It really depends on the lesbian community your joining.  I tried being part of the lesbian community in a large town and got knowhere.  In hindsight though many cis lesbians didn't fit into it either.
In the end I met some people somewhere else had a really good time found a scene where I fitted in and am having a great time.  I'm mostly not out though so YMMV but the people I am out to sound quite accepting.  I'm not sure I'll get anywhere dating wise but that's partly my choice as SRS is only 4 months away and I'm happy to be single till after then.
I think the best advice is also learn to be a lesbian and learn the social scene.  Not only did it help me fit in but I learn't loads about myself and found it immensly empowering.  For example my lesbian friends were the ones who taught me I could have elements of masculinity and still be a women.

Quote from: GinaDouglas on January 17, 2011, 03:50:27 PM
That being said, the situation here is that whether to accept transwomen as women is an individual decision, not a community one.  Since the law clearly recognizes transwomen as female, those who disagree build up resentment.  This is across the board.  Doesn't matter gay or straight, male or female - there is a segment of the population that hates transwomen, builds up resentment, and becomes like a land-mine ready to go off in any unexpected circumstance.

Gina's absolutely right. That is exactly what the problem is in today's society. I'm just as as feminine as the next woman (regardless of birth sex.)  You are absolutely right, there is a segment of America that hates transwomen like you and I, look at yours truly - I know the truth plain and simple - hating a transwoman is considered to be disrespectful (mostly males that contact me and see in person) and I let them know I am one transgirl that does not tolerate hatred of any kind. 'Nuff said.

QuoteIf you consider that to be like a control group, it's been my experience that it is less likely a given person is a landmine if she is a lesbian than any other group.

But, when it comes to whether transwomen are in many lesbians' dating pools - that's still mostly NO WAY!

Good point, there's a damn good reason chances are there are such bisexual women usually in many transwomen's dating pools. I absolutely know this from what I have seen and heard - and that's just being on the safe side. Better safe than sorry.

Quite frankly, I happen to have a theory why there is absolutely nothing wrong with a transwoman dating a bisexual lady. I've actually have seen this happen according to my sources and my so called "lesbi-radar" (very similar to a gaydar.)  How's that? Am I in that ball park

I'd say that our female dating pool is exclusively bi-women.  If you're with a straight woman, she's thinking of you as a guy; and that ain't gonna work.  If you're with a lesbian, she's getting alot of flack in the lesbian community.  There are always gonna be lesbians who say, "Were you ever really a lesbian, now that you are with a man?"  And her ex-lovers are gonna be climbing the walls, ashamed they were ever with her.

My GF is like the line from Henry IV: If not for the bloody guns, he would have been a soldier.  She doesn't want anything weird going inside her, and she doesn't want to eat pussy; other than that, she probably would have been a lesbian.

Quote from: GinaDouglas on January 23, 2011, 11:34:49 AM
I'd say that our female dating pool is exclusively bi-women.

This is an interesting statement. In some ways I agree and in some ways I heartily disagree.

First of all, consider me: I have never had the slightest sexual or romantic attraction to any man. I'm a complete gold star lesbian. But I've met a few trans women I would absolutely date, if they would have me. So the dating pool of trans lesbians (who are not me) includes at least bio women, plus me.

Second, I dated a lesbian for a bit about a year ago -- not a gold star, but she identifies as lesbian, basically a six on the Kinsey scale. I have known other lesbians -- women who identified as exclusively lesbian -- that dated trans women.

Third, I have known people who identify as lesbian who have dated men occasionally, while still identifying as lesbian. This is not actually unusual: many straight sometimes date people of the same sex. You could say, "well, that means they're bi," but they would disagree with you, and if you came across them on a dating site, they would not be listed as bi. Basically, categories of sexuality are much, much more fluid than most people realize -- not that they are a "choice"; you're either into someone or you're not -- but the boundaries are just quite fuzzy.

Aside from their preferences, tastes, and orientations, there is my comfort, and I must say that I feel a bit better dating bi women at this intermediate stage of transition. I find that, since gender for them is less strongly linked to desire, that they tend to be more respectful of my gender. They just don't care, so they take the obvious gender cues I send them as sufficient.

So in the end, even if the dating pool for trans lesbians is mostly bi women, that is only true if you take a broad definition of "bi." And if you do that, you end up with probably a good two thirds of all queer women; it's not much of a disadvantage.

