I agree with Axelle', that sounds like a job I wouldn't want to be in regardless of my circumstances.
You are not a sham and failure. 
As it seems the people around you don't appreciate your worth, is it possible to move somewhere more friendly?  It's a big thing to do I'll admit, but I moved interstate and started a new life once I had decided to live as me.

Karen.

Noey,

I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but you, by your very existance, are in intregal part of the Universe.  We all are.  And although all our paths are different, there is purpose in us, and for us all.

If you feel that alone, try to get to a support group just to find people who do accept you.  (And know that all of us here accept you, so you are not alone.)  Sometimes that goes a long way.

It is an extremely difficult path we have.  Many times, we don't have any answers.  But happiness can only begin within ourselves, because it does not rest in things, people, or money.  Try to start looking and feeling for that peace inside.

For you are good, you are important, and there's a very real reason you are here.  And it's not a painful one.

I wish you luck on your path.

XO

Honey - don't put off ANYTHING!

Be the woman you are - get that body remodeled!

Yes it SUX sometimes, but don't suffer fools!  They carry their own poisons in their systems that will eventually be their sad ending.

Lizzy

Needing money, a job, an education even, are such socially-constructed concepts that are defined as "needs," but are they really?

I know I have cried myself to sleep over the fact that money, and the lack thereof, hindered my development big time, but I got over it, because I realized that money is NOT important. What is important is other people who love you. Love will always be the most powerful force that unites mankind.

So, if you feel stressed that money is getting in the way, just remind yourself of those who love you and will be there for you no matter what. Even if it looks like there is no one, I can assure you that there are, if you look hard enough. Just on this forum, there are people here who care, even though none of them have probably never met you in real life. But based on your words, they share your struggle, and thus, they know what you're going through. That in itself is something that unites you in the closest of ways that we as people can. Empathy.

So, hang in there, love. Help, time, and comfort, will always be given to those who ask. Also remember that after the hurricane, comes a rainbow.

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on June 16, 2012, 05:05:10 AM
I am a sham and a complete failure.  Transition has been so expensive and there have been so many sacrifices that I have nothing and by the looks of it I will never have anything ever, not even a decent Social Security pay out.  I remember before transition, thinking that god had cursed me.  When I transitioned I no longer believed in god and that gave me the strength to do what I needed to do (transition).

But my life is a joke.  I have posted on this forum and other forums talking about living as one's true sex after transition but the truth is no one will allow me to do that.  Tonight I was outted on the job as a ->-bleeped-<- and due to the nature of my job it is now unsafe for me to continue working there so I have no job and I am deep in debt.  This is my third strike BTW, I'm out.

Transition was a waste of effort for me.  I will never be allowed to be who I am.  The cold reality is that's how it goes sometimes.  And maybe I was expecting too much or maybe I needed too much out of transition.

Anyway, if anyone needs a good laugh you can laugh at me.  I am tired of struggling just to have next to nothing and I will welcome death with open arms when it finally comes.

Also I shouldn't post this.  Everyone who reads it will hear something different.  Everyone is right and nobody is wrong and being wrong is right because everyone is right all the time cause we are all just doing our own thing.  And no one understands me but that's because I'm different and we can all share but no one will understand.

There isn't really anything I can say which won't sound trite, except that going by your previous posts, I find it hard to believe that you transitioned for the benefit of other people, or in order to be given permission to be you. You have a fire inside you and a self-belief which leads me to feel that no matter what else you may think about yourself - being a sham isn't part of it. At all.

I just hope that, when the dust settles and you are able to take stock of things, you can rediscover even a spark of that passion and that inner certainty because whether you know it or not, you've inspired quite a few people here with your outlook. Maybe you can use your eloquence and gift with the written word in some way. Forge a new path for yourself helping others. I think you would be rather good at it.

You're not a failure for giving it your all and striving to be yourself no matter what life throws at you. No matter what anyone says about you, or thinks about you, that alone has shown courage, determination, motivation and will. Others will only see what's skin deep. They may be able to look in your eyes but only you can see what's behind them. The important part of yourself - the driving force which made it all a reality in the first place. And no one can take that away from you.

*big hug*

We need more, "it feels great to be a transsexual" posts. I am just starting transition, and majority of posts are only wearing me out. But I just hope majority of the people are actually happier, and would do anything to stay that way And others hang in there, we not only fight to change our appearances, but also to change society as a whole.

Quote from: anita on June 17, 2012, 03:21:15 PM
We need more, "it feels great to be a transsexual" posts. I am just starting transition, and majority of posts are only wearing me out.

Well, don't let it wear you out.  There are good days, and bad days, just like in everyday life.  But these boards also act as a support group.  A way to let out your frustrations to people who actually know a little about what you're going through.   Because most people in our lives don't.  How can they?  I mean, even here, we all have different experiences, each as unique as ourselves.

