Quote from: Axélle on July 26, 2012, 07:21:42 PM
Reading the OP's title I just think of: How about TTH ...? trying to hard?!

In the case of TTH nothing but NOTHING will be worse by trying even harder.
It's a bit like using make-up... less might work better than TTH; unless we are cat-walk-models and most of us really aren't 

Axélle

So true. Sometimes the singular "odd" person is the essential element that makes the whole room / family / village / office / nut house / cathedral harmonious and beautiful. You fit in the best in this world when you are truest to your self - sometimes you are unique, but your uniqueness may be the very thing that your world needs most! Have you ever seen a forest where all the trees are the same? Yes, it's called a wood lot and people chop it down for pulp.  Have you ever seen a flower arrangement where all the flowers are the same? Yes. It's dull as dandruff, and anyone with sense will break it up and add a flaming orchid or a dazzling daisy to bring out everyone's character and charm.

We are the cinnamon on the bun, we are the salsa on the taco, we are the head on the shoulders.

There is a huge difference between fitting in (this is ME, and I belong wherever I GO) and blending in (this is taupe, yawn, snore zzzzzz).

I don't fit in anywhere and after years of trying, I gave up. I do my own thing.

Quote from: Axélle on July 26, 2012, 07:21:42 PM
Reading the OP's title I just think of: How about TTH ...? trying to hard?!

In the case of TTH nothing but NOTHING will be worse by trying even harder.
It's a bit like using make-up... less might work better than TTH; unless we are cat-walk-models and most of us really aren't 

Axélle

I am sure I am misunderstanding what you said here but are you telling me I am trying to hard or not hard enough?

I could be wrong, but I think what Axelle was saying, is that a big part of fitting in with others depends on being ourselves and not trying too hard to fit in.

Trying hard enough (trying in a good way): When we reach for things in ourselves that we have in common with the people around us, and really pay attention to the people around us,sharing those things can bring us closer.

Trying too hard (trying in a bad way): If we try to change ourselves into someone we're not just so that we have something in common, that makes us more strained in our presentation and can make us more, not less awkward. People pick up on that really quick and tend to pull away if we aren't being real.

It's a paradox, but often we fit in best when we stop trying to fit in and just turn our attention away from our selves and towards the other nervous, awkward, trying-too-hard, wonderful people around us.

It can be especially hard if we've struggled for years with gender issues because we may have never felt safe / comfortable / confident being ourselves.  We can think we don't fit in when actually we just aren't letting ourselves be all here, right now, and open to the world. 

When we finally drop the act, we can find friends we never knew we had.  I think that's why I feel so close to people here at Susans - because I can relax and stop worrying if I'm too much for people to handle. 

yup thats what I thought to. And thats the exact area I have problems is where that line is. I am working on it but its tough to figure out sometimes