Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 11, 2010, 04:40:09 PM
Why be hung up on the orientation, or even the gender.  Many of us are self proclaimed lesbian.  I have been chatting with a gal, online.  And she know my situation.  And she still calls me her Girlfriend.

But I'm not sexually attracted to girls. And by straight I mean guys who like girls. Not just straight I guess.

Quote from: stardust on September 11, 2010, 04:30:12 PM
Hi there,

I've fully transitioned and came to the conclusion that no one would want me. I still would like a relationship but I kind of thought that would never happen. When I was about to be discharged from the hospital after my GRS/SRS two months ago the specialist nurse said when I was ready for a relationship and wanted to make love with someone phone her and she would tell me of the best positions to start with. Well I said to her that I expected not to because no one ever wanting me.

I'd love to start dating but I guess I'm scared and also I would not know where or how to start. I've broke up with the one love of my life 3 years ago after 27 years of marriage and to start trusting someone again scares me.

Stardust

You sound a lot like me but I'm just starting out haha. But I'm not really scared to trust anyone. I'll have to wait until a boy breaks my heart =X hopefully never!

Quote from: Ayaname on September 11, 2010, 05:02:47 PM
I've actually run into quite a few guys who are straight but are still ok with dating trans girls. All of the guys that have been interested in me didn't know I was trans at first but were still interested after finding out. And these were guys who never had and never will have any desire to actually seek out trans girls to date.

That's awesome. I hope I can meet a guy like that.

Bi guys are our salvation

Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand.  What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse.  Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.

More open-minded, and less afraid of other people's reaction and being mistaken as "gay" if they find out they're dating a transwoman. If they don't know before they hit on you, I'd say their sexual orientation is the same as for those guys who date GGs. So most probably straight, in some cases bi, or the occasional gay guy making an exception for this one girl here though it's ad odds with his usual sexual orientation.

If they kind of sensed on a subconscious level that there was something "special" about you, chances are higher that either you're an amazing person or that it's a bi guy or both.

Quote from: Ashley on September 11, 2010, 10:27:24 PM
Bi guys are our salvation

At least, it's less of a hassle. A straight guy may start questioning his orientation once he finds out you're trans and need some time to figure out he's still straight, which can be annoying if it's in the "freshly in love" phase of the relationship, or he'll just run away or react badly. A bi guy probably won't have that crisis.

KimberlyJean, I'll just say that you have pretty features now, so i believe after hrt you won't have a problem finding someone (probably now even), you just have to have confidence, its a huge factor. There'll be guys who are genuinely interested in you as a woman

I was always confused with my last boyfriend.  He adamantly states that he does not like guys, so when I ask him why he wants to have sex with me, he says, "but your not a guy."  Mind you, I was not presenting as a woman.  As long as the guy is doing the penetrating and not messing around with guy parts, he is not considered gay in my bf's culture.  I still don't understand it though, but it is somewhat common.  So whether he is a little bit gay and hiding or not aware, or he really views me as a woman, I don't know (he made it clear that he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend - not his boyfriend!).

Lots of men are virulently homophobic and get really angry at any suggestion that they might enjoy sex with another guy or a TS.
There is some research to show that these guys quite often have deeply buried homosexual tendencies.  They are the ones who go berserk and murder TS.

Last year there were articles in the glossy magazines about how lots of girls are finding their b/fs are wanting to do anal on them all the time.  Did they see a recent movie showing this?  What was that old Marlon Brando film where he and a girl was having sex in a hotel room all the way through the film? I remember guys raving about him simulating anal with the girl.

If anyone stays with a pre-op they must be happy with the whole person and are mature enough to not get uptight about the 6% of the time when genitals matter.

Quote from: James42 on September 12, 2010, 12:11:30 AM
KimberlyJean, I'll just say that you have pretty features now, so i believe after hrt you won't have a problem finding someone (probably now even), you just have to have confidence, its a huge factor. There'll be guys who are genuinely interested in you as a woman

Awww thanks James I hope I can see myself that way soon. I still see a boy! =X

I saw a girl before I started HRT. But it will happen for you

Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand.  What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse.  Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.

I continue to be happily surprised at hearing pre-op girls on this site tell how their partner is staying with them.  I know it doesn't always work that way, but I'm surprised none the less.

Open minded, curious, or many simply don't care. It's a non-issue for some. On several occasions after telling a guy that I thought for sure would not want to see me again or get angry, they have simply replied with "so what" or "it doesn't matter". Now this is not the norm, but when it does happen, I'm usually more shocked than the guy after I tell him I'm a trans. And these guys definitely fall into the "hetero straight camp".

Quote from: sarahm on September 12, 2010, 08:06:56 AM
I saw a girl before I started HRT. But it will happen for you

I hope so. I think it's just my hair and chin idk =X

Okay, dating is one thing, where we can have success, probably just have to keep trying

But I wonder, when it comes to those straight men to actually father a child -which they'll DO want at some time-, will they be still around? I mean, for a man, fathering a child can be just as physically important as giving birth for a woman. They might be okay with dating you, for months or maybe even years but the time will come when the urge surfaces and then they'll have to decide. Of course, there are many people who don't want to have children, or they do want, but cannot, so they adopt, but for a fertile man this is definitely a hard decision. And if then he suddenly leaves you, you can't say he didn't even love you because he might have. He might've even believed at the start that he could do just as well without having his own offspring. But nature is just nature.

ah, just ranting about nonsense. I'm nowhere near even to dating

g

That is one issue that I had with my bf.  He wanted to one day have a child call him papi.  Adoption is probably not an option do to the cost and government regulations (in his country).

Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 10, 2010, 06:13:31 PM
I keep hearing from people that they don't think a straight guy would be okay with dating a transgender woman and it's getting to me more and more. Like do I transition and risk ending up alone? Or do I stay in this body as much as I hate it, and increase my chances of not being alone? I mean thinking about not transitioning is such an unhappy thought for me but idk I'm just really scared right now. I've never felt more upset about my body and being born male than I do. It's just getting to me and I'm scared.

Hi Kimberly, this really depends on the person. A sexual preference is almost always related to the body, sometimes in combination with the mind. It is this simple idea that keeps most men from getting involved in a romantic relationship with a person whose body is genetically male, even if the mind is that of a female. Many men belonging this group consider transwomen male because of the body, this is in direct relation with the fear some have of being gay. Others are just afraid how this will affect the way others perceive him. Because this is the majority of men does not mean in any way that all men are like this. As for straight men, there are also those who love a person for who they are, not for what they are. In other words, they focus on the gender and not on the genetic sex of the person. This does not mean they won't be dazed when a transwomen discloses herself to them though. This is because some men never really considered the possibility of loving a transwoman and need some self reflection and learning. Yes, there are straight men who are willing to date transsexual woman and are able to love them. I understand your concern as the fear of not to love and being loved is very well known to me. But consider this: Don't you think you would be living a lie if you don't transition? Would you be happy in this situation, and don't you think this will taint a relationship? No partner is comfortable with the knowledge his or her spouse is unhappy.

Quote from: Robertina on September 11, 2010, 06:20:24 PM
This I still don't understand.  What determines the difference between a guy that finds out you are trans and is OK with it as opposed to the guy that finds out and wants nothing more to do with you, or worse.  Are they just more open minded, different type of sexual orientation, or what.

I wish I knew Robertina. The simple fact is that all people are different and we all have our own view on situations and priorities. Because I do not know anyone in this situation on a personal level, I can only tell you how it felt to me. Right now I am just ok with it. How it came to this point is not really known to me. I still consider myself straight and think of myself as open minded. But because all people have a black spot in which they cannot observe their own behavior  (this can only bee seen by others), it will be not possible to give you a complete answer.

Quote from: ggina on September 12, 2010, 02:34:16 PM
But I wonder, when it comes to those straight men to actually father a child -which they'll DO want at some time-, will they be still around? I mean, for a man, fathering a child can be just as physically important as giving birth for a woman. They might be okay with dating you, for months or maybe even years but the time will come when the urge surfaces and then they'll have to decide.

To me it is a matter of priorities. Having offspring would be great, but can I allow my girlfriend to suffer over the fact that she is unable to give birth to my children? No. It would do a woman terrible grief, as I imagine the grief it would cause me if my girlfriend would leave me if I proved to be sterile. In all relationships both parties must give and take: you can't have everything you want.

I'd definitely be living a lie if I didn't transition. I'd also let my bf down if he wanted something from my sexually that I know I don't want to do. And if I did it just for him that would hurt me. I'm just going to transition either way and hope I'm okay.

how about u get married with lesbian girl.

Quote from: clairezoey on September 13, 2010, 05:46:43 PM
how about u get married with lesbian girl.

wtf? I'm not going to marry a lesbian because I'm not a lesbian. I like men..

Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 13, 2010, 02:38:07 AM
I'd definitely be living a lie if I didn't transition. I'd also let my bf down if he wanted something from my sexually that I know I don't want to do. And if I did it just for him that would hurt me. I'm just going to transition either way and hope I'm okay.

There you have your answer to your first post in this topic. It is natural to have these fears, but the way I see it this is the only road to be who you are.
Remember: in general people regret the things they didn't do in life far more than the things they did do.

Quote from: Octavianus on September 13, 2010, 05:59:31 PM
There you have your answer to your first post in this topic. It is natural to have these fears, but the way I see it this is the only road to be who you are.
Remember: in general people regret the things they didn't do in life far more than the things they did do.

I don't think I'll ever regret transitioning, and I'm still going to do it. I just have to remember to stay positive, and hope that someone will love me. If not I have my friends and family and that's kinda all I need to be happy.

Quote from: Octavianus on September 13, 2010, 05:59:31 PM
Remember: in general people regret the things they didn't do in life far more than the things they did do.

That's just sooo true!!!

As I'm sure has been stated in this thread. A lot of people don't really see the gender in our head, so much as the gender between our legs. 2 penis' to them means gay. Even if the female is 90% female, that last 10% that is male, is what people focus on. My own incredibly supportive mother even had problems breaking that view.

However, I am still the luckiest girl alive. I seemed to hit it off with a guy, who claims to be straight. Even after coming out completely to him, He is still just as interested as before, perhaps more-so. I asked him very bluntly if he's not at least bi-curious or something, and he claims that he is 100% straight, that he just likes girls. I found that flattering.

There are guys out there for girls like you and I, it just takes some finding. Gotta remember, you can't find them if your not looking. So get out there and look!