I'm sorry you had an ovarian cyst, that sucks. I'm glad you were able to get it removed.

That's good to know they don't put in a catheter for top surgery. I have a weak bladder and it wakes me up in the middle of the night so I'm thinking if I have to pee I'm gonna wake up during surgery and that terrifies me.


"Think about some of the most embarrassing things that have ever happened to you.  You eventually stopped thinking about them and got on with your life, right?"

I still do think about embarrassing things  that happen in the past, but yeah I still go on with life. But this is different, this is much more embarrassing than anything I can remember. I just can't get pass going to have this done, I just won't do it.


"I hope nothing ever happens where you would need one"

Thanks.


"but if you ever do you should just grit your teeth and get it done because it could be what saves your life. "

I don't care if I die, I wanna die. I hate this life with a passion. I just don't want this to be considered a suicide b/c I don't want to go to hell.

And another thing... it makes me more upset and angry that I was born in the wrong body b/c this is something women have to go through and men don't. 

Obviously it's something men go through or we wouldn't be having this discussion. 

People who kill themselves can go to heaven.  But if you really feel they don't and you feel something were to be wrong with you and you didn't take steps to at least try to fix it (ie going to the doctor or gyno or where ever may be relevant to whatever you felt may be wrong) then I would consider that a suicide, because you led to your own death.

But bio men don't have that female part... and I read some other stuff that happens at the gyno place too, but I won't mention it here.

"People who kill themselves can go to heaven"

I'm not sure about that, that's up to God to decide.


[i][b"]But if you really feel they don't and you feel something were to be wrong with you and you didn't take steps to at least try to fix it (ie going to the doctor or gyno or where ever may be relevant to whatever you felt may be wrong) then I would consider that a suicide, because you led to your own death."[/i][/b]

I understand what your saying here but for me, I don't consider it a suicide b/c I'm not taking a gun to my head or jumping off a building, etc... I didn't give myself cyts, etc... it just happens like any other disease, it just happens somehow, and me not taking care of it I feel has nothing to do with suicide, it's about embarrassment, and it's all on how God see's it. If he see's it as a suicide, then that sucks, b/c I don't want him to send me to hell for that b/c I don't see it as a suicide.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 11:46:37 PM
But bio men don't have that female part... and I read some other stuff that happens at the gyno place too, but I won't mention it here.

Yeah, but they do get to have a finger shoved up their ->-bleeped-<- when they get older. 

Like what exactly?

"Yeah, but they do get to have a finger shoved up their ->-bleeped-<- when they get older."

This. Even if I was a bio male, this would not happen either.

Quote from: Andy8715 on July 17, 2012, 11:48:56 PM
Yeah, but they do get to have a finger shoved up their ->-bleeped-<- when they get older. 

Like what exactly?

I did for the prostate digital exam.  Never again!
  Joelene

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 09:56:01 PM
They can give me the tool I'll do it myself.

My friend found a clinic where they let him do it himself--the Pap smear, anyway. I sorta forgot about this. But I don't know what he does about the other stuff, the actual exam.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 09:02:53 PM
No, I haven't tried any hair loss meds yet. I asked my doctor about taking finasteride like a year ago and she told me it would be pointless to take finasteride and T b/c it would block DHT.

I'm not a medical doctor (obviously), but you've said a few things about your endo that make me wonder how competent she is. Lots of cis men take finasteride for hair loss, with few or no adverse effects. The small dose of finasteride seems to have had little, if any, effect on my masculinization process and a wonderful effect on my hair. I have been on the med for two years (went off for a couple of months recently, as I said), and during that time, I have acquired more body hair, gotten a much deeper voice (from tenor to baritone), dropped twenty pounds, and made very good progress on my facial hair. I haven't had any unpleasant side effects.

Different people get different effects, of course. But your doctor makes it sound like finasteride completely blocks DHT and completely stops masculinization, or something. Maybe if you were taking a large dose, as for prostate cancer...but the hair loss dose is quite small.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 17, 2012, 10:53:19 PM
Wow, at 14, that's young to have to get an exam like that. My friend had her exam around that age, too, like 14 or 15. Ya shouldn't have to go so young. I thought you could wait until your sexually active...?

well you can be sexually active at that age as well, but thats another story.
------------
I had the test for half a year ago, it was sort something you had too in order to get T, the doctor told me we should have this test one or another time, in some way I wanted to make it done as fast as posible so that was why I took it there, but of corse its not something I like and try to ignore as much as posible..

