It was a year ago, on October 11, National Coming Out Day, I transitioned to full time with the full support of management at my job. It was the happiest day of my life. Looking back on a year of full time and ahead to the rest of my life, I'm assessing where I'm at in life.

My gender history is TS. For some, the trans- prefix is interpreted as "transgressive"-- they want to disrupt the gender binary. For me, it means "transience"-- having crossed from one side of the binary to the other, I just want to leave transgender behind, and settle in where I feel at home. One year on, I'm just a woman. No more, no less. Not a woman with an asterisk, not a special subcategory of woman. Just a woman like other women. I don't want to stand out or be marked out as different from other women in any way. All I want to do is assimilate into womanhood, I do not want to be identified as trans.

I'm not calling it stealth, since with all the electronic trail and the increased surveillance and intrusion into people's lives, there is no such thing as privacy any more. Any job worth having these days involves a background check-- and they WILL turn up your gender history and out you. Realistically, there is no such thing as stealth any more (unless you earn a living off the grid as a day laborer or a subsistence farmer). The concept of "stealth," now obsolete, is left over from the 1960s when people really could make a fresh start in life. Nowadays our past, like William Faulkner said, isn't even past. It will tail us for the rest of our lives anytime anyone decides to investigate us. This makes it all the more imperative to enact full legal protection from discrimination against gender identity.

Although true stealth isn't possible any more, in everyday life I do not go around volunteering information about my gender history. It's no one else's business. I am simply a woman and that's all anyone needs to know about me, with the exception of a few medical caregivers. Because the point of my going through all that transsexual hassle, expense, effort, and heartbreak is not to be transgender-- it's to be a woman. 

By saying I'm just a woman, I in no way intend to disparage TG activists for openly identifying as trans. Actually, I admire them for taking upon themselves a burden to help the community which would be too hard for me to bear. They are better women than I.

I've just been through so much difficulty and even trauma about my gender already, I don't think I can take on any more. We each help out in any way we can. Now this is how I need to heal.

I actually identify as a lesbian. I am an LGBT activist in my capacity as an out & proud lesbian. Since these days many lesbian activists are vocal in their support for transgender equal rights, I join with them and work for transgender rights as a lesbian ally of transgender within the broader scope of LGBT.

I adamantly do not disparage crossdressers for being different than me. They are human beings and totally deserve equal rights, freedom from discrimination, and basic human dignity the same as any other human beings. I will fight strenuously against transgender-phobic transitioned TS people, like that atrocious HBS ideology so filled with bitter venom against transgender people. HBS's hatred is obviously the result of fear: some of us TS are deathly afraid of being connected with transgender. I can be a bigger woman than that. I am a strong woman who believes in herself, and that's all I need. I feel secure enough in my own womanhood that I can support people who, unlike me, are between genders. I do not gain anything for myself by putting down others who are different. However. I have real difficulty seeing how crossdressers and I can fit into the same category. Our issues are completely different. I support transgender rights as a matter of principle, because it's the right thing to do, the same as many non-transgender people support them as allies. I am not putting down crossdressers by defining the vast differences between us. Just being realistic.

Sometimes non-transitioning TG activists complain that TS are taking up all the action and ignoring TG issues. If so much more attention is being paid to TS issues, please consider there is a sound reason for that. Our needs are so much more extreme. We have to take dangerous hormones and pay for expensive surgery, otherwise we will die from our extreme dysphoria. Our needs are vastly more dire compared to individuals who feel free to flit back and forth easily between genders upon a moment's whim. I am totally for protecting non-transitioning TG people from discrimination and ensuring full legal and social equality for them. But let's keep things in perspective.

It does make it a very unique civil rights issue.  After all, is Barrak Obama ever going to get to not be black?  People don't get to stop being gay, or Hispanic.  But there is a sort of "I'm here for the icing, they rest of you make the cake" tone to it.

So are you saying it's selfish to be transsexual? Is there an implied value judgment here?

Whether you're openly TG or quietly post-transition TS, it doesn't make anyone better or worse or "less than" another. This is just who I am, that's all. When I came out, when I shook off the false gender imposed on me by society, it was a commitment to being who I really am. Having accomplished that, no one else can dictate to me now what my gender ought to be. I will not pretend to be someone I'm not just to placate somebody else's agenda. That's what it all means.

