granted, but they remind people of the split pea soup vomit in the exorcist....

I wish I wasn't so weak willed

Granted, you are no longer weak willed, you just cant seem to make a decision.

I wish it was tomorrow so I could go home.

Granted, but you could have gone home today.

I wish that the price of gas wasn't going up again.

Granted, the price of gas isn't going up, for me.  For you though, it is now tripled.

I wish I had a day off this week.

Granted, but now weeks are 700 days long.

I wish I had a hippotomous.

Granted but you get to clean up after "hippy" with your bare hands. They poop around 200 pounds a day.

I wish I had a "bubble butt."      <leaves a very wide opening 4 corruption>

<I'll be nice> granted, but as soon as you sit down, it pops.

I wish that my bras fit me better...

Granted, your chest is flat, and so are the bras.

I wish the tickets to my favorite band's concert weren't $89. 

Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 01, 2009, 10:53:22 PM
I wish the current round of rain storms would end so I can get back out to the garden 

Granted: they're replaced by hail storms. Time to get out the stainless steel umbrella.

I wish I had a bowl of wonton soup.

Granted.  But I peed in your soup.

I wish that I had come out to my sister earlier.

granted but your sister revealed to you that she isn't your sister, she is you mother and that your mother is actually your grandmother and your father is actually your father AND your grandfather. ^^

I wish that I had more than one outfit that went with my kinky boots

Granted.. naked= two outfits.

I wish that I hadn't been a lazy slacker and slept all day.

Granted... you've moved onto purchasing "chasity belts."

I wish I had a "Cuban, Cohiba" to smoke.

Granted, but you only came by one because you are stuck in a detention camp in Guantnamo Bay! 

I wish I wasn't still wide awake when I have to be up in 3 hours!   

Granted, but you scream in your sleep for no reason, and now no one wants to be your friend.

I wish I didn't have to go back to school tomorrow (I finished exams, but there is a bunch of marching band stuff I have to go to; damn parades).

No school for you tomorrow, or any other day.  Inmates have to work in the liscense plate factory.

I wish I was fantastically rich.

Quote from: Feever on June 03, 2009, 08:56:04 AM
I wish I was fantastically rich.

Granted, but you can only use your wealth to buy me the things I want.

I wish kale wouldn't wilt so fast in the refrigerator.

Granted.  Everything else wilts, including the eggs.

I wish that I could have any CDs and records I want free (everyone can pay as far as I'm concerned).

Granted, but because you get them for free, the music industry collapses, no more music.  Great job :p

I wish that I had a better job than the one I have now (grocery store  )

Granted. I take it your upset that you don't get outside much? Couped up all day in the store. Kid, I got the job for you!! Outside. Fresh air. Stay fit. You get to be the Port-a-Potty clean out operator.

I wish that my cat would stop leaving hair-ball "presents" all over the house.