Nobody likes it, all you can do is too look away and think of something complitely diffrent and know that its over very soon.

if it to help I can say when I had it the doctor said I could choose to have it done in my part or my butt. so its not nessesarry always to make it up there.. if your really got alot of phobia.

Quote from: Arch on July 18, 2012, 01:42:40 AM
My friend found a clinic where they let him do it himself--the Pap smear, anyway. I sorta forgot about this. But I don't know what he does about the other stuff, the actual exam.

Really? Cool!

Quote from: Arch on July 18, 2012, 01:55:31 AM
I'm not a medical doctor (obviously), but you've said a few things about your endo that make me wonder how competent she is. Lots of cis men take finasteride for hair loss, with few or no adverse effects. The small dose of finasteride seems to have had little, if any, effect on my masculinization process and a wonderful effect on my hair. I have been on the med for two years (went off for a couple of months recently, as I said), and during that time, I have acquired more body hair, gotten a much deeper voice (from tenor to baritone), dropped twenty pounds, and made very good progress on my facial hair. I haven't had any unpleasant side effects.

Different people get different effects, of course. But your doctor makes it sound like finasteride completely blocks DHT and completely stops masculinization, or something. Maybe if you were taking a large dose, as for prostate cancer...but the hair loss dose is quite small.

This new counselor I'm seeing (she know my endo doctor )said she's very smart and knows what she's talking about.

Yeah, that's how it sounded to me, finasteride completely blocks DHT and won't masculinization me. I can talk to the nurse again about it when I go for my shot next week, but now I'm mad b/c I lost even more hair when it could have stop with finasteride a year ago.

Also, does finasteride make you lose hair before it starts to work? I thought I heard that somewhere.

UPDATED: I just called the endo dr. office and I can't get an appointment until Sept, which is the appointment I originally had. The lady is gonna put me on the cancellation list in case something opens up earlier. I'm thinking about stopping the shots until then. Would stopping the shots until the middle of sept. be a bad idea? I'm not sure what to do.

I actually still have the propica pills I never took and there good untill Nov. 2012. I'm tempted to take them, but probably should wait until the doctor says it's okay b/c she might not let me get another prescription for them when they run out.

Quote from: Natkat on July 18, 2012, 08:29:30 AM
well you can be sexually active at that age as well, but thats another story.
------------
I had the test for half a year ago, it was sort something you had too in order to get T, the doctor told me we should have this test one or another time, in some way I wanted to make it done as fast as posible so that was why I took it there, but of corse its not something I like and try to ignore as much as posible..

Nobody likes it, all you can do is too look away and think of something complitely diffrent and know that its over very soon.

if it to help I can say when I had it the doctor said I could choose to have it done in my part or my butt. so its not nessesarry always to make it up there.. if your really got alot of phobia.

From what I read, the trip to the gyno includes both some tool going into the part and a finger in the ass.

I know some doctors require a trip to the gyno before starting T and some don't. I hope my doctor never asks me to go, b/c I won't go.

Quote from: Dominick_81 on July 18, 2012, 02:55:45 PM
From what I read, the trip to the gyno includes both some tool going into the part and a finger in the ass.

I didnt had a finger up behind, as I decribed I did had to get the tool up but I could deside if it would be in the front or back.
--

Quote from: Natkat on July 18, 2012, 03:01:06 PM
I didnt had a finger up behind, as I decribed I did had to get the tool up but I could deside if it would be in the front or back.
--

That's good you were able to choose where it went.

There's information out there that I really like: check out mimizinedistro.wordpress.com

Also you can look @ how to do a self exam at fwhc.org/health/selfcare.htm

Basically googling DIY self exam gyno or anarchist feminist DIY gyno exam--stuff like this--there is a lot of information out there.

cheers

Dominick, I think you should do some reading on finasteride--Wikipedia is a good place to start, but don't stop there. There is evidence of certain long-term effects (I wasn't too worried about some of them because I don't have typical sexual equipment) and evidence that one side effect is depression or anxiety. If you have a lot of depression or anxiety issues, then this med might not be for you.

