Quote from: Cindy James on August 14, 2012, 09:42:27 PM
Fifth time I've tried to post this, maybe the thread has taste after all?

A giant panda walked into a restaurant. He ordered dinner, ate it, and then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. Terrified, the manager emerged from the kitchen as the panda was walking out the door.

     "Hey!" he yelled. "You just shot my waiter. Where do you think you're going?"

     The animal replied calmly, "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary."

     When the panda was gone, the manager grabbed the dictionary. Sure enough, under panda it said: "Furry mammal. Native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

Sorry but I have another.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

A trans woman walks into a bar that she would frequent while a man and sets her handbag on the counter and a cat climbs out

Quote from: V M on August 15, 2012, 04:56:40 AM
A trans woman walks into a bar that she would frequent while a man and sets her handbag on the counter and a cat climbs out

Hummmm!!!  And???

Simple.  She let the cat out of the bag.

What do you call someone else's cheese?  Nacho Cheese!

What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? A Dyouthinkhesaurus.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on August 15, 2012, 10:25:38 AM
Simple.  She let the cat out of the bag.

              <
         <  <
    <   <  <
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<              
    <   <  <
         <  <
              <

What do you call a nosy pepper?

JALAPENO BUSINESS 

- ba-dum-tss -

A man goes to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor says to him, "You really need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why is that?"
The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Whats brown and sticky?
A stick

Quote from: Alexis on August 16, 2012, 04:08:31 PM
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick

Oh my!  I think I'll have to move that over to the "What made me sad and want to stick a knitting needle through my brain" topic.

Quote from: Jamie D on August 17, 2012, 04:49:12 AM
Oh my!  I think I'll have to move that over to the "What made me sad and want to stick a knitting needle trough my brain" topic.

they're supposed to be really bad right? happy to be of service

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Cow pi

Hey, Jamie. I'm back from vacation!

How do Vikings communicate?

Norse code.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

why isnt this this can be named ' DAD JOKES ' cos if I go out and tell em all I get is AAARGH another DAD joke.... 


STILL LOVE EM

Kristyn

A Viking is off on a pillage, when his mum says to him "Be a love and bring us back a new kitchen sink, will you?"

So off he goes, burning villages and all that, but look all he might, he can't find a kitchen sink to take home. Just as his mates are hassling him to come back to the ship, he sees a coal hod outside a hut, and he thinks to himself "Mum's eyesight's not that good, maybe she won't notice the difference." His brother laughs at him when he sees what he's got, but when they get home, their mum's delighted with it.

His brother asks him "How did you get away with that, then?" and he replies with a wink, "Well, a hod's as good as a sink to a blind norse..."

Quote from: Padma on August 20, 2012, 05:07:40 AM
"Well, a hod's as good as a sink to a blind norse..."

Oh. My. Gods.

That was HORRENDOUS. Pardon me as I die in agony over here