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Bad Jokes

Started by Cindy, March 13, 2011, 03:29:37 AM

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Cindy

 While we are on food:

A man walks into a Drs office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me" he asks. The Dr replies " Your not eating properly"
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Jamie D

That is just ... oh so wrong.
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Padma

Queensland breakfast: a six-pack of stubbies and a steak. The steak is for the dog... ;D
Womandrogyne™
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justmeinoz

"Doctor, will you be able to remove the dozen LEGO horses my little boy swallowed?"
"No need to worry Mrs Smith, his condition is stable."
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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crazy old bat

Quote from: Jamie D on July 19, 2012, 04:38:49 AM
That is just ... oh so wrong.
I know, isn't it?  People really need to learn the difference between "your" and "you're."
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Jamie D

Quote from: crazy old bat on July 19, 2012, 08:36:25 AM
I know, isn't it?  People really need to learn the difference between "your" and "you're."

Ha! I didn't even notice.
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V M

The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
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Cindy

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic with an insomniac?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether there is a dog.
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Jayne

A pharmacist returns from his dinner break & his assistant tells him that a patient came in with a bad cough "I couldn't find cough medicine so I gave him laxatives"
"you gave him what!!" cries the pharmacist "you can't treat a cough with laxatives"
"It seems to have works" relpies the assistant "he's in the corner & too scared to cough now"

A lawyer get to the pearly gates & is told his kind aren't accepted in heaven
"But I gave £10 to a homeless man the other day, 3 days ago I gave £10 to an animal shelter & a week ago I gave £10 to medical research"
St Peter tells him to wait there whilst he has a word with God, after 5 minutes he returns "I've had a chat with God & he agrees with me, here's your £30 back now bugger off"
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justmeinoz

After a plane crash the passengers were forced to swim in shark infested waters for many hours. They gradually fell victim to the sharks until only one was alive to be rescued.

He was asked "How come the sharks didn't eat you?" 

He replied," I'm a lawyer, it was professional courtesy."
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Your Humble Savant

Have you ever walked into a window?
It's a pane.
Music = Life
This is not up for debate  :icon_headfones:
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Padma

What do you have if you have a room full of lawyers* up to their necks in cat poo?

Not enough cat poo ;D.

*substitute as applicable...
Womandrogyne™
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Jamie D

Quote from: Cindy James on July 22, 2012, 04:51:06 AM
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic with an insomniac?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether there is a dog.

You do realize you are going to burn in sedah for that.
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Jamie D

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Cindy

Quote from: Jamie D on July 23, 2012, 02:33:29 AM
You do realize you are going to burn in sedah for that.

Only if the Cherubim forget the sun screen.
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Cindy

What happened to the survivors of a collision of a red ship and a blue ship?

They were marooned.


I need a sick bag.
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Padma

There's been an accident involving a cement truck and a vanload of convicts. Police are looking for several hardened criminals...
Womandrogyne™
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Cindy

I hate to say this but this is a true story.

I was driving one of my students across the city to a meeting in another University. There was a crash in front of us and a Steggle's (brand name) frozen chicken van had been rear ended by a car. The police were in attendance directing traffic. My student wondered why there were so many police. To my total delight I replied, 'In case there is foul play.' She cried. ;D
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Jamie D

Quote from: Cindy James on July 23, 2012, 03:40:34 AM
What happened to the survivors of a collision of a red ship and a blue ship?

They were marooned.


I need a sick bag.

We all do.  ;)
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Medusa

A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk said, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' The head monk went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody had seen him, so one of the monks went downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying.

He asked what was wrong.

'The word is 'celebrate,' not 'celibate'!' sobbed the head monk.
IMVU: MedusaTheStrange
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