If you're just starting out your transition, I really hope everything is seamless and easy for you.  But for those that it's not, and for those that have bad days (Like my post that started it here when my neighbor laughed at me, and I was hormonal and emotional at the same time, and broke down), it's good sometimes just to have people who know tell you it's going to be ok... People who know exactly what that moment was like.

It's not meant to get you down, it's meant to help you if you get down.  That's one of the reasons we are all here.  The community has to support each other, good or bad.

Good luck on your path dear.  I wish you nothing but the best.  But if you do have a bad day, I promise I wil be there with support for you.

XO

Quote from: anita on June 17, 2012, 03:21:15 PM
We need more, "it feels great to be a transsexual" posts. I am just starting transition, and majority of posts are only wearing me out. But I just hope majority of the people are actually happier, and would do anything to stay that way And others hang in there, we not only fight to change our appearances, but also to change society as a whole.

Shouldn't people be honest?  Wouldn't it be deceptive to lure people into transitioning, causing them to think it's all sunshine and rainbows?  That strikes me as evil.

And honestly for transsexuals transition is about changing your body, not changing society.  Have you ever tried to change someone else?  It's not gonna happen.  The more you try to change someone they more they will resist.  Try being an example instead.  Seeking acceptance will result in non-acceptance.  Instead try showing people you are kind, compassionate and reliable.  Because no one really gives a squat about anything else.

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on June 17, 2012, 04:48:51 PM

Shouldn't people be honest?  Wouldn't it be deceptive to lure people into transitioning, causing them to think it's all sunshine and rainbows?  That strikes me as evil.

And honestly for transsexuals transition is about changing your body, not changing society.  Have you ever tried to change someone else?  It's not gonna happen.  The more you try to change someone they more they will resist.  Try being an example instead.  Seeking acceptance will result in non-acceptance.  Instead try showing people you are kind, compassionate and reliable.  Because no one really gives a squat about anything else.

Hehe, I was only telling people write only their worries. Happy people don't generally come back to this forum and say hey I am doing great . Well some do, and support others in distress. But the question people like me have, will all this be worth all the effort. Is the general happiness going to be higher? I guess it will be.

And thanks aubrey for offering support . It is nice to have so many people caring for everyone who has a problem. So in general I think it is great

About changing society, I also include giving courage to other transgendered women out there. In fact I think most people are good people, just misoriented, so I still believe it is possible to change people individually. Changing society is automatic, things will always be better than how it was. The more information that is out there, the better it gets. I may be wrong, but I don't want to hijack this thread for a philosophical discussion on macro economics.

What I have found to be true is that educating people about transsexuality makes it impossible for transsexuals to integrate into society as their true sex.  Continued raising of trans-awareness is the greatest threat to anyone who needs to live as his or her true sex, unless that individual passes PERFECTLY which is pretty rare.

We could have had a world where someone like myself might have endured some trying times with the goal of eventually fitting in.  Now the ability to do that has been torn from me by those who think they are doing us a favor.  Thanks a lot.  Thanks for telling my oppressors that I exist and thanks for making sure they know how to identify me.

Sorry... don't take it personally.  But that is my reality.  That is the reality I have been dealing with since 1999.

And you don't give away "courage" by tossing it from a Pride Parade float.

You can't give away courage.  Courage is a product of overcoming fears.  Not by pretending they don't exist.  By realizing that fear tends to be lack of knowledge and lack of experience and the only cure to fear is knowledge and experience.

I am sick of people wanting to fool-proof the world.  Making it so no one has to think or be careful.  Safety glass, safety locks, gun control...  Creating an environment where idiots can thrive.  No more evolution only a Society in continued decline.

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on June 17, 2012, 05:54:46 PM
What I have found to be true is that educating people about transsexuality makes it impossible for transsexuals to integrate into society as their true sex.  Continued raising of trans-awareness is the greatest threat to anyone who needs to live as his or her true sex, unless that individual passes PERFECTLY which is pretty rare.

We could have had a world where someone like myself might have endured some trying times with the goal of eventually fitting in.  Now the ability to do that has been torn from me by those who think they are doing us a favor.  Thanks a lot.  Thanks for telling my oppressors that I exist and thanks for making sure they know how to identify me.

Sorry... don't take it personally.  But that is my reality.  That is the reality I have been dealing with since 1999.

Sorry, I don't know what to say. But I had to educate my friends so that I can continue to be their friends. And every one so far has been accepting. But it hard for me to do it all over again for every single person. At those times I wished there was better awareness. I do not plan to go on stealth, I love my friends, my life. What do I know of reality, things might get worse when it is more public knowledge, right now only my closest friends and family know. I think this will be my last post in this thread.

