You might want to check out Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab; the scents on that site are formulated by a lady named Beth, but many of the scents are... Well, genderless, or mixed-message(I've been collecting some of them over the years, things like melon and tobacco/gin together, scents that are more concept than gender, as well as the typical masculine/feminine swag).
You say vanilla is like the default womens fragrance- what would be the default mens fragrance, and would they smell good together as a perfume? Example: vanilla(stereotypically 'lady'), leather (stereotypically 'manly') together could in fact smell nicely together in a perfume. Anyway, scents like bergamot or other citrusy/lemony/minty are pretty in-between in that they don't scream either 'MAN!' or 'WOMAN!', but still smell fairly pleasant and fresh. Another good unisex one is lavender- the scent of lavender has been used traditionally in men's fougeres, but it is still a pretty flowery/herb smell that is therapeutic.
As for brand name perfume, I think I recall Bvlgari's green tea men's perfume smelling pretty femme for a men's scent, but not quite womanly smelling, either. It's a nice, fresh scent that's relatively neutral.