Has anybody ever gotten that line from a family member? I got that from my mom. She said there were no signs.

I can think back and think of so many red flags that I was transgender. Apparently, there's this idea that I had to be a masculine, tomboy little girl or scream "I want a penis!" as a child in order to legitimately be transgender.

When I was 2, my mom says that I would scream and cry if my parents put me in dresses.

When I was around 10-11, I cried and screamed at my mom because she said I have cleavage and I screamed that I hated it and wished it would disappear.

When I was 11-12, I begged God to turn me into a boy overnight, and would be extremely disappointed when I woke up a girl. Seriously. I would pray at night for that (or superpowers like shapeshifting so that I could change my body into a boy's) and then the first thing I would do is reach down and check my underwear. Sometimes it ruined my day because I was so upset that it didn't happen.

Oh, and when I was in daycare, my teacher read us this book, I don't remember what it was called, but it was about this boy who fell out of his bed one morning, accidentally licked his elbow, and that turned him into a girl. So, by my own logic, I thought: "Hey, if I licked my own elbow, I'll turn into a boy!" Too bad I could never actually manage to lick my elbow.

Just because I wasn't vocal about my desire to be a boy, and I whispered so that nobody would hear me when I prayed, trying to make a deal with God that I would do anything he wanted as long as he turned me into a boy, doesn't mean I'm not transgender and that there were no signs. Of course there were signs, she just never saw them because I realized quickly that girls wanting to be boys and boys wanting to be girls isn't normal.

When I was around 13-14, I got so frustrated with my own body that I forced myself to learn to pee standing up.

Hell, I remember I once sat on the jungle gym at daycare and watched the boys play soccer, trying to figure out why I wanted to be them, and what was so different about me. All I knew back then was that I wanted to be them.

According to my friends, there were signs. Then again, I always acted more like myself around them. I literally tell my friends everything I'm thinking because I trust them.

So I mean, those things sound like signs to me. My mom was just never around to see them.

Just because I was a girly child doesn't mean my transsexualism is invalid, right? I like girly things. That doesn't make my identity invalid. I hung out with almost all girls until I got into elementary school. That must mean I'm not transgender. I like to have female friends, that must mean I'm not transgender. I know cisguys who like to be friends with females. Does that make them transgender?

Just had to rant a bit there.

They just like to pretend the signs weren't there. It's total denial. Here was a convo between my parents and my therapist when they first met...

Therapist: So...how did your child feel about wearing the clothes of the same sex?
Parents: ...er, well, she really hated it.
Therapist: Ok...  did your child ever insist that she would not grow breasts or menstruate?
Parents: ...yes
Therapist: Did she seem comfortable entering womanhood during puberty?
Parents...no

Then my mother burst out "BUT SHE LOVED SAILOR MOON!" 

My mom said the EXACT same thing. She watched a Trans documentary and said "those people are trans, but you arn't"

My therapist said its flat out denial and that she may always be in denial. But at the end of the day they are the ones who look silly calling us "she" (my mom calls me princess and sis) in a room full of people who only know me as male.

I love my mom to death... so I really hope that one of these days she will realize that even if I "played with Barbie's" that doesn't have anything to do with my gender identity

Quote from: jqual on March 04, 2011, 06:42:20 PM
My mom said the EXACT same thing. She watched a Trans documentary and said "those people are trans, but you arn't"

Lol. My mom blames Degrassi for "getting the idea in my head" that I'm transgender. :I A freaking TV show. I knew about transgender people before I watched that show and I knew I felt like a boy before I watched that show.

Anyway, I get that too. My mom is all, "Oh, there are trans people out there, but you're not."

I'm fairly sure that my parents would also blame it on the telly
and I'm afraid they might argue that it's just a phase because there weren't any signs

although I've only worn male clothes when I've had the choice (started buying my own clothes) and I've always said I hated having breasts. The rest I've always kept sorta hidden, as I would not walk up to my mum and tell her how much I need to have a penis

but yeah, that's one of the things that's holding me back from coming out

Yup...I've heard that from my parents a number of times.

Quote from: Alex201 on March 04, 2011, 07:39:29 PM
Yup...I've heard that from my parents a number of times.

I know. I like to keep up with your posts.

