. He messaged me first, not knowing I was trans, and then I outed myself in my reply because he was just so darn cute, and I knew it'd make him want to talk to me more. He didn't believe me at first, which was funny. But yeah, he'd had one girlfriend and one boyfriend before me, and he identifies as gay now. He actually has more trouble with my chest than with...down there. He doesn't mind it, but it messes with his perception of me. We both can't wait 'til I can get top surgery. But anyway, just wanted to let you guys know there's hope, even with younger guys. He's only 19, and he moved from Maryland to Tennessee for me.

Completely opposite here.  My boyfriend HATES down there, it absolutely disgusts him so we just ignore it.  However, one time, I jokingly said how we should fool around there.  He got this TERRIFIED look and was like "Um...okay.  If that's what you really want, I'll try it once, only because I love you."  Haha, of course, I was kidding so he didn't have to run and puke.  As for chest,  he loves his lesbian friend's boobs (they are HUGE) because he likes to poke them...haha.  The day that boy pokes mine....oh wait that won't happen, cause he knows he'd get it! lol

lol, sounds like my Gay mate. He's always running around hugging the girls in the school, and publicy touches a select few of their boobs. Its funny seeing random peoples reactions.

Yeah, he likes to lay on hers 

He only gets to lay on my WELL binded chest.

LOL.  Am single, not looking really.  For the moment have mainly abstained all my life and find myself afraid of being with other guys because I don't want sex with them and afraid it will turn into that and I am really not comfortable with what is down there when it comes to that.

I also don't consider myself someone who would go with just anyone.  Have to know them, and then there is the part that I do like my lone time.  I don't like people calling me wanting to talk to me at odd hours.

Quote from: Brady on August 15, 2008, 04:22:54 PM

Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 15, 2008, 03:59:33 PM
I can't help with the "coming out while already in a relationship" thing, because I came out to my boyfriend when I first met him. We met on okcupid, and he had something in his profile about wanting to meet an FtM. He messaged me first, not knowing I was trans, and then I outed myself in my reply because he was just so darn cute, and I knew it'd make him want to talk to me more. He didn't believe me at first, which was funny. But yeah, he'd had one girlfriend and one boyfriend before me, and he identifies as gay now. He actually has more trouble with my chest than with...down there. He doesn't mind it, but it messes with his perception of me. We both can't wait 'til I can get top surgery. But anyway, just wanted to let you guys know there's hope, even with younger guys. He's only 19, and he moved from Maryland to Tennessee for me.

Completely opposite here.  My boyfriend HATES down there, it absolutely disgusts him so we just ignore it.  However, one time, I jokingly said how we should fool around there.  He got this TERRIFIED look and was like "Um...okay.  If that's what you really want, I'll try it once, only because I love you."  Haha, of course, I was kidding so he didn't have to run and puke.  As for chest,  he loves his lesbian friend's boobs (they are HUGE) because he likes to poke them...haha.  The day that boy pokes mine....oh wait that won't happen, cause he knows he'd get it! lol

Do you plan for bottom surgery?

No, I don't.  Not unless the results improve, meaning the final product.  I'm hoping the Cybercock will give him what he wants

Quote from: Brady on August 15, 2008, 06:30:10 PM
No, I don't.  Not unless the results improve, meaning the final product.  I'm hoping the Cybercock will give him what he wants

But what about you?

Brady, you and I are in the same boat. I just got an Ultraskin today, and I'll be...alone with my boyfriend on Sunday. He came over for ten minutes before work today, so I've already seen his reaction to it. "-stare- ..It's big. -stare more-" That made me feel pretty good. He's adorable and I can't wait 'til Sunday.