For the longest time I wanted to be on hormones, wanted to take on the appearance and shape of a female, but was never sure if I wanted to go through fully with surgery.
I wanted to be some sort of ->-bleeped-<-, a freak for a freak's fantasy.
I also just enjoyed the difference of it, I enjoyed being the chick with a dick that couldn't get enough sex.
Now that I've taken a vow of abstinence till marriage, I want to get the surgery.
I was just curious though, as to perhaps similiar experiences from people and possibly even discussing the causes of this?  Some kind of twisted bisexuality?

                 A teen male body is already full of very strong hormones.  This can have the effect of the body somewhat controlling the mind at times and is a natural part of maturing. I don't think lifelong conclusions can be drawn from these experiences.  Great topic.


beth

Quote from: beth on August 29, 2006, 12:34:46 PM
                 A teen male body is already full of very strong hormones.  This can have the effect of the body somewhat controlling the mind at times and is a natural part of maturing. I don't think lifelong conclusions can be drawn from these experiences.  Great topic.


beth

Eh, I don't think it was drawn from puberty, considering the desire was present long before even my first hairs sprouted on my legs.

Sex has never been on my mind in the process of becoming a female. I have never thought of the two (gender and sex) as the same thing. To me, being female had nothing to do with being sexual or trying to satisfy some twisted thought. It was who I was and that was all.
Sheila

Quote from: Annwyn on August 29, 2006, 12:09:34 PM
For the longest time I wanted to be on hormones, wanted to take on the appearance and shape of a female, but was never sure if I wanted to go through fully with surgery.
I wanted to be some sort of ->-bleeped-<-, a freak for a freak's fantasy.
I also just enjoyed the difference of it, I enjoyed being the chick with a dick that couldn't get enough sex.
Now that I've taken a vow of abstinence till marriage, I want to get the surgery.
I was just curious though, as to perhaps similiar experiences from people and possibly even discussing the causes of this?  Some kind of twisted bisexuality?

Hmmmmmmmmm I guess the question I would ask you Annwyn is how do you see yourself; do you have a label TS/TV/CD/ or what ever other labels are out there.  I can never tell where you are coming from lol.  I did assume that your were/are TS if that was the case then SRS/GRS would be a logical step to consider.

Steph

Just because somebody is transsexual, doesn't mean they have to get GRS.  The purpose of GRS is to treat dysphoria from having genitals that cause significant distress.  It is not to obtain membership into some elite club.  Not everybody can afford it and not everybody can do it for medical reasons.  Maybe the part is so small, you don't notice it until you look in the mirror asnd it's not difficult to hide.  Some people will not plan on having it for years because it is not feasible and the costs outweigh the benefits gained.  I know it is some people's belief that if you don't seek GRS immediately, then you are not really a transsexual and your Gender Dysphoria isn't real.  I beg to differ.  If you feel that GRS will solve all problems and make you suddenly not gender dysphoric, then I think you are mistaken.  It should be considered an extra and if it is a driving part of your life, then what happens after GRS?  You have no drive left.  For me, I know it is an imminent procedure, but I don't know when.  I'm far happier now than I've ever been and there are times where I really wish I had the right part, but the important thing is I can live once again.  I just avoid any situations where my genitals are exposed and concentrate on living. Whether I have surgery in 1 year or 3 years should have little bearing on my life, because I'm still a woman regardless.  So, maybe making the assumption that somebody has a maddening urge for GRS immediately should be left to the individual, since they are the ones who have to live with the results.

Melissa

Quote from: Annwyn on August 29, 2006, 12:09:34 PM
Now that I've taken a vow of abstinence till marriage, I want to get the surgery.
I was just curious though, as to perhaps similiar experiences from people and possibly even discussing the causes of this?  Some kind of twisted bisexuality?

Hey, just about every thought in our head concerning this thing could be considered twisted by "normal" people out there.  I suppose that I had similar feelings in that I thought that I could manage my feelings by limiting my outings to afterhours on business trips.  I did not feel sexual nor did I have sexual fantasies however.  We all go through a number of stages as we walk our path.  Eventually some of us are fortunate to reach a place where we feel comfortable and THE thoughts turn to more productive activities.

The actual question "is SRS right for everyone" I would have to say no to that.  Each person has to make up their own mind what is right for them.

For me it is right, but I would not dare to answer that for you.

Sarah L.

Quote from: Sheila on August 29, 2006, 02:11:27 PM
Sex has never been on my mind in the process of becoming a female. I have never thought of the two (gender and sex) as the same thing. To me, being female had nothing to do with being sexual or trying to satisfy some twisted thought. It was who I was and that was all.

Yes... but I still think it's all about sex, in one form or another.