Can I ask, if you don't identify as transgender, why do you frequent a transgender forum?  I can relate to how you feel, of course: I want to be viewed as a woman sans asterisk as well.  At the same time, I can't forget where I'm from, and I want to try to make things better/easier for those who come after me.  I think the important thing here is to view "transness" as purely adjectival, and not as substantial.  I'm okay with being called a transgender woman, but being called "a transgender" is definitely not my goal.  I guess that's just the nature of the transgender movement, being as broad a coalition as it is; some are assimilationists, while others actually want to be regarded as "third gender."

Just thoughts.

Lia

Because there is a difference between having a trait and identifying oneself by that trait.

Quote from: Hypatia on October 14, 2008, 03:32:55 PM
Because there is a difference between having a trait and identifying oneself by that trait.

Because there's a difference in being one's self and in being someone's label.

Nikki

Quote from: Purple Pimp on October 14, 2008, 02:58:01 PM
Can I ask, if you don't identify as transgender, why do you frequent a transgender forum? 
Just thoughts.

Lia

If you look at Hypatia's profile, you will see that she spends almost all of her time here at Susan's in the Transsexual Forum, and MTF Transsexual Forums

Just a few more thoughts.........


For me, I prefer being referred to simply as a woman.  If you care, then a lesbian woman.  In fact, I frequently wear jewelry that identifies me as lesbian.  But please, don't use a label on me.  I admit as well, that CD's confuse me a bit, but I would publicly stand up for their rights.
I have had to stand up for my own rights.  It cost me my job, but I won, and got it back.  If I stood a chance of being in that kind of rock fight again for standing up for anyone's transgender rights, I would not hesitate to do so.  But I'm a woman.  If you MUST know, a transsexual woman.

Bev
just, Bev

I'm not 'transgender' & 'transsexual' isn't my identity either.  My transsexuality is a birth defect I'm getting fixed in a few days. I'm not going to buy into the semantics of what is 'transgender' or 'transsexual". I'm female & that's all there's to it.

Quote from: Miss Bev on October 14, 2008, 08:47:16 PM

If you look at Hypatia's profile, you will see that she spends almost all of her time here at Susan's in the Transsexual Forum, and MTF Transsexual Forums

Just a few more thoughts.........

Ahhh, Labels, Labels, Labels what the hell does it matter what one wants to be called as we are all free to make our own minds up.

From now on I am going to identify as a Carbon based life form consisting of mostly water.

I actually stopped identifying as a transsexual when my birth certificate was changed to Female as in the eyes of the law that is what I now am.

Buffy

Quote from: Jeannette on October 14, 2008, 11:51:19 PM
I'm not 'transgender' & 'transsexual' isn't my identity either.  My transsexuality is a birth defect I'm getting fixed in a few days. I'm not going to buy into the semantics of what is 'transgender' or 'transsexual". I'm female & that's all there's to it.

Very well said, Jeannette! Best wishes for your upgrade!


Posted on: October 15, 2008, 09:40:33 am

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Quote from: Buffy on October 15, 2008, 12:39:39 AMI actually stopped identifying as a transsexual when my birth certificate was changed to Female as in the eyes of the law that is what I now am.

I think my mind firmed up on the same conclusion when my Social Security and driver's license got the F. But  as for birth certificates, I had the misfortune to be born in Ohio where they have outlawed changes on those. For that matter, Kent State University also refused to change the gender on my alumnae file because of Ohio law. Damn them. Anyway, SS and DL and everything else involved in my transition to full time were enough to bring me to realize what you said.

Apples and oranges; you will always be a member of the transgender and transsexual communities because you can't change your past. However your past no matter how important is only a piece who you and doesn't determine your future. You may however chose any label you wish and be as stealth as you wish. I would however encourage you not deny your experiences with doctors or your lawyers, other then that have fun. If you don't want to be an activist thats fine but I would also love you fighting by my shoulder.

Find the right place for you and hope that if they defeat the activists, that you are not next, whatever labels you call yourself.