I have depression, but I've been doing better with my depression, not worse, in the two years since I started this med. There have been bumps on the road, but (as far as I can tell), they've all come from life events and my own developmental arc, not the med.

If you are losing hair on the top of your head--the crown rather than just the hairline--then topical Rogaine could be a possibility. You don't need a prescription. Rogaine is apparently bad for cats and some other animals, so you have to be careful about that. My old cat liked to strop my head, so I never seriously considered Rogaine--and anyway, I don't seem to have hair loss at the crown, only at the hairline.

I well understand your anxiety about hair loss, especially given how young you are. Most cis men are concerned about hair loss, so why should a trans man be any different? I hear a lot of trans guys saying that if you're not prepared to lose your hair, then T isn't for you. Some say that they don't mind the hair loss because it's what most men face at some point in their lives. Those attitudes clearly work for other guys, but nobody can tell you how YOU should approach transition. However, I feel that you ought to educate yourself enough to be able to converse intelligently with your doctor(s) about your options--so if your docs aren't being straight with you, you will know it and be able to ask more questions or call them on it or decide to go elsewhere, or whatever. To a certain extent, knowledge is indeed power.

P.S. The clinic where my friend went was some kind of unorthodox women's clinic...I don't know how he found it, but Smitty seems to have provided URLs and tips for you.

Quote from: smittyFTM on July 18, 2012, 03:17:16 PM
There's information out there that I really like: check out mimizinedistro.wordpress.com

Also you can look @ how to do a self exam at fwhc.org/health/selfcare.htm

Basically googling DIY self exam gyno or anarchist feminist DIY gyno exam--stuff like this--there is a lot of information out there.

cheers

Thanks.



"If you are losing hair on the top of your head--the crown rather than just the hairline--then topical Rogaine could be a possibility."

One of my uncles tried that and it didn't work for him so I'm guessing it's not gonna work for me, and I heard you loose hair before you get hair, and once I notice hair loss from that rogaine I'll stop using it and I hear it takes 6-8 months to work.

I know guys who are younger than me who have lost hair and it just doesn't look good. This is how I see it and I'm not trying to sound shallow... I've seen guys go from very attractive good looking men to not so good looking once they loose their hair, and I'm not saying their ugly, just the "no hair or hair loss" look is unattractive, and I don't want to go from not attractive to even more not attractive b/c of hair loss, ya know what I mean? I'm not trying to sound mean, and I personally don't care if men have hair loss or not, and I'm not saying if I was attracted to men that I wouldn't date a guy with hair loss, I'm not saying that, I'm  just looking at how society views people with hair loss, and to most of society hair loss is unattractive. 

A lot of people say bald is sexy. To me, bald is not sexy. But everyone is attracted to different things in a person, not just hair.  If I were attracted to men I would still date a bald guy or a guy with hair loss, it doesn't matter to me b/c I'm not looking at hair loss, there are other things besides looks that attract me to a person. But for me, looking good is important to me b/c I want to get a girlfriend so if I look good I can get a girl. A lot of girls base things on looks, yes it's shallow, but it's true, not all girls base guys on looks, but most do. Even if every women on this planet didn't care about hair loss and looks, to me it would still be important that I look good, just for myself, ya know? Not for other people.

Hey bud.

I was on T for about 2 years and stopped for a few reasons. My period came back within about a month or 2. Before starting T, I would have periods so heavy that it would make me physically ill - I landed in the hospital twice because I couldn't stop vomiting, which led me to hyperventilating and dehydration to the point of needing fluid - no joke.
I know a year and a half feels like a long time. I know you want to see all the changes as soon as possible. But if this is what you want, and how you need to be to feel comfortable, you need to commit and stay persistent. Is going bald worse than being misgendered? Not for me. There are far worse things than being bald.
HRT works differently for -everyone-. What kind of changes were you excited for the most that you have not seen yet? Things like diet, work-outs and just downright self acceptance can help you notice stuff you may have missed or help things progress farther than they have.