Doesn't it suck?

I'm in my 30s.

My parents also think there are trans people, but I'm not one of them.

Yes, there were signs. And, yes, there are counter-signs too. None of it really proves anything.

The only *sign* that matters is how you feel and identify, something we go out of our way to hide from others and conceal from our families, even if we think they already know.

The denial stage is just one step in the process. Some parents move beyond that quickly, some never leave it. All you can do is hope for the best.

Quote from: Devyn on March 04, 2011, 07:43:54 PM
I know. I like to keep up with your posts.

Doesn't it suck?

yes...it does suck. I've told my parents a thousand times about the time I was six years old and asked if God would turn me into a boy. But they just brush it off saying that was only a breif period. But hey, a sign is a sign, right?

Yeah, my parents said the same thing.  I was actually shocked when they said that.  I recounted to them all the signs in the past that I remembered, all the times I knew something was wrong about my gender.  And my mom said I was remembering it wrong.  She said I was convincing myself those things were true when they weren't.  That really pissed me off.  So now she's inside my head?

Quote from: crazyandro on March 04, 2011, 08:34:36 PM
Yeah, my parents said the same thing.  I was actually shocked when they said that.  I recounted to them all the signs in the past that I remembered, all the times I knew something was wrong about my gender.  And my mom said I was remembering it wrong.  She said I was convincing myself those things were true when they weren't.  That really pissed me off.  So now she's inside my head?

Exactly. It's like, why in the hell would I make this up?

Try hearing "Are you sure this has nothing to do with your mom passing away?".

I can understand going through an identity crisis when you watch a deeply loved one slowly suffer and die, but I'm not going crazy and "switching teams" because my mother passed away. -.- I've wanted to come out several times, including before she was diagnosed with cancer :/

I dunno. People who have known you the best and longest have the hardest time watching you change so much and try to blame it on anything they possibly can, other than you actually being transgendered.

QuoteTry hearing "Are you sure this has nothing to do with your mom passing away?"

Aw, man, I'm sorry. *hug*

My ex and I both heard this some. What was entertaining was how different our parents' opinions were, and how his parents thought I showed totally obvious signs and vice versa.

His mom, to him: No, you seemed like a girl, you wore dresses, you just weren't a typical guy like (me) when you were younger, he acted trans and it was clear how he felt.

My mom, to me: You just aren't a typical case of being trans! I know you were masculine, but you didn't act male! Now, I would understand if you had done something like run around without a shirt when you were growing up, like (he) did, but you didn't. You wanted pink Minnie mouse ears at Disneyworld.

They needed to talk to each other more. 

Quote from: Nikolai_S on March 04, 2011, 10:50:03 PM
You wanted pink Minnie mouse ears at Disneyworld.

If you get pink Minnie Mouse ears and glue them to an army helmet, you would have an androgynous hat!

Quote from: Ryan D on March 04, 2011, 09:31:00 PM
Try hearing "Are you sure this has nothing to do with your mom passing away?".

I get "Are you sure this has nothing to do with your dad going to jail?"  I don't see why it would, but my mother assumes anything that happens in my life that she doesn't like has to do with that.

"The internet made you this way" is my mom's go to line.

My cousin has serious autism since he was super little.  Everyone in the family knew it, totally obvious, but it wasn't until he was 18 and his Mom watched a special that his Mom figured it out.

Some parents are weird about their perception of their kids.

My mom was cool when I came out but she said like "I never saw it, you didn't play with dolls."

"Uh Mom..not that you need to play with dolls to be trans but I collected My Little Ponies...and carried around a cabbage patch until 4th grade."

"Yeah, but you also played with Star Wars figures."

"Mom...those are dolls."

Quote from: japple on March 05, 2011, 12:46:50 AM
"Uh Mom..not that you need to play with dolls to be trans but I collected My Little Ponies...and carried around a cabbage patch until 4th grade."

My sister liked those things.  I never got much into dolls.  But my sis did like to watch Rainbow Brite, and sometimes I would watch it with her.

My friend's mother said this to him not long ago. He has described quite a few childhood incidents to me, including an argument they had that ended with her screaming, "You're not a boy!" at him.

His mother was exposed to plenty of signals but didn't want to see them.