Granted. You are a knight in the medieval era. You are wounded falling off your horse and die from a simple bacteria that has now spread through your body.

I wish I could smack my employees with no consequence to my job.


Edit: typo.

Granted, but the dog isn't alive when you do so.

I wish I made ten times more money than I do.

Granted, but the government finds out you're making money "under-the-table", so to speak, and they put you in jail.

I wish binders weren't so expensive!

Granted. They're super cheap, which reflects the quality (or lack thereof). You can only use one for about an hour before it disintegrates.

I wish my girlfriend would be more willing to "put out".   

Granted! She put outs; but only when realllllly drunk & only with other chicks.

I wish my (mostly) past shoulder-length hair would finally grow down to my breasts (especially the stupid hair in the very front which grows way, way, slower than in the back )!!!

Quote from: Akashiya Moka on October 23, 2011, 03:55:08 AM
Granted! She put outs; but only when realllllly drunk & only with other chicks.

I wish my (mostly) past shoulder-length hair would finally grow down to my breasts (especially the stupid hair in the very front which grows way, way, slower than in the back )!!!

Grows down to breast fast but keeps growing...you must cut it every day...

I wish that there was no longer any possible way of anything anywhere suffering in any way.

Granted. Everything is dead.

I wish I didn't have to go to the bathroom right now. (I think I'm running out of wishes. O.o)

Granted. Instead, very similar to my own situation at the moment, you have intense intestinal cramps. But you don't need to go to the bathroom, because you can't!

I wish Camomile tea tasted better.

Granted, Camomile tea is now the best tasting tea in the world. It's also illegal.

I wish I had $1000 right now.

Granted: it's in Monopoly play money.

I wish I could take a decent photo of myself!  Argh!   

You take a totally awesome pic of yourself... but there was no film in the camera.

I wish I could photosynthesize.

Granted, As a result your are now green and will soon be abducted by the government for experiments as you are thought to be an alien and thus do not have any rights.

I wish everything was exactly as is best.

Granted, but the higher powers who grant your wish claim that your statement is a matter of perspective, and decide to have everything as is best, but is different from your opinion of what is best.  The world explodes, because these higher powers believe that an absence of life forms is 'everything as is best.'

I wish my the Homework Fairy would do my homework for me so I can watch South Park instead.   

Granted, the characters from South Park do your homework for you. 

I wish I had cable.

Granted. But you can't wake up. 

I wish my dog would obey my commands better.

Granted but In order to skip those two days all days were skipped you are now at the end of time with nothing to do.

I wish that no wish ever was nor ever could be granted.

Granted. Wait no, not granted. But... if I grant that, you technically never made the wish in the first place, so I can still grant it. GRANTED, YOU JUST CAUSED A PARADOX AND DESTROYED THE WORLD. 

I wish we could actually read interesting books in English class.

Granted. But now you have to complete one book every class AND give a report on it before the end of class. If you don't complete a single one, you fail the class.

EDIT: I forgot my wish!!!

I wish I had a better memory.

Granted. You remember every single detail of your past but you end up having nightmares of all the bad events that occured in your life.

I wish every sex partner was good in bed.

Granted, there are no more men in the world. And overall population has been severely reduced(including women). Resulting in market crashes and overall civilization breakdown.

I wish I have perfect good luck.