And as far as the hysto thing goes, I have put off seeing a gyno as well. I am 24, have never been. After getting back on T, my doctor stressed over and over again how important it is. You need to look at things differently. Your body is your body, it's not what you want, and it doesn't feel right, but these people are professionals. They're going to check you out, and tell you if you're healthy or not, then go home and go to bed. They won't think another thought about you or your parts. It's just their job. Dying from cancer because you can't bring yourself to go to the doctor is only comparable to suicide in the way where both could be avoided by getting help when or before you need it. Don't do that to yourself or your loved ones. And trust me, people love you, and will be hurt and missed if you have to leave due to something like very painful cancer.
And I have a good feeling that if you were to get cancer and feel that pain, you would take yourself in. I don't know anyone who would be able to just sit through that sort of pain until they die. You'd learn real quick how to swallow your pride and shame.

This life is hard, but you gotta keep at it. Look at the bright side... I know it's cliche, but it HELPS.

You got this far, why stop now?

Also, if you're dead from cancer, you can't get a girl.

And if a girl won't date you because your hair is thinning or gone, you're either trying to date the wrong girl or need some self improvement. Women are very sensitive and loving creatures. Don't ever forget that.

Quote from: kaden_honestly on July 20, 2012, 01:42:42 AM

Dying from cancer because you can't bring yourself to go to the doctor......

Honestly, as someone who has seen more than one person die of cancer,  I can tell you: You'd wish you'd just had the freakin' gyno exam.

I'm also speaking as someone who had suffered sexual abuse... so I understand how anxiety-ridden the whole process can be.

Do the self exam or find a radical feminist / Anarchist DIY Health Clinic if the doctor freaks you out. Cancer is no joke.

You can also ask a doc to use --or buy yourself (I used to have one)--the "small" speculum. It's plastic and skinny; not the enormous, cold metal one!

Due to my sexual history, the doctor was comfortable not giving me a pap smear provided I get a hysterectomy in the next year.

That said though, I was prepared to have it done. I was sweating bullets in that office and I wanted to puke. I actually asked the nurse for a bucket because I would have thrown up if they had done it, almost certainly. But my grandma had cervical cancer in her 30s - honestly, the pap smear saved her life. She wouldn't have known from symptoms until it was too late. It's just not worth taking the chance. It's not worth it for me and it's not worth hurting the people I love because I didn't take care of my body. As long as I have these parts, even if they're wrong, I have a responsibility to myself and those I care about to do what I can to protect my life.

Don't know if anyone posted this, and I know he isn't the best representative of our community, but I always think of this video.

@kaden_honestly: "Is going bald worse than being misgendered."

There both equally bad to me.

What kind of changes were you excited for the most that you have not seen yet?

Changes... I don't have changes.  My voice is nowhere near where it should be. I'm extremely unhappy with my voice. I thought T would masculize me and it hasn't. I still have a very neutral look where it could go either way, male or female. I have a little bit of facial hair that is patchy and doesn't connect on one side, so it looks stupid if I don't shave it once a week.

If I had a hysto done would I have to see a gyno after that? I know you have to see one before the hysto but after the surgery would you still have to see a gyno again?

And I have a good feeling that if you were to get cancer and feel that pain, you would take yourself in.

Yes, this is true. I have a very low tolerance for pain.

Is going to the gyno more important b/c I'm on T? Would it be less important if I wasn't on T and not sexually active?

I just can't bring myself to go. I  read that when they insert the instrument into your part that it can be uncomfortable and painful. I was reading what the instrument does and the thought of it just freaks me out.

Also, if you're dead from cancer, you can't get a girl.

I'm fine with that. I doubt I'd get a girl anyways. I don't see myself having a gf in the near or distant future. It would be a miracle if I ever get a gf.

@smittyFTM: I'm also speaking as someone who had suffered sexual abuse
I'm sorry.

I'd do the self exam, but is it even possible to do a self exam? How are you supposed to see what you are doing? A mirror?

@Papa Taco: I'm glad the pap smear saved your grandma's life.

My life doesn't mean anything to me. I just exist in it.