Quote from: anita on June 17, 2012, 06:41:05 PM
Sorry, I don't know what to say. But I had to educate my friends so that I can continue to be their friends. And every one so far has been accepting. But it hard for me to do it all over again for every single person. At those times I wished there was better awareness. I do not plan to go on stealth, I love my friends, my life. What do I know of reality, things might get worse when it is more public knowledge, right now only my closest friends and family know. I think this will be my last post in this thread.

Like I say often, we are all like books in a library.  Sure, we're all books, but all our stories are different.  I too, am not leaving work, (Close to 700 employees), or my friends, or shop at a different grocery store.  Work has been nothing short of amazing... which shocked me very much.

It is a difficult balance, to a) want to fit in, and b) have people understand that there is nothing wrong with transsexuality.

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on June 17, 2012, 05:54:46 PM
What I have found to be true is that educating people about transsexuality makes it impossible for transsexuals to integrate into society as their true sex. 

And this is the dual edge sword we are faced with.  If we brought awareness and understanding to people, then you wouldn't have had to go through all that.  And yet, because it's difficult for people to understand, we also want to live in stealth, and not say anything, so we don't have the discrimination.

There are no right or wrong answers here, only personal choices.  But we all must respect the choices that we as transgendered people make individually, or we're no better than those that don't respect our decision to transition.

And Anita, whether it is "worth it" or not for you to transition lies solely within you.  One of the other benefits of reading about other people's troubles is that it may help you avoid a similar situation in your life.  We can learn from everyone and every situation.

You will have great days, and some not so great days.  It happens.  But it happens with non TG people too...... so even in that, we are not alone.

(Guess I'm in a peaceful mood tonight..... writing is flowing!  )

Oh my goodness, Aubrey... you are so pretty!  Transition is a little like being born again.  It's startling, confusing, painful, scary and exhilarating. You are going to be so AMAZING on the other end... and make no mistake, transition does end... and then you are simply Aubrey.  The doubts fade away.  The naysayers get bored.  And life settles down and becomes as beautiful as you are... if you simply relax and allow it to be.

You go girl!

Peace,
Miharu

Quote from: auburnAubrey on June 17, 2012, 07:54:52 PM

And this is the dual edge sword we are faced with. 

I am thinking mainly of the trillions of YouTube videos and of trans porn.  Of course our family and friends need to be educated.  It is the idea that the entire world needs to be spoon-fed an comprehensive introduction to Trans 101 that is flawed.

People who are continually pointing out how they are different, expecting to fit in with everyone else.  I can't remember the last time I was expected to sit through a documentary on breast cancer survivors and how to accept them.  I mean what they go through can be highly traumatic and stigmatic.

I think what bothers me about trans documentaries, blogs, youtubes, websites... etc.  is the belief by the persons doing them that they are breaking virgin soil and doing something incredible and monumental.  When really it amounts to some paperwork and taking a pill or getting a shot every so often.  As a group of people we tend to be a little too impressed with ourselves.

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on June 17, 2012, 05:54:46 PM
What I have found to be true is that educating people about transsexuality makes it impossible for transsexuals to integrate into society as their true sex.  Continued raising of trans-awareness is the greatest threat to anyone who needs to live as his or her true sex, unless that individual passes PERFECTLY which is pretty rare.

We could have had a world where someone like myself might have endured some trying times with the goal of eventually fitting in.  Now the ability to do that has been torn from me by those who think they are doing us a favor.  Thanks a lot.  Thanks for telling my oppressors that I exist and thanks for making sure they know how to identify me.

Sorry... don't take it personally.  But that is my reality.  That is the reality I have been dealing with since 1999.

Like Aubery said this is very much a dual edge sword, especially for us dinosaurs. Back in 1970 it was a far different world. Deep stealth, or Tunnel Bunny, were about your only two options. Only thanks to the brave souls such as Christine Jorgenson, Tula, Rene Richards, and countless others that helped raise awareness of transsexualism made it possible for others 10-20-30-40 years later to have some level of personal safety and a life with less fear and ridicule then those had that preceded them.

The brave people out there that advocate and educate I totally applaud, look up to and wish some day I may be brave enough to feel I earned to the right to stand beside them. What they do only helps those that desire to do stealth. Do not delude yourself, no matter how stealth you think you are, you pretty much have a history of otherwise. Every TS faces the same dilemma in any serious relationship. "Do you tell or don't you?" We all don't really want to in a perfect world. The fact is you cannot not tell. If a gyno can tell if it aint original equipment, so can a lot of guys no matter how much you paid for it. 

