So this is a topic inspired by the "Age you realized" thread. I realized I like girls around 13/14, came out as gay at 19, started questioning my gender two months after turning 22, bought my first binder a month or so later, but have yet to come out to anyone or started therapy.

So I guess what I'm asking I guess is a series of questions. When did you first start realizing transition could be right for you? How long after this realization did you come out? How long after coming out did you start therapy? How long after starting therapy did start trying to go full time? How long after that did you change your name? How long after that did you start hormones/surgery/etc?

So yea, anyone who's down for answering, EVEN THOSE WAYYY EARLY IN THE PROCESS LIKE ME!, what's your timeline up until now?

THANK YOU!!

I started seriously questioning my gender, or thinking about it when I was maybe 16. Before that I did as I wanted and dress as I wanted without really thinking about my gender. When I was 17 I realized I wasn't female, but didn't feel as if that made me male. I started researching things like testosterone and transitioning and at around 18 or 19 I felt pretty sure I was male. I started wearing all boy clothes when I was 10 or so (with the occasional cross dressing in my teens for my own sh-ts and gigs). Bought my first binder when I was 17, I think. Up until that point I had used duct tape and/or ace bandages (sometimes sports bras). I guess I started living as male when I was 19 (as close to "full time" as I could since I was still seen as female/a woman). Went by my preferred name when I could. I decided to start therapy when I was 20 or 21 because that's around when I started to seriously consider testosterone. What I was doing at trying to make myself comfortable without it wasn't really working. Saw the therapist for 3 months, said everything I could've said and quit because I felt like it wasn't getting anywhere. I waited, tried to re-work what I was doing. Searched around for clinics that used informed consent trying to figure out what would cost me the least. When I was 23 I started going to a clinic that had trans health services and started T.

So I'm still not really full time in some ways because I'm still read as female around 99% of the time. I don't use men's bathrooms, or men's dressing rooms, but I have lived my life as male for around 5 years or so before starting T. I haven't had my name changed, not had surgery (not planning any surgery).

1981 (age 3/4) - First realized I should have been a girl, started praying at night that I'd wake up corrected the next morning

1982 (age 4) - Stepmom enters the picture, beatings start, fear for my life, stop thinking about gender except for nightly prayers

1990 (age 13) - Custody transfer to my mom, give up praying and religion, saw Madonna's Blond Ambition tour, cried for days

1991 to 1995 - High school hell, more fearing for my life (I was goth at pre-shooting Columbine), Siouxsie Sioux haircut, let slip to a friend that I believed I was a girl

1995 (age 18) - Halloween party where friends did my eyes, told me I looked Egyptian, and I cried when I had to take it off.  Told my girlfriend, she got excited and said she'd always wanted to try makeup and girl clothes on me but didn't know how to bring up the subject.  I enthusiastically let her do whatever she wanted to me.

1998 (age 21) - Girlfriend and I break up, I go into hermit mode for 10 years

2005 (age 27) - Strange night with a girl I dated for a year.  We were making out and she tried to touch me, but I pulled away.  I felt nothing at all.  She left me and I wondered what happened that night, why I had reacted that way.  Led to second bout of gender dysphoria and my final suicide attempt (ironically, my first and last attempt because of gender issues).  Met another girl a few weeks later who was running from her ex.  I wanted to run from my feelings so we married after a few short months.

2008 (age 30) - Nothing in the marriage worked, sex didn't work, I was anorexic, 100 pounds (at 5'11") and had the worst week of my life.  In seven days, I lost three relatives, my job, and received divorce papers, in that order.  I go completely numb for a year, drowning myself in MMO's.

2009 (age 31) - For the first time in my life, find out what transsexualism is and the realization that my lifelong feelings had a name.  Decide that I'm either going to transition or let anorexia kill me.  I decide to transition.  Spend the next two years growing out my hair, wearing makeup every day (even to work... and nobody asked), and buying girl-cut jeans and t-shirts.

June 2010 - Start laser hair removal on my face

August 2010 - Called gender therapist and met with her.  She decided I was far enough along that she writes hormone letter on second visit.

