I can relate to what Espenoah and Nygeel say. I certainly didn't know. Still don't, actually. For every "I am", I dig up another "but still". Drives me up the wall.

While my parents didn't explicitly force me into the female gender role, they also were in no hurry to sign me up for a football team. Also, I grew up REALLY sheltered. There were hardly any other kids around, and I had no idea about gender, anatomical differences and stuff for the longest time. I had a rough time trying to keep up with boys, and girl games seemed boring and vaguely annoying. So I stuck to reading Mark Twain and Jules Verne and acting out the plots with clay figurines, the like. My body didn't enter the picture much, even during puberty, and whether it means that I didn't mind it, or that it was an elaborate coping strategy, I cannot tell to this very bloody day.

Heh. If that old chap with a bike who told me "Watch out, young man, coming through!" three years ago only knew what that's done to my head, he'd probably laugh his balls off.

And Kyril - I got called Martian as well.

I can't say I knew I was trans, I only knew I was different. As a young child I did usual boy things, yet I was very feminine and liked to wear mommy's shoes and also enjoyed some TV shows meant for girls. It wasn't until puberty when I realised what was so different about me, I'm a girl. I was able to repress my girl feelings (several times) but they always came back, and they grew stronger and stronger each time.

I think I always knew that I felt I was a man inside, but I always kind of brushed it off. Since before I can remember I've always felt like a man, I don't think there was a single second in my life where I've felt like a woman.
I always thought that I just was ugly, and there's nothing I can do about that unless I want to get plastic surgery on my face to make me pretty, and I was fairly sure that was never going to happen. So I just kind of ignored it, I knew I was never happy with my body, or with my face but I didn't know exactly why, I just always thought I was ugly. And because of this I feel like I've lost a good 15 or more years of my life simply because I ignored myself, and ignored all of my experiences of growing up as a female. And it's funny because I have known of transsexuality for a few years, but I never thought that would be me, I never thought that in a million years. But with admitting to myself what I am, came this feeling of myself feeling real, something I've never felt before.

This probably sounds stupid and was a bit long but that's basically how I feel, and it's kind of a great feeling! 

It's hard for me to say if I knew as a child or not because I spent a large part of my early childhood believing I was a dog. See, around the age of 3, where a majority of my first memories are, I was convinced I was a dog named Lucky. But I wasn't just any dog named Lucky - I was Lucky from Disney's 101 Dalmatians, who if my memory serves me right, was a male doggy! I had no interest in being any of the other dogs from there, I just wanted to be Lucky. xD So I guess that was my first experience in wanting to be male? I dunno if it counts though since I also believed I was a dog. o.O

My aunt told me when I was older, but still a fairly young child, I'd just point to random guys on the street and be like, "I wanna be like him when I grow up!" Apparently it didn't matter if they looked like bums or rich business men. I just wanted to "be like them". Then I'd also do the same thing to male cartoon characters, only I'd say stuff like, "I wish I where him!"

As far as anatomical differences go, I was really naive to all of that stuff. My parents kinda sheltered me from that stuff I guess. But I vaguely remember walking in on my dad getting dressed, and wondering to myself when mine would grow. xD I also thought on my 7th birthday, I'd wake up a boy.

My first feelings of actual dysphoria didn't come until I was 9, right around when I started puberty. My mom decided it was time for me to wear bras, and did I ever resent those! The first time I wore one after about a month or so of daily arguing, I was so upset I started throwing up. Then a few months later, also at 9. I got my first period, and it just devastated me to the point I didn't know how to react. In fact, I don't remember if I had a reaction at all. I just remember thinking I was some diseased child. And from my mother's descriptions and attempts to make me feel better, I knew I would never be a boy. After all, I wasn't. Who was I kidding. I went into deep denial and did everything I could to validate myself as a girl. Was I ever miserable!

So all that aside, I would say it was half and half. I honestly didn't know trans people existed until I was around 12, and by then I was in such denial and so sucked into validating myself as a female that it didn't cross my mind until years later.

I'm a person who's sort of afraid of sudden change, that's why looking back I remember so many isolated incidents since early childhood that I just repressed or were just too subconscious or ephemeral, and of course I think I'm a bit of a dummy and it takes me time to make connections.