In my experience most lesbians accept transwomen with open arms...so long as we are content to always remain their assexual buddy, mention the prospect of dating and most will reduce you to your birth genetalia, which is interesting because if some far right bigot does that to you the lesbians will call it bigotry but if they do it it is acceptable, kinda seems like a double standard if you ask me. Granted once in a blue moon  there is a lesbian that has evolved past this but not very often. On the other side of the coin, gay men actually get it that we are women, and I frequently see them accept and be attracted to trans men that ID as gay males, it would be nice if the lesbian community could catch up to the gay men in this regard.

Gay men are more promiscuous than lesbians, so their dating pools are always larger.  It's not an apt comparison.

Quote from: dove on January 25, 2011, 09:10:25 PM
In my experience most lesbians accept transwomen with open arms...so long as we are content to always remain their assexual buddy, mention the prospect of dating and most will reduce you to your birth genetalia, which is interesting because if some far right bigot does that to you the lesbians will call it bigotry but if they do it it is acceptable, kinda seems like a double standard if you ask me. Granted once in a blue moon  there is a lesbian that has evolved past this but not very often. On the other side of the coin, gay men actually get it that we are women, and I frequently see them accept and be attracted to trans men that ID as gay males, it would be nice if the lesbian community could catch up to the gay men in this regard.

  I don't agree at all... All of the anecdotal evidence that I've heard, especially from others in my local support group, have supported evidence of a large part of the Gay male community that has a deep hatred for MTFs. If anything, I've had the most trouble convincing my few Gay friends that I'm NOT a Gay male! They tend to have an, "Ok, sweety, I know you think you're a girl but you're really just Gay like us," attitude.

 

Quote from: JessicaR on January 26, 2011, 07:19:06 PM
  I don't agree at all... All of the anecdotal evidence that I've heard, especially from others in my local support group, have supported evidence of a large part of the Gay male community that has a deep hatred for MTFs. If anything, I've had the most trouble convincing my few Gay friends that I'm NOT a Gay male! They tend to have an, "Ok, sweety, I know you think you're a girl but you're really just Gay like us," attitude.

I wonder how they square that opinion with women like me who are trans and like women?

Quote from: JessicaR on January 26, 2011, 07:19:06 PM
evidence of a large part of the Gay male community that has a deep hatred for MTFs.

Especially if you are gonna have MtF surgery and have sex with straight men.  Then it's like, "Whatsa matter, gay men are not good enough for you?

All of the anecdotal evidence that I've heard

Is pretty much worthless, there is a reason that hearsay is not allowed in court.

Good thing this isnt a court of law. Here anecdotal evidence is accepted....

Yes, anecdotal evidence is used all over Science.  Case studies, for example.  And hearsay is not even an apt comparison to anecdotal evidence.

Fortunately the lesbian community isn't any more unified than the trans community, so there will be no 'blanket rule' for how lesbians will react/act towards trans women.
Unlike us, they're not a hive mind controlled by a single Queen.

Quote from: ▼Ξ✖ on January 27, 2011, 03:19:49 PM
Unlike us, they're not a hive mind controlled by a single Queen.

Tell me who to hunt next oh queen...the hatchlings are hungry

Quote from: Helena on January 27, 2011, 03:43:23 PM
Tell me who to hunt next oh queen...the hatchlings are hungry

Go forth to the fruitful lands of the the Cisthings and stealeth for the hive their pouchlings!
TASTY pouchlings...
And then make me a cup of tea.
Lady Grey.

Quote from: ▼Ξ✖ on January 27, 2011, 04:06:40 PM
Go forth to the fruitful lands of the the Cisthings and stealeth for the hive their pouchlings!
TASTY pouchlings...
And then make me a cup of tea.
Lady Grey.

Yes my queen.

*scuttles off*

Damn

*scuttles back*

*Sorry oh queen, we appear to be out of lady grey...we've got Assam, Camomile or roiboosh though

Quote from: Helena on January 27, 2011, 04:56:26 PM
Yes my queen.

*scuttles off*

Damn

*scuttles back*

*Sorry oh queen, we appear to be out of lady grey...we've got Assam, Camomile or roiboosh though

Anything with bergamot in it, Drone Mistress! You know how the hive gets cranky when I don't get my bergamot!

Quote from: ▼Ξ✖ on January 27, 2011, 05:00:07 PM
Anything with bergamot in it, Drone Mistress! You know how the hive gets cranky when I don't get my bergamot!

*sends slaved drone to the shops*

Now where did i leave the kettle

*slaved drone returns from the shops*

oooooooooh, blossom earl grey, my queen will be pleased

*kills and eats slaved drone because she's bored, hormonal and craving protein*