I've been through this once already, 4 years ago when I stopped repressing everything that I am. I ended up choosing the name that I was pretty sure my mother would have given me had everything worked out correctly.

I used it for a couple years here and there, but it never really felt like it belonged to me. The only other name I have experience with is the name I was actually given, and that never felt like it belonged to me either, for obvious reasons. I'm looking again for a name. Something that really feels like me. I'd like to try to keep my initials, but it's not that important.

What is it about a name that makes it work for different people? What specific quality of a name gives it a personality that creates a symbiotic relationship when attached to a person?

I've been trolling behindthename.com for something good. I'm not too worried about to what extent it portrays my actual gender, but I would like it to be more commonly female than male. I'm also not worried about it being shortened to sound male, because if it's right for me then I think it would still be feminine no matter how it's twisted around.

I've been trying Claudia on for size, rolling along my tongue, seeing how it rolls out in ink on paper. I'm not sure though if it really fits. It would work if I wanted to keep my initials, CJH. I don't know anybody else by the name, and it is in the top 200 names of 1990.

I kinda like how it's pronounced in German or Italian, it starts like the word cloud. It's only namesake that I'm familiar with is the vampire Claudia, discovered by Louis crying beside her dead mother, and sired by Lestat to bind Louis to him with a semblance of family.

I think the fact that it caught my eye really says something for it, but I don't have any idea how to feel about it, or any point of reference other than whatever might be the opposite of how I felt about my given name.

Or maybe I'm just analyzing this far more than I need to, and names aren't as indicative of an individual as I would imagine them to be. That would mean anyone who says "You look more like a..." is just being imaginative, but I'm not sure about that.

And after I've got a good first name, I'll need a new middle name. I don't like James. My mom told me once that she chose my middle name because she thought it would be neat to call me CJ. It never caught on. I've known more girls using CJ than I do guys, so I do like the concept. I wouldn't mind keeping with the idea and finding a J name, it would make my online presence easier to maintain. Trouble is I can't find anything that fits well with Claudia, assuming I do decide that the name is for me.

And of course there is my last name. I've changed it once already to match that of my step dad's family name. He stepped in where my biological father failed miserably and raised me with no obligation to do so. I would like to keep it as homage to him, but it's not the type of name that goes well with any of the names I find appealing. I normally shave off the last word from my online presence because Hardman just seems to me like a cruel joke in my situation. I'm not opposed to changing it again. I haven't gotten far enough into my first name to even consider the last.

I've searched this forum and read some of your name stories, and I'm starting to think I'm making a relatively simple decision into a complicated procedure.

It's not a simple decision to name yourself. Probably why most of the world doesn't do it. 
About the 'symbiotic relationship' to people and the names, that probably comes about through use. I mean you're told from as far back as you can remember that a name represents you. Because we're not going to have that relationship with our new name, we probably should pick something that 'feels like us' already. Were you jealous of any girls' names when you were little? If you have a long history of liking a specific name, that may mean something.

BTW, I love Claudia! Very pretty and classic.

This is probably one of the harder things about transitioning.  But it's kinda fun, too, if you let it be.  When I first tried, all I could think of was my favorite dog from childhood... Maggie.  So I was Maggie for a while, but then I didn't care to be named after a dog, and even though my mother's middle name is Margaret, so Maggie could fit, I decided to try something else.  So I went with Kim for a while, because it's like my given name except for the first letter.  But after a while, I decided I liked Colleen, because it's Irish and means "Girl".  And that's where I'm at for now.  Might still change it again, not sure.  However...

"C" names you might not have thought of (that might work):  Cassandra (Cassie), Constance (Connie), (Colleen - it's okay, you could use it), Corrinne, Candace...

"J" names that might work:  Janet, Jane, Jennifer, Julie, Joanne, Jordan, Janice, Judy, Judith...

Mix and match!  Or, you could go with something like "Cici", or even just "CJ". 

Yeah, this is probably one of the harder things, because you have TOTAL control over it, and total control ain't easy...

