This is for real life situations,

Who was the first person you came out to? I am in a debate on when, how, and who to come out too. I have been having a lot of struggles not just blurting it out to everyone in the middle of a family dinner and letting what happens happens, but I know that that isn't the best way to go about it.

I have been thinking about telling my mom first, because I think she may already know or have feelings. She asked me a couple months ago if I was gay, and I replied no because I am not gay? I don't know, I think it makes sense to people here more I am still trying to get use to all of this, but I don't feel gay, I feel like a straight girl. So, I was thinking about telling her.

Then the other option is I have a friend, we have been friends for a long time. And yes, he is a guy, and I think he is straight. I have been hanging out with him a lot more lately. Mainly because I have a small crush on him. And I don't know if he even suspects anything about me. Sometimes things he says gives me a hint that he may know, but I don't know if that is just in my head or not. And I was going to tell him about the way I feels and at least hope that he still wants to be my friend and not go telling my whole village (yes, it is a very stereotypical village where everyone talks) about me.

So, just wanna get some thoughts, stories, opinions.

I think a lot depends on your age and your social situation.
I told my wife. Then my sister. Then my wife told her entire family. Then my sister told her family. Then I told my other sister, and told her she could tell her family. Then my doctor. Then my boss at work. I told her she could tell her boss, and their bosses, and HR. Then my therapist. Then my pharmacist. Then my entire family. Then I went full time and told the 20 people in my department at work, then the 200 people who know me at work and all of my facebook friends. Then all of my career and college connections. Then my neighbors.  Then everyone who knew me before who meets me since I transitioned. Now almost nobody except new people I meet in the TG community (like here at Susans).

I was most nervous about telling my family, so I eased into things by starting with friends. I started with a friend who I hadn't known for a long time, but trusted enough to tell them; then a number of other friends, followed by my dad, then remaining immediate family. After that, it was just people as they came up or as I felt it necessary to let them know. In the end, the order probably didn't matter, but having told a number of friends and not meeting negative reactions made it much easier to deal with telling my family.

My personal opinion is where you are in life.

I told my parents when i was about 13, a long time ago. I told my wife on our first date.

When I came out I told my family in one go, I asked them around for dinner and there I was.
When I came out at work I told all the people who for me.

Within hours it was all around the workplace.

That was fine by me.

My question would be; why are you nervous telling anyone?

Just tell them.

Their problem not yours.

Cindy

I told my wife and my best friend.  They were both incredibly supportive - I knew my wife would be - she's such a wonderful woman; but it meant a lot that my BF was so supportive.  She happens to be my ex-wife - we were never very good as husband/wife, but we've always been great friends - and one of her most redeeming qualities is that she seems to lack that filter between her brain and her mouth that most people have, so when she says something it's really what she thinks/feels.  As such, getting encouragement from her meant a lot.  I've since told another good friend that I used to work with who is in the process of transitioning herself.  She's been incredibly supportive as well.

Beyond that I haven't told anyone else as I don't have my first therapist appointment until later this month - the one I initially chose was more than happy to work with me, but she strongly recommended I see another therapist in her building that has far more experience with this than she does.  Between the holiday earlier this month and vacations it meant waiting a little longer than I wanted, but I did appreciate the fact that she was honest with me and recommended the other therapist to me. 

Frankly I don't really associate with any "family" and haven't for years so I doubt I'll tell more than a couple of other people until the time comes (assuming that it will) that I'm on HRT and/or making a decision on going full-time. 

Madison

I had this big elaborate coming-out plan, starting with my mother.

I took her out to lunch and told her in the car on the way home, and by the next day she had called my entire family  Thanks Mom, I was gonna do that but...whatever, this works too.

Everyone has been pretty awesome about it, save my ex wife. To quote her: "That wasn't a woman I was having sex with all those years." We have a transman for a son together though, so she has kind of had to put her money where her mouth is when it comes to accepting our kid but not me. She's coming around as I have been consistent for all these years, and demonstrated that it's not a midlife crisis or some other nonsense.

More than 20 years ago, after the therapist I had at the time, I told my best friend at the time.  She was very supportive.  To make a long story short, we eventual married and when I could no long be male, we divorced.  So much for support.

I also told my Dad.  His only comment was "not in my house".  Hurmph.  So I hide till 2008.  I told my therapist.  A great help.  Told a friend who knew my history.  She is still a great friend.

