Quote from: Brooke777 on June 08, 2012, 08:56:14 AM
Dear Aunt Cindy,

Quick thought............

That's it. So, do you think you can help?

Dear Brooke,

You have forgotten to take your medication again haven't you? I sincerely doubt that a person who has a single brain cell can ever have a quick thought. In your case the definition of thought has to be considered an abstract principle. You are indeed living proof that if enough amoebas can use a keyboard for long enough period of time then a comment will eventually be produced.

Love and Kisses

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy, I have a neighbour who plays music loudly.  What should I retaliate with?  The choice is 'Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs Live at Sunbury' or ' Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs live at Melbourne Town Hall'?  I am inclined to go with the Melbourne concert because it uses the Town Hall pipe organ, giving a touch of class.
Which would you choose? and should I consider running it through my guitar amp for authenticity. 
Or just get a rifle?
Annoyed of Mt Nelson.

Oh dear Aunty Cindy, I seem to have made a horrible mistake... I meant to spend my free time tonight polishing off my ice cream and putting polish on my toes. But instead, I was so depressed that I mistakenly put polish on my ice cream and polished off my toes!
I love that pink, but but tastes just awful with chocolate... >_<

What should I do?

Quote from: justmeinoz on June 09, 2012, 04:13:04 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, I have a neighbour who plays music loudly.  What should I retaliate with?  The choice is 'Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs Live at Sunbury' or ' Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs live at Melbourne Town Hall'?  I am inclined to go with the Melbourne concert because it uses the Town Hall pipe organ, giving a touch of class.
Which would you choose? and should I consider running it through my guitar amp for authenticity. 
Or just get a rifle?
Annoyed of Mt Nelson.

Dear Annoyed of Mt Nelson,

If you had a brain you would have realise that brute violence is a far better way of settling an argument than petty retaliation.  The easiest way to deal with your neighbours is to obtain a machete and use it to hack their arms off. This gives a good cardio-work out, brings peace to the brain (if you had one) and is guaranteed to make your neighbour perfectly h armless.

Yours in Peace and Quite. Bless the babies and kittens.

Aunty Cindy   

Quote from: PrincessKnight on June 14, 2012, 12:04:19 AM
Oh dear Aunty Cindy, I seem to have made a horrible mistake... I meant to spend my free time tonight polishing off my ice cream and putting polish on my toes. But instead, I was so depressed that I mistakenly put polish on my ice cream and polished off my toes!
I love that pink, but but tastes just awful with chocolate... >_<

What should I do?

Dear PrincessKnight,

What a cute name; makes me vomit.  You are obviously another complete fruitbat who can't tell her arse from her tit.  I suggest you drink copious amounts of nail polish so that when they autopsy you, every one can have a good laugh.

Best wishes and live well

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on my butt.  Something bold, yet classy.

(The brand marks have healed nicely, BTW.)

Any suggestions?

Dear Jamie D,

From all accounts anyone tattooing your arse will need to wear a gas mask, and will also be extremely desperate for finances, as any sane person wouldn't tattoo your arse with a barge pole.
As for what tattoo to receive I suggest large letters saying ' THIS IS MY BUM NOT MY FACE' this will be useful to you and people in the ER department when they have to work on you.

Sweet dreams and Hugs

Aunty Cindy

Quote from: Cindy James on June 16, 2012, 02:50:52 AM
Dear Jamie D,

From all accounts anyone tattooing your arse will need to wear a gas mask, and will also be extremely desperate for finances, as any sane person wouldn't tattoo your arse with a barge pole.
As for what tattoo to receive I suggest large letters saying ' THIS IS MY BUM NOT MY FACE' this will be useful to you and people in the ER department when they have to work on you.

Sweet dreams and Hugs

Aunty Cindy

Thank you, Aunty, but I was thinking of something more along these lines:

Dearest Aunt Cindy -

Is it true that a bellringer can catch an STD from the clapper?

Quote from: Cindy James on April 12, 2012, 07:43:34 PM
You need to find the squirrel and place it in your knickers for two hours, then check for remains of nuts.

Aunty C

Aunt Cindy,

This is the funniest thing I've seen lately! I've just gotten here and have asked many questions, been given a lot of advice, and have offered some support as well in return for the wonderful words I have received here. I am a person in need of more laughter and light...what have you to offer beyond a squirrel in the knickers and checking for remains of nuts? Does he or she with cracked nuts have a shell of a time?

