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Aunty Cindy's Agony Column

Started by Cindy, April 11, 2012, 05:16:05 AM

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Cindy

Quote from: Malachite on July 20, 2012, 07:39:40 AM
Mistress Cindy I need your guidence.

How does one make $20,000 really fast outside of having a job?  Perhaps you can show me some tips on how to get this money.



-Mr. Klondike Bar

Dear Klondike Bar,

You seem ideally suited to working as a freak in the circus industry. Catherine Sarah has made a career out of it and you should be able to as well. From my understanding is that you just turn up to work and people pay money to look at you and laugh and be thankful they aren't you.

Your qualifications appear to be ideal.

Yours in the Love of Humanity

Aunty Cindy
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Catherine Sarah

Quote from: Cindy James on July 21, 2012, 03:01:44 AM
......... working as a freak in the circus industry. Catherine Sarah has made a career out of it .......... From my understanding is that you just turn up to work and people pay money to look at you and laugh and be thankful they aren't you.

Dear god. How dare you expose my primary source of income. Next you'll have the boys from the ATO   :police: down on top of me (And the sooner the better ....... They are such hunks after all. I'm sure we can work something out, or in, or both.  :laugh:  :embarrassed:  :angel:)

Please keep my details confidential in future. I'm over worked as it is. I even got a part time job recently as the Village Idiot. NOW they want me to go full time. I said I already was.

Huggs
Catherine




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Jamie D



I can appreciate a cute sideshow freak.  They have a long and storied history.

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Catherine Sarah

Quote from: Jamie D on July 21, 2012, 11:31:08 AM
I can appreciate a cute sideshow freak.  They have a long and storied history.

Dear Jamie,

Please appreciate your desire for sideshow freaks WITHOUT my photo, in the future. I HAD a reputation to protect. And I didn't give you permission to display a photo of "Me at Work". Please remove it immediately, if not sooner, and I'll tell you my storied history.

Long, long ago a stock that was carrying a new baby flew over a shop in Lane Cove, Sydney. That stock was becoming tired and ......... (yawn) decided to  ............ (yawn) dro  ........... ZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ
Catherine
ZZZZZZZZZZ




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Jamie D

Hubba hubba.

Forget that Adelaide wench.
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Catherine Sarah

Hi Jamie,
:laugh:   :laugh:   :laugh:
Quote from: Jamie D on July 21, 2012, 01:02:58 PM
Hubba hubba.

Forget that Adelaide wench.

I just hope you how to duck branding irons when she wakes up.

What flowers would you like to line our sarcophagus??

RIP Jamie D

Be safe, well and happy. (Not necessarily in that order)

Lotsa huggs
Catherine




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Justin 21

oh Catherine it will be a beautiful funeral. i hear Cindy is dusting of the leather cat suit as we speak (very fashionable) :D :D :D :D :D
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Cindy

Dear JamieD




I've got some new playthings for you!!!
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Justin 21

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Jamie D

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Justin 21

hey cindy where are my toys it's not nice to play favourites   :( :P
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Cindy

There are plenty for everyone, as I always say, Slaves that scream together, suffer together.

Aunty Cindy
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Justin 21

dear aunty cindy how can i get rid of this darn cat that keeps leaving scratch marks on my car and it's beating up my dog i've tried running it over but it's to quick for me
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justmeinoz

Dear Aunty Cindy, 
     I have a big night coming up at the fetish club and wondered if you can suggest the best thing for shining my Latex skirt and bustier, and my leather whip?

    Yours dominantly Madame Lash.
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Justin 21

justmeinoz lanilon works good
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Cindy

Quote from: Justin 21 on July 27, 2012, 03:55:05 AM
dear aunty cindy how can i get rid of this darn cat that keeps leaving scratch marks on my car and it's beating up my dog i've tried running it over but it's to quick for me

Dear Justin,
An out of control pussy can be a very damaging problem. You need to find the reason that the pussy is out of control. usually this is because of lack of thrusting. This can be corrected particularly in the case of a stray pussy by placing a firework rocket up the pussy and letting it have a good thrust. Catching pussy seems to be a problem as your dofg appears very useless inexperienced pathetic. Your dog needs to go on hormones, have you considered entering it for olympic events? Hormones are actively given to the athletes I hear.

Yours in a drug induced coma

Aunty Cindy
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Cindy

Quote from: justmeinoz on July 27, 2012, 04:00:56 AM
Dear Aunty Cindy, 
     I have a big night coming up at the fetish club and wondered if you can suggest the best thing for shining my Latex skirt and bustier, and my leather whip?

    Yours dominantly Madame Lash.

Dear Madame Lash,

What a pretence you are.
Every Madame knows that spit and polish is the only way to make leather shine. You wipe your slaves tongue over the garment and then make them polish it, a feather duster up their arse is quite sufficient.  Some Madams cut the tongue out, but I find that  interferes with the carbon tax rebate.

Yours in Professional Disappointment

Aunty Cindy. Justin do you know who this tosser is? Can't even train a slave. Possibly Tasmanian.
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suzifrommd

Dear Aunty,

I'm suffering from a very serious emotional disorder. That's right, you've read about it but maybe you haven't actually interacted with someone who suffers from Severe Olympics Medal Apathy Disorder (SOMAD). I know it's shameful to say out loud, but I really don't give a flying fig which country wins a medal in which event. From what I've read, I have one of the more serious cases of SOMAD, accompanied by the delusion that the Olympics and all their hype are merely yet another way of TV networks earning billions in advertising money by wasting our time.

Thus far I've managed to stay in the closet, but I had a close call yesterday when a friend noticed me NOT checking my smart phone after one of the events ended. I quickly made up some excuse about already knowing the results, but I don't know if he bought it.

Aunty, should I stay into the closet, or do you think my loved ones have a right to know how seriously disturbed I am? Do you know of any support groups? I know help is available, but for something as shameful and deviant as this, you can understand that I'm not completely willing to talk about this openly.

Please help.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Jamie D

Dearest Aunty Cindy,

I believe I have a crush on Australian gold medal swimmer, Alicia Coutts.



But I ran across this photo, which purports to be of a "Miss Cindy James," and now I just can't make up my mind!

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