Susan's Place Logo

News:

Based on internal web log processing I show 3,417,511 Users made 5,324,115 Visits Accounting for 199,729,420 pageviews and 8.954.49 TB of data transfer for 2017, all on a little over $2,000 per month.

Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! (Updated)

Main Menu

Bad Jokes

Started by Cindy, March 13, 2011, 03:29:37 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 6 Guests are viewing this topic.

Sara Murphy

QuoteWhy did the frog cross the road?


Because he was stapled to the chicken.


HA!  I have always loved that joke.
"What God doesn't give to you, you've got to go and get for yourself."

"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - and never knowing" - David Viscott
  •  

Your Humble Savant

So it's a horrifically hot day, and this guy's air conditioner is broken. So he goes to the store to purchase a fresh one, and there was a long, long line. He finally gets up to the counter, and asks for a replacement air conditioner, but at this point they are out of the kind he wants.

He goes to another air conditioner shop, a few blocks away. He goes inside, and there's a long, long line. He finally gets up to the front, gets his air conditioner and goes home.

He's sitting at home, and thinking how nice it would be to have some ice cream to go with his new air conditioner. So he walks to the ice cream parlor, and there's a long, long line. He finally gets his ice cream and starts walking home.

On his way home, he sees a limo drive by, and remembers that his brother's wedding is today! He rushes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a long, long line. He finally gets his tuxedo, and rushes over to the church. To get in, there's a long, long line.

The service is held, and he wants to give his congratulations to his brother and his bride. To do this, there's a long, long line.

During the reception, he wants to dance with his brother's new wife, to welcome her into the family. To do this, there's a long, long line.

They dance, and she asks if he'll get her some punch to drink. So he goes over to the refreshments table, and there's no punch line.

>:-) >:-)
Music = Life
This is not up for debate  :icon_headfones:
  •  

Jamie D

I don't know what to say.

I'll never get those moments of my life back.
  •  

Catherine Sarah

Quote from: Jamie D on July 06, 2012, 10:14:39 AM
I don't know what to say.

I'll never get those moments of my life back.

WOW!!  This must be a first   :embarrassed:   :embarrassed:   ;D

Huggs
Catherine

(And we have it in writing)




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
  •  

Cindy

+1
to humble savant

for making JamieD having nothing to say :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  •  

Jamie D

It's a conspiracy, I tells ya!

Edit:  Oh! Oh! Oh!   And reputation too?!

(Yeah, she deserves it)  :)  :D  ;D
  •  

Your Humble Savant

Glad you all enjoyed it so much  ;D
And thanks Cindy for the reputation point!
Music = Life
This is not up for debate  :icon_headfones:
  •  

Jamie D

Quote from: Your Humble Savant on July 07, 2012, 05:35:47 PM
Glad you all enjoyed it so much  ;D
And thanks Cindy for the reputation point!

Enjoyed??
  •  

Your Humble Savant

Music = Life
This is not up for debate  :icon_headfones:
  •  

V M

A rubber chicken walks into a bar and immediately gets bounced
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
  •  

Jamie D

Oh my!

This thread is just one body blow after another.
  •  

Jamie D

Quote from: PrincessKnight on July 01, 2012, 03:26:39 AM
Life ;)
--

A carpenter finished setting up some cabinets, and was looking for something to do, so he asked his boss. Being mute, the boss wrote down a note telling the carpenter to go ahead and nail some boards. Being dyslexic, the carpenter...

Optional extra punch line!

The boss couldn't help but notice his wife seemed happier than usual that night...

Did I ever tell you about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
  •  

Catherine Sarah

Quote from: Jamie D on July 14, 2012, 01:52:06 AM
Oh my!

This thread is just one body blow after another.

And stil they come, ...... unabated   :laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh:  :laugh:




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
  •  

Ms. OBrien CVT

A man stands before the Judgement throne.  As he looks up, he see a giant dog standing before him.

"Oh My God!" exclaims the man.

"Funny how all you humans got it backwards all these years", replies the Dog.

  
It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one.~me
  •  

Cindy

What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.
  •  

Your Humble Savant

Quote from: Cindy James on July 14, 2012, 09:28:01 PM
What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

Grooooan
Goddess, that was awful. Hat's off to you  :icon_tenisclap:

Why did the b->-bleeped-<-ipers cross the road?
To get away from the noise.
Music = Life
This is not up for debate  :icon_headfones:
  •  

Ms. OBrien CVT

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

God look on what he created and say "Not to bad for a prototype".   Then he created woman.  "Let woman have dominion over man".   God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning —the sixth day.


Sorry Guys. 

  
It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one.~me
  •  

Jamie D

Quote from: Cindy James on July 14, 2012, 09:28:01 PM
What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

   
No más, por favor.  No más.
  •  

dalebert

I'm allowed to post this because I'm part Irish.


Jamie D

Dalebert, have you ever heard of the "Irish Seven-Course Meal"?

A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guiness.
  •