Quote from: Dawn Heart on June 19, 2012, 04:09:08 AM
Aunt Cindy,

This is the funniest thing I've seen lately! I've just gotten here and have asked many questions, been given a lot of advice, and have offered some support as well in return for the wonderful words I have received here. I am a person in need of more laughter and light...what have you to offer beyond a squirrel in the knickers and checking for remains of nuts? Does he or she with cracked nuts have a shell of a time?

pssst ... don't encourage her

Quote from: Jamie D on June 19, 2012, 02:41:42 AM
Dearest Aunt Cindy -

Is it true that a bellringer can catch an STD from the clapper?

Dear Jamie D,

So pleasant to hear from you again. How have you managed to type with your arms in a strait jacket? I'm extremely concerned about you, YAWN, Ooops sorry, where was I.

I'm not too sure why you are so interested in telephones and bell ringing? Is this some sort of latent sexual fantasy concerning playing with your clacker?

As we know Australia uses 8-digit local phone numbers preceded by a 2-digit STD area code.

02 Central east region (New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory)
03 South east region (Victoria, Tasmania)
04 Mobile telephones (Australia-wide)
07 North east region (Queensland)
08 Central and west region (Western Australia, South Australia and Northern Territory)

If you are trying to contact me for an 'encounter'  I can assure you have have plenty of rocks in my garden to look under.

Good Luck with the therapy

Hugs

Aunty Cindy   

I get by with a little help from my friends

Quote from: Dawn Heart on June 19, 2012, 04:09:08 AM
Aunt Cindy,

This is the funniest thing I've seen lately! I've just gotten here and have asked many questions, been given a lot of advice, and have offered some support as well in return for the wonderful words I have received here. I am a person in need of more laughter and light...what have you to offer beyond a squirrel in the knickers and checking for remains of nuts? Does he or she with cracked nuts have a shell of a time?

Dear Dawn Heart,

It is so nice to meet a newbie, " Sue, can you pass the bucket I need to vomit"

(Oh of course, another Jamie D clone.  Goddess if JamieD could mate with something with a higher intelligence than a taxidermists rat, things would improve around here.)

now where was I?

Sorry darling I was just looking through your life history.  It didn't take long of course.

You appear to have fantasies about squirrels and cracked nuts.  This is totally normal for a person who has the mental function of a drunken blow fly.  Oh dear sorry, that means you have achieved one of you life challenges. You aimed to have the mental function of a drunken blow fly.

Congratulations.

Where is Donald Trump when I need him to congratulate another tosser.

Best wishes and Have a very happy life.

Love

Aunty Cindy

Dear Aunty Cindy,

There are so many video games coming out but I can't decide which ones will get my money first.  How can I make that decision easier?




-Lonely Gamer

dear aunty cindy
help me help me please my dog just ran out the door with my balls i need your help in catching him 

Oh dear god, Aunt Cindy.

I was unaware we had this magnanimous service drawn form eons of your knowledge and experience.

Well you see, I had this annoying little problem that has vexed me for years. I've been to an absolute plethora of GP's, Psychiatrists, Gynaecologists, Neurologists, boiler makers and the like. The one who I thought came the closest to solving my little problem, was my car mechanic, bless his little soul.

I have come to you in desperation to find a cure for it. Can you help? before I eat myself to death with chewing gum??

Yours desperately

Catherine

Quote from: Malachite on June 19, 2012, 05:05:16 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy,

There are so many video games coming out but I can't decide which ones will get my money first.  How can I make that decision easier?




-Lonely Gamer

Dear Malachite,

I'm so glad that you have managed to resolve you avatar with your personality. You do look a miserable bastard and it suits you.

Your panache for video games does need guidance.  I strongly suggest that you concentrate on the ones for under fives. A is for apple with a nice picture, B is for bat, I realise you will get confused what a bat is, but that is the fun of learning , C is for confabulation, see it gets easy with time, D is for debt, yes you owe me for my advice, please send your pay pall account number for I use B to cause C.

hugs you beautiful little turkey

Aunty Cindy.

Quote from: Justin 21 on June 19, 2012, 05:10:16 AM
dear aunty cindy
help me help me please my dog just ran out the door with my balls i need your help in catching him 

Dear Justin,

I'm so pleased to meet another total tosser. You have obviously tried very hard to keep one thought in your head today, which is a 100% improvement from yesterday.

If your dog runs away with the balls, you have to distract it and throw it the stick.

If this destroys your ability to breed we can all be thankful.

I hope your dog has a large appetite for all of humanities sake.

Yours in Servitude and desire to please

Aunty Cindy

thank you so much
oh by the way i was threatened with a branding iron and a cat of nine tales when i joined up a couple months ago i'm still waiting will someone be along soon?  it's getting kinda boring waiting