My friend Joel crosssed the border, people in my school like to tell that joke.

Why did God create the man first and then the woman?

~When making a great work of art you always make a rough sketch first.

An elderly couple had a very heated and rough marriage. The husband was not very nice to his wife to say the least.  Their neighbors would often hear very heated arguments and fights and they were sure he was into a bit of the occult. The husband warns the wife that when he dies he will come back to haunt her every living moment. At 92 the husband dies of a heart attack and his wife buries him and then starts going out and having a grand old time. The neighbors start getting worried about her as they are so sure that her husband will come back from the grave and haunt her for the rest of her life. So they ask her aren't you worried that your husband will come back from the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life? She just smiles at them and says "When i buried my husband i had him buried upside down and you know men they never ask for directions"

What do you get when giving Ernie a handjob?

~Sesame seed

A string walks in to a bar and asks the tender for a beer "im sorry  we dont serve string here". " HMMPH " the string walks out and is so mad he jumps up and down messes up his hair  and dislocates his arms an legs. "Im gunna telll that bartender that I want a beer".  He returns and repeats his request.   "Arent you the string I just refused?" replies the bartender.  "Im afraid not" replied the string.

A man walks into a bar.... ouch...

Hugs
Zaria

Why Did the Dead baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

Why did Santa's helper see the psychiatrist?

Because he had low elf-esteem.

Two pogo sticks go to a pogo stick bar.

"Whoa, that pogo stick over there looks real tough" said the first pogo stick.

"He's the bouncer." said another.

___

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are on top of a burning building. Firemen come over with a blanket spread out and tell them to jump.

The red head jumps, and the firemen move. She falls to her death.

The brunette says "If I jump, will you move?" and the firemen reply, "Of course not, that was just because we don't like red heads."

The brunette jumps, and the firemen move. She falls to her death.

The blonde shouts down to the firemen "Put that blanket on the ground, then I'll jump!"

So a guy pays $10 for a hooker and gets the crabs so he goes back and complains and the hooker says "What did you expect for $10? Lobster?"

Guess what?
What
Idk What?
You just said guess what.
What?

Fair warning - this is a bad, bad joke

Three retired men are sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch of the old folks home.

The first old man says, "You know, I've got terrible prostate problems.  I get up at 7:00 in the morning and it takes me at least 20 minutes to take a piss."  The other two guys nod their heads in understanding.

The second old man then adds, "Well, that's nothing.  I am so badly constipated that it takes me a hour every morning just to take a crap."  The others nod, knowingly.

Then the third old guy says, "At 7:00 in the morning is piss like a racehorse and at 8:00 in the morning I ->-bleeped-<- like a pig!"

The two other guys look at each other and then ask, "What's wrong with that?"

The third guy says,"I don't get out of bed until 9:00."

What do you call a woman who's really far away?

Dot.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Quote from: Padma on January 27, 2012, 05:24:20 PM
What do you call a woman who's really far away?

Dot.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen

Did I ever tell you about the cannibal who passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?

No but I did hear of the little boy who told his mum he didn't like his father, and was told to leave him on the side of the plate.

Tough crowd here.

Did I tell you about the leper colony ice hockey team?  There was a face off in the corner.

Seriously, I once had a leper friend.  All things considered, he had a great sense of humor.  Unfortunately, one day, he just laughed his head off.

Bing-badda-boom

Whats the flattest surface to iron clothes on?

A transgirls chest!!! 

Why do woman have small feet?






















So they can get closer to the sink to do the dishes.