"Claudia" means the (female) person who limps in Latin. It's not so great a name if you know what it means. And I know both a (female) Claudia and a (male) Claudius who are somewhat angry at their parents because they did not look up the meaning of the name before choosing that name for their kids.

Claudia sounds really nice with German pronounciation, but with English pronounciation, it looses a lot of its character and sounds below average for a name to choose... but that's just my opinion.

Well but coming back to your question, how to name yourself. Try to find at least one of your names which is pretty common for your age and the place you live - or where you are coming from if you look like a foreigner or have a foreign accent. Just a plausible name which nobody wonders about. You can add fancy names to it (without a hyphen between the names, please) and ask people to call you by the fancy name, but this "boring regular name" may help you in the next decades if you change your mind about how to call yourself.

Because people tend to ask you why you have a certain name if it's not just boring and normal for your age. They just try to find a topic to start conversation. There's nothing wrong with it, it's even a nice idea, but this can be very bothersome for trans people. And the more your name is unusual, the more you get asked... well, either you lie, or you circumscribe how you got your name or whatever. There is no elegant solution. So if you choose a fancy name, it is always good to have a common name to go back to if the fancy name gets too stressfull for you in the long run.

You might also ask your parents which name they want to give you and maybe agree together with them on a name that suits you. That's a very elegant and respectful solution as you are their kid. 

I chose a name which is absolutely common in my parents' country for people of my age, but less common (without being exotic) for people where I live and I still get asked sometimes why I have this name... duh!

And I am happy not to have chosen a name which is not plausible or very exotic.

I dont think names fit people.. i think that people grow into their names.. think about it.  When a mother births a child, she pics out a name for it.  she has no idea of the childs personality, and babies all look the same for the most part when they are born.. the mother just pics a name, and after years of being called that.. it just sorta sounds like YOU.  while the case of transgender people may be different because we are given the name of the wrong gender.

Quote from: Elijah on August 05, 2010, 04:58:10 PM
I dont think names fit people.. i think that people grow into their names.. think about it.

You may be right for non-trans people, but many of them hate their names. And my trans experience was also different. I first chose a name which my parents and family had a hard time accepting as it is regarded as a nordic name here and associated to a big beefy blonde Viking guy with an axe (Eric). Although it was one of the most popular names in the countries of my parents in the years I was born and in these countries has no association to this image at all, and they told me they would have called me Eric if I had been born a boy. I must add I am a small person with black-brown hair and eyes... mediterranean type. Small hairy guy.

Then after 1 year I had to flip the name to a neutral name for legal reasons so I chose a neutral name which works in French, English and German and was not too unheard of in France or Germany and still sounded okay for me. I have two nationalities and grew up in a third country and that is awful for an ID change in my case as none of these countries think it's their business, the legal situation is not clear at all, and I have already gotten a refusal from one of the countries which cost me a lot of money for nothing. The two other countries really suck for trans people name changes. In the one which sucks less, to get a name change affords a new "neutral" name being used for three years. This new neutral name is Robin, and that does not clash too much with my appearance. And this name got accepted much easier by my friends and parents than the nordic Eric.

I mean, they had less trouble getting used to calling me Robin as this did fit. You could be a small mediterranean Type and still be great at throwing arrows.

Quote from: Nero on August 05, 2010, 04:27:31 PM
It's not a simple decision to name yourself. Probably why most of the world doesn't do it. 
About the 'symbiotic relationship' to people and the names, that probably comes about through use. I mean you're told from as far back as you can remember that a name represents you. Because we're not going to have that relationship with our new name, we probably should pick something that 'feels like us' already. Were you jealous of any girls' names when you were little? If you have a long history of liking a specific name, that may mean something.

BTW, I love Claudia! Very pretty and classic.

