I'm back again after a long time away, and a period of trying to "purge" the trans-ness out of myself. Ugh. It's a never-ending cycle, isn't it?

The news? I interviewed for a job in Columbus, OH and I'm very impatiently waiting to hear about whether I got the position. The interview was on the 10th, and while my friends and family say it's too soon to panic, I am anyway.  This job is my ticket back to where my wife and I both want to live, and to a much-more transfriendly city than I am in right now.

Over the last week and a half my desire to transition has gotten really intense again, which tends to happen when I am feeling stressed and/or when I'm feeling pressure to fill the traditionally "male" role in family/society. My desire to be a woman never completely ebbs, but I can see a pattern... when things are going "smoothly" in my life, being a man is more tolerable.

Does this make my desire to be a woman less "legit?" I wonder sometimes.

Just wante dto say welcome back, I had been thinking about you recently. I send good thoughts your way about the job. I don't think the ebb and flow means much (happened to me)  sometimes you are just able to suppress it more so it doesn't come up as much, IMHO.
Myles

Good luck with the job.  I've got my everything crossed for ya.

Lia

Hi again, and welcome back.

Quote from: mtfbuckeye on April 21, 2009, 04:27:06 PM
Does this make my desire to be a woman less "legit?" I wonder sometimes.

I don't think that's a really useful way to think about it. The question is, what is the best way to live your life? The rest doesn't matter.

Good luck with that job!

Quote from: mtfbuckeye on April 21, 2009, 04:27:06 PM
Does this make my desire to be a woman less "legit?" I wonder sometimes.

It would seem on the surface that your desire gets stronger under times of stress so there is a possibility that you are using the need to become a woman  as an escape mechanism.  While I am certainly not an expert in these matters I believe that this would be a good issue to discuss with a competent therapist.

LR

Regarding the last part of the post, it does not give a clear sign.  Your stresses bear down much more on you when many of them are acting at the same time, and by this interpretation, it would be perfectly natural for the wrong body to bother you more.  Escapism is also another interpretation.  I am grossly unqualified to offer a judgment, but I will trying offering a question anyway that may help you decide.

Do you feel your identity as female is ingrained in how you feel or what you want to do?  A red flag would be transitioning so that one's personality and desired behaviors would be socially acceptable.  If your desire has other origins, such as feeling your body is incorrect, then I think you have a fairly strong foundation.

Didn't get the job. :-[

Still planning to move to Columbus by July, though.

That's too bad

As for the "ebb and flow," it seems to happen to almost everyone.  I thought it was weird that that happened to people for a long time . . . but then it happened to me once this past year!  It was just a matter of me not wanting to face transitioning rather than it going away though.  A person can't deal with intense stress about it all the time, so many people repress it when it is possible.