September 2010 - Start hormones 3 days before my 33rd birthday.  After three months of no physical changes, bloodwork showed that hormones weren't working at all.  Switched HRT regimen in December to one that actually works.

February 2011 - Changes becoming noticeable, I start coming out to friends.  Grad school interview on the 18th, which I attend in a suit and tie, and promise myself it'll be the last time I go out so visibly male

March 2011 - Voluntarily put on women's clothes for the first time in my life (as opposed to ambiguous clothing).  Went full time the next day.  Mom asks me about the changes going on in me for the past two years, so I come out to her.  Came out to stepdad a week later.

April 2011 - Start name change process, which got finalized on June 10

Hi Kameron!
1. I have known there was something about me that was different for most of my life-I just didn't know what. About 1.5 years ago I started having problems concentrating and began wearing women's underwear because anything made for men just didn't fit anymore and this made my distress go away if only for a while. Then I began looking for information on the internet and I finally found someone on another forum site who described the same thing I had been through and was still struggling with.
2. A couple of weeks later I came out to my wife, got a therapist, and told my doctor who wanted nothing to do with helping me at all-besides trying to give me Testosterone.
3. See #2
4. If my family life were different I would be full time now but alas, I am not. There are many factors in my way right now.
5. No name change
6. I began diy hormone therapy as soon as I found I could recieve some relief from the dysphoria so I tried it without professional supervision and was pleased with the result. Now, I am regressing in my transition efforts so I can get a realistic baseline for my bloodwork.

Hope this helps.

Randi

I don't know if this is true for anyone else, but I find that as I grow older, the details (dates especially) of my early transitioning begin to get harder to remember.

Elementary/Middle School (1998-2003):  Copied other boys.  Felt happy when "mistaken" as a boy.  "Cross-dressed" as a boy in my room.  Told my mom I wanted to commit suicide (in 5th grade, 1999-2000).  Was hospitalized for depression in 7th grade, 2001-2002 .  Started seeing a therapist.

9th Grade, 2003-2004:  Came out as bisexual.  Major depression, hospitalized again.

10th Grade, 2004-2005:  Started dating a girl, came out as lesbian.  Realized that I was trans after reading about LGBT issues online.  Came out to girlfriend, her family, and my mom.  GF and family were supportive, my mom was not.  Started wearing mens clothing and cut my hair.

11th Grade, 2005-2006:  Hospitalized for depression and compulsive behaviors (not OCD).  Came out to friends and some faculty at school.

12th Grade, 2006-2007:  Hospitalized for bipolar disorder.  Broke up with girlfriend.  Became a "born-again" Christian and started living as a female.

Freshman (College), 2007-2008:  Made friends as a female, was very happy to have friends but was unhappy with myself.

Sophomore (College), 2008-2009:  Became an atheist.  Started dating same girlfriend again.  Resumed living as a male.  Saw a therapist specifically for gender issues.

Junior (Uni), 2009-2010:  Lived stealth as a male.  Out to faculty.  Came out to the rest of my family; all were supportive.  Realized I was gay and ended the relationship with my gf.  Started testosterone (Dec 2009).

Senior (Uni), 2010-2011:  Legal name and gender marker change (July 2010).  Remained stealth at school.  Was much happier and had a very successful year overall.  Graduated on time (May 2011).

June 2011:  Started dating a great guy.  Had top surgery with Dr. Garramone.

Age 6 - Regularly informed my mother that I wanted to be a boy, wanted to grow up to be a man, etc. 

Age 8 - Begged my father to let me attend Boy Scout meetings/campouts with he and my brother.  Showed first interest in females sexually.

Age 10 - Started getting 'act like a girl' lectures from parents, grandparents, siblings.  Attempted suicide.

Age 12 - Became 'big brother' for several female friends.  Dated several privately.  Started binding developing chest and lifting weights.

Age 14 - Moved to new area, tried to 'remake' self to be closer to what father (school principal, church priest) wanted.  Stopped mentioning desire to be male and gave up binding.

Age 16 - Showed first interest in males sexually.  Dated males that preferred other males primarily.  Took up track and field sports, along with wrestling.