A name just seems like a very intimate part of some people. I hear someones name and sometimes it just has a feeling to it that describes that person exactly. My given name was Cody, and to me it's a very awkward name, and that's exactly how I ended up growing into it, very awkwardly. It seems to describe the struggling I went through for the longest time to just be the boy everyone expected me to be. Now that I'm over that, it feels even more foreign to me than it ever has before.

Quote from: Colleen Ireland on August 05, 2010, 04:37:37 PM
This is probably one of the harder things about transitioning.  But it's kinda fun, too, if you let it be.  When I first tried, all I could think of was my favorite dog from childhood... Maggie.  So I was Maggie for a while, but then I didn't care to be named after a dog, and even though my mother's middle name is Margaret, so Maggie could fit, I decided to try something else.  So I went with Kim for a while, because it's like my given name except for the first letter.  But after a while, I decided I liked Colleen, because it's Irish and means "Girl".  And that's where I'm at for now.  Might still change it again, not sure.  However...

"C" names you might not have thought of (that might work):  Cassandra (Cassie), Constance (Connie), (Colleen - it's okay, you could use it), Corrinne, Candace...

"J" names that might work:  Janet, Jane, Jennifer, Julie, Joanne, Jordan, Janice, Judy, Judith...

Mix and match!  Or, you could go with something like "Cici", or even just "CJ". 

Yeah, this is probably one of the harder things, because you have TOTAL control over it, and total control ain't easy...

I originally chose Melissa because I have a vague memory of my mom just talking to fill time once, and she mentioned in passing that she would have named me Melissa if things turned out correctly from the start (my words, not hers), but then she went on to say she just knew I was a boy, and she never bothered to check with the doctor before knitting a blue and white blanket (Ugh! That's a depressing thought)

I used it here and there for a little while when I first discovered my true self, but now I'm just sick of it. It never felt right to me, and the time just happened to coincide with my first (and so far, only) love, who has torn my heart apart with her gift of hateful spite and jealousy I may have tainted the name with dreary days and tear-soaked nights.
Her name was Kassandra, so for obvious reasons I'd like to avoid that name and any derivative. Most other C names I don't really feel much draw towards, other than Claudia so far at least.

I was considering Juliana, pronounced the German way (yoo-lee-AH-nah) for a middle name, and it does seem to fit pretty well with Claudia I think. The ancient Roman namesakes of Claudia had last names ending with the the ah sound as well, and makes for pretty nice sound. Octavia would also be a good option if I decide to stray from the same initials idea, plus it could make it more obvious why the name was chosen in case anyone ever asks. Claudia Octavia was the first wife of Nero, I could just say my parents were fans
I don't know how parents do this with only 9 months notice...

Quote from: Fencesitter on August 05, 2010, 04:50:40 PM
"Claudia" means the (female) person who limps in Latin. It's not so great a name if you know what it means. And I know both a (female) Claudia and a (male) Claudius who are somewhat angry at their parents because they did not look up the meaning of the name before choosing that name for their kids.

Claudia sounds really nice with German pronounciation, but with English pronounciation, it looses a lot of its character and sounds below average for a name to choose... but that's just my opinion.

Well but coming back to your question, how to name yourself. Try to find at least one of your names which is pretty common for your age and the place you live - or where you are coming from if you look like a foreigner or have a foreign accent. Just a plausible name which nobody wonders about. You can add fancy names to it (without a hyphen between the names, please) and ask people to call you by the fancy name, but this "boring regular name" may help you in the next decades if you change your mind about how to call yourself.

Because people tend to ask you why you have a certain name if it's not just boring and normal for your age. They just try to find a topic to start conversation. There's nothing wrong with it, it's even a nice idea, but this can be very bothersome for trans people. And the more your name is unusual, the more you get asked... well, either you lie, or you circumscribe how you got your name or whatever. There is no elegant solution. So if you choose a fancy name, it is always good to have a common name to go back to if the fancy name gets too stressfull for you in the long run.

You might also ask your parents which name they want to give you and maybe agree together with them on a name that suits you. That's a very elegant and respectful solution as you are their kid. 