I knew from a young age that I was born male, the people around me made sure I knew. Yet not once I felt or wanted to grow up to be a man, and all is associated with that just seemed repulsive and inappropriate to me, something was not clicking, all of which explains so much stuff from 12 years old and on that I again was too blind to see and know what's happening.

It was gradual at first, then gratefully a bolt of realization hit me, and yes it gave me super powers that I did not know I had...

I remember, starting around the age of 3 or 4, I would get mad because my boy cousins could go swimming in just shorts and my parents would put me in a full bathingsuit, I felt I should be able to just wear shorts (not saying that could be a big indicator) but then by the age of 5 I remember clearly, praying and crying to god to let me wake up a boy. It would frustrate me so much. I always had boys for friends and always wished I were just as like them on the outside as I was on the inside. It definitely hit me more once puberty hit, the praying and crying continued untill I gave up, realizing it wasn't gonna happen.

I remember playing pretend with other kids around 5-6.  Whether we were pirates or animals or Pokemon trainers, I always pretended to be a boy.  I didn't really think about why, and while I had no interest in dolls or dresses I didn't feel like I hated being a girl at the time.  As long as I didn't have to act like one, I didn't care.

Although, I do recall trying and failing several times to pee standing up.

Starting around age 12-13 I occasionally would wonder if I should have been born male, but these feelings would usually pass quickly.  I've always loved to draw cartoons, and around this time I started drawing myself with a flat chest.  At the time I didn't have any reason for doing it other than I liked it.  I don't remember being too distressed by puberty itself, though.  Periods suck yes, but does any girl like them?

It wasn't until 18 that I started being honest with myself. :p

I remember one kid told me that only girls crossed their legs the way I was crossing them. I uncrossed them, but from then on, whenever I'd thought I could get away with it I would intentionally cross them under tables and stuff.

Oh I knew from an earily age,  Got in trouble at age 5 for playing way too much with the next door girls dolls.  Being the 1960's in Georgia, well things were not going to change anytime soon back then. 

Beni

As Dee_pntx said
All the beatings for wearing girl clothes and playing with girl toys, all the friend bans, were all for naught.  They just couldn't beat the girl out of me.

Why don't people realise, being us is not a choice

Cindy

Quote from: Dee_pntx on August 01, 2010, 08:28:10 AM

All the beatings for wearing girl clothes and playing with girl toys, all the friend bans, were all for naught.  They just couldn't beat the girl out of me.

I know this is so common but I don't understand why people feel the need to make sure boys do not play with dolls or anything remotely girly.  Do they not want to encourage their sons to be nurturing?  Most boys will grow up to be dads some day.  Men cook, men take care of kids.  But still, it's so frowned upon that boys play house or with dolls or heck even kitchen sets!

Most kids are not trans, most are not even gay.  Most will play and grow up and be heteronormative.  Allowing experimenting and play does NOT make one trans or gay.  Drives me crazy that people won't let their kids, primarily sons, play with anything remotely 'girly'.

Jay

Quote from: Jerica on June 29, 2010, 03:31:02 PM
For a long time I thought my story was so weird that maybe I wasn't TS after all. It bugged me for a long time.....but nowadays I have seen that more than a few share a similar story as mine.

I grew up trying to be the man everyone expected me to be. I knew something was wrong and I HATED pictures and the mirror....always something seemed to look wrong but I never knew what exactly. There were events in my childhood that pointed to the problem but as soon as they came, I buried them. It was like my subconscious was protecting me....as if it knew what the reality of who I am would do to my life.

Well after being married 5 yrs and 5 yrs out of college, things kind of hit me and after some months of struggling with it and a suicide attempt, I knew I had to transition.

Anyways, did I know as a kid? Not really. Unless my subconscious counts

This would be my answer.. basically I fought the need to transition and denied I was transsexual until it was going to destroy me..

Quote from: sneakersjay on August 02, 2010, 08:52:59 AM
I know this is so common but I don't understand why people feel the need to make sure boys do not play with dolls or anything remotely girly.  Do they not want to encourage their sons to be nurturing?  Most boys will grow up to be dads some day.  Men cook, men take care of kids.  But still, it's so frowned upon that boys play house or with dolls or heck even kitchen sets!