Age 18 - Started college, 'remade' self again.  Developed more confidence, resumed lifting weights.  Dated both men and women.  Recieved official diagnosis as FtM Trans, kept information from parents.  Became 'big brother' for several male and female friends.

Age 20 - Married Dy, accepted idea that I would never be viewed as male outside my home.  Took stereotypical 'male' jobs (butcher, stockroom worker, bounty hunter).  Suffered nervous breakdown.  Started using the name Mason.

Age 23 - Moved to husband's home town to live with his aging aunt.  Could no longer live as male even at home.  Took stereotypical 'female' job as pre-school teacher.

Age 24 - Discovered I was pregnant.  Discovered it was twins.  Placed on bedrest for seven months.  Imagined life as a 'mom' for the rest of my life.  Attempted suicide again.

Age 29 - Attempting binding again, considering T and top surgery.  I've reached a point in my life where I can accept that my parents and siblings will never see me as a male, but my chosen family (husband, children, close friends) will if I express that I want to live as one.  I want the external world to see me as one too now, so that I can go out with my sons proudly and be the dad that I always wished I'd had to them.

Age 4: Realized that I felt I should have been born a boy.  Lived in denial, forcing myself not to think of that fact that I'd one day grow up and be a woman.

Age 11: Began puberty and my denial ended.  Depression began that lasted through high school.

Age 19: First bipolar manic episode.  Partially triggered by gender dysphoria.  Gained 30 pounds.

Age 21: Second manic episode, completely caused by gender dysphoria.  Admitted to myself that I was trans.  Researched transition.  Went back into the closet for nearly 5 years.  Gained another 70 pounds.

Age 25:  Ended long-term relationship with hetero boyfriend, lost 115 pounds and decided to work towards transition.  Half a year later I began dressing more masculine and cut my hair, as well as binding most of the time.

Age 26: Began binding full time, started dating women in the summer of 2010.  In January 2011 I started talking with an online therapist, and made my appointment with a doctor who does HRT on informed consent.  Had my first appointment on March 5, first shot on April 5.  I'm about 3 months in and pass 95% of the time.  I wasn't living full-time before, I saw it as futile since my voice was pretty high and I had girly features.

I haven't changed my name and I don't plan to at this point.  My real name is a bit androgynous, although somewhat uncommon for males.  I really don't care though; it's mine.

My goal is to get a hysterectomy some time this winter since it should be covered by insurance since I have problems with those parts.  I'm saving up to get top surgery next spring or early summer.

Thank you for the detailed responses so far, I hope even more people contribute! It's so interesting seeing the different paths everyone is taking, the though of being vocal about my issues scares the hell out of me so it definitely helps to hear how everyone else is doing.

Due to a very hellish childhood, placing dates way is hard, but I do remember always feeling that I should have been a boy.

In fifth grade I started dressing more masculine and walking like I saw other boys doing and my mom told me that I was a girl and girls didn't walk like that. Started talking more like the boys and got in trouble from both mom and her abusive boyfriend.

By sixth grade I was being forced to wear a dress after school, and wear makeup, I absolutely hated it, and rebelled every chance I got. I didn't care if I got in trouble as long as I didn't have to wear a dress.

7th grade: I went into foster care and totally rebelled. Goth, the whole nine yards, you name it, I did it. Tried to be girly, but it didn't work for me.

8th grade: My dad and my step-mom got custody of me. My step-mom wanted me to be the girl she never had (her and my dad have one child btwn them, my brother whom I used to be very close with) , and since I'd never had a mom that cared, I followed along. I came out as bisexual, I fell in love with my best friend and we dated off and on all year. I always felt like the boy in the relationship, but not the man, does that make sense? I was also into serious weight lifting, I had a six pack and could out do most of my guy friends. Needless to say, I was not messed with and was always one of the guys.

9th-12th grade were very strenuous years for me. When given the chance to choose what I wanted, I chose to wear boy clothes, which I was very comfortable in. I continued to pray to be anything but who I was. Still thought I should have been born a boy, but never thought too heavily on it.