I chose a name which is absolutely common in my parents' country for people of my age, but less common (without being exotic) for people where I live and I still get asked sometimes why I have this name... duh!

And I am happy not to have chosen a name which is not plausible or very exotic.

I did not notice that on behindthename.com. It was hidden in the reference to Claudius. It does bring new light to the character in Anne Rice's novel though. She was handicapped in comparison to "normal" vampires, as she can never grow up. An matured adult in the body of a child, trapped for eternity. It does draw parallel to my situation, in particular the clichéd phrase "Woman trapped in a mans body".

I'm not too worried about it's less than ideal meaning, as it does still seem relevant even after it's discovery.

The English pronunciation does detract from the names beauty, but not enough to turn it ugly. I can always lightly correct someone in conversation, or introduce myself before someone gets to read it.

As I said, it was in the top 200 list of names for 1990, my birth year, right here in America. Quite close to the bottom of that 200, but still there. I don't need anything fancier than a first, middle, and last name though. Personally speaking, too many names gets on my nerves. I can justify the German pronunciation because I have some German in my family tree.

As I said, It's very likely my parents would have named me Melissa, and I just don't feel like it works very well for me. In addition, my parents aren't very supportive of my "decision". My mom has likened it to suicide when I first came out, and refused to assist in any way by encouraging or acknowledging me.

Quote from: Elijah on August 05, 2010, 04:58:10 PM
I dont think names fit people.. i think that people grow into their names.. think about it.  When a mother births a child, she pics out a name for it.  she has no idea of the childs personality, and babies all look the same for the most part when they are born.. the mother just pics a name, and after years of being called that.. it just sorta sounds like YOU.  while the case of transgender people may be different because we are given the name of the wrong gender.

It could be said that people grow into their names in a personality that complements the name. There's probably little to no evidence of this outside of quackery and Facebook quizes though, but how could one go about testing this hypothesis? It's certainly more work than I want to invest.

Hmm, you can have my former middle name for a J name, Justine. Most people loved it, and it usually works well with most names.

As for the C name...Corina?  My little sister always gets positive responses with it. Sorry I'm not being very creative, just thinking of names I know right off the top of my head.

James: All input is welcome and encouraged I'm not sure about Justine. I know too many Justin's (although not many James'), I don't want to think of anyone but myself when I hear my name. Corina is a cute name, but I don't think it's me.

_{EDIT: Off topic for a sec. Is that you in your avatar? Something about your facial structure, I find you very attractive. The piercings is what does it for me, reminds me of my friend Seth from Highschool. He's far more feminine in the face (I'm so damn jealous of him and his genetics), but he's got viperbites, and whenever I see him I tell him I'm going to get myself a taste someday when he's not expecting it}

I've been rolling Claudia Juliana around in my head off and on throughout the day. I wrote it down and left it in front of me because I'm forgetting it quickly. "Cl... wait what was it?"
The way it sounds makes me think a last name with some stopping power would be good. I've got two names ending in the "uh" sound, it makes me feel like it needs an "et", or "at" sound at the end of the last name to give it closure. I can't even think of anything off the top of my head that might complement the two well enough to constitute a name. I'm starting to like Claudia, she's the only one that's really grabbed my attention so far. Juliana may not work out though, she seems too picky as a middle name.

I wish I could just ask a magical mirror what I would be called if my body matched my mind from the start.

I rea somewhere that men go for middle names a lot more than women.
Most of us find that our new names just sort of pop up and feel right.

---

Post Merge: August 06, 2010, 02:06:12 AM

---

oops
as by renameing ourselves as mature people we have definite personalities that fit certain names while new babies are just warm lumps lacking in personality...sort of.

Don't feel bad. It is a difficult question. Most of us on here have gone through plenty of names before deciding on something that fit (I think I've stumbled through about five myself...in the past year, lol).