->-bleeped-<-boy

I want to have the right parts bad enough that I'd sell my life to the tabloids if that would help me get a real penis. Being called transgender won't matter to me if I'm fully equipped. It's the, "He's transgendered, he doesn't have a dick" that bothers me.

Quote from: tekla on October 13, 2008, 10:21:58 PM
It does make it a very unique civil rights issue.  After all, is Barrak Obama ever going to get to not be black?  People don't get to stop being gay, or Hispanic.  But there is a sort of "I'm here for the icing, they rest of you make the cake" tone to it.

Yet it is difficult to argue that transsexual is different from other civil rights issues.  Skin colour is a physical attribute difficult to hide.  Sexuality is impossible to hide if you ever want to get a partner, as is being a crossdresser (to a lesser extent).  Yet transsexuality, is to do with your anatomy at birth.  A past fact that has little (or no) relevance in your present/future life.

I would also like to add that being gay is also considered by some as a unique civil rights issue, since the religious right et al. claim it to be a choice unlike sex or race.

As far as i'm concerned trans activism (or any other minority activism) is an honourable and often selfless pursuit.  But that certainly doesn't imply that non-activism is selfish, which it is often depicted as

I already said I'm a lesbian activist working for LGBT rights, including not least transgender.

QuoteI'm not 'transgender' & 'transsexual' isn't my identity either.  My transsexuality is a birth defect I'm getting fixed in a few days. I'm not going to buy into the semantics of what is 'transgender' or 'transsexual". I'm female & that's all there's to it.

Well in about three weeks Wing Walker and I will be going to Montreal where she will be crossing that very same bridge into as complete a woman that medical science can make her.

I have already been 9 years full time, hard to beleive ain't it. Yet there are others here who have been full time as women much longer then I have, but now the memory of who I was before has grown fainter in memory. I have worked with women and associated with women for all of those years so that now to be among women is just a normal thing to do as breathing. I don't feel any different from them then they do me.

I am a woman with a transsexual background, A birth defect I find, is as good a way to describe it as any, and  was rectified four years ago. I live with another woman and our relationship is based solely on intimacy, love and caring, for one another at this time. I have never given it much of a thought, but I suppose that our relationship could be technically labeled as lesbians.

As for the transitioning journey at the beginning, was a selfish act, it had to be in order for me to survive. Once I had control of my own life again, I resumed doing what I knew best how to do, which is working with people that are in need.

I came back to Susan's in the hopes that maybe I could teach something from my own personal experiences as well as to give what support I could to whom ever I could who was and is still willing to accept that support. I believe I did fairly well doing so. As for other threads with the many members of the transgender comunity in these forums, well, I have poured myself everywhere like spilled coffee. I met a lot of interesting folks, and I don't believe there is anyone here that dislikes me, I think that's a pretty good track record. 

To me they are all people who think and have feelings, and I am ready and willing to help anyone who needs it. It would be the same with anyone out there in the real world, not saying that the folks in these forums are not real, but for lack of a better expression I will say in the real world out there. I have extended my hand from the town Mayer to Billy The bum sitting on a park bench. It also didn't matter what the color of their skin is, or what nationality, religion, sect, or denomnation they were or are. Here in Vancouver I have worked along side of Seeks, African Americans, Moslems, Italians, Spanish Mexican, Two of them are a couple of my best lady friends etc. And last but not least my own brothers and sisters, North American Natives.

Been doing this kind of work for twenty two years, why should I let my being transsexual slow me down any. I probably will continue to do this type of work until I drop dead at the very feet of the people that I have come to love and care for like they were an extended family.

Have a wonderful morning all

Cindy   

It is very depressive to think that after SRS I am rest of my life only a post-op transsexual not a woman. And because of that I will face many problems. It is very possible that I will never have a family. Even it could be possible even in the future where I live I cannot just risk other, innocent people because of my personal history. Even here where I live transwoman could marry and adopt children in case she finds a husband I could not do it. And also in practice no man here will marry a post-op transwoman. Other aspect is work. In future employers will be using more and more DNA-testing. I really doubt to  I get a job in many cases if they discover that I have XY-chromosome. And also travelling. Even I could get here a female passport I would be in great danger while traveling to countries where transsexuals are not allowed.