My younger Brother!!
lol I was 11, he was 9 and we were listening to the Prince song "Controversy" and for whatever reason i was compelled to tell him I thought I was a girl.
No one was suprised 

My college friends, right at the end of the spring semester my freshman year of college.
They didn't bat an eye; almost feels like I was the last one to find out 

My Mom, when I was 4. She caught me putting my sister dress. She told me: "boys do not wear dresses," I told her:"I am not a boy!"

Aww, thanks everyone! I appreciate the stories, I am going to be going to a therapist before I come out to anyone. Although, I am not too sure I am hiding it to well either. I don't know if it is how I talk or the things I say.

On a voice chat server I talk on I recently told everyone on there how I feel. I feel comfortable coming out online to people I know. And nobody was surprised except a couple people who didn't understand.

The first peson I came out to was my mum at about 5. She let me dress as a girl as I felt it was normal for me.
I tried to come out to my therapist a few years ago but due to the many other issues I never got that far before she took a break to have a baby and I could not get back in touch with her.
I have come out here and plan to make an appointment to see a threapist shortly

I use to write a female name I wanted to have with one of those old punch leters in and stick it to something machine and stick it to my bed, i'm not sure if any one ever noticed (I was 6 or 7), then when 13 I told my best freind, whom agreed to tell my dad while I hid under my bed, he just came up and told me it was not posible and I was being stupid and went back down stairs again, this kind of crushed me as from that point I did not think it was possible (this was way pre-internet and I had no information about anything trans. I'm so glad the internet was invented years later, it changed everything in the years to come for me).

I told my best friend when I was 23 - which was a mistake, because I hadn't taken into account that she was in the throes of very strong feminist conditioning, and she talked me out of it. I'm still trying to forgive her for that, even though I think I wasn't ready to transition in the 80's anyway. Now that I'm doing it for real 26 years on, she's still uncomfortable with it - and she's still one of my best friends. Hey ho, work in progress. Everyone else has been fine .

I first told my sister. She was very supportive and she also helped me to tell my friends. Of course, she did have a lot of questions, but who doesn't? She helped me to learn about girls' fashion and about hairstyling. I only regret not telling her sooner.

After share here at Susan's. The first person I told my wife. She was not supportive.
After she found out I was on hormones and planned on transitioning she started divorce proceedings.
Next I told my grown sons and they are less than supportive.
And when I told my sisters they all but disowned me.
Recently after rumors started to spread at work I told some friends and they are very supportive.
So you never know.

I first told my sister, and she was supportive. And still is.

I told my dad next, in an email.
I had previously been asking him for like $60,000 all the time, and he was always like
"Why do you need it?" or "what has you so down?"
and so I told him I would need the money for a sex change. I was 15.
and then he told me, (something along these lines)
"I understand. And I will help you save if that's what you want. I dont have that money right now"

After that, I told almost everyone I knew.
Most people were supportive. Everyone on my dad's side of the family was.
and only one of my friends said
"You're not a boy."
and everyone of my other friends was like "I kinda knew you were a boy..."
and one kid in class said about me
"I THOUGHT HE WAS A BOY." 
he used to ask me every day if I was a boy or girl.

So, everyone accepts me as a boy that knows I'm ftm, and most people that dont know I was born a girl, think I'm a boy.
And I haven't even started T yet.

Once-ler, I have to say that your courage is admirable. I wish I could tell everyone, but it's too risky as of now.

Diana, thanks.
I just cant not be open and honest with people.
If people ask, I'll honestly tell them. It's just my nature.
I think that's why people are so accepting of me, and how I educated a lot of people at the school I went to.

I'd rather be out and about being myself than feel miserable one more day pretending to be a girl.


If you think it's too risky, then don't tell everyone just yet,
but I figure I had nothing to lose (being that I was either going to kill myself or be out)
I really just went for it.

I just came out a week ago to my wife.  She's been great, a little confused and scarred but very willing to understand.  It helps that she likes girls too!  What's funny is when we first started dating, and quite out of the blue, she forbid me from cross dressing!  It was totally out of the blue too, I don't think she had any reason to suspect I would.  Anyway, 8 years later and we're both very different people.  Now she wants to take me shoe shopping  =^.^=