Freshman yr of college: I was lost. Not me, not anyone, just a shell. All of my clothes were clothes approved by my step-mom; I hated them all. First year of college went great however, straight As, I had two full time jobs and pretended things weren't as bad as they were at home. This is the year my father started molesting me. Yes I was of age, no, that doesn't change the severity of what he did to me and what he's left me with.

Second year of college I was failing miserably, what my father was doing to me caught up to me, I couldn't fight any longer. I got a boyfriend converted to his religion and started wearing skirts full time, even though I continued to pray continuously to wake up the boy I should have been. I lost a bunch of weight, my lowest was 90lbs (I'm 4'11"). BF found out what my dad was doing and gave me the strength I needed to fight back. Through all of this, I started to feel very out of my skin. I didn't know who I was or how to pick up the pieces or how to reinsert the back bone my dad had effectively withered away. Got kicked out, moved in w a friend who helped me get back up on my feet. I dropped out of college, got my heart broken in the process.

20 yrs old: I began to think I'm a lesbian, but don't say anything to friends at first, and start realizing more and more that there was a boy trapped inside me. By this time I've gained a considerable amount of weight, 140lbs on a person of my height is seriously over weight bordering on obese. I was a better, stronger person, but I was still doing whatever would make everyone happy. I continued to follow the perfect pentecostal lifestyle, the depression I didn't know I was in was beginning to spiral out of control. I had long hair, was wearing skirts, and felt like I was dressing up for Halloween everyday.

21yrs old: Found Jeffree Star on youtube, and realized that I was sick of following status quo. To me at the time, JStar was what I was on the inside. There was queen inside of me and he wanted out! I started dressing more androgynous, wore overly done makeup and changed my hair. I kept my realization to myself and packed it away. This is about the time that I started dreaming that I was a boy. I told my friends that I was a gay man stuck in a woman's body, and that I was sort of transgendered. I kept fighting against it however, and gained some more weight. I didn't know anything about hormone therapy or surgery, I had just assumed that I was stuck in this horrific body, and that everyone that was trans just cross dressed and were lucky to look like their chosen gender. Boy was I wrong!

22yrs old:

July 2010 -- My grandfather died and I had to fly back home. At this time I was still wearing skirts, but I told a friend that I visited while in my lovely hometown of Portland, Oregon , that I was trans, and she asked me if I was going to start T. I just looked at her and told her that I didn't want to go thru a bunch of surgeries to look male, and she told me that I needed to talk to her friend who was mtf, and that she would explain everything to me and help me out.

July-Dec 2010: I talked in length to the woman my friend had told me about, who I am now very good friends with, and learned about all the options I didn't know I had available to me. I had by December termed myself as genderqueer.  My new friend told me that I was on a fence at that sooner or later I would fall off and figure myself out and that she knew which side I'd be on, but wouldn't tell me, she said it was my journey and I had to figure it out.

December 2010: I decided to look on youtube for ftm's and their transitions, bc I didn't know where to begin.

January 2011: I stopped wearing skirts and called my Godmother, my mom, and my closest friends and told them I was transitioning to be male absolutely no one was surprised, in fact most of them said "took you long enough!" I was seriously surprised, because they all knew before I did. I also cut off my hair and started wearing men's clothes.

February 2011: I bought my first binder and started wearing it part time. Lost 10lbs. My two bffs went with me to PacSun for my first pair of men's pants. Stopped thinking I was a lesbian. Acknowledged that I like guys and consider myself gay, flamboyantly so. 

March-April: Did more research, talked my Godmother's ear off. I was so happy, the blackness in my life was pretty much gone. Started wearing binder all the time.

May thru present: I present myself as male, and people have begun questioning my looks.Most of the people in my life know now, and most generally if someone asks I answer honestly. My old boss even asked my bff: "Is it just me or is K look like a boy?" To which my friend answered, "Well you know K, she's always been just a little bit different." I had to laugh at this, I've come so far, and I really like how my friend handled it. She told me that she won't be able to use male pronouns until I start T, bc I look too much like a girl right now, but she wants to be there for me thru top surgery when I do have it and everything. I'm hoping she'll be there with me when I start T, she's been so supportive; her and my Godmother. I will hopefully be seeing a gender therapist in August and am hoping to begin HRT by December.