Quote from: Steph on August 29, 2006, 03:02:36 PM
Hmmmmmmmmm I guess the question I would ask you Annwyn is how do you see yourself; do you have a label TS/TV/CD/ or what ever other labels are out there.  I can never tell where you are coming from lol.  I did assume that your were/are TS if that was the case then SRS/GRS would be a logical step to consider.

Me?
Eh.
I'm considerably confused about this whole mess.
As I've said in other places, I could settle for being a guy, but I won't.  Why?  Because I am a transsexual.
I've had consistant feelings since childhood of transsexualism, but at the same time I can always find enough good in anything to grow attatched to it.
This is something I have to do.
I find so much joy going to the mall crossdressed, getting the guys to hit on me and making new friends, flaunting myself out.  I'm an attention whore!
I find so much joy in knowing I'm beautiful, and I don't think I could be half the "guy" I am now did I not know I were such the girl I am!  It gives me so much strength, to live, to think, to be happy even if I'm not presenting as I feel!
It's just that I've done it, and that I'm going to do it again someday(soon) that gives me joy.
Apart from being a transsexual, I'm a recluse, finding more entertainment in my own thoughts than in the company of others.  As such I begin to humor some thoughts which aren't like most others, but are worthwhile all the same.  Since being off hormones, I've retreated into this fantasy of mine, that limits most domestic activities other than work and projects to a minimum due to just living out fantasies in my head.  It beats Television 100X!!!
But yeah... I'm a transsexual because I want to be female.  I also want to live in 4th century Brittain, be a war goddess, a hero, a druid, a witch, a BARD!!!
I'm a poet and all that, and those are also my dreams and I could be happy just living those out, excluding the woman in me...  it's all too confusing!-cries-

Annwyn,
      The question you pose, I would say no. Now from a FtM perspective, it is about both. For me anyway. It is first about my body matching my mind, and it is also about sex. But not because of bottom surgery, it is just because I am a guy. Being on testosreone makes one want or need sex more, but my sex drive was high even before testosterone. SRS are for those who want everything to be inline. Body and soul. There are many transsexuals who are happy just on hormones, some simply not having the money, and some afraid of the surgeries, or for medical reasons can not have anything done.

So you need to ask yourself what you really want for you? What will make you happy with your body and your mind.                                 
                                                     Marco

Quote from: Annwyn on August 29, 2006, 09:06:02 PM...
Yes... but I still think it's all about sex, in one form or another.

All right, how do the situation I find myself compute to you Annwyn?

Now your 'one form or another' is pretty much a catch all, but by and large I do this mess (transition) to 'feel' proper, sex really isn't that much of a concern to me. Let me explain...

Now granted, I may just be an odd one, but at around 15 or so I figured out I'd do (in a heart beat) a brain transplant (or whatever), that is to say, I would switch physical sexes if I ended up proper. Fully functional body and all that. Obviously such is still a pipe dream and so I did nothing. 15 years later I could not and WOULD NOT stand it anymore and started to transaction.

During that 15 years I identified as a normal heterosexual male and was plagued with a sex drive. Roughly 80%-90% of the time I did not want the sexual thoughts. Frankly, I had better things to think of.

Note that during this time I remained single, not that I was overly happy about that but when no one interesting is interested that is kind of what happens, lol.

Later, around 29.4 or so, I met a woman who latter became my friend to fiancée and back to friend when I came out to her. During this time before I woke up and 'came out' and given that she is a very sexual and sensual person, I spent a lot of time dealing with the sexual thoughts and exploring my own sexuality. Over all I expected I could keep her happy once married (we were/are separated by a number of miles) however it kind of seemed like a drag to me. But, that is sight unseen and unexperienced. (I am still a virgin).

Then I woke up and any possibility of intimacy fell though the floor I was able to drop the sexual thoughts pretty much entirely.  Once on HRT my sex drive dropped to basically zero. I found and find this most refreshing.  Currently, I think about something regarding sex roughly less than once a month. Those thoughts are unwelcome and very brief.

During my own evolution into myself I came to understand that I was not heterosexual but rather pansexual. I used to call myself bisexual, but I find my definition of bisexual closer matches 'pansexual' so I go with that now.

This discrepancy, specifically the 'changing' sexual orientation is due to my personal views of what is acceptable for myself. I did not see gay attraction to be acceptable, regardless of terms used. I did not however have any problem with a female being bisexual. This said, I am far more interested in females. THAT said, currently, my interest in sex is more of a resigned inevitability than a want.

Currently I basically identify as asexual, specifically an asexual pansexual, as I have zero interest in sex for the duration of transition.

This said, in the future when I am as physically female as possible I intend to drop the sexual ban and if something happens then something happens. However, I do not expect to go looking. I mean honestly, sex is just sex it is not that interesting. But, that is in the future, and currently I have no problem with the thought of dying an old maid. Not my preference mind but what will happen will happen.

