I'm really trying not to judge my transition at all, since it seems to have gone well so far (if rather slowly), but I've hit a wall and am knotted all over again as I seem to have to go through things for a second time.

When I came out to a close friend and my family, I was only transitioning in my mind. I knew a day would come when I had to dress differently, but that wasn't on my list of priorities as I was still waiting for news on my GIC appointment. So while my family has superficially accepted things but never really spoken to me about matters, I'm left wondering if anything actually happened at all back then, as long ago as February.

This piles onto my anxiety this week as I'm planning to make my first 'part time' ventures outside - to a friend's house first, then to a picnic with some friends from out of town. The problem I have is that I find myself more comfortable taking a bus, train and long stroll around the centre of town in 'girl mode' than I do simply trying to be myself at home.

I have tried introducing a little femininity to my 'home profile' before, having dressed androgynously for the past few months before going out, and once hanging about in a modest skirt. I then had it made very clear that my Mum was not comfortable with such changes, and I felt shut in the closet again. "Could you not do this in your bedroom?" Was not a helpful thing to hear.

I know that I feel this way because strangers on the bus are just strangers, and the friends I hope to meet as my proper self have all been quite understanding and supportive where my family has not. But I'm just not sure how to deal with the confrontation I face, since I do not want to have to pack myself up in a bag only to change clothes somewhere else, whenever I leave the house to go out this way. It's dishonest, quite impractical, and adds an element of shame where I want to feel none at all.

How does one come out all over again, introducing family and friends to someone they likely see as your opposite?

how old are you?

you really need to take some steps to make yourself more 'STEREOTYPICALLY FEMALE' so they can see you are serious.   LOL

no matter if lots of others disagree with a MtF going stereotypical female but just wearing a skirt around the house does not really qualify as showing the family that you are TS. 
Don't forget that your parents have seen 1000 comedy clips of crossdressed guys so they are conditioned to think that you are putting a skirt of as part of an act.
You want them to see you and think GIRL/DAUGHTER you have to give them it.  T'ain't easy but we all have to do it.
Why the long wait to get to GIC?   We have 18 weeks Plan don't forget.

I'm 23, and yeah, I know wearing a skirt is not enough.. however it was an exercise for myself too, in that it was quite practical clothing given the heat that day, and only clothing. "I'm a girl, so I'll wear girls' clothing today" sort of stuff. It seemed a better idea than continuing what I've done for the past few months - dressing a certain way simply to appease my family's expectations.

But I'm not at all keen on becoming a stereotype - that is, to my mind, a pretty damaging thing to do, as a change in my gender does not change the important things about who I am as a person. It will surely make me more comfortable, and will hopefully allow me to lead a fulfilling life, which are virtues I hope my parents will see and warm to. A complete change to girly-girl would freak me out as much as my parents, and seems like an indecent foundation for my transition. I'm not out to change my personality, because that personality is me and always will be.

Anyway, my wait so far has been set at 14 months from first GP visit to attending an actual appointment at Charing Cross. The waiting list proper only really started once I had my psych. evaluation, of course - that was in February. It took 18 weeks from then to receive word from Charing Cross, and now I'm waiting around having been given that appointment date, for February next year. 18 weeks is quite a misleading amount in that respect.

[quote author=Sinnyo
A complete change to girly-girl would freak me out as much as my parents, and seems like an indecent foundation for my transition. I'm not out to change my personality, because that personality is me and always will be.
[/quote]

well I think you'll find as most other TS have that your personality will change once you are on hormones.
throwing out all the male stuff and switching to female is a great relief.

Quote from: Lillacwell I think you'll find as most other TS have that your personality will change once you are on hormones.
throwing out all the male stuff and switching to female is a great relief.

THIS!

*shrug* my personality hasn't changed much through hormones.

Sinnyo how is your voice coming along? practicing that and starting to use it certainly got my families attention, The other thing I did was start wearing my hair in different ways. As you've met me in person you know I don't wear overtly feminine clothes but my dress sense is gradually sliding that way.

