The only "typical" trans narrative is the one the uneducated mainstreamer has created.  You know, "I'm gay but can't admit it so I'll dress up like a woman so I can go out and pick up guys."  I don't think they even know there are FTMs.  Butch lesbians?  Yes. FTMs?  HUH?

Within the community and those who are educated, there are so many variations one cannot create one trans narrative and call it typical.  Certain experiences may be common, but from what I've seen, everyone is unique in their trans feelings and experience.  I think that's what makes the transgender reality so difficult for outsiders to wrap their head around.

Quote from: Julie Marie on December 28, 2010, 04:32:58 PM
The only "typical" trans narrative is the one the uneducated mainstreamer has created.

Actually, no.
The 'typical' trans narrative is the one used by trans people to bypass gatekeepers. The uneducated mainstreamer has nothing to do with it; the psychiatric community has forced the creation of the 'typical' trans narrative.

Quote from: rejennyrated on December 28, 2010, 04:20:40 PMIf you are happy it doesn't really matter.

This is very true

If there was a magic test that would tell you if you were trans or not. And you took it and it said "no" dose that change anything? you still feel the same. its only you who knows what you need to do.

It dosen't really matter at the end of the day where the feelings come from as long as they aren't going to go away and you end up regretting something.

The fact that after nearly 10 I have to presume that in my case they are perminant if they aren't then I'm screwed but that's a reasonable gamble.

I don't fit the narrative you described.
Got married had kids and grandkids before I figured it out.
Liked hunting, fishing and baseball but also like to playing house.
Trans yes typical I don't think so. "What's that anyway?"
There are as many types of trans people as there are people that are trans.
We are all unique and special people.
There are allot of markers or sign that are used to identify us as trans but even they varier as to number and intensity in each of use.
When I first started on this journey I thought I was just a cross-dresser, then a person with both a male and female personality and as I continued I discovered I was a transsexual. And now no one can tell me otherwise because I know who I am.

So take your time figuring out who and what you are. There are really no standards just some guidelines.
I say find out what make you happy with yourself and go from there.
Jillieann

I don't think i fit the text book narrative either, but i am who i am.

I didn't fit in when I was little, but i didn't know there was something different until like 16-17 yrs old.

The feelings became very strong after the birth of my first child and unbearable after my second child. It was a motherly instinct that came out and very strong. After that I knew I had to become a woman, and couldn't live inside the male body and stereotype anymore.

I love to cook, sew, clothes, makeup, shop & have my nails done. I also love to trucks, atvs, hunting, camping, shooting, welding/metalworking, & woodworking. I enjoy doing all of these things wearing pink and painted nails. (i do keep my nails short, but painted.) My boys also love that I still do these things with them.

It is what is is, i just enjoy being the person who I feel inside. Whatever that is.

Jenn

Well honestly I didn't know anything when I was a kid...just that I wanted to play a lot!  In teen years I was very confused, or at least I thought I was.  Feelings for both guys and girls was very strange to me.  I thought it had to be one or the other.

If I have to change my narrative to better suit somebody's "list" to get HRT...so be it!  I really wish I didn't have to, I wish we could just tell them the truth but then they might drag it on and on and on. 

I dunno, everybody's narrative is different in one way or another.  I worried a lot about it at first too, but now I'm like, "Whatever!" 

Typical?  Who knows?  And why does that worry you?  I have never heard any two stories the same.

I think "typical" changes from generation to generation as well.  For us who are older, I know it is hard to imagine, but we did not have access to information like everyone does now.

I honestly grew up thinking I was atypical.  I thought no one else ever felt like this.  Yep, that is true.  I heard about Rene Richards and her sex change and how everyone thought that was the most repulsive thing ever.  I only knew I could never let my feelings show, especially in light of a big brother who would beat the $hit out of me if ever he saw me doing anything not "guy" enough for him.  And especially in light of how I was beaten at school and called names and was a general outcast.  I learned to be very sneaky and learned to steal things at an early age and to lead a double life.  I learned to be one thing on the outside while protecting the little girl I was on the inside.  Absolutely no one could know my secret!  I was sure no one would.  At last I even got married.  Surely that would cure me.  Yeah, right!