By the by it feels like I should opt for SRS rather than a nullification/labiaplasty route so I am. I am honestly not opting for SRS so I can have sex, it just seems like the 'right' thing to do.

But meh, the way I see it is if I have sex then yay, I have sex. If not, then yay. It is just not a concern for me that I can tell.
(My idea of a 'good time' is a walk on the beach hand in hand in the moonlight. -- Knowing me and anyone with whom I would be doing that with we would probably be discussing things that are very much out of this world. )


Ok, so given that I can see some sexual reason, I.e. a want for sex and a perceived end to the loneliness, but frankly I would do this, in a heart beat, even if I was assured I would die single, a virgin, and alone. I honestly mean that.

P.s. No, SRS is DEFINITELY NOT right for every transsexual.

Kimberly, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here.  If sex is not a factor for you, then why are you waiting until after SRS to be sexual?  I agree that it may not be a primary factor, but it must play into the decision to transition somewhat.

Melissa

Quote from: Marco on August 29, 2006, 10:01:25 PM
Annwyn,
      The question you pose, I would say no. Now from a FtM perspective, it is about both. For me anyway. It is first about my body matching my mind, and it is also about sex. But not because of bottom surgery, it is just because I am a guy. Being on testosreone makes one want or need sex more, but my sex drive was high even before testosterone. SRS are for those who want everything to be inline. Body and soul.

And now from another FtM's perspective. To me, this is definitely not about sex. In fact, sex is one of the things that gave me pause about my decision to transition. If this were about sex, I would not do it.
I have so much sexual freedom now. Transitioning will change things.  Gone will be the spontaneity of sex. Gone will be those steamy encounters with beautiful strangers in which the moment just flows.
Suddenly, I will be an individual without the expected package. I will have to have the "talk" with every new sex partner. Sex will never be the same again.

And to answer your question, Annwyn: No, SRS is not right for everyone. It is not right for me.
I wouldn't have it in a million years. I wouldn't have it for a million dollars. I wouldn't have it even if FtM SRS were perfect. In fact, if a fairy godmother or something showed up, offering to give me a fully functional natural male organ, I would pass. I simply like what I have.

Nero

Quote from: Nero on August 30, 2006, 11:42:10 AM
And to answer your question, Annwyn: No, SRS is not right for everyone. It is not right for me.
I wouldn't have it in a million years. I wouldn't have it for a million dollars. I wouldn't have it even if FtM SRS were perfect. In fact, if a fairy godmother or something showed up, offering to give me a fully functional natural male organ, I would pass. I simply like what I have.

Pssht, you weirdo Nero!
(and NO that wasn't meant in a derrogatory manner)

And well, I just read up on a Dr. Sanguan in Thailand.  I think I'd enjoy to get my surgery with him, and then have a nice stay in Thailand.  I suppose that's my goal for the next few years!

Quote from: Annwyn on August 29, 2006, 09:16:59 PM

Quote from: Steph on August 29, 2006, 03:02:36 PM
Hmmmmmmmmm I guess the question I would ask you Annwyn is how do you see yourself; do you have a label TS/TV/CD/ or what ever other labels are out there.  I can never tell where you are coming from lol.  I did assume that your were/are TS if that was the case then SRS/GRS would be a logical step to consider.

Me?
Eh.
I'm considerably confused about this whole mess.
As I've said in other places, I could settle for being a guy, but I won't.  Why?  Because I am a transsexual.
I've had consistant feelings since childhood of transsexualism, but at the same time I can always find enough good in anything to grow attatched to it.
This is something I have to do.
I find so much joy going to the mall crossdressed, getting the guys to hit on me and making new friends, flaunting myself out.  I'm an attention whore!

I hear that Annwyn,  I don't consider myself  "an attention whore!", but I have been called a bit of a slut sometimes by someone who is near and dear to me

QuoteI find so much joy in knowing I'm beautiful, and I don't think I could be half the "guy" I am now did I not know I were such the girl I am!  It gives me so much strength, to live, to think, to be happy even if I'm not presenting as I feel!
It's just that I've done it, and that I'm going to do it again someday(soon) that gives me joy.

I know one thing and that's if you cant like yourself then a person would be in a world of hurt.  I've met a few who have had trouble with self image, but I can see that you seem quite confident with who and what you are.  So be hapy and have fun.