I guess we're doing similar things, Pebbles. I tend not to wear androgynous or feminine things about the house, as my small, feminine wardrobe is very much geared towards 'stuff for outside'. This is normal for me - I'll change clothes even within my masculine wardrobe, simply because I prefer to wear looser stuff around the house. I haven't yet bought the girly equivalents to this, save for that comfy skirt. My hair is definitely not as it was, though - I tend to wear it as in my avatar, really. I have, at least, passed the point now where my Mum's asking for me me to get it cut.

I do, however, dress with feminine leanings when going out now - throwing on a nice cardigan, styling my hair a certain way.. like you say, it's sliding (and so is different), but it's not full-blown. My voice.. eh, I try my best to talk in my 'head voice' at all times and avoid my natural bass monotone, but even this is somewhat normal. I've always been a little girly around my sister and Mum anyway, though I didn't think much of it until concentrating on my use of voice in the past few weeks. We've played with soft toys together for as far back as I remember, so there's nothing new for them to see there!

(I do hope I'm not a sad case, 23-year old woman for still playing with teddies XD)

Anyway. I did speak to my Mum about this, summing things up (as I often do) at my blog. Having a clearer head did help, and in a way I think 'coming out again' allowed me to make up for mistakes I made the first time. I'm much more confident in myself and what I'm doing now, and I think these are the things my parents will want to see aside from all other concerns.

Boundaries have thankfully been drawn, as my Mum has made it clear that what I'm doing is part of my own life.. which I like, a lot. She has expressed some worries that it will take them some getting used to; I cannot imagine my parents' or my sister's reaction to actually seeing me. But my main objective was accomplished - I simply wanted to forewarn her before sweeping about and out of the house in a girly top and padded bra for my first steps back into the world.

I completely understand what you're talking about... I came out "officially" in April of '08 but didn't really start to alter my "all the time" appearance until November or so... I specifically recall the awkward moments when I walked into my family Christmas dinner dressed on the femme side of androgynous. It was uncomfortable and scary... it's like I was allowing myself to be exposed after 37 years of hiding. From that point on I chose to proceed steadily but conservatively... After all, everyone close to you goes through an involuntary transition of their own. Some resent having no choice concerning how they perceive you and it takes awhile for that resentment to fade.
  It really is like you have to come out all over again... It's one thing for people to know that you're trans but once they see it they have a whole new attitude. It's like they didn't think you really meant it when you told them. My best friend was fine, even supportive when I came out to him but once I started to change, he turned his back and hasn't talked to me since.
  I had to move back in with my Mom after my divorce and before my "second" coming out. We had plenty of difficult conversations.. "Why can't you just dress that way in private?"   "Isn't it enough just to have told everyone? Do you really have to change the way you look?" "I hope you're not going to dress like that in front of your kids."     The good news is that I've been living full time since last May and Mom is starting to come around... I was surprised a few weeks ago when she came into the parlor, holding up a skirt of hers... "Would you wear this? It's too short for me but it would look good on you," she said.. She's come a long way! We've started to have typical Mother/Daughter moments, too. It takes a long time but it does happen

That sounds awesome, Jessica! And yeah, "why can't you do that in private?".. that's certainly familiar.

I certainly feel a solidarity here. Thanks.

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Post Merge: August 01, 2010, 11:34:50 AM

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Success!

Eh, the update may not be that interesting for anyone else, but I'm pretty excited. I had to dash out of the house and so my Mother only caught a quick glimpse, but there we had it - new and improved me making her way out, catching a bus, skirting the town centre and generally being exposed to the world in a new form.

I have no idea if I passed or not. I doubt it, but I didn't seem to receive an unusual number of looks for someone dressed head to toe in black, wearing gothy boots and (following an open-air picnic and a ride in a convertible) sporting a thoroughly windswept hairdo.

I'm not yet sure about my family, but Mum has no apparent problem speaking to me. I'm still dressed en femme and a little unsure of when to change back, since the removal of a 40B chest would be quite noticeable. ^^;

Good for you hun.