But you can only stuff and purge so many times until it will not go down or go away any more.  I may hold the world's record for trying. 

At this point I pretty much do what I want whenever I can get out.  If I don't get my girl time I just can't cope.  It is the only time in my life I feel as if I am not cross dressing.  I have never fit in with the CD crowd.  They just can't seem to believe I go and do the things I do.  And my issues are not the same.  I don't want to be loud and bodacious, overly made up and draggy.  I just want to be like any other girl.  And I don't fit in with most of the TS crowd.  I want very badly to have surgery but doubt I will ever have a way to afford it.  So I don't fit in with the elite around here either who have finished their journey.  Dear friends have moved on and I am happy for them.  I am stuck.  So my journey is atypical by circumstance as well.

Hang on and let your journey work its own way out, hon.  And be at peace.  It took me a lifetime to learn that.

Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on December 29, 2010, 12:26:18 PM

I honestly grew up thinking I was atypical.  I thought no one else ever felt like this.  Yep, that is true.  I heard about Rene Richards and her sex change and how everyone thought that was the most repulsive thing ever.  I only knew I could never let my feelings show, especially in light of a big brother who would beat the $hit out of me if ever he saw me doing anything not "guy" enough for him.  And especially in light of how I was beaten at school and called names and was a general outcast.  I learned to be very sneaky and learned to steal things at an early age and to lead a double life.  I learned to be one thing on the outside while protecting the little girl I was on the inside.  Absolutely no one could know my secret!  I was sure no one would.  At last I even got married.  Surely that would cure me.  Yeah, right!

Hang on and let your journey work its own way out, hon.  And be at peace.  It took me a lifetime to learn that.

Kristi

That is one thing that makes many of us "typical" is that we believe that we are "atypical".  That we are somehow unique in the world and that no one would understand.

And we have to mask our atypical nature by joining in or at least having to sit through such abuse and humor at the expense of other like we feel we are so that we can show we are "men".  I felt like I was betraying myself when that would happen.

We all start from different places.  But we have so much in common.  That is what makes us typical.  Our commonality.  And we come her to share, to support, and to encourage.  Because few others will.

You are one of us Alex.  You have found a home.  You are welcome here.  You are not an outcast.

You are loved.

Be well, my brother.

-Sandy

I do feel the need to chime in here, since I'm another who doesn't "fit the narrative", so to speak.

I wasn't one of those who felt like a boy since little - I was just me. We don't believe in gender stereotypes etc. in our family, so I was never told that climbing trees, playing footie (soccer) or running around shirtless wasn't something boys did - they saw me playing with my brother's Transformers, with my brother, and left us to it. The whole gender/orientation thing didn't kick off 'til school, where it became obvious that exploring such things was a bad idea. Thus it lay buried for a couple of decades or so. As it stands, I'm another who likes to dress up, never complained about being in a dress or skirt while growing up, etc. So yeah, that got pretty confusing.

The problem came once I'd realised that I am in fact trans, rather than "just" andro/bigender - after getting referred to the psychiatrist, I got pretty anxious about whether my background would be enough to get my medical transition off the ground, since I didn't have the "typical" story - by that I mean, I've seen it told on here, I've heard it by people in my support group. One or two have said they were at the point where it was transition or die. I never got to that point, I never self-harmed, I never abused alcohol or drugs, so would I still qualify for hormones or surgery?

I stuck to the truth, and I've now been on T for over two months. Either the doctors and therapists involved were exceptional, or there really isn't any need for people to use the same story when we're all such different people with different backgrounds. Unless I was just lucky, of course...

I'm definately not typical.
I'm not as dysphoric about my appearance so much as I am about the whole... period and pregnancy thing, whereas most transguys seem most concerned about their "basement" or chest.
I did not believe myself to be a boy as a child, but nor did I believe myself to be a girl. I didn't see a difference between boys and girls.

