I've never felt like two people and wouldn't ever want to. That must be horrendous to feel that way?

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on December 19, 2009, 12:12:52 PM
I've never felt like two people and wouldn't ever want to. That must be horrendous to feel that way?

What she said.

As one of the early contributors who actually voted no, but who does have (I hope) some level of comprehension of this I can't help but feel that some people are taking the phase "two people" a bit literally.

It may be me missing the point of course, but I don't think that anyone is seriously suggesting that they are literally two separate entities.

I certainly wasn't anyway - hence the no vote. Merely that because of the dysphoria there is a mystical work to be done in repairing the fracture which has occurred between the outward apparent gender and  the inner reality - that is certainly what I was talking about in my poem anyway. Expressing this in terms of two mythical opposite sexed persona's is merely a metaphor to allow someone with no understanding of the fracture we feel between our appearance and our indentity to have some grasp of the real pain that this causes.

Quote from: rejennyrated on December 19, 2009, 01:56:10 PM
As one of the early contributors who actually voted no, but who does have (I hope) some level of comprehension of this I can't help but feel that some people are taking the phase "two people" a bit literally.

Yes, but don't ->-bleeped-<-s live a duel life or role? they are happy to live as a man for most of the time but are also equally happy to split this with going out as a woman also?
This may have been how the original post was presented? a person living in a duel role and feeling like they are two people?

Quote from: Naturally Blonde on December 20, 2009, 10:46:51 AM
Yes, but don't ->-bleeped-<-s live a duel life or role? they are happy to live as a man for most of the time but are also equally happy to split this with going out as a woman also?
This may have been how the original post was presented? a person living in a duel role and feeling like they are two people?

Fair point! - it may be me that misunderstood it then. I always assumed it was a figurative reflection of the mind/body dysmorphic split, and therefore something that one would want to repair... but I can see you may be right. Some people may not - in which case count me out! 

Quote from: Janet Lynn on December 20, 2009, 11:28:49 AM
The only problem that I see with threads like this and others, is that those who have searched for decades to come to terms with their GID, use terms like two-spirited and if we so think that we are not correct in our thinking, by others views.

But we were not blessed by the ability to change the body at a young age.  I am 55 and have know for years who I was, but I never could find the help I needed to become that person.  Just because I am unemployed, live in a country where it costs thousands of dollars to change things.  I try my best to go forward and then threads like this, that begin innocently enough, become a young vs. older transitioners.  I am sorry that I was not blessed with money or skills.  May be it would have been better if I have succeeded in my last attempt.

I tired of trying to speak my mind and then to feel like I am wrong because I speak my mind.  The rules state that ...

But it is hard when just because I was cursed to be an underclass person.  I am here for support and some of the statements seem to be directed at us lower class people.  I am sorry that I was born in a country that does not pay for my treatment and that I am not lucky enough to be given a chance to be a better person.  I did what I thought was best for parents and family.



In tears,
Janet

Hi Janet,

You do seem to feel sorry for yourself because you are a later transitioner. I could equally say the same thing or anyone who started their transition over the age of 39.

I also wish I transtioned in the 1970's as a teenager but but it was a lot harder in those days and the information and contacts were not available in the same way as they are these days. The internet didn't exist either.

I am also finacially poor (I have no heating for my flat) and have to pay for my treatment as and when I have the money. So please remember a lot of us are in the same boat hon!

Hey Janet

The last thing I want to do is have you of all people in tears.

I was speaking only for myself in ALL my posts - and as I have frequently observed in other threads and will willingly do so in this one, my experience is NOT the only one, nor is it the only RIGHT one.

All I was trying to do was clarify my own position. If others then extended that into something which felt like an attack I am of course mortified and have no wish to be publically associated with that.

You are CERTAINLY no less a person than anyone - in fact I think it is said somewhere in scripture that those who suffer greatest are to be honoured the highest.

So please - I can't speak for anyone else of course but I personally am certainly not trying to denigrate in ANY way your feelings. that would be quite wrong - and if have ever given that impression I appologise absolutely unreservedly.  I would also like any others who may have inadvertantly been party to this unfortunate incident to do likewise.