Would you rather have have someone cut you some slack for being tall, bigger boned, odd hands, big feet, having prominent pre-orbitbal ridges, a slight adam's apple, a voice that isn't quite right, or countless other "tells"; or, just scream out "Hey, lookie what we have here!"?

If someone wants to be out it is their choice. Their advocating and educating cannot change in any way how I present. Their educating utimately benefits me.  When I am venturing out in the real world finally being be who I always wished I can be,  I don't wear a sign that says "Hey! I am trans". I constantly take a chance on being read. That is in no way affected by any of my dear friends that are also advocates. I know, deeply respect, look up to, admire, and hope some day to fully emulate several women in my TG group who are not ashamed to be who they are. I spent 50 years being ashamed and guilty. I am not happy about being trans, nor am I anywhere near ashamed as I once was.

I don't see being trans becoming mainstream anytime soon, if ever. Let's face it, almost anything "different" according to societal norms is looked down on. As much as being trans sucks, I see it as also being a great reward and blessing. We see the world in far broader spectrum then most others. This gift of sight is precious. This great gift also brings a great burden. It is human nature to complain about how difficult something is. Rarely does anyone extoll on the greatness of anything except perhaps the Sham-Wow guy.

Quote from: anita on June 17, 2012, 03:21:15 PM
We need more, "it feels great to be a transsexual" posts. I am just starting transition, and majority of posts are only wearing me out. But I just hope majority of the people are actually happier, and would do anything to stay that way And others hang in there, we not only fight to change our appearances, but also to change society as a whole.

Anita if you can find some people similar to yourself that makes journey easier.  You can test things with a friend. 90% never fully transition and I see many friends that seem to have found a level of comfort that is less than total transition.  It is not right or wrong but just is.  Your own attitude affects your level of comfort.

Quote from: Noey Nooneson on June 17, 2012, 10:06:00 PM
I think what bothers me about trans documentaries, blogs, youtubes, websites... etc.  is the belief by the persons doing them that they are breaking virgin soil and doing something incredible and monumental.  When really it amounts to some paperwork and taking a pill or getting a shot every so often.  As a group of people we tend to be a little too impressed with ourselves.

To be fair though, people put just about anything on youtube nowadays. Or in blogs. It's pretty much how the world is evolving in the digital age. It's basically a modern, public form of keeping a diary. I mean, even the word 'blog' is derived from 'web log', a place for people to log stuff that's going on with them. I bet if you ran a search on the Tube, you could find a load of videos of people clipping their toenails, or some other equally mundane task. Maybe in some cases, rather than it being because it's seen as groundbreaking, it's more the reverse, at least as far as online goes, and it's just another part of people's lives for them to document for posterity on the medium that they use the most. Although for others, their lives may be such that it actually is a monumental thing within their own world, even if not the wider world in general.

Nevertheless, web sources aren't really mandatory reading or viewing. Even if people post videos or blogs, you still have to go looking for them. So it's really a choice about how much of it you want to be exposed to. In order to access the vast majority of trans related content, you kinda have to want to be interested in it to start with.

Hmmm... good point. I'm gonna google up some youtubes of toenail clipping.

Okay, I searched YouTube for videos of toenail clipping using the search terms toenail + clipping and I got 2280 results.  And of those results the videos were like how to clip the toenails on different types of animals mostly and some genuine self help type stuff and for people in wheel chairs.

I typed in transsexual and searched YouTube and came up with 35,200 results beginning with

Transsexual Alyssa Luxor in cute pink bra and panty

♚ My Boy to Girl Transsexual Evolution Timeline ♚

The eroticization of M2F transsexuals by straight men

Ask A Transsexual: Anal Orgasm, Straight Guys and Castration

9 months of my transition: MTF Transsexual (Tear Jerker)

First Sexual Experience for this Transsexual.MOV

Transsexual Voice... From sexy and sleek to monstrously deep.

Compared to...

DIY: Nail Clipping

Dad's Toenail Clipping Dec 07.mpg

Nail clipping the easy way (starring Noch) <--- Dog

How to train your dog to relax for nail clipping


I think the worst is trans porn.  Women are degraded by porn, objectified... but there are a lot of women in people's lives to counter the porn.  Moms, grandmothers, coworkers, fellow students...  But people may not see that many transsexuals so the general consensus regarding trans women is formed from porn and it is assumed that trans women are just horny men who like to wear women's clothes and take estrogen, wear makeup, get surgeries...  The thing is youtube reinforces this belief, substantiates it.

Quote from: JoanneB on June 17, 2012, 10:28:18 PM

I don't see being trans becoming mainstream anytime soon, if ever.

It already had it's fifteen minutes of fame.  And many people transitioned because there was such a thing.  Not because they needed to.  Fortunately mainstream has tired of it for the most part.  Well then again there was that recent John Travolta scandal...