I may be more accurately described as genderqueer, but because I most desire to be accepted as male, I identify as ftm. I would like to be physically male with an overall androgynous appearance, but still be a convincing girl if I want to crossdress.

Quote from: Yakshini on January 03, 2011, 07:10:20 PM
I may be more accurately described as genderqueer, but because I most desire to be accepted as male, I identify as ftm. I would like to be physically male with an overall androgynous appearance, but still be a convincing girl if I want to crossdress.

Same for me.  Going on T would be an easier decision for me if I wasn't genderqueer...but I definitely don't like being female.  But I'd still like to be able to crossdress.  I do have a feminine side; I wish it was more socially acceptable for guys to express that side.  I'm not sure I could stand having to keep that side of me hidden.  Females have lots more freedom to be masculine or feminine.

I'm not a stereotypical "manly man".

When I was a kid, I was raised to do whatever I wanted. When I was in kindergarten, I was into dragracing, knights, dinosaurs and Star Wars. My father gave me toy dragsters to play with, and I climbed trees, used sticks as "swords", read a lot, etc. My mother tended to want me to look pretty and cute, and she dressed me in girlish things that broke easily.
I was a clumsy kid and fell a lot, so I tended to break/grass stain those pretty girly clothes.
Father used to tell me, when I was little, that I should never shave my legs or wear makeup, that appearance is one of the least important things, and that nobody could stop me from doing what I wanted in life. I didn't really think about being a girl or a boy at that age, I was just me, a kid who made friends with boys and the girls disliked.

When I hit puberty (at age 12 or something, I dunno, it's a bit of a blur) I felt as if something alien had possessed me. My diaries from that age are full of "Oh god, please take it away from me. I wake up and I look even more hideous than the day before. I never asked to be swelling up with fat. I want to be normal, please, take it away from me". I was expected to get into makeup, to start dating boys, etc. I felt horror and revulsion at partly my bizarre transformation (voice not dropping, only slight traces of wispy moustache, ugly fat growths), and partly at how my sexual impulses and desires were centered around girls.
I started wearing a bra at age 15, I refused to do so until then.

On occasion, I like to dress up as a girl (stockings, skirts, dresses, etc) and go outside. I get an adrenaline kick out of it, it feels like I am doing something very mischievous and forbidden, something you aren't allowed to do. My thoughts are something like "Oh, heehee, he thinks I'm just a girl but if he knew, oh, if he knew..." Like I am playing a prank on everyone when I am doing that. It's amusing, really. I've had those feelings and thoughts before I "came out to myself" as trans (I repressed it a lot).
I've also dressed up as a girl when on masquerade parties and the like, but then it feels okay.
During the school prom, mother sewed me a gorgeous dress, which I wore with my corset and garters and makeup and everything. I didn't really like it then, because on masquerades, everyone is dressed as something they really aren't. On the prom, everyone was dressed up "seriously", it was only me in "drag" there. It felt wrong, like I was crashing their party, and I was afraid of them finding me out, of them knowing somehow that I was not a real girl.

Is this an example of the classic trans narrative or not? It's my experience.

I fit the narrative in one way: I knew, when I was very young, that I was a boy.

I don't fit it, though, in another way: the "standard" trans narrative involves things like secretly crossdressing, having interests/tastes assigned to your self-identified gender but either being afraid to express them or having to fight to express them. I never had that, it was always just fine for me to have "boyish" interests and wear boys' clothes most of the time. What I did secretly, what I was ashamed/afraid to do in public, was dress up like a girl, wear glitter, listen to boy bands, paint my nails. I secretly enjoyed (but pretended to hate) wearing dresses and makeup and going to dances. At night I still watch chick flicks and listen to pop music furtively, with headphones, tabbing out when anyone else wakes up.

