Thanks for the acknowledgment, sorry to have wasted your time.

i guess the biggest insult was to ignore the topic altogether and continue with a social discusion on effective communication

Can I suggest that the people concerned about racism etc move to a different thread.
Shelina seems to have some problems that need addressed.

Well, back to Shelina.

Sorry honey you do seem to be in an area with a few too many loopys. It's terribly dangerous to get confrontational with these creeps. They have few brain cells and less morality. As Miniar has said totally ignoring people can work. I did do this at one time when some things were throwing insults and threw an object, don't know what it was 'cos I didn't look, it didn't hit me.
I have a colleague who is post op (former male genitalia). Who is nice and brash. She was shouted out by a turkey in a fairly crowded street " What the F**K are You" She crossed over to the turkey; people in the area stopped as she walked up to him and shouted into his face, " I'm a human being, WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU" and just walked back across the street. I know I couldn't do that.

If you can find out why you are not passing from your therapist might be a help. I presume you are in the USA and don't know the laws and civility over there (are there any? OK running Cindy joke ). But if you are getting assaulted on public transport are there guards etc who you can report behaviour too? Sorry for my ignorance.

I do like Carlleta's comment; she founded Les Boys, a drag show in Sydney. She is very bright and quick witted. When insulted in the street once,- same sort of comment what the F are you? (they don't get original, note before about lack of brains) she replied. "I'm more of a man than you will ever be, and more of a woman than you will ever have."

Bullies tend to be in packs, or if solo drunk. Packs are dangerous because they tend to be groups of cowards that need each other to give them support. Escalation is important to the pack. They don't think, but react to circumstance, as in: she responded to a insult from A, So I'll double the insult, C I'll spit at her as well as an insult. D I'll touch her and spit and insult. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. Ignoring it can break it. If possible move away. Avoid inflamming the stuation no matter how in the right you are.

BTW what age group are you in? Not that it matters to the situation just wondering about the age of the creatures who are assaulting you.

Take care Shelina.

Do get back about how you go.

You can always pm me if you wish.

Cindy

I'm sorry that you must endure so much harassment and abuse.

I get insulted sometimes since deciding to transition. But most of it is catty girl insults. ie "Horsey girl" because I'm tall

Most of the insults I received were pre-transition. I was still presenting as a man but people picked up on my fem. persona quickly. I was spit upon and called a variety of names.

One guy pulled my hair thinking it was a wig. When he realized it was my hair he apologized.

I'm noticing that as I gain confidence and assert myself as a woman, more people are accepting and seem to like me more.

My transition is not physically complete yet. But the mind set was already there for years

Self acceptance seems to be the key to it all.

Take Care and be safe dear 

Quote from: CindyJames on October 02, 2009, 04:40:04 AM
Can I suggest that the people concerned about racism etc move to a different thread.
Shelina seems to have some problems that need addressed.

Well, back to Shelina.

Sorry honey you do seem to be in an area with a few too many loopys. It's terribly dangerous to get confrontational with these creeps. They have few brain cells and less morality. As Miniar has said totally ignoring people can work. I did do this at one time when some things were throwing insults and threw an object, don't know what it was 'cos I didn't look, it didn't hit me.
I have a colleague who is post op (former male genitalia). Who is nice and brash. She was shouted out by a turkey in a fairly crowded street " What the F**K are You" She crossed over to the turkey; people in the area stopped as she walked up to him and shouted into his face, " I'm a human being, WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU" and just walked back across the street. I know I couldn't do that.

If you can find out why you are not passing from your therapist might be a help. I presume you are in the USA and don't know the laws and civility over there (are there any? OK running Cindy joke ). But if you are getting assaulted on public transport are there guards etc who you can report behaviour too? Sorry for my ignorance.

I do like Carlleta's comment; she founded Les Boys, a drag show in Sydney. She is very bright and quick witted. When insulted in the street once,- same sort of comment what the F are you? (they don't get original, note before about lack of brains) she replied. "I'm more of a man than you will ever be, and more of a woman than you will ever have."

Bullies tend to be in packs, or if solo drunk. Packs are dangerous because they tend to be groups of cowards that need each other to give them support. Escalation is important to the pack. They don't think, but react to circumstance, as in: she responded to a insult from A, So I'll double the insult, C I'll spit at her as well as an insult. D I'll touch her and spit and insult. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. Ignoring it can break it. If possible move away. Avoid inflamming the stuation no matter how in the right you are.

BTW what age group are you in? Not that it matters to the situation just wondering about the age of the creatures who are assaulting you.

Take care Shelina.

Do get back about how you go.

You can always pm me if you wish.

Cindy

Thanks a lot Cindy. Well I am not in USA but of Asian/Arab mixed origin. I'm in my mid-twenties and I was assaulted by teenagers of highschool. I would have retaliated if they became physical but the other age groups as men same age or above than me who seem to be stronger, I don't dare confront, they'll smash your face off.

