I am fully aware that I am a man, of that there is no doubt it my mind. I CANNOT see myself living the rest of my life as a woman. It's just not an option at this point. I am who I am, and I love who I am.

My question however is for all us pre-T guys who want to know..... post - T men...do you remember what it was like for you before you guys got on T?

Did you hate your bodies a lot? Were you unable to stand your body after sometime? If anyone held you back from getting T, did you find yourself in tears of frustration/sorrow over what they were doing to you? And most important: Were you nervous/scared, no matter how much you wanted to take this step (going on T) right before you actually did it? Why?

I remember what my body/life was like, sure.  Sometimes I look in the mirror and still think about how drastically different I look now than I did back then- that's even stronger when i'm in bed w/my lady.  There are certain things that I've simply "forgotten"- the precursors to getting your period (the horny day, bitchy day, back pain, blood progression), how much underwire sucked.  Things like that.

i went on T to stop my period because it forced me to live in my physical body for one week a month instead of living in the male one that was a bit of a delusion at the time.  Of course i was nervous, but I told myself (and still do) that the second it isn't worth it to me or I feel like I'm done, I'll quit injecting.  I *love* how much control self-injecting gives me and i did a quick check-in with myself before I injected each time for probably the first six months or so.  The fear/nerves are normal.

I remember things never looking right when I looked in the mirror. It got to the point where, without realizing it, I had removed all the mirrors from my house. I don't remember a lot of the other stuff I hated, periods etc, other than in a vague sense.

I was more excited than nervous about starting T. As soon as I'd seen the effects on others, I knew that's what I wanted.

Dennis