I did have 'standard' trans indicators that I kept secret, like trying to bind my breasts and stuff my pants - purely body-dysphoria-related stuff. But my gender-role dissonance was actually more MTF than FTM.

(Actually, the more I think back on it, the more I realize it's just "normal little gay boy in a homophobic society." The only thing making it odd is that I was born with the body that the society wouldn't condemn for having those tastes/proclivities, and yet I am/was ashamed of them anyway.)

Quote from: kyril on January 05, 2011, 05:42:08 AM
(Actually, the more I think back on it, the more I realize it's just "normal little gay boy in a homophobic society." The only thing making it odd is that I was born with the body that the society wouldn't condemn for having those tastes/proclivities, and yet I am/was ashamed of them anyway.)

Dude, that's the way I feel about it too.  I'm kind of embarrassed about my girly side, even with people who know me as female.

My therapist and I had a conversation about how trans people often have even more stricter definitions of what is masculine/feminine than CIS folks.  I read it on these kinds of boards all of the time.  It makes a certain sense because we've always been looking for definition and if we are ashamed of the way we feel might have tried to find things that made us seem more of our birth gender or look to express ourselves as our desired gender.  I don't know any CIS men or women who do exclusively "man" or "woman" things.  Maybe it's because we're all liberal and urban but we all like the same music, TV shows, hobbies, etc. etc.

Even as I transition I don't see myself changing much. (I could be totally wrong at the end of the road) I want to be female and feel honest, I don't need to be more feminine or less masculine.

Quote from: Karla on December 27, 2010, 09:04:35 PM
Please don't put much stock in it, but I still definitely understand how it matters when you're still wrestling with your trans identity.

What you're left with at the end of the day is the pain and the dysphoria and that is real.

Yeah, seriously. I've felt out of place since I could remember, but I'm a cooking fanatic, I sew, knit, and still wear makeup from time to time. I hate dresses though, gah. I'd rather shave my head than ever wear a dress ever, ever again X_X.

Quote from: N.Chaos on January 07, 2011, 02:51:18 PM
I've felt out of place since I could remember, but I'm a cooking fanatic, I sew, knit, and still wear makeup from time to time.

OMG!!!!!! You cannot possibly be trans!!!!!!!!!

Oh noes you've found me out, I'm a traitorrrrrrrr!
Lawl.

Quote from: Helena on December 28, 2010, 04:32:03 PM
I don't believe that there's really a typical trans narrative, the reason being that we're all individuals. I would also wager that anyone telling you that there is a typical trans narrative (and by inference if you don't fit it you're not trans enough) is doing it for their own validation and to quench their own insecurities.

I totally agree.

I'm sitting around in leggings and beautiful long shirt.  I'll be putting my nice, fluffy boots on in a little bit and then I'll be putting on my nice, rockstar-girly jacket so I can walk the dog.

I have played with barbie dolls, horses, and other dolls.  I collect stuffed animals.  My apartment is done in a young female adult manner and there are plenty of beautiful antiques around that I've gotten from my mom.  I love to cook and I'm good at it.  I enjoy making blankets and pillows.  I have a dream of being a house husband/wife so I can cook and clean and take care of the pets.  I don't like getting dirty or manual labor of any sort.  I can't change my own oil and barely know how to change a tire.  I take care of my nails.  I wear skirts and dresses.  I squeal like a little kid whenever I see a cute animal (which is all of the time since I think most animals are cute) and I get doey-eyed if I get bunny kisses.  I like purses and have several.  I love candles and fresh scents.  I did I mention I really hate getting dirty and I really dislike a lot of stereotypical "guy" things?

But I'm a guy.  I didn't know when I was kid or even when I was a young teenager.  About 16 or 17 I sort of realized something was up, but didn't realize it until I was about 20 or 21.

I have no idea if any of it fits any sort of "typical trans narrative", but I doubt most of it does.  Then again, since joining this site, I've realized there doesn't seem to be any "typical trans narrative" and I've met guys with a lot of the same tastes as me.