Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

how do you tell your parents about being transgendered

Started by Everyone, June 18, 2010, 12:32:17 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

jessman3

I wrote a letter to my mom. Shes the kind of person, where if you say something she doesnt want to hear, she just wont hear it. To the point of denying the conversation ever happened. So i needed physical proof haha. Shes accepting, but I can tell it bothers her. Shes always made a point of saying how she'll love me no matter what, so I think shes tring to hide how much it bothers her because she wants so badly to support me.
When it comes to my dad, its the opposite. Hes one of those "fit in my box, play by my rules" type of people. He still hasnt learned that wont work for me. I came out to him real recently, by force, while sitting at his dinner table. My kid called me papa, and being 2, its not like I could tell him not to call me that at gpas house. So my very in-denial dad, asked "papa,.. Is that another language for mama?" and when I spit it out (nervously and with a mouthful) his exact reaction was "well spaghetti is not the right meal for this."
I got a real reaction from him the next day over the phone, where he talked me down, and insisted I'm screwing up my and my son's lives. Since then we dont talk about it and he still calls me female pronouns. I'm ignoring it. He's the one that will look rediculous calling me "she" when I've got sideburns and a goatee. Lol
  •  

Silas

My mom found out by reading my journal. On the first few pages, I had some passing tips scrawled down and was venting some dysphoria. I was walking into the living room and she asked "how long I'd been packing". Which was a weird and uncomfortable situation, considering I didn't pack yet and she didn't believe me.

I've written her countless letters, shown her this site, shown her articles -- but it only seems to make it worse, as she thinks I'm "getting ideas" from them. She's okay about it -- she paid for the shipping fee on my binder, allows me to dress masculinely, let me get my hair cut -- although each time she'll say it's already short when it's considered long for a guy. I've tried talking to her face-to-face about it, but it always ends in tears or she'll pull the silent treatment on me in the middle of the discussion. She refuses to use "he" and "Christopher" (my first name), but she's getting better. She has me listed on facebook as her son and I've seen her refer to me as Chris. My dad told me not to spring things on her, and to give her time to deal with it -- but with my mom, if you're wanting to give her time to deal with something, then you're basically going to live a life of silence.

My dad just kind of figured out. I have no idea how. Once he asked me whether I liked guys or girls, and I kind of fumbled and said I didn't really care for dating. He just laughed and said it was good I was focusing on more important things, but he seemed to know better. He's hinted that he knows, and he's seen my facebook; he says he's taking it one day at a time. He stills calls me a girl and such.

For amusement: My grandfather's wife says I have a "negative attitude" and tells me binding will make the fat from my chest go to my hips. (This is the same woman who told me swallowing gum would make it stick to my lungs.) She also tells me not shaving my armpits and legs will make me unattractive to men. You know, because she speaks for all men. she. XD
  •  

Jav

I told my mother this January "Mom, remember what I was like as a real small kid of 2-3? And always playing with boys and boy toys and peeing standing up and not wearing girl clothes?! And how I shut down after the age of 10, not even going out to play anymore? Do you remember that coincided with me getting my first period?!" She took it pretty well, did not have a stroke as she did the time I came out as a lesbian all those 14-15 years ago. 
"I have nothing new to teach the world. Truth and Non-violence are as old as the hills. All I have done is to try experiments in both on as vast a scale as I could." Mahatma Gandhi
  •  

Hadrian

I came out to my mom in January. She told me that she raised me and that she would love me no matter what. But she doesn't like to talk about it, because it makes her really uncomfortable. Although, she did make a point in telling me how all those pregnancy quirks said she was having a boy. I asked her if there were signs when I was little, because I remember asking when seeing her boyfriend in the shower, "why I didn't have one of those," and she said no.

I figured my mom was okay with it, but my Godmother who I came out to first later told me that my mom is having a hard time accepting my transition because she raised a "daughter" for 22yrs, and she told my Godmother that she'll believe it when I start T. It's kind of a let down and talking to my mom anymore is even more tension filled than it was before. Her and I have never really been too close, and my mom is one of those types that's always been more concerned w herself rather than those around her.

My Godmother, whom I consider my real mom, has accepted me and is very supportive, and has told me that she's always known, that there were tells. She recently told me that it's hard for her at times because she's always had a "daughter" but a son is good too. :) She said she can't wait for me to visit so she can buy me clothes. She told me it's not accepting me that is hard it's the distance between us bc she lives half the U.S. away and that if I was there that she would be able to see my transition rather than hear about it.

I haven't told my step-mom, dad, or brother. My step-mom and I have a non-existent relationship (we tolerate each other) and I don't speak to my dad. Me and my bro used to be tight, and I'm dreading telling him even though he'll probably react about like my friends and tell me that he knew before I did...I hope, anyways.

I have to say that I kinda have my own army of "moms" bc my grandmother considers herself my pseudo mom and treats me as such and I fear telling her. I tried coming out to her once, asking her what her thoughts were about gay marriage, etc., she reacted poorly and said that anyone like that was going to hell, and now she thinks I'm a lesbian (I like guys, so I'm still in the same boat either way) and our relationship is strained now. So, I don't even know how to come out to her, she's so conservative and doesn't like anything that isn't quid pro quo.
"You are who and what you are,
You like who and what you like,
You love who and what you love."
- Hadrian
  •  

niamh

Quote from: Knarx on July 01, 2011, 12:31:19 AM

...she's so conservative and doesn't like anything that isn't quid pro quo.

I am happy that your godmother is accepting. That's really nice to hear.

BTW, the Latin you mean is "status quo".
  •  

Hadrian

Quote from: niamh on July 01, 2011, 08:53:07 AM
BTW, the Latin you mean is "status quo".

That's what I meant to put, thanks for noticing the typo
"You are who and what you are,
You like who and what you like,
You love who and what you love."
- Hadrian
  •  

Cristóbal

Quote from: MalcolmAlex on June 18, 2010, 12:50:29 AM
Well I did it the wrong way; I started dressing differently and they eventually questioned me.  They were more upset than they would have been if I had been straightforward with them.
What do you mean the wrong way? Dx
I still haven't come out yet..but I'm sure my guardian knows a bit and does question..sometimes. Though I dressed like a boy since elementary school.
  •  

Arch

My parents don't know about me. But a lot of people write a letter. You can send it, bring it in person, have the other person read it, read it out loud yourself...pick your poison.
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
  •