So where I stand right now: I haven't started T, plan on getting at least top surgery, and a hysterectomy. I've never really gone by my first name, and my nickname is neutral. I have been discussing names with my friends and Godmother, and I'm really liking, Adrian, Kaien, or Kyle, right now, and I will be changing my last name to my Godmother's. This was super long but this is about as in a nutshell as it gets.

Late 2008 - told one friend that I was "supposed to be a guy" but didn't know what transgender was
August 2010 - first learned about transitioning and ftm, started coming out
October 2010 - out at my entire school, out to my parents
December 2010 - started gender therapy
June 2011 - legal name change
July 1 2011 - started T

I don't remember dates and ages very well, so these are all pretty rough.

Age 4-11: Recognized that I did not identify with girls, but out of fear for being rejected I pretended to be like a girl. Frequent attempts at standing to pee like a boy and imagining myself as a boy.

Age 12: Realized that I wanted my body to be male, began dressing and behaving in a more masculine manner.

Age 14: Noticed that I was attracted to both men and women

Age 15: Came out as bisexual

Age 16: Began dating, learned about transsexualism and began seriously considering I was actually a man.

Age 17: Came out as a transsexual on Facebook, thus outing myself to friends and school peers.

Age 18-present (19): Began slow change in presentation to gradually appear more masculine.

12 and below: In elementary school always hated the girly clothes I was made to wear, so I protested and wore over-sized animal Tye-dye t-shirts and shorts. Was really sheltered so didn't think much about gender. Once I was made fun of and called a lesbian by some kid and I didn't even know what that meant, ha ha.

Age 12-14 (middle school): Shopped in the boy's section, wore clothes that were baggy and would hide female features, was always happy when people "mistook" me as male. Cut my hair very short. At this point I hadn't really started questioning my gender but just subconsciously hoped that I wouldn't go through a female puberty.

Age 15-16 (freshman and sophomore year of high school): Adopted the nickname Henry at beginning of freshman year, had all my teachers and friends call me such. At the beginning of sophomore year went through a trial period of attempting to wear more feminine clothes (still going by the name Henry) but they made me feel uncomfortable. By the middle of the year I had switched back to my usual wardrobe of gender-ambiguous clothing.

Age 17 (junior year of high school): Started buying exclusively male clothing, by the middle of the year realized that something was not quite adding up and started more intensely questioning my gender. Somewhere I heard the term transgender so one day I looked it up and was shocked to find that there was something that described what I felt perfectly. Also found out about hormone replacement therapy and was amazed at what it could do. Since then I have bought a binder and come out to my friends and family. Dad is supportive, mom is not.

Currently (still 17): Now it is summer time and my mom is still not supportive. Have to wait until when I turn 18 (in December) to go on hormones unless something changes.

Age 4 or 5: knew should have been a boy, praying at night, wishing on birthdays ect.
2nd grade: got hair cut short
5th Grade: Changed name.
Age 11: parents bought a book on how to raise trans kids. thats when i realized i was trans.
Age 11 1/2 (maybe): started therapy
Age 12 (begining of 6th grade): bought 1st real binder.
Age 12 (Nov. 16 2010): Got hormone blocker implant.
6th Grade: Change name legally.
7th Grade: change name again (not legal yet)
Now (im not allowed to say my age apperently): about to come out to my whole grade. A.K.A. full-time guy.
Future: hope fully on T and Post-op.