Please do not feel un-valued. For me you, and others like you are the heart and soul of the place. As I have said in other threads you always seem to know what to say to help others and Susans is made the richer for your presence.

I for one would miss you greatly if you were not here, and I count you as a true friend.


Jenny.

Thank You Jenny.

I also apologize and will not be posting for a while.   I need to reevaluate my contributions here.  I never meant to hurt anyone in all the time I have been here.

But I feel I am not welcomed any more.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on December 20, 2009, 02:06:53 PM
Thank You Jenny.

I also apologize and will not be posting for a while.   I need to reevaluate my contributions here.  I never meant to hurt anyone in all the time I have been here.

But I feel I am not welcomed any more.

Please Janet

I beg you to reconsider that.

Many of us value your posts most highly and basically if you go silent we are all made the poorer by that.

We need to voice of calm reason and sanity that you provide.

J.

I feel like two different people: There is the me, who is me (girl).  And the me who works in the work force (boy).

At work I feel like a completely different person.  Its kinda odd.  I have to keep my mind focused some times as not to slip into `myself'.

It kinda weirds me out changing presentations for people on a daily basis (unless i don't work that day).  But hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.  C'est la vie.

~Lisa

I don't feel like two people per se but I understood your post as if you were talking about shedding the old habits/moods but sometimes going back to them?  I'd say that's common if you're in the first stages of transition.  You're getting used to the real you whilst at the same time undoing what they inculcated in you.  I dunno if that makes sense to you, but I would talk to my gender clinician about it.  If they give you weird looks when you talk to them about it, maybe it's time to find somebody else.  They're supposed to be there to help you & not to make you feel uncomfortable when you open up to them.

Hmm.  At first the male aspect of me was just an outward persona created by social pressures... I really wanted to please my parents, teachers, peers.  As time went on (high school & early college) it invaded me more deeply due to playing this role all the time, increased pressure to be masculine, and probably testosterone.

My hope from the beginning of transition was not to kill my male aspect, but to integrate insightful experiences of this role with my actual self, rather than have 'split thoughts'.  So ironically, in bringing out my actual personality, I allowed faked male traits to become slightly genuine.  Well, the ones I like anyway.

I may have lost something precious, my childhood as a girl, yet the way I see it I may as well become a stronger person for the pain.

I honestly don't feel like anyone right now.

I voted no, but sometimes I feel like one and a half person.  The one person me, and the half person I've created for interacting with other people.  I'm working on it though, so maybe now it's more like one and a third person.  I'm not sure any of us is really just one person in the end.

ABSOLUTELY.

I definitely feel as though there is, what I have been calling my "center"... or "core"... who is this person that's a true representation of how I really am... and feel, and then there's this shell of a thing that is made up of coping mechanisms that have become habits that has become this personality that is not me what-so-ever.

That core was buried underneath the bad habits and coping mechanisms, and it was when I realized that they were two separate things, that I was really able to take hold of my fate and push forward with getting to a place of peace with myself.

In a more plain manner, I can put it like this : Growing up playing the role of a boy, I got into a lot of things, like computers and such, because they were an escape from the hell I was living.  If I hadn't had to escape, I know I would have been much more into art, dance, and drama as a child.

So here I am all grown up with a big part of me that loves geek stuff, but it's not a true love of mine... just something I got into the habit of turning to.

Then there's that true-core-self that wants to be an actress and dance and put on costumes and doesn't care about technology and video games!

So yeah... it's weird, I can actually _feel_ both sides of me within me, but one feels more true than the other, and in some situations they meet at a place that is at peace (for instance, the idea of the internet as a medium to convey art and drama!)... but yeah, at the end of the day, two separate things, with the old-habits and coping mechanisms slowly shedding away from the core.

Nope. But defining that single person who inhabits the body is, and probably will always be my challenge. Humans are so self-contradictory.

Add to it that we run on imagination, and we have an unsolvable puzzle.

I imagine that given situations one hasn't faced, or faced often, since being fulltime, it would be very easy to revert to well practiced behavior.  This is especially something I could see often in MtF transsexuals when handling confrontation, or FtM transsexuals when handling grief.  It's simply how society trains the different gender roles.