QuoteApart from being a transsexual, I'm a recluse, finding more entertainment in my own thoughts than in the company of others.  As such I begin to humor some thoughts which aren't like most others, but are worthwhile all the same.  Since being off hormones, I've retreated into this fantasy of mine, that limits most domestic activities other than work and projects to a minimum due to just living out fantasies in my head.  It beats Television 100X!!!
But yeah... I'm a transsexual because I want to be female.  I also want to live in 4th century Brittain, be a war goddess, a hero, a druid, a witch, a BARD!!!
I'm a poet and all that, and those are also my dreams and I could be happy just living those out, excluding the woman in me...  it's all too confusing!-cries-

I think that a druid would be kinda neat... Stonehenge and all that.  I already think that I'm already a war goddess lol, well in my own mind.  The only problem is that I'm not very fearsome looking   (no body answer that) Poetry now I would have a problem with that as I'm not very creative when it comes, how do you call it... "prose"?  I know that for myself I'm living my dream and I guess I should consider myself lucky in that regard, as my dream is becoming my reality.

Chat later.

Steph

Quote from: Melissa on August 30, 2006, 11:21:49 AM
Kimberly, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here.  If sex is not a factor for you, then why are you waiting until after SRS to be sexual?  I agree that it may not be a primary factor, but it must play into the decision to transition somewhat.

Melissa

That is a very good question Melissa.

Basically it can be summed up by saying that I have no one nor any interest in finding a sexual partner. A life partner and FRIEND yes, however sex is inconsequential to that.  Even if I had a cute girlfriend here who was totally into me as me I think my interest would be in romance, not sex.  Besides, sex is just a complication, one I do not need right now.

I mean dysphoria and the general want to NOT be reminded that part exists aside, I never have understood humanity's obsession with sex.  Quite honestly I have had and do have better and more productive things to think about, and while I know I will think "I can do that now" after SRS, CAN DO, does not mean I will do, nor does it imply a want to do.

To me a sex drive is a foreign alien construct in my mind. I honestly do not want it, and I am pleased as punch HRT has DECIMATED what little I had.

For what it is worth.

Quote from: Nero on August 30, 2006, 11:42:10 AM

Quote from: Marco on August 29, 2006, 10:01:25 PM
Annwyn,
      The question you pose, I would say no. Now from a FtM perspective, it is about both. For me anyway. It is first about my body matching my mind, and it is also about sex. But not because of bottom surgery, it is just because I am a guy. Being on testosreone makes one want or need sex more, but my sex drive was high even before testosterone. SRS are for those who want everything to be inline. Body and soul.

And now from another FtM's perspective. To me, this is definitely not about sex. In fact, sex is one of the things that gave me pause about my decision to transition. If this were about sex, I would not do it.
I have so much sexual freedom now. Transitioning will change things.  Gone will be the spontaneity of sex. Gone will be those steamy encounters with beautiful strangers in which the moment just flows.
Suddenly, I will be an individual without the expected package. I will have to have the "talk" with every new sex partner. Sex will never be the same again.

And to answer your question, Annwyn: No, SRS is not right for everyone. It is not right for me.
I wouldn't have it in a million years. I wouldn't have it for a million dollars. I wouldn't have it even if FtM SRS were perfect. In fact, if a fairy godmother or something showed up, offering to give me a fully functional natural male organ, I would pass. I simply like what I have.

Nero

Nero,
             I guess I just don't get you. I have always had great sex with women, this is as a man. I can't get graphic here. Now, out side of having my children that was it for that part of the body. I hated it, and could never enjoy that. That is being a woman, and liking it.  If you identify as male in your mind, then why would you not want to have your body match if it could be granted to you to be fully functioning just as your body is now, but only as a man?

That says to me you don't want to be one then. I'm not trying to offend you, just trying to undestand you.

                                                             Marco

Quote from: Kimberly on August 30, 2006, 12:53:45 PM
Basically it can be summed up by saying that I have no one nor any interest in finding a sexual partner. A life partner and FRIEND yes, however sex is inconsequential to that.  Even if I had a cute girlfriend here who was totally into me as me I think my interest would be in romance, not sex.  Besides, sex is just a complication, one I do not need right now.

I mean dysphoria and the general want to NOT be reminded that part exists aside, I never have understood humanity's obsession with sex.  Quite honestly I have had and do have better and more productive things to think about, and while I know I will think "I can do that now" after SRS, CAN DO, does not mean I will do, nor does it imply a want to do.

I think that transsexualism and sex are intricately related.
One wouldn't want to transition if one didn't find some appeal in society's sexual placements, even if it is one set apart from the one assumed at birth.

Nah, as you're seeing, SRS isn't right for everyone.

I don't see my genitals very often, so they don't really cause me much concern. I'm *much* more troubled by my beard (what's left anyway), masculine face, and height. I guess we're all trained to consider genitals as THE item defining one's sex, but I don't think of them as being any more significant that any other sexual attribute. And concerns for "proper" sexual function are still way down on the priority list. So for right now, SRS just isn't really on my radar yet.

However, if miracle of miracles happens, and after a few years HRT morphs my body into a wonderfully female shape, the incongruity of the genitals will probably become much more apparent and bothersome.