3: Played the game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" and realized that I was more different then I expected.
9: Played baseball on uni-sex team, played all the sports and video games with my brothers, wrestled, never really thought about girl/boy differences because they weren't there in my head
11: Puberty started, mom's previous death, problems at home all caused great dysphoria and anger. Uncomfortable with everything going on, I freak out and began the downward spiral to suicidal tendencies.
13: Began living as a male discreetly online, in Roleplaying board, games, talking to random people (all of which I had no intention of meeting so it didn't matter if it was truthful or not)
14: I found out what transgendered was and began researching.
15: Came out to my grandmother in a letter and she set me up with her counselor she saw a long time after my mother died, and who had some experience with trans individuals and was completely and utterly supportive. But hard pressed to change her habits, but was aware of my suicidal tendencies (everyone else thought it was a cry for attention in my family).
17: Moved to a new high school and began living as a male full time, with little to no worries. Out to my female PE class that didn't care, and never too badly harassed in High School except the fact everyone wanted to argue with whether or not I was really a senior because I look way too young for a boy.
18: First day I turned 18, I submitted my name change paperwork in which I paid for on my own, and set my HRT appointment. Began HRT June 23, 2008. One of the best days of my life and a turning point in my life.
19: Began consulting with Dr. Brownstein in California for Top Surgery, penciled in a surgery dated for later in the year, but money issues came up within the next month leaving me without the funds to have Top Surgery. Began working at my first job, full-time male with no questions what so ever.
Currently: Got into a 4-year college, ready to continue my education now that I'm in a better place. And eventually, I'll have my Top Surgery, and transition fully. But for now, I am very happy with my progress, that my family is accepting. And I am happy being me, for the first time in a really really long time.

Quote from: Ratchet on July 03, 2011, 12:14:27 AM
13: Began living as a male discreetly online, in Roleplaying board, games, talking to random people (all of which I had no intention of meeting so it didn't matter if it was truthful or not)

I can't believe I forgot about that!  I almost always presented as male online from about 12-14.  It was mainly in chatrooms (AIM and yahoo, I think) and on roleplaying sites.  I wonder how many of us did something similar.

And that reminds me, I also played male roles in plays.  If anyone found it odd, they never said anything. 

Quote from: Adio on July 03, 2011, 12:54:54 AM
I can't believe I forgot about that!  I almost always presented as male online from about 12-14.  It was mainly in chatrooms (AIM and yahoo, I think) and on roleplaying sites.  I wonder how many of us did something similar.

And that reminds me, I also played male roles in plays.  If anyone found it odd, they never said anything.

Same here! Maybe that's why when I came out to my family, as they assumed I was a Lesbian or something though I never said anything of the sort, they weren't really surprised. They gave me the reaction of "Oh, that's what it was. Well... it's about time you told people".

Quote from: Ratchet on July 03, 2011, 01:33:10 AM
Same here! Maybe that's why when I came out to my family, as they assumed I was a Lesbian or something though I never said anything of the sort, they weren't really surprised.

Heh. I'm pretty sure my mother thought I was a lesbian when I was in junior high. I wasn't interested in cosmetics or clothes or hair or dating...she showered me with Avon samples, girly lotions, girly razors, and Secret. I never had much leg/underarm hair, and NOBODY sweats THAT much...it was really rather frantic. One day I did a Secret purge and threw a bunch of unused bottles away.

When she discovered that I wasn't shaving obsessively, she told me I was "in for a rude awakening." Wonder what she would think now?

1963 - birth

~1969 - recognized i was different, not completely sure how to describe it but remember 6th or 7th birthday being disappointed i couldn't wear a female costume at Halloween

~1970-71 - was certain I should have been a female, went through the "pray every night to be fixed" routine (which would last into adulthood) but didn't realize there was anyone else like me. Around this age i made a habit of getting into my female cousins' clothes when I could sneak it.

~1972-73 - saw a Time (Newsweek?) mag in the school library which had a short blurb describing a man in New Orleans who kidnapped a 12 year old boy and gave him female hormones and he grew breasts. I was jealous. Was becoming aware of people like Renee Richards (actually came along a few years later but she's the most obvious 70's example) and the idea of a "sex change" - I had a dream now.

summer of 1973 - ran away from home - for several hours only due to botched plan (i fell asleep) - with suitcase full of my mom's clothes, with the intention ofchanging the first night and being a girl from then on. parents thus found out something was "wrong with me." got a long lecture about what people would do to people like me if they found out i wasn't a girl. lied and said it was supposed to be a costume to aid my escape.

'73-'81 - finished out school, mask firmly in place, obsessed with the idea of finding a way to be a girl and seizing every opportunity to dress if i could. Eventually outgrew any available clothes.