When I 'transitioned', back in the bad old days, there was no astrix and it was assumed one would go on to life a normal life (actually, if the doctors & shrinks didn't think you would, you didn't get surgery) and that's exactly what I did for 30 years. I never thought of myself as any different than any natal woman and neither did anyone else. Sure, I had my minor idiosyncrasies, but who doesn't. Even when a rumor spread about my medical past (at a time when no one knew except my husband and my doctor), the rumor was dismissed as impossible by those who knew me because it simply did not "fit".

It wasn't until I came to the online forums a few years ago that I discovered some people live "out". I can't imagine what that must be like.

I will say to Hypatia that if you feel you ARE a woman (right down to the core of your being) and get on with life as a woman, people will see nothing else. I don't care how ugly you are  or how big - if you ARE a woman, that will override everything else, even changing the perceptions of "those who know".

(I only came to the forums to try to help but find myself so "out of date" that it is sometimes difficult.)

Quote from: Northern Jane on October 16, 2008, 10:11:30 AM
... if you feel you ARE a woman (right down to the core of your being) and get on with life as a woman, people will see nothing else. I don't care how ugly you are  or how big - if you ARE a woman, that will override everything else, even changing the perceptions of "those who know".

(I only came to the forums to try to help but find myself so "out of date" that it is sometimes difficult.)

That out-of-dateness seems absolutely up-to-date to me, Jane.

Arguments about how one is addressed are simply a surface complication, imo, that oftens stirs strong emotion, just the way an uninvited pinch can do.

If I choose to gather under the T grouping in support and solidarity with many people who do not either have or present a clear gender identity I find that no different than maybe joining as a supporter of the NAACP, or in helping fund the United Jewish Appeal or Lambda Legal.

I don't belive that anyone is gonna say that membership in the NAACP makes me a woman "of color" nor does that give me a basic insight into what it means to be a "woman of color" in the USA. Neither does a contribution to the UJA somehow give me a Jewish identity.

If one is a man or a woman, then his or her associations don't make any difference at all to that fact. She doesn't become a cross-dresser simply because she sees a need and is willing to support, rally with, press for non-discriminatory policies for or even marry, fall in love with or live next-door to a crossdresser.

If she is a woman, that, as Jane so succintly and wisely said override(s) everything else, even changing the perceptions of "those who know".

Nikki

Quote from: glendagladwitch on October 16, 2008, 06:41:46 AMI don't know whether that is how you feel, Hypatia.  But, if so, it might seem to imply to others that you view those who don't eschew the transgendered label as not having a fully transitioned identity.  Some transitioned people who embrace the T label might take offense on that basis.

What? I never said or implied or thought any such thing. Please don't put words in my mouth that have nothing to do with me.

QuoteSo perhaps you have some comments that will illuminate how one can resent the T label and not judge others who embrace it post transition.  I must admit to curiosity in that regard.

I do not know what you are talking about. Whatever it is, I ask that you do not attribute it to me because I had nothing to do with it.

i don't know if i'm a new breed or just to old to know the difference.  first...i am a woman...then i am a transwoman.  maybe it's the time of life i came into real life or what...but i find it completely unbelievable that anyone who gets to know me at all wouldn't know i was trans.

ok...ok...yes...i pass...<God, i hate that>  that makes me feel like a real creep....like i'm sneaking around in someone else's space.  but i only pass on the surface.  the fact is...i am not just another woman.  i'm a woman with a very specific history that includes having been identified as male for the vast majority of it.  that's not just some little something that don't add up to much...it adds up to most of my life!

when i talk with people...ok, maybe i'm at that age, but my history  always gets into the conversation.  so much of that history i spent in maleness...how can i not let that cat out of the bag?

transition and surgery didn't make me a new person, it just upgraded the old one...brought the anatomy up to speed.  sure lots of things are different and i relate to others in different ways...most of those ways are positive..i'm happy about them...shoot...i want to talk about where they came from.  i have a very interesting history and i'm not in the least ashamed of any of it...i'm kind of proud of the fact that i finally got it together enough to make something of myself.  i never wanted to be anything else then just what i am...a transwoman...i'll never be anything but a transwoman in this life time.  i don't envy anyone and i don't belittle anyone...we're all just what we are and the sooner we get down to not just accepting that but embracing it the better off we'll all be.