A few things to keep in mind-- you can always go by your middle name, if you wish to keep your initials, and find a 'J' name you like better than any 'C' names. My dad and uncle both go by their middle names. Also, if you wish to pay homage to your step dad, consider taking the last name as a second middle name instead, so you would be Claudia J--- Hardman ------.  Some foreign countries still practice that normally. (I think Mexico does? Mother's last name becomes an additional middle/last name? ^_^; something like that....) You never have to use the whole thing if you don't want to. Also, many names have different meanings for different spellings, or even for different origins. My bio-first name has two spellings, one Welsh and one French, with one meaning Warrior and one Fierce. (kudos to the parents for that at least!). Many sources will give you entirely different meanings, too. Try giving the name your own meaning! Mine is similar to the poet Lord Byron, and a character in a favorite book of mine. (the actual meaning is 'born in a barn, but I don't care about that, lol)

Really the best thing to do is try out anything that catches your fancy, and go from there. Ask yourself:
1. Do I feel weird being called that? Or thrilled?
2. Are the nicknames from it ok?
3. If it has an unusual spelling, am I going to be annoyed correcting people frequently?
4. Do I know anyone named that? (if so, do you like them? lol)
5. If you become famous, would it look awesome on the Marquee? 

You can always try them out for a while before you decide, so no need to stress. Experiment with people/places you don't know, or even over the phone.

Good luck to you in your search!

~Byren

How about Claudia Juliane?

Juliane is a more common German name than Juliana. Plus, it's also a beautiful name.

In German, it is pronounced yoo-LIA-nö
(ö is pronounced like ea in heard but more on the front and not combined to the English "r" ...)

Both Claudia and Juliane are quite frequent names for women in their 30ies, 40ies and 50ies in Germany, Claudia more than Juliane. The combination does not sound odd or implausible in Germany.

There is a famous German singer called Juliane Werding, you can look up her music on youtube if you want.

Quote from: CJHard on August 05, 2010, 09:19:20 PM
_{EDIT: Off topic for a sec. Is that you in your avatar? Something about your facial structure, I find you very attractive. The piercings is what does it for me, reminds me of my friend Seth from Highschool. He's far more feminine in the face (I'm so damn jealous of him and his genetics), but he's got viperbites, and whenever I see him I tell him I'm going to get myself a taste someday when he's not expecting it}

Yea that's me lol I've had my snakebites for about 2 years now, next I'm getting my eyebrow. I've actually had a friend ask to kiss me to see what it feels like lol crazy drama students

Btw, my girlfriend-without the official title's name is Juliana and she's the cutest, I love her name.

My old name was pretty dreadful....lol

It was my second one in fact.... (my Pa's choice of first nomaculture) disregarded by all but him.... and then he gave up...

But then again his first name was John and all knew him by his second name too...

But fortunately my first name could be used by either gender with a shift of spelling.....so you could say i remained my true self so to speak...

I kept the same initials too...

Being something completely new made up by moi just didn't feel right....

So perhaps it was a case of pre-ordained?

*s->-bleeped-<-s*

Quote from: Byren on August 06, 2010, 05:29:33 AM
Don't feel bad. It is a difficult question. Most of us on here have gone through plenty of names before deciding on something that fit (I think I've stumbled through about five myself...in the past year, lol).

A few things to keep in mind-- you can always go by your middle name, if you wish to keep your initials, and find a 'J' name you like better than any 'C' names. My dad and uncle both go by their middle names. Also, if you wish to pay homage to your step dad, consider taking the last name as a second middle name instead, so you would be Claudia J--- Hardman ------.  Some foreign countries still practice that normally. (I think Mexico does? Mother's last name becomes an additional middle/last name? ^_^; something like that....) You never have to use the whole thing if you don't want to. Also, many names have different meanings for different spellings, or even for different origins. My bio-first name has two spellings, one Welsh and one French, with one meaning Warrior and one Fierce. (kudos to the parents for that at least!). Many sources will give you entirely different meanings, too. Try giving the name your own meaning! Mine is similar to the poet Lord Byron, and a character in a favorite book of mine. (the actual meaning is 'born in a barn, but I don't care about that, lol)

Really the best thing to do is try out anything that catches your fancy, and go from there. Ask yourself:
1. Do I feel weird being called that? Or thrilled?
2. Are the nicknames from it ok?
3. If it has an unusual spelling, am I going to be annoyed correcting people frequently?
4. Do I know anyone named that? (if so, do you like them? lol)
5. If you become famous, would it look awesome on the Marquee? 