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Post Merge: October 02, 2009, 05:36:12 AM

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Quote from: Virginia Marie on October 02, 2009, 04:43:41 AM
I was spit upon and called a variety of names.

One guy pulled my hair thinking it was a wig. 

OMG!  This is terrible, I thought I was the only one to have this experience. I sympathise with you sister. 

Hi Hon,

Protect yourself.
Any chance honey of what country and can you name (safely) the prevailing religion. What are the "ethics" of the country 'has a problem with TG? Does the country have a problem with gay or lesbian people? 

Love, Hugs and kisses
Cindy

Sleep well you have friends

So sorry you had to go through that.  Peeps can be idiots sometimes. I had to put up with that before too, mainly with drunkards in clubs.  Can I say 'drunkards' or will it offend some of you?  ,  Anyway my friends always kept the drunkards away & I felt safe going out with them.  Nobody takes a second look at me now.  Nobody can confuse me for a bloke in a dress anymore.  I've changed alot physically.  You'll get there too.

What's up with the term "Macaques"? That's a type of monkey, you mean you got on a bus with a bunch of monkeys in it? Bring bananas next time!

I'm assuming it's the local term where you are for something like bully-boys, etc. Where I'm from they're called mokes, and often the sign in the front of the bus that says "NO SMOKING" has been altered to say "NO MOKING" lol.

I highly recommend you move also. Because: bullies are going to bully whoever's handy, whoever's nearby.

Let's see.... insulting things..... been whistled at while hugging/kissing a girl on the street, the same street where hetero couples do that all the time, had people say "Are you a girl or a dude". and the classic "Are you a he-she, a she-he, or a she-she?" thing which kinda makes me laugh.

I grew up where being white or at least mostly white like I am, makes you a target. I understand having to look down and just keep on shufflin' down the street because yeah, you fight back against one, you end up with many on you, and you can end up with the whole friggin' neighborhood against you. My big dream was to get out of there and I did. So, I understand what you are up against.

As I become more manly, I'm waiting for the "->-bleeped-<-!" comments, I'm starting to pass more and I'm sure I'm gonna impress most as being a ->-bleeped-<-gy guy lol. I get the most interesting looks in arts'n'crafts stores!

One thing that helps me is, I work out and I'm willing to fight if it comes to that. That, and street sense, has kept me out of a lot of trouble.

If people don't want to talk about racism, all they have to do is stop making racist comments. Or sarcastic comments that minimize racism. Racism is the topic whenever it comes up, and moreover it entails precisely the same kind of dehumanization that we trans folk often experience. Some of the comments here use exactly the same arguments that people use to avoid being called out on anti-trans comments.

See Derailing For Dummies, specifically the section on, "Don't You Have More Important Issues To Think About" (though several others apply).

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I think that Shelina has some good advice here. I would add that if you are having nasty interactions, try to stay in groups when you go out. Women alone in public are often targets of harassment, and that's a big part of the reason women tend to go out in groups. It's all the more important when you're trans. Simply put, women learn to avoid confrontations with hostile men, and if you're trans, it's a harder learning curve. Other strategies are to blend in as much as you can in terms of dress, the places you go, not lingering in dangerous places, etc.

As for me, I haven't had many nasty situations, mostly because I'm clueless enough about people's reaction to me that I never react, so things never escalate, if they even begin in the first place.

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I believe "macaque" is from the 2006 senatorial election campaign in Virginia, and incumbent Republican George Allen's use of "macaca" to describe an aide of his opponent. See Wikipedia's Macaca (slur) article.

from my experience it get better the more you advance in transition. most of the abuses i did take was pre-transition when i still did not take any step toward transition or even toward accepting my self.

in a club a girl once was confused once about my gender and whether i am mtf or ftm. of course she asked very politely about my gender and even apologized in advance for asking the question, then she looked me in the eyes and said: i want you to promise me that you will ignore people that hate you and you will not allowed them to stop your transition.

Coming to insults, i was called every word in the dictionary. in two cases the insult included the word 'death'.

i was even twice in a club overpowered by a bigger and stronger man that was spooning me and touching me in an inappropriate way, at the end the security did ask him  to leave the club, on that night i could not stop crying for hours.

But will all of this make me stop transitioning or change my plans? no i did go past that point, and if i don't go forward it means i suffered and did go through hell for nothing. 

It happened in one of my trips to the States.  My friend invited me to spend two weeks with her in Colorado.  We entered a convenience store & this bloke smiled at us & nodded his head.  He was buying cigarettes & a six pack..  I went to the candy rack.  Leni my friend stayed at front. She wanted to know where the ATM was & suddently I hear all this screaming & shouting. nasty words like "->-bleeped-<-got" "c-ck sucker" & stuff like that. 

