And the Origami shop that couldn't pay its bills!

They had to fold the business.

And the poker player with leprosy, who threw in his hand at the last minute...

And the leper who crashed his car after leaving his foot on the accelerator

A man walks into a pet shop to buy a nightingale as he loves the song they make. "I'm sorry sir, selling nightingales is illegal. I can sell you a canary, and if you drill two small holes in the top of the beak it will sing just like a nightingale'

The guy thinks the shop owner is a nutter so leaves and goes to a second pet shop. He asks for a nightingale, but again he is told; "I'm sorry sir, selling nightingales is illegal. I can sell you a canary, and if you drill two small holes in the top of the beak it will sing just like a nightingale' "I can show you exactly where to drill the holes, and I have canaries at a very good price."

Intrigued he buys the Canary and the pet shop owner gives him a diagram of where to drill the holes. " But be careful, if the holes are 1 millimetre out then the bird will drown when it has a drink of water".
The man goes to a tool shop and explains he wants a very fine drill bit. The tool shop owner asks why, and the man explains about the canary and the fine drilling. "I've heard of this" says the toolshop owner "but I hear you have to be very accurate, if you are more than 1 millimeter out, the bird will drown the first time it tries to drink water."
The man pays for the drill bit and heads home.
A few days later the man is back in the petshop to buy another canary. " What happened?" asks the owner, " Did you drill the holes in the wrong place?"
'I don't know' says the man ' the thing was already dead when I took it out of the vice.'

Oh my!

How can something start so well, and end so poorly?

Quote from: Cindy James on July 25, 2012, 04:51:24 AM
And the leper who crashed his car after leaving his foot on the accelerator

And the leper who thought that this was sooooo funny, he laughed his head off   

Don't forget the leper who lost their bum on the stock market

Or the comedian who refused to perform again at the leper colony.

He could not stand it when they all gave him a hand.

***

And what do you call a leper in the Jacuzzi?

Stew

A man walks into a Drs office with a lettuce leaf sticking out of his ear.
"That's strange" says the Doctor examining it.


"Yes" replies the man "And that's just the tip of the iceberg."

This video cracks me up every time I watch it.
Warning, this video does contain strong language (I checked with a well known moderator before posting due to the language but she agreed it's very funny)

It's a BLEEPing good thing I hadn't taken a sip of tea while watching that video, or my Mac would be hosed by now!

This video has no swearing so is suitable for the whole family, if you don't crack a smile watching this then please check yourself for a pulse 

One final video to cheer people up, contains a bit of strong language.

The Penguin Dilemma - Translation

OK.  ahhhhhhhhhhhh   Thanks Jane.  My cats now think that Mom have went of her rocker, and can not figure out why she is rolling around on the floor.

The Past, the Present, and the Future all walked into a bar.

It was tense.

Thanks Jane,

I adore the penguins

Trust me, I'm a banker!

Politicians never lie.

This joke takes too long to setup so I'm just going to tell the ending.






The guy opens up the box and there's a tiny man playing beautiful music on a tiny baby grand piano.


Guy: "The genie was either hard of hearing or a practical joker."


Bartender: "Why do you say that?"


Guy: "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

I also don't know if this was already posted, but...

A guy goes to his doctor for a checkup, and the doc says to him, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."
The guy says, "Oh my god, what's wrong?" and the doc replies, "Well, I'm trying to examine you!"