Most kids are not trans, most are not even gay.  Most will play and grow up and be heteronormative.  Allowing experimenting and play does NOT make one trans or gay.  Drives me crazy that people won't let their kids, primarily sons, play with anything remotely 'girly'.

Jay

The families that do this are the ones that scorn and devalue women and everything associated with women. They consider it shameful for a boy - especially their son - to be associated with feminine things or activities.

Their views on daughters differ - some think that girls just aren't good/worthy enough to play with boys or do boy things, but others see tomboyishness and masculinity in little girls as a good trait. Usually the tolerance for that dies out around puberty, though.

When I was about 5, my parents decided to take away all of my clothes and toys because they were "too masculine", and replace them with "more gender-appropriate" clothes and toys.  My dad's a psychologist.  He was afraid that if I was allowed to be too tomboyish, I might grow up to be a lesbian.  My parents had gay and lesbian friends, knew that not being heterosexual made life harder for people, didn't want me to face the kinds of discrimination gay people had to deal with, and thought they could actually control what my sexual orientation would be by controlling my gender expression. 

I shared that story because it's probably a bit different . . .

Anyway, I had a strong male gender identity before my parents started doing all they could to get me to be more feminine.  I thought I was a boy who had been mistaken for a girl.  I hated it when anyone used female pronouns in reference to me.  I thought of myself in terms of male pronouns. 

I also had typical boy interests, and would throw a fit whenever I had to wear a dress.  But I think the fact that I literally thought I was a boy when I was too young to know any better makes it pretty obvious.

When I was young, I remember going around topless quite a bit. It just felt right to me, well until puberty hit and I became to ashamed of what was growing on my chest to let anyone see them.

Come to think of it, I never imagined myself growing up into a woman. I somehow thought that I wouldn't turn into a woman and would never grow boobs or get periods. It happened though, and at a rather young age if I remember correctly. I think I was the first one in my class. Even then, I still think I may have believed it would all just go away. I still could not think of myself as a woman. Still don't.

I was the youngest in my class to hit puberty...the chest appendages started growing in when I was nine and the Red Death visited for the first time when I was ten.  When I was ten, my mom started insisting that I wear a bra and I argued and argued with her about it.  Then she pointed out how noticeable the new appendages were without a bra and, well, that got me to wear one. 

Quote from: Adam on August 06, 2010, 10:01:16 PM
When I was young, I remember going around topless quite a bit. It just felt right to me, well until puberty hit and I became to ashamed of what was growing on my chest to let anyone see them.

Come to think of it, I never imagined myself growing up into a woman. I somehow thought that I wouldn't turn into a woman and would never grow boobs or get periods. It happened though, and at a rather young age if I remember correctly. I think I was the first one in my class. Even then, I still think I may have believed it would all just go away. I still could not think of myself as a woman. Still don't.

Basically the same but opposite. I almost/did have a concept that we chose our bodies when we hit puberty. That was what puberty was about. OK now I turn into a girl. I even asked my Mum what size breasts I would develop.

Cindy

For myself I was an only child and gender differences weren't a big issue in our house. Like a number of people here I became much more aware of transgendered feelings when I was around 10-12. Looking back at my childhood from a TG perspective there are an awful lot of things that start to make sense

It seems that people on this forum divide into:

A. Knew from infancy with greater or lesser clarity
B. Sense of something "not right" which crystallised aged 10-12 (at the start of adolescence)
C. Late Flowerers

Do you guys think that is a fair assessment?

Though I do accept that categorising people is overlysimplistic and has a tendency to limit what it seeks to define (after all it's what psychiatric associations and governments have done to us for years)

I have actually realised that the first clue came when I was 10 years old. I can remember being in the back seat of the car when I was dragged along to the Drive-In to see 'Cleopatra', with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

If I had been able to put words to it I would have said that Cleopatra was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and I wanted to look like her. Instead I had to spend years trying to work out what was going on in my head.

Until I figured out sex at around 7 I was pretty sure we got to choose wheather we would be women or men at puberty.
I actually thought we had choice we had to make at puberty.
I became the evil child after I figured it out. I was bitter about it. Then around 9 I heard the word transsexual.....