'81-'summer of '86 - most depressed time of my life, on the edge of suicide pretty much constantly. considered "disappearing" to NO or SF and taking my chances (i recall an episode of "Real People" about Queen Mary's Tavern in NO and the female impersonators who worked there and very much wanted to get into that community, but didn't have the guts to strike out like that on my own

summer 86 - went to a crusade in which the evangelist told me that if i would give my "besetting sin" (was a general message, he didn't know about my issues or speak to me personally) to God he would deliver me from it. lacking any practical way to be a woman, I was willing in my desperation to embrace the dream that i could be a normal man. I believed the lie.

'86-'06 - denial denial denial. A thousand prayers, a million tears, all summed up in "please god fix me one way or the other". By 2006 I was coming around to the idea that maybe i'd been lied to. over the next 2 years I'd re-examine everything I'd been told, had studied and read and reason through the implications of all that in the context of having begged a supposedly disapproving god for healing for 20 years and received none.

July '08 - diagnosed with borderline diabetes, got motivated to do something because I was on the clock

Labor Day '08 - told my wife, she professes now that she didn't take me seriously or realize what i meant to do. Shaved everything below the neck, swore off haircuts.

2009 - over the course of the year i gradually added bit by bit, shaved the beard, continued growing hair, increasingly converted wardrobe through andro stuff to female clothing (although still close to andro), bleached my hair and so forth. In early November an informal committee of men from the church where we'd married, including two members of her family, came to talk to me and see, in the words of one of them, "if I'd lost my mind"

I told them the truth, afterwards i decided since there was no one to keep secrets from anymore, I would go full time. I made half a dozen visits to important people over the next month or so - people I wanted to tell face to face.

since then I've continued to increasingly feminize (I'm a girly-girl at heart) but my lack of success at losing significant weight (after the first 50 pounds i lost in the first year after the diagnosis) has interfered with that, as has a crushing lack of money.

I've been taking a low dose of hormones and spiro since the first of march, but most everything else is blocked by lack of cash.

Still, I think I've done well for 20 months of full time.

Quote from: Adio on July 03, 2011, 12:54:54 AM
I can't believe I forgot about that!  I almost always presented as male online from about 12-14.  It was mainly in chatrooms (AIM and yahoo, I think) and on roleplaying sites.  I wonder how many of us did something similar.

And that reminds me, I also played male roles in plays.  If anyone found it odd, they never said anything.

I did the same thing for as long as I could.  Eventually my breasts developed to the point that I had no choice but to play female roles, though.

2-3: started mimicing my dad in every way
6-7: first intrest in girls, played "doctor", First time I remember having any issue with what was downstairs.
9th birthday: got my first bra. Was absolutely horrified. Didn't understand why I needed to wear one, as I didn't think I would grow boobs.
day after 11th birthday: first period. Hid it from everyone, till my stepmom found my dirty laundry. I felt disgusted.
11-13: I was repeatedly molested and raped during this time. Gave me horrible views of how I *should* act because I was a *girl*, and sunk me into a terrible depression.
13: started dressing as a guy on occasion when going out with friends, "to see if I could fool people".  I was elated but kept it to myself.
15: came out as bisexual. That still hasnt changed. Felt that relief of coming out, but still felt like I was hiding from myself, not knowing what exactly was wrong yet.
17: started reading online about androgyny and genderqueer identities. Came out to my mom as androgynous, but she didnt understand and just ignored it. Started binding on occasion, and decided I wanted surgery to make them smaller, so I could bind flatter. My internalized transphobia led to some odd logic. I wouldn't even visit trans sections of websites. Came out to my partner (then boyfriend) and discussed what surgery I wanted. He was terrified I wanted to be a guy, which only solidified my fears and pushed me back into the closet and deeper into denial. This was unintentional on his part, he's very accepting and just didnt understand transsexuality, same as me at that point.
19: got pregnant and had our son. I absolutely loved him, but hated what the pregnancy did to my body. Began doing research on transsexuality.
21: came out to myself and my partner as ftm. Slowly began dressing more masculine and coming out to friends.
22: got my first real binder and started to come out to my family.
so thats about where I'm at now. Broker than broke, but working on it. More hopeful than ever.