You can always try them out for a while before you decide, so no need to stress. Experiment with people/places you don't know, or even over the phone.

Good luck to you in your search!

~Byren

I'm taking a lot of consideration into my name, much more than I did the first time I gave it a shot. I want to find something that has a good chance of sticking, something I can grow fond of. I think I just grew out of my Melissa.

I matured a lot since then and then, and the cutesy pet-name I used to like, Missy, just doesn't work for me anymore. It was great when I was first exploring my femininity, but I've discovered I'm still the same person I've always been, I just don't have to act like someone else anymore, and I can socialize more and I don't have to sulk in the shadows like before. I still wear all black, I have ever since I was allowed to pick out my own clothes at the store. It was naive to think that was suddenly not part of me anymore.

I'm really not sure of Hardman. It's just so jagged. It's got a negative history in my dad's hometown, a history usually involving cops. I grew up with the name because it was much better than my biological father's family name..

Number five on your list is in my top three considerations for choosing a new name Famous people usually have great names. Number four I use as a filter to weed out stuff that would remind me of other people. As for number 3, I have no intentions of getting weird with the spelling.

Quote from: Fencesitter on August 06, 2010, 08:45:16 AM
How about Claudia Juliane?

Juliane is a more common German name than Juliana. Plus, it's also a beautiful name.

In German, it is pronounced yoo-LIA-nö
(ö is pronounced like ea in heard but more on the front and not combined to the English "r" ...)

Both Claudia and Juliane are quite frequent names for women in their 30ies, 40ies and 50ies in Germany, Claudia more than Juliane. The combination does not sound odd or implausible in Germany.

There is a famous German singer called Juliane Werding, you can look up her music on youtube if you want.

I think I like that. One thing I would worry about is if someone accidentally added an extra 'n' in there and then mispronounced it as Julie-Anne. Giuliani would also be a likely and embarrassing mispronunciation O_O It's intended pronunciation is pretty though.

Quote from: James42 on August 06, 2010, 09:05:42 AM
Yea that's me lol I've had my snakebites for about 2 years now, next I'm getting my eyebrow. I've actually had a friend ask to kiss me to see what it feels like lol crazy drama students

Btw, my girlfriend-without the official title's name is Juliana and she's the cutest, I love her name.

Hah, glad to know I'm not thee only one who's crazy. Although, I was never into drama. It was already enough to act manly as it was, I'd get too confused too easily. Instead I got into computers, and I recently graduated with an Associate degree in Information Systems Engineering, 4.0 GPA, perfect attendance. Squeezing into the server closet was the most interesting experience for me. I never gave up my bondage pants (or my chains), so I got stuck among the cable jungle a few too many times.

Quote from: Cruelladeville on August 06, 2010, 10:07:46 AM
My old name was pretty dreadful....lol

It was my second one in fact.... (my Pa's choice of first nomaculture) disregarded by all but him.... and then he gave up...

But then again his first name was John and all knew him by his second name too...

But fortunately my first name could be used by either gender with a shift of spelling.....so you could say i remained my true self so to speak...

I kept the same initials too...

Being something completely new made up by moi just didn't feel right....

So perhaps it was a case of pre-ordained?

*s->-bleeped-<-s*

That's why I'm trying to find something new, but something that feels like me, not just something made up. I could probably pass off Cody as a girls name if I wanted to, maybe change the spelling, but it's never really felt like it belonged to me. I'm absolutely convinced there is something out there that will feel familiar to me, something I can identify with as if it has been with me since birth.