My favorite gospel incident is where the assembled crowd Jews, Roman soldiers and gentiles alike, staring in wonderment at the apperation that has appeared in front of them, Jesus strolls out from the house and addresses them thusly:
Really, people, I've had it with you. You all want to come home with me? Your kidding right? I've seen how you act in your own homes. I've seen how you treat where you live. You're the LAST people I want at home with me. I COULDN'T"T HAVE MADE IT ANY EASIER ON YOU! All you had to do is just try - try mind you - not to be complete and utter total douche-bags to each other and you can't even do that. I told you all you have to do to be happy is be happy with what you have. Buttttttt NOOOOOOOOOOOO. You know you could have followed me and we'd be eating and drinking the good wine, and all laying about with women's and such, that is, when we're not fishin', but all you could think about was changing money at the temple. Yeesh. You are obviously idiots and there is really nothing more I can do for you. The deal is off. Create your own salvation you miserable cretins. Your problem is not that you're being punished by god, it's that you can't stop punishing yourself or each other. I tried, but I have to admit I've failed, and since I'm god and I can see into the future I know damn well what you're planning on doing with me after I'm gone (and getting me gone kinda sucks too) and I don't like it. Nope. Not one little bit. So I'm going to lift the god punishment deal, he doesn't care that much about you anymore either. I'm giving you a worse fate. I'm leaving you to yourselves. I'm so outta here. Peter, John and me, were going' riding. Hasta la vista.
At which time he climbs onto a BMW F 800 GS and Peter is on the other one with John behind him and they ride off while Chris Issac's "Gone Riding" plays underneath.
That's my favorite part.
PS. Sailors have beat you to the big IDL celebration by a few hundred years. To wit:
The Raging Main is a reference to Imperium Neptuni Regis, or King Neptune, "Ruler of the Raging Main" and his domain.
It is referred to in the infamous Crossing of the Line ceremony performed by persons crossing the equator by ship. This Crossing of the Line ceremony is celebrated when a ship crosses the equator in a north-south direction and has unknown origins. It is known that the Carthinaginians held sacrifices to the gods when they crossed the Strait of Gibraltar. The first modern recorded ceremony was in a french ship which in 1529 was bound to Sumatra and where a mass was held upon crossing of Equator.
The first account of such a ceremony on a Portuguese ship was in 1666 by two italian friars that boarded a ship in Lisbon destined to Congo and passing though Brazil. Their description is as follows:
"The Portuguese have an old tradition of having some entertainment when crossing the line, and they take that day off to ask God for a safe voyage. Those who have never made the crossing must pay to the others or give them something to eat and drink, to which even the friars are obliged to. Their rosaries and statues of saints made some money for the reading of masses for souls in the purgatory. If someone doesn't pay this tribute he is tied up by sailors dressed as officers and presented to a court presided by a sailor dressed in a cape. The judge hears him and condemns him to be dipped three times in the sea by tying him strongly in a cable."
Now those people knew how to party!