I dunno how the bloke that was buying the beer had clocked Leni my friend..  Maybe because she's tall or something about her voice.  Thing is that the bloke went mad, started cussing horrible insults to my friend Leni.  I don't know how people can say such bad words.  He had the filthy dirty mouth of a truck driver.  We left the store. drove away & he stayed at the door of the convenience store spewing filth thru his dirty mouth.

That was my bad experience in the US.  We could've been hurt by this bloke if we weren't careful.  But we shouldn't have gone to the convenience store so late at night either.

EDIT: Thought about it, changed my mind, I don't want to contribute any more to the derailing of the thread.

Pretend this post doesn't exist. 

Way to stay classy.

Quote from: Bellaon7 on October 02, 2009, 04:30:40 PM
To the person thoughtlessly throwing around the term "drunkard"; the correct term is CHEMICALY INCONVEINIENCED! I know this because I read it on another thread, & I've had sex w/a Black guy...actually he was more brown like a Snicker's bar.   

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Post Merge: October 02, 2009, 04:31:26 PM

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Okay, that's enough.
Let's please remember that political correctness aside, we have members of all races, ethnicities, and backgrounds here. Please be sensitive to that. If you wouldn't say it to a member of that group's face, please don't say it here.

Let's move beyond this issue and return to the OP please. Thanks.

Quote from: Nero on October 02, 2009, 05:03:40 PM
Okay, that's enough.
Let's please remember that political correctness aside, we have members of all races, ethnicities, and backgrounds here. Please be sensitive to that. If you wouldn't say it to a member of that group's face, please don't say it here.

Let's move beyond this issue and return to the OP please. Thanks.

Not a problem!!!

Ha one time I went to this gay bar, mostly guys but some gals went there too, I was wearing all my leather motorcycle stuff and apparently looked like a handsome young dude because another guy dragged me onto the dance floor saying "I want to dance with you" lol - I said "Well, I don't wanna dance with you!" and pulled away and back to my friends lol.

Yes gals tend to go places together. Going around alone looking female can be a problem. I tend to forget about that because at first glance I look male (like a teenager maybe) and have always gone all kinds of places by myself. Looking obviously female and alone will get you all kinds of attention you never got as a guy.

Great, I didn't know the KKK had a TS branch, guess ya'll be wearing them pink sheets.  Really, most TS who get fired don't get the axe for being TS, they get it because they are more trouble then they are worth.* 

*(see above)

Quote from: tekla on October 02, 2009, 05:21:30 PM
Great, I didn't know the KKK had a TS branch, guess ya'll be wearing them pink sheets.  Really, most TS who get fired don't get the axe for being TS, they get it because they are more trouble then they are worth.* 

*(see above)

I'm sorry tekla, I was trying to make a point not offend anyone, Isabella

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Post Merge: October 02, 2009, 09:56:42 PM

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I'll attempt to get a meaningful & relevent thread back on track(please go back & read the original post). We can spend night & day tying ourselves in knots over the proper use of adjectives. If we do that or not, it does nothing to change the kind violence of ts/tg people face. When a memeber of the ts/tg community is murdered, it tends not to be a simple(of course there's no such thing) act of killing, but an act motivated by extreme hatred. In other words, instead of blows, gunshots, or what not, the purpatraitor doesn't stop at what it takes to kill, but rather continues to mutilate, ie, a true act of hatred. Don't take my word for this, the information is easily accessable to all.   

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Post Merge: October 02, 2009, 07:57:12 PM

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I'll attempt to get a meaningful & relevent thread back on track(please go back & read the original post). We can spend night & day tying ourselves in knots over the proper use of adjectives. If we do that or not, it does nothing to change the kind violence of ts/tg people face. When a memeber of the ts/tg community is murdered, it tends not to be a simple(of course there's no such thing) act of killing, but an act motivated by extreme hatred. In other words, instead of blows, gunshots, or what not, the purpatraitor doesn't stop at what it takes to kill, but rather continues to mutilate, ie, a true act of hatred. Don't take my word for this, the information is easily accessable to all.   

Why bother to work against people who are already working against themselves?

Quote from: tekla on October 02, 2009, 09:49:53 PM
Why bother to work against people who are already working against themselves?

Why is there any need for any of us to turn on another? some of us like myself are alcoholics, some of us are drug addicts, some of us are prostitutes, & some us are just plain old broken. Who umong is unwelcome?

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Post Merge: October 02, 2009, 10:16:10 PM

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Quote from: tekla on October 02, 2009, 09:49:53 PM
Why bother to work against people who are already working against themselves?

Why is there any need for any of us to turn on another? some of us like myself are alcoholics, some of us are drug addicts, some of us are prostitutes, & some us are just plain old broken. Who umong is unwelcome?